@jaswbrown It's not a bad thing to not be in a relationship, it's good to take time and focus on your own needs. This can be considered self care. Once we are a certain age we are pressured by society to be in committed relationships and bringing babies into the world. If you are happy being single then that's all that matters. However, if you are yearning for a significant other than there's no reason to not pursue it. It hard but nothing worth having is easy. Don't let fear, doubts, or insecurities hold you back. Go out date have fun and if you still want to hire a pro, or cuddle an enthusiast then do it! A relationship may or may not change your need or desire for a cuddle partner. I see many clients who are married love their SO dearly but just does't get that need met. Some people just don't like cuddling. No one should ever have to accept loneliness.
"Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game!"
I have continually self-sabotaged relationships with the opposite sex. I really don't feel up to being in one at all. One must be able to hold their own, and solitude is the only mode for me. Plus, I don't see myself as a great catch. And now I'm careening into geriatric seniorhood, probably the best shot I have at getting into a relationship, and I'm not down with it. It doesn't matter. I'll probably have Alzheimer's soon anyway.
@jaswbrown wow thank you for sharing. I really feel like your experience is what will happen to me as well. I know myself and I will put my partners needs before my own, even if I end up suffering because of it. If they see someone else, I’ll feel like I drove them do it and it’s all my fault. I haven’t even been in the relationship yet and I assume I’ll be cheated on and that I’d be to blame because I wasn’t able to fulfill their needs. Like I’m disappointing someone that doesn’t even exist 😑
@UCpaaHVg6u0 self-sabatogue is such a b**ch…I really hope Alzheimer’s is not actually in your future though. I don’t even want to think about what that would be like to go through alone. Though the thought of family going through that with me is even worse 😭
@Charlie_Bear I need to apologize for my parched sense of humor. I sure hope Alzheimer's is not in my future either. Well, both of my parents did have neurological developments that led to their early demise but I'm told that the risk is not elevated for me. Truthfully, I'm pretty happy. My life is simple, mostly. I think perhaps in a previous life I was a Hindu mendicant.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 I felt like you were making an appealingly vulnerable statement while injecting some humor in it. You and @Charlie_Bear are too likable to be so hard on yourselves. I find your posts endearing. Best wishes.
@achetocuddle I think I'm blushing! Grinning, digging my toes into the ground, I'm not used to hearing such affirmations! My default is to assume that I'm repellant and then just enjoy the absence of (negative) attention.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 oh haha ok phew. I wasn’t sure if it was some dark humor making light of a very bad situation or not. That’s very good to know 😝
@achetocuddle awww thank you 🥰
@btown haha omg that’s perfect 😂
@btown LOL. I'm pleased you are in a relationship that's going well. That's something I can grin about.
@Charlie_Bear Welcome Malcolm (I think this phrase was in an old movie)
@UCpaaHVg6u0 I'm familiar with defaulting to assuming I'm repellent. Lol.
@achetocuddle Thank you. I am grinning too.
I have had my share of failed relationships, and suddenly realized that I don’t have good memories with men, rather with friends! Always had negative feelings associated with being in a relationship, thus I decided not to, and no matter how tempting sometimes it is to have someone, but I always find many things, that drag old sad memories and I withdraw from social events. I guess I have had enough and I am very ok with that. I enjoy myself, travel and do things without the need of someone anymore.
@Charlie_Bear That's exactly how I felt before therapy set me straight. I now know that I didn't drive her to cheat, and it was likely that she would've done it anyways. In hindsight, I'm might've been okay with her seeking romance elsewhere had she been discrete for our kids' sake. They are now grown, fully understand what had happened, and want nothing to do with their Mom. ☹️
@littleBlackbird I hear what your saying, and yes, it's hard. I have been dating, but the women I've seen so far needed someone who could physically be there for them without leaving for three months at a time. I let them know from the beginning that the travel was necessary, and my schedule, and they seem fine with it. Right before I left, though, they'd break it off. It's hard experiencing heartbreak after heartbreak looking for that truly special woman. 🤷♂️
I think I've decided to keep optimistic and keep looking for that special someone, 'cos I know in my heart my career shouldn't be a deal-breaker. 🤔
I DON'T think I'll see any pro cuddlers for a while, though I'm going to keep my profile and keep active on the forums. I like the community and making friends with a common appreciation for cuddling.
@Charlie_Bear - I think learning about attachment theory could help you a lot. About 5 or so years ago someone mentioned it to me with some issues I was having in relationships. I have been learning about it ever since and I found because I have a disorganized attachment style (I thought I was just anxious attachment at first) , I can have confusing reactions at times and that if I was going to be in a romantic relationship, that finding someone who is secure in their attachment style would make things less toxic. I’m now learning how to get to a more earned secure attachment. I think you would be able to learn why you feel like you do and make changes to help yourself - perhaps with the help of a therapist.
@saltwaterlover oh wow, I will look in to that, thank you!
@jaswbrown Your career absolutely should not be a deal-breaker. I really hope you are able to find the woman that deserves you.
Thanks, @Charlie_Bear ... I appreciate it, and hope you and your right person find each other... 🤗
@bigbeauty i had missed your comment, but aww that’s so sad I’m sorry 😔