To begin, this a personal true story of how a young man (me) thought of what was missing in my life then.
It’s when people around you can influence your way of being, even more a cultural influence. As a Latino, in order for a young man to become a MAN was to lose his virginity and hit on girls so that they’d fall for you.
I was 22 and that was template. I didn’t have friends really and was disconnected with the outside world. I had low self esteem because I thought I had NADA to other. Could not dress well nor take a girl out for dinner; had no money here in the States. All men by my age had sex already many times and had a car, nice clothes, etc. Some even had girlfriends.
I has nothing to offer. So I became more aware of my lack of manhood and no one would ever want to be with me. Then one day, I went back home to South America. The American dollar was very strong there and suddenly the idea came; I can get a woman’s attention finally!
That bombed. Desperately I decided to “buy” a woman’s attention. I went to fancy Hotel where they had such thing; Escorts. I felt powerful because I could have sex and be a man.
I met her then at her place and she was an angel. Very beautiful girl indeed and she talked to me. I was so happy. Then as the night passed and her duty to satisfy my needs came, I saw her eyes, sad eyes.
“Please stop” I said.
I asked her when was her last real meal. How she was sleeping, how did she feel? She was barely eating and not sleeping well. Then it became about her sharing her life story. How she disappointed her family and ran away crying. She felt alone and scared.
Then she went back to being an Escort and wanted to begin a physical session but I could not. There was a girl inside still, feeling broken and alone; just like me.
Yes, she had sex, that was her job but that didn’t make her a Woman. She then told me “ can you please hold me?” I did so and she teared up, so did I
We were both in the same predicament. Just wanted to be listened to, held, protected. I told her she needs to call her parents. It’s okay to be lost but don’t lose your family. I knew they loved her. She followed my advice.
The next day when I went to find her at the Hotel, the concierge smiled at me “oh you liked her huh? A total bombshell no? She left I’m afraid. She said she had to go back home. She made that phone call.
So many times we think it’s sex that we seek but it’s far more that that. We want to feel that someone is there willing to hear our vulnerabilities and be held, loved, that’s all.
So I didn’t lose my virginity then. In fact I was 34 until I “lost” it. It was with someone who understood my fears, my tears, and insecurities. She and I became more than sex partners. We loved each other!