Making a generalization wont change anything.
Men should go their own way, but toward building relationships, not away from them. It's so much easier to remember the times women have hurt you or used you than the times they were good to you. I personally have had some horrible experiences. I've been dragged through the mud by women, used in extreme ways that have been hard to bounce back from. But it was SPECIFIC people, not a gender, that hurt me. You think women haven't been hurt or used my men? I really get where the OP is coming from, but that is a lonely way to go about your life, i know. Love is something you get better at, it's not something that just falls in your lap. Use your bad experiences to learn how to recognize the people who are selfish and materialistic, and don't waste your energy on them.
I agree jbo729, but some women hold grudges because of how they were treated by other men and then they meet new men and treat them bad and disrespect them because of what happened in the past. I think women do that more than men.
RScarf1 I think PEOPLE do that a lot. It's a natural reaction to being hurt, and it's easier to focus on the other gender because you only have experience with that gender. That's where all the hurt it coming from, so it seems lopsided. But men do it at least as much as women. Go to the MGTOW website, it's full of men with grudges who have turned their hurt into an entire philosophy in order to keep themselves from getting hurt ever again. Shields raised! Use them before they can use you. I'll say it again, i really really understand that mindset and i know exactly where it leads, loneliness and depression.
I know about MGTOW and their grudges. I don’t just base my opinion on my own experiences, but on other men too. Is the mistreatment about equal between the genders? I guess we’ll never know.
@chococuddles I think you nailed something that applies in so many aspects when we generalize in order to discriminate. There are PEOPLE who are users, takers, and opportunists. They are men and women of every stripe. But many men, having learned from the nurturing mother who gave them birth, transfer the desire for mother’s nurturing adoration to the women with whom they are in a relationship (or wish to be). So when their hopes are squashed it hurts. They may be treated the exact same way by men, but they expect that as typical male behavior, and don’t take it so personally.
I don’t know if I’m more disappointed in the original post or in those who are trying to reason with him. This is clearly trolling. It’s like saying “has anyone noticed how cheap black people are?” If you respond, your social intelligence antenna must be on the fritz.
I think sometimes we just forget that we're all humans, have feelings. Life might be better when we start to treat each other more like humans instead of men and women. We all need some love, care and respect though not everyone wants to give.
@CoffeeNCarbs - agreed. I thought at first this was another entry to the Wide World of Trolls thread, but then some of the responses added to the train wreck and I wasn't sure if I should laugh... or cry.
I. JUST. CANT.
Nah, BPD is an integral aspect of female nature; and no, not of male nature. And women don’t behave that way all the time. Sometimes women are cool. I hike with women a lot, and they are cool most of the time. But try living with a woman or even working with women (the latter is sometimes necessary; the former, avoid at all cost). I mean, come on. Everyone who’s either lived with women, or worked in a female dominated environment, knows that. All straight men, be aware of this before jumping into a cohabitating relationship, or God forbid marriage. You don’t have to avoid relationships with women completely. Avoiding women per se is not necessary. But always maintain your personal space, i.e. don’t share a residence and don’t get married, and for the love of God don’t share a bank account.
@pmvines....LOL....I.CAN'T.EITHER!!!!
The sad irony is that when a woman is dependent on a man for money it is usually due to the existence of systemic sexism and misogyny that creates dependency and normalizes seeking out men to support them rather than being able forge a life of independence. So being a sexist misogynist really only perpetuates the very thing you piss and moan about.
@chococuddles, you say that you agree with the OP while at the same time saying that it is not a gender issue but an issue of the individual, but the OP very premise is that of a gender issue. That seems contradictory
Lol, female celebrities seek out men richer than themselves - BUSTED.
Women who are independent and have no need for a man STILL seek to exploit men for money. Why? 1) Because they can; there is no shortage of manginas who line up to buy women drinks. 2) Because they get off on being treated like a princess.
So to all men, stop buying women drinks. Stop buying women flowers. Stop buying women jewelry. Women naturally tend to behave like spoiled princesses, but manginas exacerbate the problem by pampering them.
Also, as a man, I find some of the matriarchal comments here to be revolting. Take the first comment by pmvines. To paraphrase, “maybe it’s you, not them.” Here’s the thing. In the eyes of traditionalists, feminists, and manginas, women are always the victims and men are always the perpetrators.
Women get away with bashing men FAR more severely than the OP. The OP was quite mild; you have to at least agree on that.
On the other hand, what do women typically say about men? Women say: “men are pigs”; “men are rapists”; “men are scum.” And if you think this is uncommon, think again. It is commonplace for women to bash men AND GET AWAY WITH IT. Women take great pleasure in bashing men with impunity. So why should I not bash women?
What I have said in my above comments, contrary to the OP, is not mild. I am harshly criticizing women as a collective. Doing so is necessary, because men have a tendency to view women as angels, when they are anything but. And men land themselves in big trouble. Women have been so pedestalized by society, it is far beyond time to take them down a peg.
@pmvines I said I understand the OP. Understanding and agreeing are two different things.
I said: "While I've experienced some of what the OP said in my own life I've also experienced the exact opposite. It's human-based not gender-based."
"While I've experienced some of what the OP said in my own life " - That's me understanding the OP. "I've also experienced the exact opposite" - That's me disagreeing with the OP. "It's human-based not gender-based." That's me giving a conclusion based on personal experiences - saying both men and women can have a tendency to be unloving.
I really can't dumb it down any further.
@chococuddles no need to dumb anything, we are both reasonably intelligent people. Not trying to put you on the defensive, I have no beef with you, just am pointing out that the two statements seemed to clash. If it seems like I am taking a jab at you its not meant to be, no need for the condescension really.
And to more completely answer the OP’s question, here goes. All speculation on biological imperatives aside, here is what the science says. Studies show that women have “female own-group preference.” That means, women are not completely lacking in empathy for men, just mostly lacking. Women are five times more likely to empathize with women than with men.
That explains why women are unloving toward men.
There are exceptions, as always. Some women do genuinely empathize with men. But it is a fact, not my opinion, that women are overwhelmingly more loving toward women than toward men.
I've been lied about by women in work environments. I had to get a lawyer because things got really bad in a hostile work environment I was in. My health declined. It was horrible. I'm still recovering. Regarding the warning from MrMountainLion about not buying women drinks, I agree. If they have a problem and they are intoxicated, they will say that you tried to get them drunk even when the woman requested the drinks. I was with a woman at a mixed martial arts event and she wanted alcohol, so she asked me to get her a particular drink. I forget what it was. She drank 4 glasses of a drink the arena was selling, but I would have bought her orange juice if she wanted that, but she wanted alcohol. I wanted to drive her, but she had to get her car out of the arena parking lot and I had my own car, so I said just drive slow and follow me. We were in a Steak and Shake parking lot where I wanted to eat with her and she suddenly drives away fast and decides she wants to go home. She drove about 90 mph drunk from Fort Lauderdale to Miami Beach. I was scared for her life. I thought she was going to have an accident. I could not keep up with her and I was driving fast. She got to Miami Beach before me and I see her jeep with a paper McDonald's bag on the pavement near her car. I knew she had a burger that she bought a few hours before, so it was in her car the whole time we were at the event. The bag had only the fries left, so she obviously ate that burger. She was not answering her phone when I called her. I found out later that she was vomiting in her apartment. She did not know that I knew that she ate the old burger, so she blamed me for her nausea and vomiting and said that I tried to get her drunk. She really got sick because she ate the burger. If I refused to buy her drinks at the event, she would have got mad at me. Since I followed her home because I thought she was going to have an accident and blame me for that if that happened (thank God it didn't), I knew that she ate the burger instead of going in to Steak and Shake with me and eating a fresh steakburger. She ate a disgusting burger from McDonald's that probably had harmful bacteria because of being in the car for hours and that combined with the alcohol is not good. I'm just wondering would any man do that to a woman, like ask a woman to buy him drinks and then eat something that could give him food poisoning and then blame the woman. Maybe in a Social Justice Warrior movie.
I have a great idea! MrMountainLion and Rscarf1 should become cuddle buddies!!!! They wouldn't have to deal with us horrible women and they could spare us all from their nonsensical babble. They could buy each other drinks and fresh burgers!
@Scarlette, best of all if it doesn't work out they will have no women to blame, only themselves
MrMountainLion & Rscarf1 You did it! Good job, we're all convinced! You can stop talking now!
@pmvines. Somehow they would still blame us! We drove them to it! Us silly little women that just want them to buy us drinks. Hysterical to me that the woman in Rscarf1's story chose to eat a bad burger then have dinner with him. Wonder why. The fact that she drove out of the parking lot quickly at 90mph to get home should be a clue! Maybe the reason they have such bad women stories is because they are clueless.
@pmvines, I am so grateful for your perspective. That's unique and difficult to see the effects of systemic misogyny. I see a lot of fear of being taken advantage in the OP's post. It makes me sad that he feels so hurt. This is pretty complicated stuff, and I can see pain throughout the entire thread. I don't know the fix, all I know is that for any of the people brought up in this thread, there's more to them than we're able to comprehend and we don't know why they do hurtful things in the end. It's hard to keep getting hurt, but healing and seeking out/believing in good people is vital to moving forward and getting solid cuddles
It is interesting that if women had these stories, people would sympathize with them. When men tell these true stories, we're labeled as hating women. That's everyone's favorite word now: misogyny. If I was that way, why would I be a member of this website? I don't cuddle with men. I don't care what your opinion is of me or anything I write on this forum. You don't know me. People are so shallow on this forum that they make assumptions about me based on comments I write. I just had to deal with a lying cuddler and I had to transfer the money to someone else. To answer your question Scarlette, she saw her ex-boyfriend at the mixed martial arts event and she was sad about it and just wanted to go home. She is also crazy and a narcissist. I'm glad that she is out of my life because she gave me nothing but stress. Men are to blame always, even here on this forum.
Before I start replying to some of the messages and comments posted here; I'd like to ask.
How many of you are educated about skin hunger and it's effects on men's physical and emotional well-being and how did you go about helping a person through skin hunger?
**2 Articles relating. **
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/affectionado/201308/what-lack-affection-can-do-you
http://upliftconnect.com/how-lack-touch-destroying-men/
**Could this fix it? **
How to love "Physical Touch" people well (Reference to the book The 5 Love languages by Gary Chapman)
I come from a family of very loving women and have been married for 18 years to a very loving wife. All of that being said, my comment has a lot of validity. Many women will love you based on what you can provide for them, this is a fact. A few females coming here and stating they can love a man for who he is, does not change the fact that I have stayed above.
@Scarlette and @pmvines can you please stop directing your passive aggressive comments at me. If you have anything to say to me, please pm me and I’ll be happy to discuss with you whatever you would like. You are both baiting which is against the rules.
No, I'm not baiting. I have nothing to direct at you. If you must I will give you the last word though, as I don't plan to address you beyond this.
Love is something that has to be earned. You cannot expect someone that you hardly know to love. Two people have to trust each other to love each other. In this day and age of tech it is getting more difficult to trust another person enough to love one another. While the tech era has made to easier to communicate with people, the negatives that come with it are clearly evident.
I think there are many valid comments though.
Love is one of the most devalued words. You may find it on CC, but don't expect it.
I do think that CC is great though!
I was contacted recently by a pro who I had seen before. She texted me and told me how much she missed me and how she really wanted to see me. I told her I missed her too and would love to see her but I was low on cash because unfortunately I just had to Euthanize not only my senior dog but my senior cat as well recently. She text me back and said, said she was sorry for my loss and I haven’t heard a word back from her. I text her and said I couldn’t really pay for a cuddle session right now but I could pay for lunch. She really missed me, right so of course she would say yes. I didn’t even get a reply back. Wow how nice it would have been to have lunch with someone who seemed to be a friend especially after the horrible loss of two of my beloved pets. If I could have paid for a session however, she would have been very loving to me. This is an example of why I feel how I do and how what I stated above is true. I decided awhile back I wasn’t going to see pros anymore, at least not regularly. I may see a pro if I’m out of town on business but to do it as often as I did in the past, no not anymore. Can women be loving, yes of course, many women genuinely are. My beautiful Wife is very loving to me unlike anyone else has ever been in my life and for her, I’m extremely grateful.