I've had a few "cozy" relationships and friendships over the years, mostly earlier in my life (I'm 38), where we bonded by talking about being depressed as teenagers or about our failed relationships. Because we liked each other and were interested in getting to know each other, we were naturally curious about each other. Sometimes we'd talk late into the night.
My friendships, cuddle friendships, and romantic relationships in the last several years haven't been quite like this, and I miss it. I hope I haven't lost my own curiosity, and that I can still receive it. Most people don't seem to expect to talk about their pasts and receive compassion, or hear about someone else's past and give compassion, even though there was a time when I would have considered that normal for a budding relationship or friendship. I mostly talk about my past in little bits in therapy, these days. I feel like we are taught (via therapy and self-help) that while it's important to recognize that traumatic experiences from the past take root in our body, it is best to focus on the present and future, not the past, and the positive rather than the negative. But I'm longing to express all the bullshit of the past to someone, that I didn't fully realize at the time or haven't said out loud, and I still have this idea in my head that getting to know someone can involve a lot of interested sharing about your lives (past, present, and future).
As I grapple with unexplained chronic physical discomfort, my intuition says that I need to give more thought to everything I've been through, and not just plow forward, somehow managing to function despite being spiritually depleted.
Does that make sense?