Go for it. If there’s a chance it’ll help you feel fulfilled and a better partner to your spouse, then it’s a win-win. Anyone can find a hundred reasons to not do something. But then nothing gets done and what good is that?
Except if he feels fulfilled and his partner picks up on it and doesn't know why the change, it may not end well.
To reiterate, Anyone can find a hundred reasons to not do something... Winners get things done. Please don’t misunderstand, not implying that those with different opinions are losers. But you can’t win if you don’t “do” ☺️
Hey, my two cents.
Make sure you love yourself. Do thinks for yourself. A cup of cocoa, a hot shower, a special comfy chair, a dinner out, a favorite band, a massage, a favorite snack. You are partly the lover you are seeking from your wife or the cuddler you are seeking to fill the temporary hole. When you show yourself you care, you and your wife will have new energy and you'll be a happier and more resilient person. This is a great time to find your love for you. She and you both need that.
Also, look for the gratitude. Tell your wife the every day things that make you feel like she's still the one for the rest of your life. She needs to hear this more than you can say. And tell yourself the ways you support her are important and worthy of love.
You have a big heart... give yourself permission to use it to make yourself happier.
Cuddling is best after you do the work, IMHO. The world will seem so much less risky. This an opportunity in your life to really grow into being more caring for yourself and her, to finding the expansive, world-altering love inside you, when it may feel dark or grey. You can do it, whenever you like, the same way a bird takes to flight, and it will be so freeing, so empowering, so rewarding.
Sending my best wishes! Good luck finding your way!
Well said sir! Thank you
@mettamso ... What a beautiful message.
@mettamso I think I may hang this advice on my wall and read it everyday. When the specific becomes the universal, I think you’re on to something.
You know your wife and no one here does so no one should be telling you to tell her or take her to therapy. If you know she wouldn’t go for it then you are probably right.
You need to take care of yourself if she can’t meet your needs. Even in marriage people have independent needs and need some independence to get those needs met.
Not getting those needs met will just lead you to bitterness and that won’t make your marriage better. You need to decide whether what you are doing without her knowing is cheating or otherwise doing damage to your wife.
Dishonesty is never a good thing by itself but it can be a less worse option than others. There are plenty of terrible marriages where everyone is honest and there are some good ones with a bit of dishonesty. My guess from what have said is that it will take off some of the pressure, reduce bitterness and make it easier for you to love and care for your wife.
One piece of advice is to be careful who you choose to cuddle with and ensure that they are indeed committed to platonic cuddling. If there are other options there you might be tempted to take those options (because you are still a man) and then feel bad about it later. Any choices you make whether cuddling or having an affair should be something that you plan out carefully and make a clear eyed decision about.
But you can’t win if you don’t “do”
Russia defeated Napoleon by not doing anything. Matter of fact they purposely retreated.
Don’t you wish Russia had a losing mentality today?
Have you thought about where you will tell her you are going when you leave to cuddle? Are you a good liar, or is she going to be able to tell?
goin out for some smokes
Don’t do it. You’ll further complicate things.