Just a few random thoughts:
Be positive Be patient Be open to possibilities Be yourself Be friendly Be polite Be nice, never rude (as tempting as it may be at times) Be a good host or guest
Cuddling is about giving, sharing.....not taking......don't be needy. OK to have limits but not roadblocks. Compare your profile to others that interest you....would you choose you?
Explore other options. No app is magic, don't expect it to be. Get out, get involved in other activities, have a life
Have a great day......HUGS
I will say that a woe is me attitude is not only damaging to any potential progress one might have in life , but is also off putting to others. Work on the kind of emergy you give. If through introspection and self examination you find things about yourself that could be leading to poor outcomes , instead of accepting a negative approach to life, do what you can to improve it .
I'm enthusiast not pro, and I've had no less than 4 men ghost/stand me up/ cancel last minute with no further communication. I want to go pro simply so I can book through the site so they feel like there are consequences if they ghost. Be interesting to see how many ghost if they've put down a deposit.
@pmvines I'm willing to give an OP the benefit of the doubt and assume they're not venting to people they're trying to connect with. They're coming here to release that energy so they don't release it on said people.
Think of when one goes to a therapist. They may have a massive emotional challenge to get over and so they're spilling their heart out to the therapist to find a way over it. When they leave the therapist's office, who's to say they're going to do the same to anyone else they talk to?
I guess I just don't understand the argument. It's basically saying the way someone presents themselves in one situation must be how they're presenting in every situation.
@Momoo it is unsolicited food for thought, as there are many people reading the thread . I was not directing anything at the OP . It is a simple suggestion to take reflection of how they present themselves and the attitudes they display, not just on the forums , but in their daily grind. Making attainable and reasonable changes might help in finding a cuddle friend. Take it or leave it , it's not that deep.
@Momoo I do see your point, but if all a potential cuddler knows of you is what you post here, it is likely they will form some impression of you (fairly or not) based on those posts.
I was not venting I was hoping to get feeback or reassuring thoughts . I was never a woways me person.
Ladies are lucky, it’s way easier for them to find a partner than a man
@quixotic_life has the whole damn secret to life.
@quixotic_life 💯 Agree with you!
@biancalovecraft ~ 🥰 That just made my whole day!! I so wish we could all get every bit of loving touch and acceptance we crave, but dang it can be some work (both external/presentation and internal/expectation management)!!
@GreyingBear
Hmm, let me check quixotic's list Presenting yourself in a way that doesn't lead one to believe you're judgy But judgmental is my middle name! Ah, well....
Hmm, let me check quixotic's list
Presenting yourself in a way that doesn't lead one to believe you're judgy
But judgmental is my middle name! Ah, well....
😂😂😂
@jimboslice5014 ~ Kudos to you!! I really appreciate your follow-ups here and especially appreciate your take on that bit of toxic masculinity back there. Wishing you all the best of success in finding someone out by you to connect with for some quality cuddlin!!
In general, pay attention to what people do, not what they say. People will tell you all kinds of pretty politically-correct lies to try to make you feel better.
This site's selection dynamics greatly resemble a dating site. OkCupid did a study showing that while men's assessment of women's attractiveness resembled a bell curve, women's assessment of men's attractiveness was skewed such that 80% of men were considered "below average" [1].
People have done experiments on Tinder where they take a gorgeous photo of a male model and add profile text saying he's a three-time convicted sex offender. This profile regularly got women messaging and willfully minimizing (and fetishizing!) his purported actions in their chats [2].
I regularly have decent chats with women online until they ask me to send a photo. I send one (a reasonable one), and I get ghosted immediately. This has even happened on this site.
Looks, money, and status are by far the most important thing for men trying to get dates online. There's also research indicating that women generally are more attracted to "Dark Triad" personality traits [3], so the "show your great personality" crowd is also misleading you. People can call me whatever words they want, but this is the truth:
This world is a hell.
[1] https://web.archive.org/web/20100619110930/http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/11/17/your-looks-and-online-dating/ [2] cw SA [3] https://ink.library.smu.edu.sg/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=&httpsredir=1&article=2215&context=soss_research&sei-redir
Jeezus @zerocantaloupe ~ That graphic is really something that should be behind a spoiler (imo). Yikes!!
Also, I'm sorry you've experienced rejection seemingly based on your photo. I must say that in this case, I beleive it may benefit you to have an image of yourself in your profile from the jump. That way the people you're messaging will have a face that goes with the words.
Basically, minimizing the chance that one may fill in the blanks with an idea of someone who doesn't match the reality, may make a difference (in a positive way) for you.
@quixotic_life It would be nice if I could put up a photo so I don't get reminded of how shallow the world truly is, but I can't for reasons I don't want to discuss here. But honestly, experiencing the pattern is a nice reminder of the overall futility of the exercise at this point. If I didn't experience this over and over again, I might end up wasting time thinking that I might actually have a chance. Better to just spend that time lifting weights.
@zerocantaloupe The internet is inundated with people who judge. But this is true in real life as well. I think it is more obvious on the internet as people’s words eventually reveal their hidden prejudices and peccadilloes, whereas people can simply turn away without a word in real life. I have seen people on here judge others on spelling, photos, truth-telling, etc. We are all guilty of it in some form or another. I have had a couple of enthusiasts a couple of years ago that were taken aback and surprised by how nice it was to share time together. That’s because they were judging off the internet. None of this is real until you meet so do not take it personally. For example there are plenty of people in the forums who mirror the desired behavior they believe others want to get what they want and call it a personal journey. Some who say this are truthful but many are not. I say be skeptical of everyone until you meet and really find out who they are. I truly wish you luck.
For practice sake you should be skeptical of that last sentence even though I do sincerely mean it. Sure would be nice if every poster had an angry Obama to tell us what they are really thinking.
@FunCartel How people select on here is how they select without the regulating effect of actually having to hurt someone to their face and face the judgment of those nearby. A person’s true character is what they do when they don’t think anyone is watching. And most people’s true character is repulsive. I’d rather know the truth than hear flowery lies. Growing up is facing reality and dispensing with fantasy.
Not gonna lie dude, I just up and decided to try edited the non-platonic site name, @RaveHeart because I haven't had any luck with cuddles on here in like three months and I actually got a response for cuddles within minutes.
@RaveHeart Oddly enough, I came here from edited the non-platonic site name, @Momoo ! Was redirected here from someone who used to post here A LOT back in the day and had cuddled with many, many people. They eventually found themselves gravitating to Fet for other reasons.
Because of the proclivities of the people on there, I think folks there have far fewer hangups about cuddling with anyone (and I say this positively). They find it much easier to separate a desire to cuddle from other forms of attraction. They also know negotiation very very well.
I don't believe I'm kinky anymore so I left, but there's a small part of me that considers going back there. I'm having a good time here (no cuddles yet but some great and interesting possibilities) so far so we'll see how things turn out.
@RaveHeart Please let me know if the messages actually go somewhere…
I just want to put this out there... I went pro because I could- that does not mean it's the only way I'd cuddle someone. I have 'met' 3 people within 2 hours of me just by commenting on their profile and starting a conversation. I wanted to have a few experiences under my belt before I could feel ok about actually charging anyone... I arranged to meet one of my newfound cuddle buddies on my way back home from returning from out of state and it was 2 hours of amazing. I didn't realize there were people out there that would melt into your arms just from being lovingly embraced. I feel like it's everything I'm missing. I encourage you to be bold and honest, and not lose hope.
@zerocantaloupe ~ I get it. I don't have my photo up on the public side either. But if someone is interested, I'll either send them one or friend them so they can see the ones I have in that gallery.
Also, I think that if you don't want your pic as your profile photo, maybe just consider sending a pic of yourself along with your intro messages then??
Idk, maybe it's my pie in the sky thinking, but I don't believe that it's all based on looks (unless the photos you send are of you in a Leather Face or psychotic clown type get-up).
But it seems you're well set in your pov, so all I can really offer are well wishes for someone in real life to break through all that.
Fwiw though, we all have some ugly (for some it's on the surface, for others it's within, for many it's both). One key (if it's on the outside), is to find and highlight what's beautiful within you, so others can see your sparkle through the grime and will be compelled to approach for a closer look. Another is to not allow your perceptions of your lacking physical attractiveness to cloud your thoughts ~ because that kind of thinking really does create barriers to connection (whether the thoughts are true or not - and really, they just don't matter as much as we often think they do).
I responded to your messages in 19 Dec 2021 and you simply never set up a session.
You've also had a history about asking for things that may push people's ideas of "platonic."
Please don't feign such ignorance as to why you aren't receiving messages.
I just was not interested and I am a different person now . There was no ignorance thank you very much and have a great weekend.
@SleepySheep1