When someone doesn't respond it feels bad no?

MelancholyMelancholy
in General

So you send someone a message introducing yourself etc and you can see they looked at your profile but they never respond.
It's ok. There are tons of people messaging them but still it kinds of stings a little.
I don't want to hear from people saying all the reasons why I shouldn't feel that way. A person feels the way they do regardless of your opinion on the matter. Feelings are not always logical or rational so your arguments are not useful.
I suppose it's the equivalent of seeing your message was read but unanswered.
If they never visited your profile then at least you could think they just didn't see it. Feels better lol

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Comments

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited December 2022

    I assume I won't get an answer, so no, it doesn't feel bad for me. Mostly I don't notice because I forget that I've written as soon as I hit Send. (Like with job applications.) Occasionally I'm relieved. Sometimes I feel sad for the person because it seems from their profile that they need somebody like me.

    I have come to suspect that a significant proportion of women enthusiasts never reply to anybody.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I spent years on dating sites, so this just feels like standard operating procedure to me. It's annoying, to some extent, but at the end of the day it's a complete stranger choosing not to engage with you, not someone you actually care about.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I think it’s sucks. I personally, at the very least speak back. I wouldn’t ignore a message i think it’s bad manners.

    So sad? No. But i am judging a little bit.

  • Mike403Mike403

    I tried dating sites in the past. Not one replied back to me except this one back in 2019 and I never tried again.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    Even worse than no response at all, is a response like @Mike403 received, or or like I receive from time to time, which is essentially "You're too old."

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    They may have visited your profile because you visited theirs, but never read your message. They also might be someone on here just to look around with no intention of ever connecting with anyone.

  • JkayJkay

    It totally feels bad. I wish there were more third spaces in society where people could connect in person.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @Mike403 Oh wow that's an awful person. I got a response "similar" to that here....she simply said "nope".
    but yours was worse I admit.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @Mike403 ouch. My sympathies, that one must have stung a bit.

  • homeboyhomeboy

    We're all different, of course, and what rolls off my back can be traumatizing to someone else -- and vice versa. But in the space of contacting strangers for whatever (date, cuddle, job, book proposal, website suggestion, etc.), I never expect a response and so I'm insulated from the pain of rejection. I'm surprised when I get any sort of response. That said, I am bummed out when someone takes the time to reject me offensively as happened to @mike403. Like why take the time to do that? Am I that awful? Couldn't you have just ignored me?

  • BearBear

    There have been a lot of times on here and as well with dating sites they never get a response. I just started having no expectations.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    I am perpetually behind on my PM's, which bugs the crap out of me and makes me feel really bad. For me, I mostly visit this site from my phone, but I prefer to respond to PM's from my laptop. Typing is just infinitely faster than two thumbs. 😖

    With that in mind, I read all my PM's fairly quickly, but respond to them much less frequently. It's never a personal thing, it's a me-thing, where I'm just more comfortable waiting until I can set aside time to respond on my laptop.

    Anyway, yes, I also experience this, in fact it happened just last week. I sent a long, heartfelt message, the person looked at my profile, and has yet to respond. Now, the knee-jerk reaction is to think, "Oh no, did I say something wrong? Do they think I'm not worth it?"

    But stop. Take a breather, don't get lost in negative self-talk. While it is a good idea to look inward and see if you could improve your communication skills, there's a line between that, and tying your worth to whether this person responds, or not. Do what you can to better yourself, but don't catastrophize or talk yourself down.

    It's entirely possible that, like me, that person may have a reason 100% not to do with you, that gets them behind on their responses. Even knowing this, I have to remind myself of this and not let self-doubt get the better of me.

    Maybe they read your message in the waiting room at the dentist and will respond tomorrow or next week. Maybe they looked at your profile and saved you as a Favorite so they would remember to connect with you, after Christmas. Maybe they loved your message but are having a fight with their sister today and want to have a calm mind to write you a thoughtful response, later. Or heck, maybe they don't like you or think you look like an olive stump. 😁 The point is, we don't know, so it's best to try to let it go, as @CuddleDuncan said...send your message with hope, but carry on with your life. If you hear back, wonderful, but if not, maybe it wasn't personal, or maybe they'll get back to you a month late, you just can't know what people are going through or what they're thinking.

    But yes, I'm on both ends of it, and it still hurts. Hugs going out to you, buddy!

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • OriginalirishOriginalirish

    It always stings just a little bit, but I have past trauma from being rejected a ton. I've literally been told multiple times to my face that I'm not good enough. The last person that I tried to ask out on a date (its been years) didn't even say words...she merely began laughing hysterically and then walked away. That said, I'm mostly ok with it now...but I still wonder what about me they didn't care for.

  • JamesNoahJamesNoah

    I remember when I started online dating many years ago I had an expectation of people being polite and responsive. Nothing could be further from the truth but I got over it over time. It can be hard to respond when you're not interested. Especially if you have had experiences with someone pushy on the other end.

    Then when I started my job search after college I told myself I would always be respectful and respond to people. They are human beings after all. That lasted about a month. I couldn't dedicate that much time and energy into responding to every recruiter. So, now being on both sides of the equation I don't feel anything at all about it if someone chooses not to respond.

    It does remind me of that movie the invention of lying which I thought was entertaining. People were just direct and honest 100% of the time. The guys date rejected him as soon as she opened the door and said she would still go out with him to be polite. Which he agreed to. She wasn't being malicious because in that fiction world its normal for people to express their feelings openly and directly. And if the receiver of that message was accustomed to it maybe they wouldn't be hurt. I'm not sure about it but it seems like an interesting world.

  • Mike403Mike403

    I'm 44 and never had a girlfriend or anyone in my life except family. Having autism and trouble communicating doesn't help either. I recently accepted the fact that some people are just not meant to be in a relationship.

  • _marC_marC

    I agree @CuddleDuncan ! I just assume I won't get one back. I wish more realized that instead of getting their feelings hurt bc this is a wonderful community!

    @SunsetSnuggles Behind on pms... what a concept 🤯🥹😫

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    It's comforting to know I'm not the only one !
    You guys are awesome. :)

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Common Courtesy seems to have gone out the window lately. I see that everywhere. Door closes in my face when a person doesn’t bother to hold it, (or care that my arms are full).
    Lately fewer people smile or make eye contact in general, more ghosting, frowning at their phone and not looking up, at a restaurant table everyone staring at phones.
    @GreatHornedOwl “You’re too old.” O m g. Someone actually said that?? Geez I’m disgusted. And @Mike403 anyone who would write that did you a favor.
    I may not get 30 messages a day like some of the others but if I did I would copy paste a brief polite reply to 30 msgs in 30 minutes.
    If you’re on a Cuddle site, at least show that you understand what it’s about or else don’t act like you can be a caring cuddler.
    And actually the ones who don’t answer just revealed a lot about themselves.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Sunset / Carrieanne 💯

    And yes - common courtesy is definitely out the window. Times are significantly different from the times I grew up to now. (speaking in general, seeing the lack of respect from the younger generation now vs. the utmost respect the younger generation had … Maybe its just where I’m from … hopefully.

  • MrMarkAndrewMrMarkAndrew

    The strange thing is when a Pro doesn’t respond one way or another. It’s literally their business, not just a hobby.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @MrMarkAndrew - They're independent contractors and can pick and choose who they want to do business with. I do Grubhub food delivery on the side and have the ability to reject offers I don't want to take. Same concept. As a side hustle and not their main source of income, I can see people wanting to be pickier.

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @MrMarkAndrew pros generally respond if a message is respectful and demonstrates reading comprehension of their profile guidelines. 99% of messages I get are rude and/or clearly from folks who did not read my profile. When somebody is respectful and has read my profile, I usually respond within minutes.

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    Most of the time people don’t respond to me. I work in sales though, so I’m basically immune to rejection at this point 🤷‍♀️ Exposure therapy helps

  • Ironman294Ironman294

    No response what is this pray tell? I’ve had tot run down people! You people have no idea how hard it is being more popular than Brad Pitt and BTS combined! 🤣🤣🤣
    No response is okay, a bad response isn’t fun either but realistically we shouldn’t feel bad if we get kne because we don’t know those people, if it was someone we dealt with in a regular basis that would suck. But random strangers, it’s can sting, but don’t give it more than a few seconds and move on.
    You dodged a bullet, if someone woman that mean to send such an unwarranted response, think of how angry and sad these must be. I mean why else would someone respond in such an unkind way.? They are sad themselves.
    Keep on trucking everyone.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited December 2022

    @Mike403 That lady sucks and attitude is repulsive

    @CuddleDuncan I’m inclined to agree

    @bobadevotee In my experience, send a professional a respectful message nets around a 50% response rate, I have a small sample size though

  • RezzRezz

    I'm guilty of not replying to messages as of recently. I posted it to my profile to give people a realistic view of what their expectations should be in regards to a response. If anyone gets hurt over no response that is now on them for not reading my profile.

    I have anxiety and sometimes replying to friendly chit chat messages is too mentally exhausting especially when I have a large workload doing the job that pays my bills. Cuddling is not consistent work for majority of us. Many have other jobs / responsibilities just as you do. I know you know this but it bears repeating.

    The best way to look at it is sometimes it has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with your recipient. They may have stress at home, family to care for or multiple jobs.
    Manage your expectations by assuming you won't get a response and be pleasantly surprised when you do will make you feel less unwanted / seen.

    Lastly stop looking at when a pro was last online and using that to gauge whether you're being ignored. I open this site 90% of the time on accident throughout the day when clicking on my Google front page. It doesn't mean she's sitting there selectively replying to messages and actively ignoring you. Send a gentle reminder if you're unsure and if that goes ignored move along to someone who is available to respond. 🤗

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @Rezz ty for opening up a bit and making yourself vulnerable in order to help others feel less shitty about themselves 🌌

  • RezzRezz

    @cuddles_ndream tysm (⁠つ⁠✧⁠ω⁠✧⁠)⁠つ

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    💙

  • FairygoatFairygoat

    Im not the best with putting words on paper..however, i can only speak for myself when i say i dont base my cuddles on age,race,religion,sex or body type. Not everyone is the same.there was a man i just read did not feel comfortable cuddling with another man. Some have preferences and thats ok.i would not take it personal if someone does not respond back..i mean you never know maybe you resemble someone to them i dont know…i hope you all have an amazing holiday

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