I often wonder if there's an alternative to rejection, in life in general. I fully expect it, so I gave up trying.
I’m new here and have been flooded with messages (I’m a female so I guess that’s normal) but try to talk to every person that messages. It can be hard to keep up with it all. I do get a messages from people that sound like they are looking for more than cuddles so I try to gently decline. I’m here for the platonic cuddle aspect and I’m in now way looking for dates or more. One guy tried to get me to come to his hotel room with promises of free hotel breakfast in the morning. I do like free bacon but I’m not going to sleep with someone (in a sexual way) for it. 🤣
I look at it like interviewing for a job. There are usually a ton of resumes being sent, not all can be responded to, and are passed over. Then, just because you think the company is perfect, it doesn't mean it's the same on the other end. At the end of the day, it only makes sense to match up with someone with mutual interest, which often just takes patience. Would you really want to cuddle with someone who doesn't sense a good vibe with you?
Yes. Thats what happens when different individuals come together for a common purpose. They bring their ideals and if you do not fit into this, you are rejected. One way to maybe decrease this is communication before assumptions. With that said the 2 rude reactions I got that could be called rejections happened in the first week or two of joining the site and were from people I never communicated with, did not know existed and probably would not seek to cuddle with anyway. So it really left me wondering early on, is this site filled with people like this? If so its seems counterintuitive to the whole cuddle mantra. So far I feel good about the majority of people I have communicated with. So those rejections in my mind were glitches in the matrix.
All the time. I think for guys it's just different bc there are so many more males seeking female cuddlers than vise versa, the numbers are so lopsided it's insane. A lot of dating sites are the same way.
One time I went to cuddle this guy I didn't even have a car I took the light rail for 1hr and a half dude was being sus from the get go but I like to give ppl chances to show me who they are before assuming (dude mention he had a jacuzzi I was like I'll pass regular cuddling is cool) this was one of the first few ppl I had cuddled as a enthusiast by the way way before I went pro and when the site was less famous ...... anyways I get there and dudes said he meet me at the light rail he was running late cool no problem then he's like oh and emergency came up I need to take my roommate to the er he hurt himself working out and is bleeding I knew the guy was lying because he had me waiting at the light rail for 30 mins......so I reported the guy he waisted my time and money I believe his profile was suspended or something like that
I haven't been on the site for too long and I don't know how much longer I'll stay a member because of the fact that I get no responses to my messages. I don't even mind rejection, but it's the not knowing that bothers me more. There should be a way to see, (Unless there is an I don't know it) If a message is read. I would think that if somebody sent you a message you would at least look at their profile, but I don't even see a visit listed and I can see that they've been online since I messaged them. I did have one member, after a couple of messages back and forth, stop contacting me and I asked them straight out to please just tell me if they were interested or not. They told me no and I was fine with that, (I didn't even ask why because that doesn't matter). But to me, again, having an answer is better than not.
I agree that all messages should get a response of some sort, even if it’s bug off 🤣. However, I’m sure there are folks that get a lot more mail than I do, so that’s easier for me to say.
In real life dating, women are rejected all the time. Especially if she doesn’t want to hook up on the first date, if she’s hoping for some kind of real connection and doing activities besides getting together for only sex. On this site, like everyone says, it’s about the numbers and lack of trust I guess (generally speaking)? For everyone trying to connect with someone else, coming across as sad, resentful and pitiful will never attract anyone, and those feelings usually show.
@Dinah87 first of all; you're beautiful ♥️ and don't let anyone make you feel any less.
@carrieanne I agree and like how you worded it.
Women are like cats. Don't chase them or they'll run away from you. Wait for them to come to you.
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@justwanthugs - While it's rude to ghost someone if you have been communicating with them, an initial message does not require a response ever. If she doesn't respond to your inquiry, that means she's not interested.
@Mike403 so today we're cats? no. @carrieanne spot on. No hook up + no pics = ghost (aka trash taking itself out, counts as a win) No response is a response. That's gone both ways in my experience. We don't know each other, we don't owe each other an explanation.
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@Dinah
Aww, don't feel that way. It's not you, and try not to blame yourself for these things. I know thats not easy. The first thing you wanna do when something doesn't go your way is to tear yourself apart and figure out the problem (I do this) but it's not always you.
The internet's full of ghosting people btw. I don't get it personally, I've never ghosted anyone because I know what it feels like and I believe if someone wants to talk you should listen. We're all just existing and hardly know one another, it's a strange world.
You should try going places you love, avoid dive bars though (alot of toxic people). Go to some event you like like music or art or anything you like and you will attract similar people or maybe meet a new friend. Don't lose hope, getting started is always hard but once your rolling it's easy 😉
Ghosts are scary.
@HuggyBear11 I'm not sure which is better, getting no response, or exchanging several messages and then being told they don't want to meet or cuddle with you. I suppose in both cases its a response...in the first one, they didn't bother to get to know you but rejected you...and in the second one they got to you know a little bit and rejected you then.. in which case...I think after describing it like that, clearly the first is way better. Its much better to just not get a response! who likes being rejected??? at least with the first one you can safely hold on to the delusion that if they had just gotten to know you better they would have wanted to meet and cuddle. Sometimes our delusions are better than reality.
@Melancholy - Men have to play the numbers game and send messages to multiple women. It's an a good feeling to get that notification that somebody responded only to be let down by them just saying they're not interested. I'd rather them not respond at all.
@Melancholy @Mike Maybe you guys are right about no response. No response to me though feels like I’m not even worth the time and effort to respond to. But on the other hand, I’d rather not put in the time and effort just to be turned down later. I’ve only had one person turn me down in here after talking. Several others, including many pros, never respond at all. However, I’ve also found some wonderful ladies on here to cuddle, so I understand it’s part of the process.
Doesn’t matter how Gorgeous / how Handsome / how Smart / sweet / kind / popular / or awesome you think a member is here, everyone has experienced rejection both here and in their personal lives.
@justwanthugs - I've had responses on dating sites that looked like this.
@Mike403 That's interesting. I always respond even if its to clarify schedule/distance wont work. Now Im second guessing that lol I'd actually prefer a response notifying me they're not interested. I would even appreciate feedback if they were so inclined. The only way I or the situation can improve is if I have an idea what's the issue.
For instance, I would be happy to give the OP advice on how to update their profile to be more appealing (for lack of a better word). I'm sure a couple changes would increase the odds of receiving messages and quality meet ups. Nothing can eliminate risk of rejection, however, sometimes it really is them and not you.
@Vianca - If you had something constructive to say, that's entirely different then just responding with a "nope. not interested."
I actually prefer a short "not interested" since it relieves me of needing to consider the possibility. Straightforward is great. I guess everyone is different on this. Some people blow up when their ego is wounded though so I can understand why people just block.
Simple answer yes not counting but approximately 40/45 times... its ok I just keep swimming :-)
Some men also can't take 'no' for an answer and continue to question 'why not?". That's another use of the 'block' function on this website besides just disagreeing with what somebody said on the forums.
@KaaGee said it best - ‘No response, is a response’ … Please don’t be that person seeking why?! And after you simply don’t go away, they decide to share with you (whether true or not), the reasoning as to why, so you can go away, but than you turn around and try to “fix” the reasoning … plz don’t be that guy or that lady. Life experiences have shown people why they should just ghost.
@Mike403 That can be understood as a failure to self-regulate the emotions, and yes it's a great use of the Block feature. I learned from a cuddler with lots of experience in this space, who was the only trusted friend of some borderline individuals, that even with (especially with) those people, it is perfectly fine to expect them to develop coping mechanisms and self-regulate.