@everyone To me, no response can sometimes mean I looked at this at midnight and fell asleep, then didn't remember it in the morning. Yes, sometimes it's a rejection. I'm not going to respond to "Hey, beautiful." as an opening line, especially when that's the only thing written. Often it's an accident, though. I feel sometimes we need to accredit it not to ourselves but to human nature, forgetfulness. Most people don't go around thinking, "You know what... I want to wreck this guy's self-esteem today...that would be fun!" I have replied to messages in sassy ways, but usually, when someone asks a fetish question like "what's your shoe size?" Reasons its not you: I logged in at work (Pro or enthusiast), and checked messages, then the boss interrupted. I looked at it too late and fell asleep. I tried to think of something to say back, checked other messages, and forgot. Was on vacation and promised myself I'd go back after my plane landed, then became a space cadet. All of these things I have done. None to be malicious. The offense I commit most often is being out of town and thinking it will be better to give a good response later than an "I'm busy/vacation. sorry," which is usually the only thing I have time for when I'm taking me time. Vacation is me time, and I apologize to everyone who doesn't get a response in that time, but that's the way of the world. Even cuddles need self-care.
The list of why it's not YOU goes on and on. What's not good is thinking every little slight is your fault and wrecking your self-esteem. I do get that sometimes you are waiting for a response from quite a few people. It doesn't happen. A lot of times, there are environmental reasons for that too. Bad areas for cuddling. For instance, Miami is HUGE, but there are a TON of factors keeping things from not going smoothly there. Been there. Seen that. Even in an urban area, there might be things at play that have nothing to do with you. We can get into Miami some other time. I've experienced that non-sense and have heard of others who have too.
I remember when there used to be a rejection hotline that had many phone numbers based in different areas. You gave it to somebody you were not interested in and when they called, they got a recording saying they've been rejected and possible (sarcastic) reasons why.
Here's an audio clip I found of the recording when they called.
One gets used to it after a little bit.....builds resilience. 💕
@stormydaycuddle imagine telling the guy that recently made the thread, “7 years of no luck” that there’s a list of why it wasn’t him for the past 7 years lol …. Hopefully this doesn’t get misinterpreted but it will … most take it for what it is & move on, the rest get hurt and their self esteem shattered holding on to false hopes, and that’s what the “list of things why its not them ” , does to them. And while yes, there is a million reason why it might not be them, it is still them …
Edit: in their eyes.
I agree with @stormydaycuddle (as always ☺️) The few times I felt rejected was when the person I messaged actually checked my profile. But then I figured it’s just because I’m big or they think I’m ugly or something. That’s ok though. We all have our preferences.
@cuddles_ndream I think you may have missed the point somewhat here - the takeaway is "What's not good is thinking every little slight is your fault and wrecking your self-esteem."
Unfortunately to my knowledge having a hyperactive thought process, even a bit childlike in the simplicity of how you interpret the words of others, is common in people with autism. At least as I've had it explained to me. Getting back to coping mechanisms, having self-awareness of how you respond and take feedback is crucial.
@cde123 like I mentioned, “hopefully this doesn’t get misinterpreted but it will”. It will take someone who is dealing with “rejection” to say, ‘Yes, I agree” … but no one wants to come across as weak or vulnerable, so I highly doubt it … your opinions is fine.
Why in the world would I want to hang out with someone who has rejected me? Legitimate or misguided, it doesn't matter. They did it. End of story. Next. It's a numbers game, folks. Look forward, not backward.
@homeboy And that’s exactly what I was getting at! 💯 the “rejected” doesn’t care how “legitimate” the “reasoning” for rejection or if they “own” the reasoning or not … they’ve been rejected, and like you mentioned, look forward, not backwards.
Let’s unpack the 7 years post. Wrong thread but it was mentioned. The guys original message on the 7 year thread was deleted and it was basically that his POV was the problem. The problem I have with the “no one will cuddle me” threads is this… I’m not the only pro who cuddles everyone regardless. It takes something big to put me on hold. So I truly believe it’s either environmental factors or something wrong with the approach. Environmental being no pros in the area…or the Miami type problem. I think there have been many examples of approach. They often want enthusiasts to cuddle them and there aren’t enough to go around. That requires a shift in approach… hire a pro. I just find it sooooo hard to believe because the pros I’m friends with have the same mind set as me and are all over the country. There are so many reasons it feels endless. I’m not victim blaming (see environmental factors) but I’m 100% calling BS on the melodrama. Probably the most snappy response I’ve given but it is getting irritating guys. This is accusing pros of discrimination. I’m sure some do but not to the extent that the 7 year type of post pops up every week. Take the advice given and if all else fails travel. It’s just like a website not delivering to your area yet. Supply chain issues, misogyny, expecting enthusiasts to respond and not being willing to make the swap to pro. All of these reasons are abundant. And I do feel for the people but it takes investigating or maybe introspection to fix the problem. And there are so many kind people here willing to help. What I personally won’t do is say someone is unworthy of being cuddled because their existence. Hell, come to CO I’ll cuddle you if your factor is environmental but a lot of the time it isn’t. And Stormy has finally truly snapped. Congrats.
@stormydaycuddle There sure wasn't anything wrong with that post! To be clear, I agree.
@achetocuddle 🤗
@achetocuddle i think my snap was finally saying people need to work on things in such a overt way. I was like you know what… it’s not your existence. Rawer!!! 😂😂😂
I thank all who responded to my post. maybe I'm a little different than the majority, but I would still prefer a response even if it's "no" or "not interested". Again, the thing that gets me the most is the fact that there is no visit of my profile...I guess if I saw a visit to my profile and then received no response I would accept that as their response. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel that a message at least deserves a look.
Guys, if you really want a response or to know why a woman rejects you, give her an assignment in your intro message lol.
Something like your normal message to her and then, a paragraph below it saying: “if you’re not interested in me, I’m fine with that but please do let me know if there’s anything I could do to make my profile more appealing next time”
Either she’ll respond and say she loves your profile and yada yada yada or she’ll respond and give you some feedback. At least in the feedback group you’ll know why she would have rejected you and not responded at all (had you not given her the lil assignment lol).
When a girl doesn’t respond it could be for a myriad of reasons as highlighted in the posts above but if you think the reason might be rejection because of your appearance, I would suggest reaching out to a pro for pic selection advice & maybe even taking/uploading some new pics. If you think it’s because of something you wrote in your profile (which is less likely the case) the above sub paragraph should be enough to get feedback on that from your ideal match.
I recall a time when I was on a dating site and I made friends with a guy there that was so so so upset that no woman was matching with him or interested in going out with him. I matched with him because he looked like a nice guy but I had no idea all the self esteem issues that was plaguing his psyche until we had an argument about women and men relations and he kind of “unleashed” the pent up resentments, which I gotta say, really surprised me. Long story short he let me take over his profile, and phone, pics and all, and I pretty much revamped the whole thing, and what do ya know, he was getting matches left and right with the girls he actually wanted to match with finally. Lol, problem solved.
It’s really just a matter of perspective and how you present yourself and knowing what your target would want to see innately. Not so much the politically correct version, but the primally correct one lol. Everyone has triggers on what they like and what they don’t like. Play with those triggers and get honest feedback on the ones you’re not sure of.
If you feel like you really can’t get around the appearance issue but you know you’ve got a lot to bring the table and an amazing personality, consider taking your picture offline altogether and replacing it with something eye-catching and mysterious. Not the typical cuddle pic, something unique to your profile but represents you too. Make sending your actual pic a condition you do only after getting to know the other half (the mystery continues lol). Often times what you’ll find is after you’ve had the phone conversation with the person who has no idea what you look like but loved talking to you and getting to know you, by the time you send them your pic, they’ll already be half way interested enough to meet you despite the lack of attraction (just because you hit it off so well). There was one guy who did this with me who I would never in a million years have met had we not hit it off over the phone. His personality was just off the charts and by the time I saw his pic, it didn’t matter to me as much.
Just some strategies/tactics lol
@stormydaycuddle 👏👏👏
This guy lol 😂 …
@cuddles_ndream Nevermind. Don't think we are.
@stormydaycuddle maybe / maybe not lolololol … someone viewed my profile, I viewed back, and it all makes sense now lol … but hugs and positivity to all 🌌
@HuggyBear11 If someone told you "not interested" would you ask why or respond in any other way? Just curious. I love to learn what makes other people tick.
@achetocuddle No, not at all. Though I don't like rejection (as I'm sure nobody does) I accept the fact that everyone has their own preferences of who they want to cuddle with and respect that. All I'm saying is that if someone messaged me, I would look at their profile and THEN decide...yes, no or maybe. That's why I am on this site...to find a cuddle. It limits my chances if I ignore any message I receive. It seems that most of the women I've viewed or messaged (in my area) are fairly new (like me), so I guess (and maybe I'm wrong) that's why they are here too...and assuming that, I would think they wouldn't want to limit their choices either. So it confuses me of why they wouldn't even look at someones profile who messaged them.
As others have said, I think some women are less certain if they really want to cuddle. If they get an offer or even a message just asking to chat, I think it makes them realize they don't want to cuddle. And probably some decided if they can't meet a specific kind of person they don't want to pursue it. I don't think everyone is as all in as you may be @HuggyBear11. There have been many debates about this one aspect in other threads, but it's true that not having a profile pic hurts your chances. There are too many guys here who don't have what would be considered a valid reason to not have pics. Not having a pic can make you look as if you have something to hide, whether you do or not. Maybe this is unfortunate, but it's true.
I have had the experience of having a guy try to argue/debate when I said no and explained why. Of course I can ignore that and do, but it is still kinda unpleasant to receive those kind of responses when I could just avoid responding at all.
Some people can't or won't travel for a cuddle, so they see your location without clicking on your profile and decide there is no point in convo. Same thing with age.
For me, being ghosted is far more hurtful than being flat out rejected because there is no closure. Especially since I was pretty much ghosted at the end of my marriage by my wife of 19 years. Communication is a big deal for me because I identify as demisexual and I’m finding out more and more than many people just don’t feel the same way about replying. I personally would never ghost someone.
I’ve only been on the site a couple months and have been ghosted by a lot of enthusiasts, but at least never by a pro. I signed up for a dating site and was ghosted by about 90% of the people I reached out to. It was very depressing, and I’m sure most of the people I reached out to were NOT fake profiles
I do my best not to judge, but it doesn’t make it any less hurtful. Sometimes, I wish the site had a built in script to send an automatic reply out of a pool of replies that said something along the lines of “sorry not interested” if a message is not replied after a random, brief period of time…lol.
After all the ghosting you go through on a job hunt, ghosting here just rolls off your back.
@WriterGF I've been fortunate enough to have steady work for the past 30+ years, so I have not had to deal with that sort of ghosting at least.
Ok, this is somewhat of a pet peeve of mine, but can we please consider not using the word "ghost" to refer to when someone just never responds to our initial message(s)?
Ghosting was/is intended to refer to when an intimate partner disappears after some level of emotional connection has already been established. It is not the same thing as simply not responding to a first message. It is not the same thing as cutting contact after a first meet because one does not feel safe. It is not the same thing as blocking on all platforms because the other party is too oblivious to take a simple "no, I'm not interested" as a complete sentence.
If you want closure, ask for it. If they don't give it freely, it's going to be up to you to give yourself that closure. That is what therapy with a mental health professional is for.
Yes, rejection absolutely sucks, especially if you get it repeatedly, and even more so if you are neurodivergent (like I am - RSD sucks). But we are responsible for our own emotions and learning coping skills - if we keep having the same situation occur over and over again then it's time that we change the patterns we put ourselves in and give ourselves some agency.
/end rant
I go through a feeling of rejection myself when I don't hear back from someone. And I sat with that for some time and realized what really bothered me wasn't the idea the person purposely and silently rejecting me, but what bothered me was the lack of communication and not knowing.
I would hope the devs here are spending a portion of their time working new features in the communication functionality of the site.
Some of the changes I would like to see would be:
Some of those changes are not too difficult to implement and could go a long way in helping overall communication on the site. As not replying to someone in anyway is absolutely rude and even if it wasn't intentional to cause the other person distress it still can and there can be a better way of doing things that the site can accommodate.
I think it would be fair to say the vast majority of clients on this site are lonely or have a longing for a connection in some way and sending out a message and getting nothing back can be a bit intolerable and defeating. No one is at fault, and I am not entitled to hear your specific and unique reasons why you are a no, but there is some middle ground in there that the site could antiseptically provide for a smoother experience overall.
@Dinah87 I'm sorry you are feeling rejection by being ghosted by lack of responses. It makes you feel ignored, devalued, and hopeless at a certain point. However, please know, that even with the best intentions not everyone here is capable of being perfect at what they do and I would think none of them want to actively upset you in any way. IMO you are entitled to some type of reply, otherwise what's the point in the messaging system? And "no reply" is not communication, it is the silent treatment and is degrading to other humans. But the current system doesn't seem to offer a lot of protection from the abusers who would even abuse a pro's inbox. So, we're kind of left with what we have currently. I hear you and see you and have felt the way you have described. I hope you will find some peace with this issue you are experiencing and can move forward in a healthy way. And, please, at least for me, take a few minutes today and be a little bit extra kind to yourself for good measure.
Stay away from dating sites. Instead, go to your local pub and talk to people.
That's how online dating & real life dating are. Online is way worse. It's worse if you have depression like the OP. My advice is to brush it off. Not to start a gender war, but, guys get rejected way more. It's in our DNA. Learn to move on cuz if you don't it's just gonna eat at you. You know darn well the guy/girl that rejects you moves on immediately. Just is what it is.