I think it's great and in some ways may even be helpful to a marriage as long as everyone is honest and open. I don't get the trolling. If it's not your cup of tea, simply move on. It doesn't affect you. But some people are triggered by their own past personal experiences and traumas, like you said. @cozycuddlepuddl
But some people are triggered by their own past personal experiences and traumas
That and organized religion which guilts and shames people into a cookie cutter idea of what a marriage is or shouldn’t be.
@bekah_cuddles I don't understand how being a married woman somehow brings about drama.
You completely missed the point. If you don't understand that is on you . I am speaking from personal experience of what happend during a cuddle session. Its called reducing the risk of a bad session. It is a boundary not up for negotiation.
The CC welcome Trolls do exist and are not cute and cuddly like the trolls from dreamworks. Trolls gonna troll.
Like @Zaxsis, I have a boundary on cuddling married men as well. Of those that were married, most that have requested it of me have said how their partner doesn’t touch them anymore. One said he was sadly going through a divorce and just wanted to feel a woman’s embrace again. A part of me would like to fill that void while the other part of me feels like it’s just not my place to. Even if they’re having marital issues or whatever, I don’t want to inadvertently be the reason someone uses for it getting worse. And I certainly wouldn’t want anyone associating me with their break up.
On the flip end, I know how I would feel if I were the wife and my partner were wrapped up in the arms of another woman. I know I’d likely only see red at that point, and I know I wouldn’t want to face myself in that situation so why would I involve myself in that to begin with.
Yes, it’s platonic but the golden rule still applies. If you’re okay with it being done to you then I could see how you could be okay with doing it to someone else, but if you know you’re not okay with it in any way then I can’t see myself doing that to another. Even if they don’t know or are aware, it still could have an impact somewhere down the line (butterfly effect) and I’d rather just steer clear.
@scottrileytx I have to agree. Those who talk more about their real life earn more trust from me and are much better cuddles simply for that reason. Those who are not comfortable with vulnerability, well… it ends up being less connecting and feels more transactional to me. Some want that, and I think can find plenty of it here. I prefer more connection. It definitely makes me feel safer and freer with a person.
@PrettyLuv Well said. Thank you for the expansion on the subject.
I’m a married cuddler, both enthusiast and pro. As an enthusiast, I like cuddling so much I want more of it than I get at home. As a pro, I have so much more comfort to give than just to my husband and pets. After about a year of negotiation, my husband consented to my cuddling with others. Now he trusts me and encourages me in my cuddling pursuits.
Someone above said they wouldn’t cuddle with a person whose partner doesn’t consent to their cuddling with others. My first thought was that I had the same boundary, but then I thought about it and realized I don’t make it a practice to ask cuddle partners or clients whether they are in a relationship. The most I’ve done is ask them if others will be there when I travel to them, just so I know whether to expect distractions or objections (I hardly want to be punched in the face, haha).
😂
I myself have cuddled pros who are married, single, divorced, separated, in open relationships, in poly relationships. I only know these through having conversations during our session’s and these just come up as part of two people talking about their lives. I don’t care the relationship status or look to see what is a pros status before meeting because we are meeting for a cuddle session so relationship status need not apply.
So I didn't read everything here, but I will say if anyone wants to cuddle who is married or in a relationship (whether professional or not), that's their business and as long as all are informed and given consent, I don't see a an issue. Now for me personally... If I get into a relationship I probably won't be actively cuddling or even be on this website anymore, unless for some reason they weren't really a big cuddler and wanted me to seek it elsewhere (though then I don't think they'd be compatible with me). Seeing as I've only been able to really find pros (who have been amazing, don't get me wrong), if I have someone at home to cuddle all the time, I don't think I'd be as inclined to want to spend money on cuddling.
@CSnMUS87 What do you mean by “all are informed and give consent”? You mean the person’s spouse has to give consent for the other person to cuddle? I think that’s simply not the business of the other cuddler that is not in that relationship. I can understand people feeling otherwise. It’s really about how you view marriage and the proper degree of independence in marriage. And of course some people might worry that someone is going to bust in with a kitchen knife and cause havoc. That’s not entirely an unreasonable fear and is part of the risks we take. I’d say the vast majority of married people who cuddle (enthusiasts anyway) are doing it without their spouse knowing and are doing it because they can’t enjoy the same kind of intimacy with their partner for whatever reason. And many of the people that say their spouse knows are lying. And of course there are some spouses who do in fact know. I also think (partly through experience) many of those people are in alternative marriages anyways; open relationships, poly etc where flexibility and open mindedness is already the modus operandi. There is a rather large overlap between these alternative lifestyles in general.
I don’t have an issue with it myself. But I would not be a guest where the spouse is in the living room watching tv while we cuddle in the bedroom or on the couch in the living room.
It might enhance a cuddler's view of relationships to cuddle someone who was married. I can see where that kind of familia might add a sense of inclusion as long as everybody had rational realistic expectations. I'm willing to bet the trollers are the ones that could use it the most. I've never done it but if I did, I would not kid myself about it being platonic. Cuddling a pro is business.
There seems to be a consensus that it's okay for a married man to cuddly with another woman, so long as he has his wife's consent. That sounds great, but it isn't always that simple.
My wife suffers from severe Alzheimer's Disease. As often as not, she can't remember my name. Some days she can't remember her own name. She completely rejects all forms of affection, even to the extent of refusing to hold hands.
I know that I could get her to consent to virtually anything, but it most certainly wouldn't be informed consent, and as such would be completely meaningless. Under the existing circumstances, there can be no such thing as informed consent.
Is it either ethically or morally wrong for me to want to cuddle? Must I be condemned to continue suffering from touch deprivation?
@GreatHornedOwl There's nothing wrong with wanting a cuddle. If someone seeks a cuddle session with me I believe their personal relationships are none of my business. Now if they want to share I'm more than happy to listen with an open mind/heart and provide feedback if they wish to hear it. Otherwise my main focus is the reason we're all here: to cuddle.
@Vianca - I do have some additional bit of information to share. I have been active on CC for 14 months, and have yet to even come close to finding a woman to cuddle with. I send loads of messages to women, inviting them to chat. The most common response is silence. Not uncommon, are those similar to one I received a month age: "I prefer younger men." last week. I received a completely new reply: "Age doesn’t bother me, but your profile says married. And I am uncomfortable with that, unless I can meet and speak with her."
I would be delighted to hear whatever feedback you might have to offer.
Being married I myself have kind of sat in the background here. I would love to begin a cuddling journey and my spouse has no concern with me doing so. He is open and supportive to me cuddling with others. But because of judgement from others because I am married I haven't moved forward with doing so.
This was the first thread listed when I signed in tonight. Maybe it was telling me to read and possibly move forward. I have had one cuddle session before and it was a great experience. Free of any judgement or question of me being married and cuddling someone else. My marriage played no part of the cuddle session as it shouldn't.
A service is being provided. A "Platonic" service. I see it just as if a married man or woman goes for a massage from a professional massage therapist. I don't know anyone who asks "Are you married?" before getting the massage. A service is offered and provided regardless of relationship status. As again it is a "Platonic" service being offered.
I have received conversations before where I have replied that it is not what this site is for. You are on the wrong website if that is what you are looking for. That this site is for Platonic cuddle and nothing more.
Thanks to those who are married and pro cuddlers for sharing your experience in this thread. Also thanks to everyone who has shared in this thread as well.
Married or not, there are quite a few situations in which platonic touch by a person of the opposite gender ideally wouldn't ever be an issue, yet, for more people than you might realize, it sometimes becomes one. For example, I once had painful sciatica running down one leg and sought out a licensed massage therapist to try to obtain some relief. She informed me her husband would not permit her to massage men's glutes or upper thighs, even with adequate draping, though she had no problem doing so before she married. Needless to say, I went elsewhere.
Regardless of marital status, a reportedly growing percentage of women will no longer voluntarily give permission for male health care providers to perform intimate exams on their bodies, except of course in emergency situations. Especially considering the widely publicized Larry Nassar fiasco and the arrests, indictments, or convictions of several male physicians from all around the USA caught sexually abusing or taking advantage of female patients in recent years, these women's concerns may well be justified. For some, the risks are understandably (at least to me, anyway) simply too great, particularly with the rapidly increasing number of female obstetricians and gynecologists readily available in many areas.
Finally, as a particularly extreme example, a male public school teacher with whom I'm occasionally in contact does not want his wife to ever hug another guy, even as simply part of an innocent social greeting. In the past, he became quite upset when such a hug happened, both with his wife and the unaware but well-meaning hugging guy who had known each other for many years.
Well beyond mere cuddling, marital status and gender do, for legitimate reasons or otherwise, come into play in a variety of social settings involving platonic touch.
My stipulation for consent from someone's partner is simply because I'm not going to risk someone being a threat to me or my household. I've had men try to rationalize their omission from their partner but nothing will make me willingly hide information from someone's partner.
Frankly, I don't know if your wife/gf is bats**t cray and if they track your phone, etc. Not inviting the drama to show up on my phone or doorstep.
I'm an enthusiast and my husband is aware of/supports this dynamic. I expect the same for any committed cuddle buddies I meet🤷
I'm a married pro cuddler, just started. There is nothing sexual about cuddling and every marriage has its own rules. If a person isn't in the marriage in question, they have no valid opinion about the rules of that marriage. We have been together 24 years. We're very happy.
Here's my weird take. Pro- Married Client: None of my business if it's outside the bounds of their personal agreement of what is and what isn't infidelity. That said...
If you're married cool. Don't act like something about it is cheating because then you are seeing this from the wrong angle (as the client) and we need to look at what cuddling means to you. I get that you can want cuddling, not be getting it at home and feel like there still may be something wrong. That's fine with the right perspective and maybe working on (by yourself) how to ask for what you need at home or normalizing platonic cuddling as self care in your own mind to remove the stigma.
If you're giddy with the concept of getting away with something or overlooking that you're hurting someone else. Still none of my business but if you happen to bring it up on your own and I get that impression you won't be my client anymore. So married clients welcome. Married clients with stigma over their heads even welcome (I hope we can normalize cuddling for you). Married clients with the wrong perspective on cuddling or with the will to hurt someone.... nope.
If you're not breaking the boundaries of your agreement or see cuddling as strictly platonic form of self care I have no issues whatsoever.
Married Pro-client- if it bothers you don't book and leave the pro alone. They aren't breaking the boundaries of their own agreement so mind your own. If the pro hasn't disclosed this to you (which they shouldn't have to do. You don't ask other service providers if they're married) and you find out, then it makes you uncomfortable step away. Relationship status has nothing to do with this website.
The only time I take issue with it is when the willful intent to hurt or bypass someone else's mental wellbeing is there and it's clear I'm being used or made a part of it.
I will say this. My ex-wife was not a cuddler. If I found this site while we were married and hired pro cuddlers, it could very well have saved my marriage.
@PrettyLuv - What you had to doesn't encompass the entire universe of married people. I am a married man who is looking to cuddle. My wife suffers from severe Alzheimer's Disease. She was a very loving woman, but now refuses just being touched.
@CSnMUS87 - I do hope that there are women here who don't share your point of view. There are days that my wife doesn't even know her own name. If I were to ask for her consent to cuddle, she wouldn't even understand the question. There are undoubtedly other men in a similar situation. I'm 81 years old, and in good health. My wife is the same age, and also in good (physical) health. Are you suggesting that I must be condemned to spend the next however man years continuing to suffer from touch deprivation?
@Calibrate715 - You may think that you've covered all the reasons for why a married man might want to cuddle, but you clearly haven't. What would you do if you were in my situation?
@GreatHornedOwl may I say how much I respect and admire your patience and good manners during discussions of this nature.
@CuddleDuncan - Thank you. I must say that you are one of the few contributors here, whose opinion I always respect, even on those few occasions when I don't agree.
My wife and I cuddle each other,other married couples, all genders, we love human touch
I think some people are just so insecure in their relationships that they cannot even imagine what it is like for someone else to have that level of trust in their partner.
@GreatHornedOwl I am actually sympathetic to your situation and would cuddle with you if you were closer. My mother suffered from early onset Alzheimer's and spent the last 6-7 years of her life being non-verbal and with mobility issues the last few years. She passed a little over a year ago.
So, with that being my personal experience and knowing how it deprived my father of touch, I would feel comfortable cuddling in this dynamic.
My boundaries go up when someone admits they're hiding it from their partner and throws up every excuse in the book not to be honest. I don't associate with liars so I certainly wouldn't have one hugged up on my a** to be frank lol
Here is a very recent mainstream attempt to discuss the idea of what some of us choose to do with our lives and relationships: https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/19/health/couples-explore-nonmonogamous-relationships-wellness/index.html
As with successful cuddling, the keys are communication, respect, and consent.
All are entitled to their perspectives, and I hope people do recognize what some have said here, what works for some may not be your thing. As long as you choose not to get intimately involved with that person, it does not affect you, and trolling will do nothing but make you look bad.