simple friendly good morning, intro message and the recipient blocks me. yea it happens. best to not dwell on it, just keep being a good person and try to fnd a good cuddle bud
Oh sure!
Rejection is a part of life. You may hear a thousand “no’s” before you finally hear a “yes”.
It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you ~ You aren’t for everyone, and everyone isn’t for you.
And that’s okay, it’s nothing personal. ❤️
I understand what you mean, though! I do find myself wondering what happened when I send a message to someone, see they’ve visited my profile, but didn’t respond. Or maybe they did respond, but not with the level of enthusiasm that I was hoping for.
I also wonder if I’ve said or done something to upset the other person if they stop replying. Especially when getting to know someone new.
”Did I overshare? Did I use too many emojis? Should I not have sent that nude?”
THAT LAST ONE IS A JOKE, MODS, PLEASE DON’T COME FOR ME 😆
But anyway!! The point is that overthinking is the enemy!
I think the best thing you can do is keep shining your little light. Love yourself and recognize that you are enough all on your own. Keep looking and hopefully, you will find those who appreciate you for you ^^
Also, I think if anyone didn’t want to meet up because they didn’t find you attractive, you probably dodged a bullet. But that’s a separate conversation to be had, I think 😆
@EarthlyAngel003 I hadn’t realized that using too many emojis could cause me to be ghosted 😊⌨️✉️⏱️⏱️⏱️😐🥺😓😔🪦👻
@cuddlefaery @xandriarain and yet I’ve seen people here rail for it being only therapists and people with degrees in the field or training etc. Part of the present company (on occasion) included to the point of complete snobbery ALTHOUGH @xandriarain's case I'm pretty sure it's 100% an accident or unintended BUT it did trigger a return to a topic that I think is extremely important. Yesterday I was trying incredibly hard to avoid the type of posts I'm known for. Today... it's not personal but here it is.
By railing I mean in essence calling everyone else less than etc. I’ll find the links to the comments and posts so we can all be 100% on the same page.
Edit: I did find the links but since I think the comments by @xandriarain aren't meant to be harmful I'm not going to use them to further my argument.
Cuddlefaery im not talking about people outside the US. I’m talking about the isolationist comments, ideas and practices by some here as well as the legal ramifications of toting degree in mental health on a website such as this and not making it perfectly clear you're not licensed EVERY TIME. Some people DO imply it. Hoping someone will stumble upon a previous post where the pro clarifies isn't good either. (NOT DIRECTED AT XANDIRARIAN) (The term cuddle therapist used so often in such context it is harmful) Yes, it’s been said but the qualifications given as to why some cuddlers are better than others do have ramifications in the US and do a disservice both to clients and other pros as well in a way themselves. It’s not just her and I'd argue outside of using the term yesterday and triggering my return to the topic generally it ISN'T HER. But it is others and using the term doesn't help. And it’s become a circus show of being holier than thou crap AND misleading posts on the forums. Not sure which is more bothersome or harmful.
@cuddlefaery There’s a detriment done to both clients and pros. The comment about "cuddle therapists" triggered the topic it is by no means where this topic ends and begins. So yes my own liability is up to me however this isn’t just about me. It’s about pros as a whole, client expectations/ understanding and the people demeaning others. Which happens from particular people CONSTANTLY. I’m going to guess you just stumbled into this and the fact that I held back may not have given you a clear picture. In that case I genuinely hope you have a good day and hugs.
I don’t give a flying flip if you are or are not. The language used and the implications given however…. I’ve got all day for this.
To be clear I'm not upset or dislike either one of you. I actually like @xandriarain quite a bit. Which is why I spent a long time editing yesterday's post down. I was trying to broach the topic gently before. I am sorry for being unclear.
The way cuddle therapist is often used isn't generally a good thing with the exception of some but its iffy altogether these days. I'm sorry your comment was what brought up the topic @xandriarain but I was trying to be succinct but I did leave out a lot and that's because I didn't think most of it applied to you.
I wrote this fast. It is repetitive. I am editing it. Eeek, my paragraphs are all over the place but I do have to go for a bit You get the point. The term triggered it. It isn't her personally. I am now annoyed but it isn't at either of you.
@Charlie_Bear LOL that was sort of a joke, too. But I would think that using too many emojis can convey a level of enthusiasm that might intimidate some x3 Same with using too many exclamations or question marks.
"So, what do you do for a living?"
VS
"So what do you do for a living???"
lol also I see what you did with the emojis, there ~
I'm sorry, but if you list as a pro and at least don't reply to a simple "hello" style message with at least a generic "No thank you" or "I'm sorry I'm not taking new clients at this time." then you shouldn't be asking for money for the service.
Block, mute, report, ban all the creeps, first message or the 100th. But asking to be paid for a service implies some form of mutual adherence to the process if only in the first message, even if it's a no.
No response at all is not professional to me. Heck, I'm not a pro and anyone who has ever messaged me has gotten at least one response. It's not entitlement, it's just common respect and decency for another human. Flat out ignoring someone's inquiry about a paid service you offer for comfort, compassion, healing, etc, etc. is demeaning and a little abusive.
Again, with the HUGE caveat if the first (or any) message is obviously gross, indecent, abusive etc. And obviously it's easy to forget to reply or something comes up or there's a bug in the system. But those moments should be rare.
And I'm not arguing that anyone but me is responsible for my happiness, etc. but if you walk into a store, and the clerk looks at you and just walks into the back without a word, I doubt the store stays in business for long. It's not that I'm entitled to a response from the clerk on a human level, but the presumption of at least a "Hello, how may I help you?" is the societal expectation of that process.
I don't want to feel happy or expect it from a pro's first reply. But I do expect at least the common courtesy of at least any acknowledgement of my existence, even if it's a simple" No thank you". If you can't even be bothered to do that, then how do you expect anyone to believe in anything you post on your bio about compassion and care and kindness and butterflies and happy brain chemicals and blah, blah, blah.
@OnTheJourney - off subject but, bitchin' moustache 👍
@OnTheJourney Glad I’m not the only one who sees the correlation of basic expectations in the workplace & professionalism here. There’s only so many emails you could ignore in a office & there not be action taken.
That said …. I’m all for some leeway here. For the sake of “life getting in the way” (legit reason), harassing falderal & shenanigans, or sheer volume & other logistics. I get it. It’s not a darn factory. This is dealing in personal matters to the core. Some communications take time. Some, you can’t just fire off. Keep the conveyor belt moving. Boundaries gotta be respected all around.
@OnTheJourney the line... "But those moments should be rare."
If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me my shoe size alone... then you have bra size, "hey, baby", "Can we do more than cuddle?" "What do you charge for extras" and the list goes on and on. Its not rare. And in close second or maybe tied are the rude comments or disrespectful. I told someone I was on vacation the other day and the response was, "okay, let me know where ASAP and I'll come to you." That's not something you'd say to anyone in another industry. I replied to it to be clear but come on... that is just a mild show of disrespect for our time. Finally, you have the people who act as if we must have the cuddles and the money from it to survive and therefore we are at the mercy of them and their demands.
Its not cut and dry. Its not demeaning. For you maybe if you write appropriate messages but like I said before 1/2 of what we get (even from some of the commenters complaining ) is messed up. And they are taking an "I'm the victim" standpoint because they haven't gotten a message back and" I'm so angry about it" POV. I've had people spam my inbox with increasingly rude and inappropriate messages. One of the commenters here is in fact guilty of this. I try to respond to every message.... but yeah...the agreement for the service does not come from putting yourself out there for a service.... Not in our industry. Not in most. Its the booking that implies a promise and the service that renders the care.
We are also not the only industry that receives bad messages and doesn't respond. Or doesn't have the time to. Customer service help desks being one of them. Sometimes they have neither the resources, time, or responsibility to put up with the abuse they receive. Messages get weeded out all the time. This is the only place there is an open format way to express hurt feelings. The emotions are valid but its not on the Pro to take on that responsibility.
Go tell a help desk employee they deeply hurt your feelings. I get that the nature of the job is empathetic but that doesn't mean we have any less of a right to decline service to anyone. (As long as its not for a discriminatory reason). Being too busy to answer being one of them. People who are not my clients are not my responsibility. Do you know how many people on this site? So, yes feelings are hurt... valid to have them... but be an adult... realize this is a service like any other and stop saying its unprofessional.
Other industries that get no complaints over no message and hurt feelings:
Cable television customer service - rage maybe but not personally wounded Senators and the president Lawyers Doctors Carpenters the list goes on...
Go tell your land lord or lawyer you're emotionally hurt because they didn't respond...
You can't both say we are a service like any other the say.... buuuutttttt, you've got to take responsibility for my emotions. One or the other and both aren't the reality of the world.. Empathetic service or not.
Also, I answer all my messages unless they are deeply offensive... I still feel like this right to hand holding stuff is BS.
MAYBE people should have more empathy about providers of services not being their personal servants... that's what I'm getting here. That a lot of the people on this thread treat people in all industries like crap and believe they are OWED something before agreements or service has ever been set up.
@OnTheJourney I wish you would share your views with contractors. I can't tell you how many times I or people I know have contacted plumbers, electricians, tree services, etc. and never heard back (or had them no-show after they have made an appointment).
@WriterGF they at least answered the phone the first time.
@OnTheJourney that's a not always true. Busy pizza places, malls, anywhere....
I think in some cases this needs to be addressed by peoples therapists. There are some skewed expectations maybe stemming from trauma or maybe stemming from entitlement. Some people are hurt. 100% understand but we are not servants here to be at the beck and call of everyone. NO ONE IS. or rather should be.
To whom this may concern: Be an adult. GD
@OnTheJourney
But those moments should be rare.
You are not a female so let me help you out here. They are NOT rare, not by a longshot. It's no coincidence that a majority of the guys who come here to complain about not receiving timely responses to their inquiries typically end up banned.
To be clear being hurt is understandable. I am truly sorry you are. Expressing that hurt here 100%. I understand that too. I wish you didn't have to.
Saying you're owed a response and being aggressive about it/ blaming others... that's what I take issue to. See above for more detail on that.
I think some attitudes on this site from people being hostile about not getting messages back etc is entitlement. You want to view pros as self employed service providers who should respond then sure thats your thoughts and you're entitled to them . Where folks cross the line is when they want to start talking like they are their employees who work for them. Like they are the boss and their employees aren't doing what they are supposed to do and must be punished for it. They want retribution. And start threads and post their names and personal details because of something that they did or didnt do that irked them. And assassinate their character. And pretend like this is actually the single most important thing that they have going in their lives and want to blame an interwebs cuddle stranger for ruining their day. I get called a meanie all the time for not crying along and patting their backs for not getting what they want, but really, just grow the hell up people.
To be clear, this is a general sentiment and is not directed towards anybody specific
I love trying to converse on boards sometimes. /s
I'm not asking for anything other than a simple, "No thank you" or "I'm not interested", then if you feel they will likely reply or you just don't want to deal with it after that then block them. I don't understand how this has now turned into a whole big issue.
If someone can't see that all I'm asking for is a little bit of courtesy and nothing more than I don't know how to reach you. I'm willing to learn, but hearing things like "be an adult" , or that a man can never understand being harassed and/or assaulted, or presuming a mental illness or condition like it's a pejorative simply for having an opinion even slightly contrary to yours does not put anyone in a good state to learn or understand.
Let me try to clear up my position.
IF you get a creepy message, hit report and block.
IF you get flooded with just "Hello" type messages then put on your profile that you only will respond to thoughtful and complete messages. Then block the "Hey hru" people.
IF they send you a nice message, but you still get a creep vibe or whatever, block them.
IF you are too busy to reply within x number of days, simply say so on your profile.
IF something comes up or you forget or whatever, sometimes that happens and that's just life for all of us. (the rare part I was mentioning).
IF someone sends you a thoughtful greeting and you don't want them for whatever reason, or don't even feel like talking to them, just send a simple, "No thank you" and then block them.
That's all I'm saying. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not because of your gender, or any other stat that I feel entitled to a small courtesy if I send a nice message, it's because we are all humans and it's polite. And if you are expecting me to pay for your time, then I expect you to treat me like a human as well.
Also, please do not assume I think anyone on this thread is rude specifically or purposely trying to ghost people. I am simply trying to offer an opinion on how we could make the communication here better. And I'm 100% fine with it not being a good idea too. I'm wrong a lot and love to learn from it. And don't use the "you're on the internet so you should be tough enough to handle being treated in any way we want to treat you" nonsense. That's an awful way to treat someone and to go through life.
If you’re going to complain about being rejected, I guess none of you have ever rejected anyone yourselves? If you have, it’s possible it was for the same reason you were rejected. And if it was for appearance? I believe most of you who are Enthusiasts have said appearance plays a big part in how you choose someone. So it happens to everyone, we all have a choice. As a Pro, I cuddle with everyone who seems legit and safe. I don’t care about appearance. I also accept the fact that not everyone wants to cuddle with me, even when I wasn’t going to charge!! It’s LIFE. Why can’t people accept what they can’t change? I don’t even get my feelings hurt for a second anymore lol.
I’m gonna take the unpopular opinion here and I’m gonna say I agree with @OnTheJourney I don’t see his messages as complaining I think he’s just sharing his thoughts and opinions about communication. Now whether or not one agrees I don’t think he should be attacked for it. And there’s probably actually a lot of other people that probably feel and think the same way that he does to be honest. Does that make him or anyone else for feeling that way a bad person I think not. How is anyone ever going to learn or change if they think that they’re always right. If someone says they feel rejected because of something and then another person tells them well no that’s not rejection. It’s like that person is dictating how the other person should feel or react I think that’s a really sad way to condemn someone let people share their feelings and their thoughts, and if you don’t agree, move on, maybe share some advice, but don’t attack them
If I send someone a message, they can choose how they want to respond, if at all. Doesn’t matter if they are an enthusiast or pro. I also think people are severely underestimating how many messages women get on here. Don’t take being ignored personally.
@lonelytauros then don’t call pros abusive for not responding… that would be what got the responses at least from me. And acting like we rarely get awful messages so we should answer them all. Step into our shoes. I do have empathy for those who feel rejected I give no….about entitlement and treating others like servants bound to wait on you no matter how understated the comment. You can say you’re not entitled in one breath then turn around the next and do the exact thing. I’ll empathize with others and I do. Just because messages can be understated doesn’t mean they are any less offensive than the things I post. Feelings, thoughts… general mistreatment of others.
I’m overt doesn’t mean the people I’m offending are any less guilty of the thing I’m calling them out for. And I’d argue at least I’m honest. I’m not trying to sugar coat and downplay my involvement in thinking of others a certain way. Maybe we shouldn’t mistake politeness as being the same thing as nice. They don’t play nice I don’t plain as that. Be nicer seems to be the theme. Don’t attack etc… reread stuff and tell me if you can see no way even with the mild mannered language the post wasn’t highly offensive. On a side note telling me to be kinder and have empathy for crap people spew…will never work. Sit down play nice little girl will never work on me. Others have tried so far batting a zero average. Don’t be offensive and you won’t get a response.
That said: I don’t think your comment was offensive. I think the other one was.
AND @OnTheJourney the mental illness comment was actually about the general way the people with the standpoint act. Not your comment. As offensive as I found your first comment the second was well written and I appreciate your POV more.
@carrieanne i agree with you. I hope people know that in no way ties her to my opinion.
If you don't understand yet, let's keep it brief.
No one is entitled to anything in regards to a response or frankly anything in life. Though hey, it is nice when we can. 💕
I try to confirm I'm not here trying to ignore ANYONE, 🤣👌🏻
however I am not glued to my phone and I'm not going to apologize for it. I can work 100+ hours a week sometimes between cuddling, traveling, and my day job at the law office.
My only request is: be KIND.
Be kind to YOURSELF first, I know it's hard when someone doesn't get back to you/if at all....
and be kind to OTHERS, especially if you know you didn't do anything wrong in said message, ECT....then don't take it so personally.
Happy cuddling everyone and remember, you may not be everyone's cup of tea but you may be someone's shot of whiskey. 🥂😆
@EarthlyAngel003 haha, I am so guilty of using emojis and exclamation points, I must come off as a very excited person
@OnTheJourney there was a block of text about my response scroll to the bottom for what I think of your second message. I’m not taking down what I thought of the first BUT I do get where YOU personally are coming from now. Ty. I read it after responding to the comment below yours.
@OnTheJourney Keep in mind no one on here really knows anyone else. Sometimes a "Thanks, not interested" will suffice ... other times, it will provoke dozens of progressively angrier messages demanding to know why. It's called "engage and enrage." Pros or enthusiasts who have experienced that probably are in no rush to experience it again.
Although in hiring a pro I would be retaining someone's services, I treat it like applying for a job. Most times, you put in the effort to reach out and hear nothing back and it does get depressing at times. But it's life online. Happens on dating sites, happens here, happens all over the net. A pro might have 300 messages in their inbox and never even saw yours. My advice is if it really upsets you, maybe this isn't the way to try and meet people.
@stormydaycuddle I’m not sure if you read my post or someone else’s but I don’t remember ever mentioning pros as being abusive? I also never “acted” or said that pros don’t get bad or awful messages. I would be unable to step into your shoes and try to experience what you have that would be unrealistic, so I never claim to understand or feel what you’re going through. Because I can’t. I don’t expect anyone to be my servant. A lot of your statements I do apologize just do not make sense to me. Again, I never said that I was entitled or not entitled, so I don’t understand why you’re trying to put words into my mouth. I’m not telling anyone to be kind or have empathy that’s going to come from the person within. They have it in them or they don’t. I’m not telling you to play nice and honestly I’m not even telling you how to play at all you can do you. You can play however you wanna play that’s fine with me.
@lonelytauros the post you were defending did. I apologize for not being clear. I was explaining why I said what I said to him. That’s why I put that your post wasn’t offensive. Also I appreciate his next post so much more. So there's that...and usually I don't have a problem with him or you. I'm not going to tag him again because he must have over a dozen tags by now and that might interfere with his day.
This was heartbreaking to read... Unfortunately, I understand and it looks like a lot of other people do too. Rejection online - not just on this website - is so common that it's just accepted, but we should really take the time to remind each other it's okay and not to feel bad about yourself. Their loss is someone else's gain!
When I first signed up on CC, I hadn't really considered that pros receive hundreds, if not thousands, of emails. Personally, I would lose interest in responding to them all. Many, if not most, would go unanswered, if it were me. Also, I think many guys on here see a reply of "no" or "no, thank you" as an invitation to continue messaging the pro. I think most guys will move on quicker if they don't receive a reply at all.
You guys do know Santa doesn't respond to every message either right? I'd argue that the people who write him deserve a response even more. LOL. Like WTH.
And again I think your emotions and hurt are valid. Still think its not fair to call us abusive for not giving a response. Look at Miss A's inbox for an example.... its just not realistic.
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
-garth