Setting expectations for responses

[Deleted User]1_teddybear (deleted user)
in General

I am new here. Just created an account and, not knowing anyone I am wondering what I should expect as an older male. I've seen mentioned somewhere on the forums that there are more men here than women. So should I expect not to get any responses for a month or so? Should I put in time to try to impress someone with my profile? A little heads up would be appreciated.

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Comments

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    I wouldn't expect a response for years, depending on the number of people who live around you of course.

    If you're the type of person who can get frustrated when your input of effort does not match what you get in return I would put very little effort in. Since this is most people that's my advice. Low effort and expect nothing at all.

    I am not saying give up though. Just use the site passively. If something happens to come along then cool.

  • [Deleted User]1_teddybear (deleted user)

    Thank you for your insight. I know how to be patient, though if I am going about things in an unhelpful way, it's good to get a course correction. In any case, the fact that 15 people viewed the post and you're the only one that responded so far tells me a little about how people respond, at least in the short term. Would you mind having a longer conversation about your experiences here? I would appreciate your further insights.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl
    edited March 2023

    Don't expect much. I'm a man almost 20 years older than you are, so that might make a difference.

    Last week, I hit a bonanza. In a two day period, 4 new female enthusiasts joined, all within 50 miles of me. I wrote to each one of them, within hours of their profile appearing. I didn't just say hi, but I wasn't pushy either. I introduced myself, noted anything that we might have in common, ans asked if they would like to chat.

    I wasn't expecting much, because I probably average around one response for every 20 - 25 messages. All 4 of these messages went out at least 5 days ago. The score? Zero replies and even (so far) zero visits to my profile.

    If you're writing to pros, you should expect to have a much better ROI.

  • OnTheJourneyOnTheJourney

    It's always a good idea to have a good profile. Doesn't have to be long, just something to give a person an idea of who you are in general, hobbies, books or movies you like and maybe a clear reason you are searching for cuddles.

    Also if you don't want to use your picture on your profile, that's fine but one does help. If not, mention in your profile you will send a face pic via private messages only.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl
    edited March 2023

    I would disagree with @OnTheJourney. If you put in a minimum amount of effort, you will most certainly see a minimum result

    I should add one other thing. Of those women who visit my profile after I message them, I would guess that roughly 1 out of four reply. If anything, that probably indicates that there is probably some value in having a long, detailed profile, with lots of photos.

    Being an engineer myself, I'm well aware that the profession isn't exactly known for attracting people who like to write, but your profile is a bit on the sparse side. You would probably benefit for expanding it, at least a little.

  • [Deleted User]1_teddybear (deleted user)

    Thank you guys very much for your responses. This does allow me to temper my expectations.

  • [Deleted User]CuddlelessinLB (deleted user)
    edited March 2023

    Honestly, I’m more likely to respond to a message that consists more than just a “hello beautiful” “hey, wanna cuddle?” I prefer a respectful greeting with a little bit about the person or some indication that they read my profile. Then, when I check their profile, I hope to see that they’ve written something. Doesn’t have to be an autobiography, but more than just, “I like to cuddle.”

    I do believe that the amount of effort put in will determine the QUALITY of responses you’ll get. Notice I didn’t say QUANTITY, because you just can’t tell who will and won’t respond, but putting in some effort will get you a better bite than putting no effort in at all.

    My $.02, for what they’re worth. 🤷🏽‍♀️

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous
    edited March 2023

    Mmmm.... My favorite.

    When someone sends a booking request instead of a genuine message first before it.

    The cherry on it is same day bookings.

    We all have different ways of feeling less than we are when we get a response/no response from someone. It's natural, but don't stay in that feeling.

    Listen, most connections, online or otherwise, take time to cultivate.

    Focus on quality vs. quantity and you, too, will have positive results. Eventually.

    If you feel burdened with not connecting with an enthusiast, that's why us professionals are here to help. 😊

    PS: a detailed profile is key, a picture is bonus but it will get more responses at the end of the day than an anonymous profile with a blue picture.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @CuddlelessinLB - Two small quibbles: If a person has a well written profile, chock full of information about him of herself, there isn't much reason to duplicate that in an initial message.

    Also, it's tough to indicate the you've read their profile when their "About Me" consists of one or two trite lines, or worse, is a big blank space. Off hand, that's true of well over half of female enthusiast's profiles. I haven't read enough men's profiles know.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    A woman is more likely to notice your message if you write a short friendly paragraph and initial photo.
    This shows you took time & you’re serious about finding a cuddle buddy. Maybe write a sentence about what’s important to you.
    If you say why you chose her to message, keep it simple clean - maybe that she looks warm and caring and a certain photo she has and something in profile.
    Of course always include a photo and your expression is important. Kind, open smile, clothed of course, shoulder’s face at least. Have a female take it if possible!
    Casual comfortable. Remember this is about friends. Not dating, not sex!
    This would make me feel good about talking and cuddling with you. As an Enthusiast or Pro.
    I have more ideas, so please write if you need more help! 😊🤗

  • [Deleted User]CuddlelessinLB (deleted user)

    @GreatHornedOwl You’re correct in that it’s hard to indicate if you’ve read someone’s profile if it’s blank or has a line or two, but I was speaking from my own perspective, and what it is I look for. I know my profile has meat to it and also has some very specific criteria/boundaries, so if you message me with something that goes against those, I’m already not going to respond.

    I hardly expect all women or men to behave this way, I was just giving my opinion on what I respond to and appreciate in someone who messages me.

  • [Deleted User]CuddlelessinLB (deleted user)

    Yes to everything @carrieanne said! 👍🏽

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited March 2023

    @CuddlelessinLB ditto!! I only elaborated on yours. Sincerity, honesty non threatening is so important!!
    Edited to add that your profile photo is really nice! @1_teddybear

  • Vintage_EmbraceVintage_Embrace

    Ok @1_teddybear

    Hi 👋 and welcome to CC. Your profile is leaps above others. Never doubt your genuine intentions. This site is Platonic cuddling and friendship….if you message someone and they do not respond. Do not take it personal!!
    It is not you…. it is them.

    The ball is in their court and tbh they have probably been traumatized by MANY before you. Please grant us “pros” with grace because we are weeding thru many bad apples 🍏 & amazingly negative dumps.

    I have diligently tried to respond to everyone that has messaged me, but some of the intentions and profiles that are so light & Messages so bizarre AND /or have no photograph are difficult for us to process.

    Intentions and honestly are key !

    With that I think you have a great profile ( an outside pic or pic with being in your natural state … no sunglasses, clear face & backgrounds)

    and if you reach out to someone and they do not respond MoveOn, there are many that are genuine and that are respectable that will reply to you

    and those that aren’t maybe they’ve been injured in the process of being on this site and or apprehensive due to trauma.

    Many pros have been thru trauma. This is why you need to grant us space & grace. Time and respect of a basic picture and read our Toc before reaching out.

    It’s a very difficult process to read through the masses of bad intentions that are sent to us. And it is mentally exhausting. Physically exhausting and hurts our cuddling abilities.

    And so we have to not be traumatized by it but it’s very hard to not be and also on your side it’s hard to not be as well.

    But I would definitely thank you for being upfront, honest and genuine self.

    That is what you want to be in order to get what you want to receive. Golden Rule ethics. They are a two way street.

    Grown adults being platonic and spreading love 💕 and healing through cuddling and friendship is … for lack of a better word… theBEST “drug” aka healing and what this is all about.

    I love and value everyone I’ve met and unfortunately , everyone whom has wasted my time , scared me and those whom have been genuine.

    I have lost time, money and felt threatened by so many on this site.(why I never comment on blogs) Grant us “pros” respect and space to process your inquiries.

    Again, if they do not respond, they are busy, they are traumatized, or they just are not going to respond to you specifically. I cannot speak for them.

    But I can speak for myself that if someone is honest and genuine and upfront, that means more to me than having to have” a project client” reach out with ill intentions.

    I am here for cuddles 🥰 🤗and respect ✊. Wish you lived closer. I’d cuddle you and enjoy it because you are HONEST & UPFRONT.

    Like I said, on my profile, it is not a random errand to run in the dark .

    Own your stuff- lead with it .. and you WILL find the rights cuddle 🤗 connections.

  • [Deleted User]1_teddybear (deleted user)

    Thank you ladies for the advice and encouragement.

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)

    @1_teddybear I'd say please have a profile that tells other members something about yourself (hobbies, interests, personality). I'm relatively new here and tweak mine based on messages received and board topics. It's fairly lengthy but it covers pretty much anything I can think of so it saves me and other members time.

    As for expectations for responses, I'd say not to have any. There are just so many reasons people may not respond that it's best not to take it personally.

    If you do choose to reach out to someone, please read their profile thoroughly and ensure your message reflects that. It's a red flag to people when messages show someone disregarded your preferences/boundaries.

    The boards are a wealth of information and you can also reach out to moderators if you have any questions or would like advice. I hope your time on CC is a positive experience 😊

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited March 2023

    I've been told before when conversing with someone here that they are looking to chat with people closer to their age. Not really something that bothered or offended me ,as there are many more folks here to talk to .

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @SunshineHug - I enjoyed reading your post. It is filled with wonderful advice for me and for all the rest of the men on CC. You combined the little pieces of advice given by many other women. Assuming that you're typical (you are aren't you?), we now know just what the typical woman wants to see from us. It's wonderful. If only it would work.

    I've done everything that you tell us to do. My profile has 9 paragraphs that describe both me, and what I'm looking for in a cuddle partner. Additionally, it has a poem that I wrote. It isn't great poetry, but it does express my views on cuddling. Additionally, my profile has 7 photos of me and a copy of my Covid Vaccination card.

    My initial messages are never overly terse or pushy. If her profile actually says anything, I'll make sure to find a way to refer to it, I never ask to cuddle, or even to meet. I always include an invitation to chat. Guess what. It doesn't work. For one thing, I've found that out of 10 to 15 messages that I send, only one of them will visit my profile, and I have no idea how many actually read it all.

    I know that I'm older than most men here, so my experience may not be quite typical, but from what I hear, it's not all that far off. So, my question is this: If the commonly given, and logical sounding advice produces such abysmal results, is there some secret that does work?

  • Vintage_EmbraceVintage_Embrace

    @GreatHornedOwl Thank you for your insight and journey of CC chat experiences. 😊🤗

    Again I cannot speak for all Pros.

    Think of it as different Etsy stores.
    You send a chat regarding communication, are clear and have a picture because that’s case level expectation.
    The seller does not ever respond.
    Plus the bank for Etsy just lost money …like billions of dollars. So they are freaking out!

    It’s not a well run shop.
    Only one message sent? I’d send again & politely inquire. We are all adults on here but so many are working thru stuff. Hence the elevated need for human connection!

    Maybe it’s buried due to massive text from other curious 🧐 clients or community members.

    Maybe they are afraid of 🦉 Owls. Tee hee 😂

    Maybe they need a break

    Maybe they are just not wanting to deal or communicate at bare minimum because a request to purchase is not there and not “worth” the two small minutes to respond. (Which is rude. IMO.)

    When I talk to someone in person, eye contact is made & I set my expectations of a conversation….if they look at their phone … I stop talking.

    I try to respond to every message especially those well written with punctuation & words that are coherent peaks into their thought process.

    Again. Roll out with your true self.

    The what ifs will bring you down as well. It’s not worth the extra therapy work 😆 but if they are a consistent source of cuddling and don’t respond to you because their shop is whack ; come to me. 🥰🤗We will work it out.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @GreatHornedOwl my current theory is that a significant proportion of active women never reply to any messages at all, or so few as to be statistically insignificant.

  • _marC_marC

    dont

  • Midnight01Midnight01

    It's 99% pro site. Just deal with it and accept it. Don't worry about how jazzed your profile looks or how many photos you have on it guys. Your wasting your time and energy with that because the if there are female enthusiasts out there, odds are they will be extremely picky and cuddle men in their age range. As long as you have the bucks and are clean, the pros are out there.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    You're off to a good start. Once I got a friend and karma, it started a roll. I then went through several until landing on a steady cuddler. All it takes is one. I've been here since 2018 and I've never paid for a cuddle. My cuddle needs are met. It happens @1_teddybear

  • jintxjintx

    @greathornedowl I think you're shooting yourself in the foot with the included poem. It's a little too intimate of a look, and your last stanza throws red flags to an already-wary population. You had me till that point, but then I'd have noped out

  • netrunnernetrunner Mod

    To have the best chance of getting responses, here are some helpful tips:

    1. Upload at least 1-2 photos to your profile. Saving them to send in a message, either through the site or outside of the site, comes off as thinking this site is for non-platonic services while trying to remain discreet
    2. Fill out your bio complete with who you are, maybe some interests or hobbies, and even what brought you to the site
    3. When searching for site members to message, be sure at minimum you set the filter to only show people active within the last month though I'd really recommend within the last week
    4. When messaging people, DO NOT send a copy/paste messages to every person in the search results
    5. When messaging people, take the time to read their profile, not just look at the photos, and send something telling a little about yourself and maybe commenting about something they mentioned in their profile. Keep the initial message under 5 sentences and use proper punctuation
    6. When messaging Pros, know some Pros at any time can have 10-50 messages from different people every day all trying to talk with them, some wasting their time and others serious about booking a session and it's not always obvious which they are. If you send a message to someone, give them time to respond which could be days. Just because you saw they were online 15 minutes after you messaged them doesn't mean they got to your message. If you message someone, wait, then message them again, the newest message forces your conversation basically to the back of the line as being new instead of hours or days old when the first message was sent. Pros tend to look at the oldest, new messages first.

    These should get you started and from the few comments I read above some other good advice was given too.

  • jintxjintx

    @1_teddybear , what you have now is effective. You could flesh it out more, but you've got enough there that I would reply were you local

    Your pics convey your warmth well-good choice there

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    It's kind of weird that people are replying with tips on how to get responses from pros. It seems clear that OP is messaging enthusiasts. While it's common for pros not to reply, it's not that hard to get some replies. Send polite messages to 5+ pros and you'll very likely get some replies. (On the other hand, the fact that people feel the need to give tips on how to get small business owners to reply to a potential client says a lot about how strange the cuddle scene is.)

    OP, although it is definitely not impossible to find enthusiasts on this site to cuddle, I don't recommend it. Many men find it difficult to meet women regardless of the context, but you're not making it any easier by looking on a site where men outnumber women by a factor of 10x or 20x.

  • taco_libretaco_libre

    it’s 2023: all we can expect is for people to jump up and down on tiktok and order a cheese pizza

    a response is setting the bar high

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @CuddleDuncan - You may very well be right. I've been wondering if that thought too, but then I keep wondering, if they don't ever respond, why are they here.

    @jintx - Thank you. You could have a point there. I do believe that almost all men have an urge to kiss the woman that they're cuddling with. The well behaved men, those who belong on CC, are those who are able to suppress those urges.

    I'm thinking that I should rework that final couplet.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesInWI (deleted user)

    @MissAdventurous

    In fairness to people new to the site there is no way to “Message” a professional.

    Everything is about booking, and when you first click the “Request to Book” option (again, not “Message this Pro” or even “Get started with this Pro”) the new user is hit with two pop up pages of the “Don’t Do This” lists.

    It’s intimidating, and in my experience with professionals, small talk is usually discouraged, beyond the “It’s nice to meet you” and “Thanks for taking a moment” variety.

    But, there are ton of posts about how the user experience here could be better, and I don’t think going into greater detail is terribly helpful.

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