@CuddleWho
OP, although it is definitely not impossible to find enthusiasts on this site to cuddle, I don't recommend it. Many men find it difficult to meet women regardless of the context, but you're not making it any easier by looking on a site where men outnumber women by a factor of 10x or 20x.
True, but these women are here to cuddle. That's way different than the general public. Anyone who keeps at it here on the enthusiast scene will eventually find someone who approximates the emotional, spiritual, mental, and social skills that they themselves possess.
@PeopleLikeUs I think a lot of people do not have the patience to invest the time and energy and wade through all the rejection from enthusiasts to try and find one.
@1_teddybear Are you hoping for an enthusiast or willing to pay a Pro.
Enthusiasts in SE Michigan/ Greater Detroit are like unicorns. Especially true if you are a male over 50
@PeopleLikeUs
True, but these women are here to cuddle. That's way different than the general public.
Maybe. I'm not sure. My personal experience with enthusiasts doesn't really support the notion that they're generally here for platonic cuddling. But I acknowledge that my experience may not be the same as everyone's.
Anyone who keeps at it here on the enthusiast scene will eventually find someone who approximates the emotional, spiritual, mental, and social skills that they themselves possess.
Given that we've had quite a few posts from people who seem like decent people but who haven't found a cuddle buddy in years of trying, I don't think this statement is supported by the facts.
@CharlestheLame You are so right. If you look at a Pro's page because she's posting in the forums, you'll get a one line message that tries not to sound like a sales pitch, but it's definitely an overture...not for conversation but a prompt booking.
Seeing these tips and ideas is quite the education. But perhaps there's a reason why it is so difficult for guys. Any enthusiast that does find a cuddle partner or two that they are happy with has no reason to continue with the site, male or female. So the site is left with pros and those who have not yet succeeded in finding someone.
" the site is left with pros and those who have not yet succeeded in finding someone."
Um....what? 😲
I think something people tend to forget about is that preferences are subjective and that what one person finds appealing about a profile or initial message, another person may find to be off-putting. Sure, you may get some sort of general consensus type answers, but here is what it boils down to: if you are not getting the type of responses you are seeking, repeatedly, then something needs to change.
I have observed over my years of socializing on the internet that there tends to be two main issues when people are not getting the desired responses to their profiles/messages:
Problem 1: they are seeking the the wrong type of person, or perhaps the people they are looking at don't align with WHAT they are looking for They may have a fantasy image in their head of who their idealized partner is that is unrealistic, and so chances of any person in reality checking all the boxes is next to impossible. Alternatively, perhaps they keep seeking the same type of people, not recognizing the incompatibility with the vision they have for what they want. You need to make sure that you know what it is you are seeking from cuddling first, and then make sure that the type of cuddling partner you are seeking supports that vision. If you are wanting calm, relaxing cuddles on a regular schedule a young college student with a hectic life and difficulty slowing down is probably not the best pick. Are there exceptions? Sure, but if you're only seeking young, fast paced partners then you're going to struggle getting them to align with your schedule consistently which can lead to frustration and disconnect. The primary reason most people, especially younger people, seek partners roughly around their own age bracket is because they recognize how much being in the same life phase can impact scheduling, priorities, etc.
Problem 2: they are seeking the right people, but in the wrong places or via the wrong methods Perhaps they have broadened their parameters, have made sure their cuddle priorities and cuddle partner ideals align...but now they are shooting themselves in the foot by how they're going about contacting people. If you're wanting to talk to someone who hates newer technology, online platforms isn't the best way to go - you'd be better off attending in-person events. By that same token, if say your ideal cuddle partner is someone who speaks straight and to the point and you write long verbose profiles and intro messages....you're going to lose them quickly.
One thing I highly recommend is getting direct profile feedback from someone who is similar to the type of person you are seeking. General profile feedback is great, but it's even better if it's from your target audience so to speak.
You can carefully ask people to give you feedback privately on your profile/messaging style, but realize that 1) they may or may not respond, and 2) if they do it may not be what you want to hear - and if it isn't do not take it out on them. It is their opinion only, not some great personal insult. They did you a favor and did exactly what you asked, so take a breath and thank them, and then decide what if anything you can use from what they said.
Rejection sucks, but reframing most of it as just plain incompatibility or constructive criticism from which to grow goes a long way towards a better experience both online and off.
I know misery loves company, which is evidenced by the amount of threads and posts about this topic, however I'd say that it is actually not as difficult as it's made out to be to make genuine connections with people on here . The ones who are jaded seem to be the most vocal and other "me toos" kinda chime in and echo the sentiment. But for me it's not exactly been like this. Sometimes the effort, attitude, and energy you put out is what you get in return.
@pmvines , thank you for that encouraging news. Can you tell me roughly how many enthusiast cuddlers you have met on this site?
@1_teddybear read his karma.
@pmvines has spent a few weekends at my farm sometimes on his way through to somewhere else. Sometimes just to see me.
I have also been a guest of his right before Christmas last year on a trip taking me in his direction.
Sometimes the people you click best with are not local. My absolute best cuddle guy lives almost 850 miles away.
We make plans to take longer weekends and vacations that allow us to spend chunks of time together despite the distance. Working on bucket list plans for trips two years out now.
Like with any friendships, some people just click with another. And damn between these two cuddle members I have hit the jackpot with such genuine, fun respectful men.
Enthusiasts, at least in my case, chose to build a friendship that includes cuddles and shared time with people we vibe with.
@KYtransplant , so cool. Now I see some people who are getting a lot out of this. Very encouraging
yeah, I agree with what @pmvines posted. The members who have challenges meeting people here seem to me more vocal on forums than the ones who are actually meeting folks. Nothing wrong or right about it I think. Its just forum posts on the few sites I am on the negativity gets posted more than positivity. I think that's the nature of public forums.
And I'm a broken record on this topic that the vast, vast majority of members don't post on the forums. So in my opinion the forum threads are a tiny response and reflection of the CC Community. There are several hundred thousand members I believe on CC, and what maybe a couple hundred of us post somewhat regularly here?
@KYtransplant Have to agree with you on the long-distance partner. While my ideal cuddle buddies would be closer so we could meet more often, someone recently messaged me that lives quite far away (visits family near me from time to time though). They've been nothing but respectful and friendly - and it's been one of the most in-depth communications I've had with anyone here.
Just one of those times where you automatically click. When that happens, I'm completely comfortable with considering someone far away as a cuddle partner. Honestly, they're such a refreshing personality, I'd be happy having them as an online friend even if we never meet.
@1_teddybear honestly dont.have a count but it's.beem a decent amount. , some have been one.offs while others have been close friends who I keep in touch with and see whenever feasible. Even those who I haven't met are still worthwhile connections though .
@TigerFan To answer your question. I am not in the market for a pro. I would like to find a nearby enthusiast.
@TigerFan - Being unwilling to pay a Pro, may have nothing to do with money. Rather, it has to do with the nature of the relationship. I pay my lawyer, and my doctor, and my plumber, and my auto mechanic. In each cast, they are the pro, and I am the client. I don't want to pay a pro to be her client. I believe that cuddling should be between two people who are (at least temporarily) of equal status.
@KYtransplant - I really shouldn't complain so much about not being unable to find a cuddle partner so far. In that respect, I have two significant handicaps that (at least) most men here don't share. The first is my age, and while I don't view that as a handicap, it seem that many of the ladies do.
My second handicap is that my situation at home makes both travel and hosting almost impossible. I have become friends with several women who have invited me to visit them for a cuddle, but the nearest one was over 300 miles away. I had some tentative offers from some women (you among them) to the visit here, but for one reason or another, none of them worked out.
Sooner or later, my luck will change. I've been talking to one woman who lives about 900 miles away, but who plans to be around here later this year, and we are planning to meet. To all you guys who are having no better luck than I am, but don't have my handicaps, keep trying.
@GreatHornedOwl For me, paying to cuddle is only partly about money. I want to feel that my cuddles are between two people who are (at least temporarily) of equal status. To me that is part of the greatness of cuddling.
@GreatHornedOwl I'm still game for that road trip on my end!
I unfortunately have to plan my time several weeks out and I know that you are not always able to do that if something comes up short notice like last year.
Working almost 60 hours every week is always a challenge as well.
Not too many understand the demands of my job and responsibilities at home.
That's why for most I have put myself into mute mode for any new contacts.
@KYtransplant - If the opportunity arises again, I would be delighted. I have worked things out so that i wouldn't need more than a one day notice, and often less.
Personally i'm rooting for mr Owl. He has been very patient for his cuddle.
your profile is very inviting, i think you’ll do great !
Something I don't think I will ever understand is the argument that paying a pro to cuddle somehow means the connections are less genuine or less equal. I can understand not having the means, or preferring to not pay when there are enthusiasts available... But the people who complain about there being none nearby or being unable to get matches and then turning around and talking about professional cuddlers like they are lesser humans? It seems insulting to everyone involved.
People do in fact go into jobs that they are passionate and good at not just for the money, but also because if they must work to survive in a capitalist world it might as well be something they enjoy. I hate how people demean artists, teachers, sex workers, manual laborers, and now professional cuddlers as if it's some horrible sin to dare accept money for providing services. If you don't want to pay, then don't...but please consider how you talk about it, because it perpetuates industry stereotypes and misconceptions that are largely based in misogyny and racism (all of these professions being largely comprised of women and ethnic minorities, historically deemed morally corrupt, paid substandard wages for level of education and skill involved, and just generally undervalued).
There is plenty of space for both enthusiasts and pros, and we could all stand to examine if our personal preferences are hedging into biases territory. And if they are, do they warrant some unpacking?
I don't think I will ever understand is the argument that paying a pro to cuddle somehow means the connections are less genuine or less equal
I am all on board with the idea that it's possible to form genuine connections with pro cuddlers, and I think some of the people who think otherwise should give it a try. However, it shouldn't be hard to understand this argument. If someone genuinely enjoys my company, looks forward to it, has some level of genuine affection for me... Why in the world do I have to pay her to get her to spend time with me? It's possible to find workable answers to this question, but still "Friends don't have to pay each other for their time" is a perfectly reasonable position to take.
I hate how people demean ... now professional cuddlers as if it's some horrible sin to dare accept money for providing services
Who demeaned professional cuddlers? Do you find someone not wanting your services to be demeaning? I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you don't hire pro cuddlers. Why is someone else's choice not to hire pro cuddlers offensive to you?
@mimtheplantmom If you were refering to me. Thank you very much for the vote of confidence
@cuddlefaery - I don't know why that should be difficult to understand. Its a matter of status. I don't have equal relationships with my lawyer or my plumber, or my doctor, or my auto mechanic, etc.. In each case, they are the pro, and I am their client. I don't see any reason to think that a relationship with a pro cuddler would be any different.
A pro cuddler may very likely be a more skilled and more practiced cuddler than any enthusiast that I might ever find, but that isn't what I want in a cuddle partner. Despite my father and brother having been lawyers, I haven't the slightest idea of how to draw up a contract, but I expect my lawyer to know that. I have no idea which of the cylinders in my engine is number 1, so there's no way that I could set the timing, but I surely expect my mechanic to know that stuff.
I barely know one cuddle position from the next, and I don't really care if my cuddle partner knows them either. I really don't want to cuddle with a woman who knows 10 times as much as I do about cuddling. I don't want to be a client in a cuddle relationship. I want to cuddle in a relationship where the man and the woman are of equal status.
My experiences with pros vs pros could be summarized like this:
I am fortunate enough to have a job doing something that I would be willing to do for free. Getting paid just means that I get to do it regularly, and don't have to get a job doing something I dislike.
My job gives me endless opportunities to show care and compassion for people who are experiencing deep pain, and the feedback says that I do it well. As much as I like it, I need to also care for myself.
When I cuddle, it's usually with a pro. The relationship while cuddling is asymmetrical, and I usually want it to be that way. My cuddle experiences with pros have exceeded my expectations almost every time, and I know that these pros will understand what I've said about my own work.
For the few times I've cuddled with a non-pro, it has been the result of many conversations, and a mutual connection. Those cuddle sessions are more symmetrical, and I like it that way too.
If it was about money, one might argue that my time investment with a non-pro is worth more than the financial investment with a pro. In both cases, I've found the return on my investments to be spectacularly satisfactory.
TL;DR
One cannot accurately compare or contrast two kinds of experiences without having tried both.
@JoyfulHeart that is the best argument for cuddling with a pro that i've heard articulated so far.
@Midnight01 posted: "if there are female enthusiasts out there, odds are they will be extremely picky and cuddle men in their age range."
Female enthusiast, here. I cuddle within my age range... 20 - 120. 😉 That's my posted preference. In reality, the youngest I've cuddled was 18 and the oldest was 74 at the time. Both are amazing people who I still adore and can't wait to meet up with, again. Age doesn't matter; personality and emotional maturity does.
~ Sunset Snuggles
I don't think about the money. It's rare to non-existent that a reminder surfaces. It may be different if a Pro does this work full time . My experience is that most are PTers.