Would be nice if the forum participation allowed for spherical input. Seems to only allow for 2D experience.
I prefer X, Y, and Z axis. Seems we only have X and Z perspectives allowed in forums. Totally incomplete reflection of reality but just one opinion!
(copy and pasted from the thread where I posted it in error. Mea culpa 😅)
I'd like to request / urge the developers remove sapiosexual from the list of available sexualities - or at the very least replace it with a more inclusive option (or the option to type in our own).
Sapiosexuality tends to be defined and used in one of two ways, both of which present their own problems.
Definition 1 -
to only or primarily be attracted to people of high intelligence (and by extension not attracted to people of low intelligence) This one is based off of racist, classist, ableist, and sexist ideas of what intelligence actually is, and is entirely western Euro-centric. It is hugely used as a form of elitism and virtue signaling, and others/dehumanizes people who have learning disabilities, autism, lower IQ, less formal education, or who are not from Western European countries. Multiple meta studies have shown that IQ tests are unreliable long-term, cross-culturally, and cannot be reproduced when controls are in place to adapt for cultural and language differences. Any supposedly scientific measuring system that cannot be confirmed by reproduction is considered low quality data at best, pseudoscience at worst.
Definition 2 -
to primarily be attracted to the meeting of minds, connecting with a person's values, ways of communicating, and ideas. Being "attracted to brains rather than bodies" This definition actually is a misunderstanding of the terminology, and a new word was coined specifically to describe this form of romantic/sexual attraction and distinguish it from sapiosexual. The interior landscape of someone's mind is called their noetiscape, thus someone who is primarily attracted to people for their minds could identify as being noetisexual. Most people who use sapiosexual are probably intending to communicate the concept of noetisexual, but they did not have adequate terminology and latched on to the first and most popular one the heard thanks to dating apps and social media.
Intelligence and the mind are not the same thing. The first is a qualitative measurement of a person's ability to aquire and apply knowledge and skills - but how we conceptualize and evaluate those processes is based off of white male European colonizers who were explicitly practicing eugenics with the goal to "breed out unintelligence" as they defined it - in other words to make a master race that looks and acts like them. Sound familiar?
The mind is not able to be so easily defined or measured. It is a subjective experience for each person, and thus can be expressed in as many different ways as there are people. It is the part of the human experience that has thoughts, orders and expresses them. Our minds are us, where as our intelligences (plural, as there are more than one way to receive and integrate knowledge) are made up of traits we were born with and skills we have cultivated in order to learn and retain information.
There's a lot more I could say about this, but I know this is already long, so I'll just add some links.
https://mashable.com/article/sapiosexual-online-dating-app-culture-term-lingo https://thepioneeronline.com/42487/opinions/calling-for-an-end-to-racist-pseudoscience-an-interdisciplinary-critique-of-eugenics-and-intelligence-testing/ https://neal-michon.medium.com/an-alternative-to-sapiosexual-671dc1bdf86a
Please, consider carefully how having a discriminatory term based in eugenics on so many profiles here directly harms marginalized sexualities and continues the cycle of misinformation. If people wish to type it in themselves, they can, but having the site promote it as an option I believe goes against it's stated values.
(Edit: d'oh, just realized that I commented this on the wrong site recommendations thread 🤦 downside of primarily using mobile and not seeing threaded discussions. My apologies, I shall move it.)
@cuddlefaery Oooh, I love how you get my own brain going and I'm only half a cup of coffee deep lol. This is really interesting to explore. I honestly don't even remember sapiosexual being an option since I'm used to identifying as bisexual and automatically clicked that option.
I had a conversation recently with someone who was confused as to how they'd identify themselves (bi, demi, sapio, etc.). And at the time, I also had niggling thoughts about the sapiosexual category.
They are definitely romantically attracted to others that are knowledgeable and considered "gifted." They enjoy conversation about any number of things (history, IT, the arts, mathematics, engineering, etc.). However, in terms of platonic friendship, they connect with people that are genuine and love to laugh. Education, degrees, job skills/ general knowledge don't play into it. And them being "sapio" doesn't negate the possibility of a romantic attachment to someone that isn't considered an "intellectual."
So, I could see how in terms of the current definitions, it could give someone pause for thought about contacting someone who identifies as "sapiosexual." Or really also limit someone who identifies as "sapio" since they feel they can only connect with someone using the same identifier.
I wonder if there is a way to have a calendar with the different cuddle parties / meet & greet events around the country.
I’d love the option to call or video chat, with messages.. this would eliminate phone number exchanges & make it easier to keep all communication on the site. (Also, to monitor who’s being respectful of guidelines)
Would love the ability to search the forums for key words. Would be very helpful instead of googling and hoping it gives me a result for CC.
@All_the_snuggs I'd suggested this last week as I had the same difficulty finding the search bar myself. It's DEFINITELY not accessibility friendly.
the search field for the forums is only on the main page for each of the forum categories, all the way at the bottom where you can see the links to your saved favorites and post drafts. Once you enter a post thread, the search field disappears.
[IMG: screenshot of mobile site, forums General category with green arrow showing to scroll down]
[IMG: screenshot showing bottom of previous mobile page, showing location of search field circled and highlighted in green]
[IMG: screenshot of FAQ post from General category with green arrow showing to scroll down]
[IMG: screenshot of bottom of previous page, showing location where search field normally would be located circled in green, only the field is absent]
The search field for the forums is in the right side bar, again near your favorites and drafts links. And again, the field will disappear once you enter a post thread.
[IMG: screenshot of desktop site showing General forum category page with area in right sidebar circled and highlighted in pink to show where search field is located]
[IMG: screenshot of FAQ post from General forum on desktop site, with sidebar area circled in pink again but showing the search field has disappeared]
Why on earth this forum does not use fully treed discussion threads for simplified navigation (which have been in use since forever 🙄, or at least the 80s), nor have a static keyword search at the top header for the entire website, I do not know.
There should be a conspicuous link to TOS on all Pro's profiles, thereby eliminating the need for Pros to paraphrase the rules.
More and more Pro profiles are reminiscent of those endless User Service Agreements everyone scrolls past.
@TxTom They wouldn't read that either.
The reason we paraphrase the rules to show that we read the rules and abide by them
I believe if a pro doesn't login to the site within 30 days, their pro status should be discontinued. The amount of time is open to debate.
@TxTom - I see the reverse - the TOS should be in every client and enthusiast profile. Better yet, get tattoos for everyone. That'll teach people to mindlessly scroll and plead the tiresome plea: "that's against the rules? Oh, I didn't know!"
Meanwhile, moderators sprain their eyeballs from rolling them so hard.
@Sideon That's what I meant--not a link, but a bullet-point summation of TOS automatically populates in every profile description. Whatever the person writes precedes or follows the TOS bullet-points.
Anyway, perhaps the format doesn't really matter. Folks won't read what they don't want to read.
"Gender nonconforming" can apply to any gender.
On Cuddle Comfort that particular orientation is only made available to people who check Other for gender.
It should be possible to show gender nonconforming alongside man, woman, cis, trans or otherwise.
Definition:
Gender variance or gender nonconformity is behavior or gender expression by an individual that does not match masculine or feminine gender norms. A gender-nonconforming person may be variant in their gender identity, being transgender or non-binary, or they may be cisgender.
A journal page/section to each profile - like a “writings on the wall” where every member can write whatever that’s on their mind - stories/thoughts/interests/ideas. Listed by title and sorted by date written.
Would be nice for male pros to have the option of a percentage taken of each session instead of having a monthly fee. It would also be nice to offer pros some sort of incentive for offering free cuddles occasionally. It would be a win/win. Enthusiasts would find more cuddles, pros would find more people that would eventually, most likely, become paying cuddlers. I used to be a pro, and I may be one again, but I don't really care for being charged a monthly fee just cause I'm a guy. From a marketing perspective, I get it why theyre doing it that way though.
@Originalirish Males are charged a flat monthly fee as they don't generate income for the site given they rarely, if ever, book any clients. By charging a flat rate monthly fee, it deters people from signing up then leaving behind dead pro accounts when they realize there's no work for them.
I don’t know if this has ever been mentioned but I would love to have sort options when searching for pros such as number of karmas, rating, length of time as a pro etc
Searching for those who pros or enthusiasts who can do virtual as well
Another option I would love is if there was an option to search for cuddlers who are visiting your area.
Just being honest, I don't wanna shun anybody's creative vision or anything, but this picture kinda creeps me out.
The lighting is dark, she's bent at an awkward angle and doesn't look very comfortable, and something about his face just makes me think he has an agenda. It's all off. Maybe I'm just projecting, but the whole vibe just feels very "Netflix and Chill"
It made me a little skeptical of the nature of the when I first signing up and I've been meaning to bring it up for a while, but since you only see the page when you're signed out I just sorta forgot about it.
Am I alone? If I'm alone I'll just be quiet, it's possible that I'm just projecting. xD But something a little more like these would nice. Edit: with fully clothed people, to clarify! xD
Or these!
Hi,
I order to help preventing banned people from coming back under a different user name, I was wondering if CC could implement something on sign up that would require a phone number. The user would need to type the code sent to that phone while signing up. No user could sign up again with the same phone number.
The phone number would need to come from a real carrier which hopefully can be detected programatically similarly to this. https://freecarrierlookup.com/. This would prevent somebody from simply creating a new Google Voice number after being banned.
I feel this could be a good compromise if we don't want other options that would require the user to provide personal information through a verification service like Veriff or Onfido similarly to what Couch Surfing does
Any thoughts?
Merged from “Phone number required on sign up”. [Charlie_Bear]
a lot of sites do this, I think it would help.
I feel like you'd scare away more legitimate new cuddlers than the occasional repeat offender. A lot of people use Google voice or something similar to protect their life outside of the site. That's just my .02
Keep in mind that this phone number wouldn't be shared to anyone apart from the CC. They can still use their google phone when communicating with other cuddlers for the logistic.
Something needs to be done. I have been contacted by multiple banned people who forget we already talked. Another suggestion is a mandatory photo that can be hidden until cuddler contacts someone.
@greggerz theres a real problem with banned members coming back. Its not occasional as you put it.
So basically the same as what Paypal does or AT&T, where they send a verification code to your phone. But would this work to do what you want? Couldn't someone just use the number of a burner phone to sign up again?
@WriterGF that's a very good point. I think you're right. Phone numbers from burner phone may come from standard carrier. At least a user would have to buy a new burner phone every time and spend some money on it so I guess it should help a bit from recreating a new account too often.