Sharing the light - What does compassion mean to you?

cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
edited May 2023 in General

"What does compassion mean to you?"

My small, generally low-crime town has been devastated by a series of fatal stabbings this week, including the death of a community fixture - David Breaux "The Compassion Guy". Since 2009, David has stood on the corner in our downtown area asking people "what does compassion mean to you?" and has published the collection of peoples' answers on a blog and in a book. His gentle, friendly presence and efforts to promote community engagement and yes, compassion, have been treasured by our town and the grief here is palpable.

I had the pleasure to speak with David several times since I returned to town in late 2015. I recall in particular one conversation we had sometime back in 2019 I think when I was walking downtown and paused to chat with him before crossing the street. I had just discovered it TED talk by Dylan Marron "Empathy is Not Endorsement" that has since become a mantra and guiding principle for me, and so David and I talked about how empathy and compassion intertwine and differ.

Even with the heartbreak of his death, David is bringing more compassion to the world - there has been a flurry of interest in his work and donations to charities in his name. His murder could not stamp out his light, and while we grieve him we will also pass on his light so that others may have their dark lessened.

So let's pass on David's light by sharing what compassion means to us🕯️💖

You can buy David's book for Kindle here

An interview with David about his book and work

Another interview where he talks more about compassion

(Edit: I decided to rededicate this post thread entirely to the subject of compassion in honor of David, as that's really where my heart and mind are at right now. Thanks for bearing with me.)

Comments

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited May 2023

    I'll start:

    Empathy is recognizing that other humans feel as we do - that despite all our differences, we have far more similarities that unify us. Whereas empathy allows us to pair our emotional memories and experiences with others, compassion is our desire to act upon it - to change our behaviors because of the information our empathy provides us. It is the combination of empathy and compassion that our morals of "good" and "bad" are built upon.

    Our empathy tells us why someone feels pain like we do, and our compassion tells us we wish to prevent them from having a similar experience.

    Compassion is the action that gives empathy its purpose.

    Rest in power and peace, David, and know that your legacy lives on through the hundreds of lives you touched, and the thousands of lives they will touch in turn 💖

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    What you've shared demonstrates the fact that small acts of kindness often mean more to the recipient than the giver could imagine.

    There are kind words that I still remember decades later, and that prompts me to offer the same.

    Offering kindness enriches the giver as well.

    Thank you for sharing about David.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    Thanks David. & thanks @cuddlefaery for telling us about him. May he rest in perfect peace.

    I think Compassion means helping or being there for someone or something despite the struggles or the ease not to, when everyone or the majority have already turned their backs or abandoned ship.

    I think compassion is also offering forgiveness when someone is genuinely sorry for something they may have done and can’t fix any other way.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    Compassion to me means that knowing that there is pain in the world and that people generally want to feel good, taking action to lessen the former and precipitate the latter.

    Sometimes people are compassionate to others and not themselves and vice versa.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I’m trying to be careful of my wording to not cross the line into the “forbidden zone” on this site. To me compassion is recognizing the value of every human life regardless of how similar or dissimilar that life is from our own.

    In one of his books, Dennis Prager gave the example of how much he loves his dog but he then added how if he were in a burning building and had to choose between saving his beloved dog vs saving a person he had never met before, he would save the person because human life is more valuable than animal life.

    While compassion stems from the recognition of the value of human life, it doesn’t end there. Compassion compels us to act on that recognition and seek good for others, especially those less fortunate than us. Hopefully everything I have said so far is non-controversial.

    In my opinion, where “compassion” becomes controversial is where each person applies their definition of “seeking good” for others. What one person may do to “help” someone may be viewed by someone else as enabling self destructive behavior. In other words, even if we all agreed on the goal of “helping” others, we may still have different definitions, based on individual values and life experiences, of what constitutes “helping”.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    To me compassion is recognizing the value of every human life regardless of how similar or dissimilar that life is from our own.

    @JohnR1972 Not controversial at all but to me your definition of compassion is too narrow. Compassion can extend to animals and even to earth itself. Compassion compels one to act for the good of someone or something that is struggling.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @BoomerSpooner - Good point. My first thought was people but I agree, compassion does extend to animals and all living things. When I think of the earth itself, I think of all the ecosystems that live on the earth, not just the rocks and water.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    When I think of the earth itself, I think of all the ecosystems that live on the earth, not just the rocks and water.

    I agree. I was using Earth in the holistic sense. In addition, the reason I think the scope needs to be larger than just humans is the example that author gave of a burning fire was more about triaging in a critical situation than having compassion for the human but none for the dog.

  • TxTomTxTom
    edited May 2023

    Authentic, genuine compassion can be difficult to recognize. It's usually constructive action and/or criticism meant to actually help the recipient re-evaluate things in order to improve their life. False compassion, on the other hand, is usually vacuous feel-goodism that does nothing more than make the giver feel good about themselves, usually for the purposes of later virtual signaling about their superior humanity.

    Years ago, I knew an amazing woman, Elizabeth, who in trying to help certain folks find their footing on sturdy ground, wrote, "My purpose is not to entertain. Strong, bitter medicine is what's needed -- not sugarcoated garbage that reassures morons." I couldn't agree more.

    To paraphrase a well known example of this: "Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll feed himself for the rest of his life."

  • BearBear

    When I first started doing Chi gong, I learned that I can also use the universal energy I was manifesting to heal. I then started to help people and I learned that the more I helped others the better It was for my knees before I had surgery. After doing that for a while, I just started helping people with pain and healing, because I can, and because I was able to relieve them of some of their misery sometimes. to the point where I was doing there just to help people and not really worrying about myself. Kind of like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. It’s been three years since I’ve had my knees replaced but I still help people when I can whether it’s doing energy healing, or listening to people who need to vent or ask for advice. I’m a caregiver by nature. I’ve gone through a lot of stuff on my own so I know what it’s like sometimes when people come to me and I am eager to help them so they don’t have to go through it alone.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Bear you nailed it. Real compassion and your reaction to it is a two-way street that benefits both giver and receiver. The fact that you alleviated someone else’s pain is the goal. My daughter and I began doing volunteer hospice work when I am not traveling and I didn’t think I was making much of an impact until I received a couple of letters from families that expressed how much my visits, conversations and reading to their loved one meant to that person in their final days. Sometimes your actions have an affect on people that you are unaware of until some time later. So keep doing what you are doing and making the world a better place.

  • TxTomTxTom

    @BoomerSpooner That hospice work you and your daughter did is very commendable. Exactly the kind of constructive action that makes a difference. I've never volunteered for hospice, but I can't help but think some folks there feel completely alone and abandoned, left to die while the world moves on. How horrible.

    Two or three years ago a hurricane hit the Corpus Christi area. We were in Port Aransas handing out water and such. But, nevertheless, I still felt as though my actions were insignificant in the shadow of the fury of Mother Nature.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited May 2023

    @TxTom I don’t know how commendable it is considering my daughter dragged me to it because she thought I would be good at it since I have been at the deathbed of so many relatives and friends. I did it because I am not one to deny my daughter much at all, but as it turns out, I am pretty good at it even though I feel entirely inadequate.

    And you are right, you can read the body language and the eyes of people knowing they are at the end—loneliness, fear, sometimes they have regrets, sadness, but sometimes joy. It’s a mixed bag. Sometimes you just listen (my favorite), other times they ask you questions and you converse, but so many want me to read. Apparently the nurses have told the patients that I am a good reader and that I do voices. But I do it and I feel like I am trivializing the visit, but they love it. I am so grateful for my daughter. Not for getting me to volunteer as I have done that before, but for seeing something in me that I didn’t see.

    I have helped with disaster relief before like you and that is hard work. I remember chainsawing trees after the F5 tornado ripped through Joplin, MO years ago. One of my coworkers in that endeavor found a dead child in a tree about three lots down from me. I am so glad I didn’t find the child. I would not want that image stuck in my mind the rest of my life.

    To give you an idea of the 2011 Joplin tornado damage:

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_Joplin_tornado


  • pmvinespmvines
    edited May 2023

    To me , compassion is one of those things that I have a hard time defining. It's a state of being. You either are or you aren't. It's am abstract concept that is built into our personalities and presents in various forms for various reasons in various situations. Goes beyond personal beliefs and values.

  • WKplatonicWKplatonic

    Compassion is showing empathy toward those around me, putting their needs above my own.

Sign In or Register to comment.