Were people in the past more affectionate?

AmortentiaAmortentia
in General

I was recently talking to someone in another country and he seemed really bothered that I just hug people in general. Like if I see my friends I will say hi and give them a hug. I do the same with my newhews and niece (while they are still young enough to let me lol). I know some (usually aunts or grandmas) even kiss their nephews and nieces on the cheek or forehead too when hugging but I personally just stick to hugs. But yeah he just thought it was weird that I do that but I told him it is a common thing where I live and people hug each other often (especially females do). Of course we don't go up to some random stranger but we do it with people we know. He thought it was weird but I just explained that it is a form of affection towards those you care about and that you are happy to see them knowing they're doing ok. I even mentioned that every so often there'd even be males who would like take my hand and kiss the top of it during a greeting. I know this was done more so in the past so it shocks me every time it happened to me but I understand it. That hand part weirded him out the most and I was actually wondering if he lived on another planet and never knew of this lol. Anyway what is done or is considered a way to show affection as a nice gesture where you live? Do you them?

Let's keep the level of affection talk to a minimum please as when you are to greet a person. No need to make this thread go somewhere it shouldn't go!

Comments

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    A high five 🖐️ is a nice gesture to show affection

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Depends on the context. I would say less back then. PDA was very frowned upon, the LGBTQ+ community was definitely not allowed, heaven forbid a POC hug in public in the sight of white people, and guys definitely did not show much affection to each other or even the children much because that was “women’s work”. The counterculture movement of the 60s did a lot to change the perspective and start a conversation and am enlightenment.

    Curious thing is growing up a military brat during war time, you were directed to be tough, not show emotion or physical affection but once dad came back there was a monumental shift—he couldn’t hug us enough.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I would also add that while positive touch was rarer across the board, unwanted touch of women was incredibly rampant and accepted not that long ago in my lifetime.

    Again context.

  • AmortentiaAmortentia

    @BoomerSpooner

    This is so true, "and guys definitely did not show much affection to each other or even the children much because that was “women’s work”. "

    Yeah I don't really see guys going in for a hug during a greeting unless it is to a female they already know and so the hug gets returned. Even my brothers don't hug each other or any male relative. Maybe like a pat on the back or some times one of those that we call a "bro's hug" here where it is like an awkward hug thing by the looks of it.

    But the reason I brought in the past was because that situation of males taking the females hand and kissing the top of it when greeting them. That was from a long time ago and I have mostly seen it on tv so when it happened to me before I am just speechless and wondering what century there are from lol

    And this, "you were directed to be tough, not show emotion or physical affection" is also very true. Maybe that is generally why men especially stay away from affection the most or view is as a negative thing. :confused:

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    I don't think this is a "past" thing, but a culturally bound thing in general that has ebbed and flowed over time throughout history across various cultures and subcultures.

  • AmortentiaAmortentia

    @cuddlefaery ok so adjusted question for you. Do you think cultures/subcultures were more affection now or were they more affectionate before?

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    And this, "you were directed to be tough, not show emotion or physical affection" is also very true. Maybe that is generally why men especially stay away from affection the most or view is as a negative thing

    I think the stigma is starting to lessen for men. My son is 22 and I am quite jealous of him and how natural him and his friends are with physical hugging and talking about mental issues. Hugging between guys in my childhood (60s and 70s) was reserved for sports and when you had success in sports. That was acceptable. Mental health? That meant going out and getting drunk. The guys now days and a larger portion of American society are more accepting of male/male positive interaction. But there is still work to do.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I’ve noticed at work, levels of affection have changes since covid. I work with mostly men and there the bro hugs have given way to mainly fist bumps.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    Yeah, I think people in the past were more affectionate, but I think it’s probably more an ebb & flow thing. Like people in the 40’s were super reserved, then you had the 60’s where it was all love & even the trees got hugs, and now you got the social distancing era that’s upon us. The nature of society.

  • BearBear

    I have always been affectionate. Not so much growing up. I can remember a long time ago at Christmas trying to give my uncle a kiss on the cheek, and he pulled back because it was frowned upon between two men. But I was under the age of 15 I think. Probably even younger.

    When I see friends, I haven’t seen in a while. I’ll always ask for hugs. Man or woman.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @bear I remember stuff like that. Guys pulling back like you were the plague because you just don’t do that. Back then it was a teachable moment in their opinion—teach that you don’t do that.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    I grew up in an environment that had pretty strict rules about who could hug whom. Even though it was a long time ago, I didn't really start to heal until I joined the cuddling world about 6 years ago. Nothing could have prepared me for the way the benefits of cuddling have spread into every area of my life.

  • LadyVelLadyVel

    I've always hugs my friends unless they weren't into it and my family too. I've hugged some of my friends family too.
    It's just the way ita always been for me. I was cuddled and held a lot when I was younger.

  • AngelMAngelM

    Speaking for myself I’ve always loved giving and receiving affection, i remember loving to snuggle platonically with my best friends when I was a teen. I’ve hugged strangers (men and women) off and on over the years. I feel very maternal and love to nurture someone’s soul with making them feel like they matter by giving them a big hug and listening to them.🌸

  • [Deleted User]1_teddybear (deleted user)

    To know if showing affection is, on average, more prevalent or not would be a subject for some social psych thesis. There is enough diversity on that topic even in one country like the US, that just getting a baseline would be difficult. I know in my experience, hugging between males was rare. Hugging between women and opposite sex family members was common though. The trouble with knowing if it has changed over time is that I have changed over time. It is hard for me to see if a 20 year old guy would see more affection now than 40 years ago because i'm not still a 20 year old guy. I could ask a 20 year old guy, but he would not have my mindset or the benefit of my perspective on how things were.

  • StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage
    edited May 2023

    Hmm... in general, the existence of platonic cuddling as a hobby / profession and the acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community more broadly would make me potentially think the current state of society is more affectionate than how society was historically? @cuddlefaery I also agree it is to a large extent a cultural consideration too, really depending on where as well, not just when.

    However, regardless, I think we can create the future we want and change the culture we live in how we want, so I don't know for sure about the past, but I know that I want to promote a world where platonic affection as well as clear enthusiastic consent is very widespread and encouraged. I'll fight with love for a future where compassionate hugging and taking care of people and holding onto people's hands in friendship is normalized! Love and peace to all ❤️!

  • TxTomTxTom

    Yes.

  • UREverythingUREverything
    edited May 2023

    Im looking at the stars right now... Listening to my play list called love letters.... Feeling the passion of every burning star flow the very being of my existence.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    Great topic. I can’t speak to the historical piece but I can to the cultural piece. Over the past 17 years, I’ve had the opportunity to spend anywhere from days to months in 15 other countries across 5 continents (soon to be 6 continents if I can get the details finalized for a trip to Nigeria this summer).

    From my observations, the US is very similar Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and Sweden when it comes to showing affection. However, the culture in Mexico, Panama, Peru, Spain and France all seemed much more accepting of warm, friendly touching in public.

    China, Taiwan, and Singapore all seemed even less accepting of any public touching than the US.

    Saudi Arabia was unique in that there was a lot of friendly, platonic touching between male friends in public but ZERO public touching between men and women.

    I have also noticed a huge difference between ethnic groups within the United States. This past weekend I was the only Caucasian at an event with more than 50 people in Atlanta, GA. Over the past couple of years I have also been the only (or sometimes one of two or three) Caucasians at a couple of other large events across the Midwest.

    From what I have observed, white people in general are less prone to platonic touching in public while both Black and Hispanic communities seem much more open to showing affection in public and they seem to have a much stronger sense of community. This past weekend there was a LOT more friendly and animated personal interaction than what I would typically see in a room full of white people. No one was a stranger and I was warmly accepted, welcomed, and made to feel a part of the group.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @Amortentia I think the way cultures show affection changes constantly over time, and that they are no more or less affectionate now than they have ever been - it just has changed in presentation.

    For instance, in Georgian and Victorian times in Western European based cultures (UK, USA, Europe, etc.), it was generally frowned upon for middle to upper class parents to show affection to their children directly, though household staff (nannies and other caregivers) could on their behalf. Lower class families generally had more flexibility to be more demonstrative. Around WWI there was a shift and families of all classes became more "nuclear" and modern feeling, and it started becoming more socially acceptable for parents to physically show affection for their children. Now we tend to think nothing of a mother cuddling her children, but up until around 100 years ago or so that might have been considered an unseemly display of emotion that could spoil the child and make them "too soft".

    Similarly, people of the opposite sex touching in public beyond dancing was a HUGE social faux pas - even married couples were discouraged from showing too much affection in public unless on their honeymoon. Again, lower working classes generally had more leeway, but they also had very little leisure time in which to spend cuddling or otherwise showing affection. Physical touch between same sexes was about the same as now, but more formal in public still.

    And this is just one larger cultural group that has shifted back and forth over time in what types of touch are permitted, when, and how. If you look at another culture, or at some subculture within Western European, it's bound to look different.

    So tl;dr: no, we are not less affectionate now than we used to be, unless you are picking very specific areas of demonstration to compare and very specific time periods with which to compare.

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