Seeking your opinion: Why not a better response?

edited February 2018 in General

I've only been on this site for a few weeks but have been quite disappointed at the response, or should I say, lack of.... I've written what I believe to be a well written, articulate and quality profile, and included one pic as well. Granted the photo does not have my face on it (I explain that in my profile), but given my profile, coupled with all of the many many introduction emails I have sent out, I've only had a very few people respond. In addition, I live in Los Angeles so there's no excuse for lack of population. Anyway, if anyone would like to weigh in with some constructive criticism, feedback or suggestions I would be open-minded to it.



i gave a haircut and regret even asking in this public forum; as expected some good constructive advice and then of course some overly sensitive souls that get offended by everything. anyway thank you everybody for all the input. i took everyone's comments into consideration and drastically reduced my profile and made some deletions and modifications such. i requested the post be deleted but admin said not possible so please, no more comments. THANK YOU


  • edited February 2018

    I think your profile is fine! I loved your "pets".

    It seems to be a long process to connect with non-professionals ...

    After a while without responses, I decided to see some professionals just so I could get some positive feedback. I really clicked with one of them, and now I would still see her whether or not I found a non-pro to cuddle with.

    There are some amazing professionals in the Los Angeles area (check here) -- maybe start with one of them and go from there?

  • Honestly, I see nothing wrong with your profile other than the fact most people do like to see the face. You come across as articulate and respectful with a sense of humor. I don't see any red flags, anything that would really prevent someone from wanting to get to know you for a cuddle companion. I'm sorry you're not having much luck! Don't get discouraged :)

  • [Deleted User]SJSpooner (deleted user)

    @WestsideMarc - I think your profile is generally really good. It speaks well of a man when he takes the time to actually say something about himself. I would say only about 40% of men who contact me even bother with this. So you already have an advantage here!

    2 things I noticed:

    1. It may be a bit too long. Most people will not read the entire thing. Perhaps you could try editing it.
    2. You do not mention your height. Yes, this may seem shallow. But you mention that you do not want to cuddle full figured/BBW women - so turnabout is fair play in this instance.

    Other than that, I will echo what others have said - be patient. And remember, most women on here are getting multiple messages per day. As long as you are being polite in your approach, you are bound to strike up an exchange with someone sooner or later.

  • edited February 2018

    My advice too is:

    • Shorten some, simplify.
    • (I) would take out the basically "I prefer non full figured/bbw."
      Perhaps something to think about with yourself if it really even matters for the most part...

    Also I think it can actually put off many women - because some might be misinterpreting you as shallow - when we both get that you're saying that for some reason(s) and some (who could actually get along with you fine and even body wise, they might be afraid that their body type will not be "good enough" for you). Which probably puts most of the women in those two categories.

    Though if it utterly matters to you to not cuddle with - at least a full figured person - I don't think there's a lot needed to change in your wordings. Just remember this can be off putting to some - even if a woman is skinny she could still feel off put or doubt being good enough. Edit: Nor are most interested in "auditioning" to see if their body type is accepted. So as a defence we as women will shut out.

    I guess women even stick up for their fellow women who they don't even know.

    On a note, your profile says something about... let me go quote it:

    "I have no problem if a woman is curvy or has a few extra pounds - don't get me wrong we've all been there, but I prefer no full figured..."

    That part is ... can't think of a word. Some women enjoy being curvey and what not - so it's not a phase or a struggle - also to me it somehow implies - "lose weight". Anyways, your profile while it has a lot of potential, can use other polishing and some toning down - taking out some unnecessary bits too. If you like me to edit from my perspective - let me know. I will asap and send you the good copy. Also keep your old copy for comparison and what not - it's your work after all. Maybe giving my polishing will help some. :)

  • @WestsideMarc Your profile looks great, dude. It's well-written and direct. It doesn't seem too long to me, but then i tend to be wordy. There are probably a few places you could edit to be more concise, but i don't think that is what is causing women to not respond to you. I do agree with Lovelight regarding your section on whom you prefer to cuddle. I'd recommend removing that part completely, and then when you do eventually get replies, you can apply your internal filter in deciding whether the person chatting with you is someone who seems like they'd be a good fit.

    I've had a little bit of luck finding people to cuddle with here, but it has been more limited than i'd like. I sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with my own profile. But honestly, even for platonic cuddling, i think most non-pro female cuddlers respond based on pictures. Just like the guys, i suspect. Forum females, please feel free to jump in on that through if there's more to add.

    Good luck!

  • @Radiant1 is probably right. While pros generally don't care about appearance non pro female might. They seem to have more choices then the men and therefor are more picky(I assume). So I would say more pictures maybe even ones showing your personality. As an admittedly full figured woman myself I wouldn't say that you putting that you wouldn't want to cuddle with someone like me to offense, you were very polite about it and it never bothers me when someone says that, but generally other woman are not going to want to see that and feel like they aren't living up to your standards. Just be open to talking to everyone and you can choose who you meet...I mean it has the body type on the profile so it's out there for you to check without offending anyone.

  • [Deleted User]schntgai (deleted user)

    Just my two cents, I think your profile seems nice — maybe a bit long — but I think the main thing is just that women are getting so many messages on here, it’s hard to respond to everyone. Also for me personally, when people highlight their physique is makes me think they’re interested in something more than cuddling. (And I understand not wanting to have your face up, but since I have mine up it makes me feel like the headless ones have some sort of shady upperhand when they message me, if that makes sense. I’m not saying you have to post your face, but that could be a reason!)

    Ultimately though, patience (and not coming on too strong in the first message) is key. Good luck!

  • I have no real feedback. I just want to say I joined this site months before you and have yet to meet up with anyone and I have cuddle with anyone checked off. If you're having no luck, well, you're not alone. Perhaps this seems really slow/hopeless but your chances are not zero so I'd recommend staying around.

  • I would never meet someone who doesn't put a face photo in their main profile. It's 2018, privacy doesn't exist, and I immediately assume someone who won't put their face in the profile has something to hide. I think a lot of people feel the same way. There's just too many options with face photos to bother wasting time with people who don't have one, even if they say they'll send it privately later.

  • [Deleted User]Greybeard (deleted user)

    @WestsideMarc and friends This post could also go in the pet peeve thread, but I'm posting as advice to the worthy. If you feel you MUST post some preferences for partners in your profile, own them. Please don't put your preference on the other person. Instead of "prefer non-full figure/BBW," you could have just as well say, "My preference leans towards fit and slender cuddle partners." Now you haven't said that there is anything WRONG with that BBW member....the middle "B" does stand for beautiful, after all. Same with age. Nobody over 40; or I prefer partners in their 20s and 30s? No Martians; or residents of Earth and Venus are my cuddlers of choice? No short cuddlers; or I seek cuddle partners 5'10 and taller?

  • @jamesbradford Privacy exists still, you just gave up on it. There are infact good reasons not to post everything about yourself online.

  • edited February 2018

    you are right about the general lack of replies on here. It surprises me, as I actually do quite well with replies on Facebook and other social media. Maybe there is a gender imbalance. I have found pros always respond though.

    -most new members log on once and never come back, even when you write to them. That accounts for most of my non replies, so consider that. You can see the last login date on the profile.

    *looking at your profile
    -for me, no facial photo is a big negative. I still message very local women with no facial photo. But if they were an hour or more away I would probably not bother.
    -remove point 4 about trust, its just creates worry in the reader, its not needed
    -as said before, the comments about larger women are very negative and make you come across as objectifying women. They are not needed. Some women are sensitive about weight even when they are fine, so even mentioning it creates anger.

  • [Deleted User]caitleesi (deleted user)

    Not a lot of women are going to respond to someone who begrudgingly May or may not accept their body type. Curvy for one person is skinny for another person and fat for yet another. It’s poorly worded and not thought out. I would get rid of it if you want more responses. I know I personally wouldn’t respond if I saw something like that on someone’s profile. Just my 2 cents

  • edited February 2018

    I agree with the above comnents. I will say that a torso shot, in the mirror generally has women rolling there eyes and shaking their heads. But at least he has a shirt on, definite points for that! To me, that shot comes across as narcissistic and combined with the comments about a woman's size honestly, doesn't seem overly platonic.

  • [Deleted User]MichaelFJudd (deleted user)

    It's the harsh reality of trying to find any kind of a partner. People like how my profile looks and I don't have much success, either. A Reddit user summed it up perfectly:

    For guys = messaging 100 girls, while hoping that even 1 responds.
    For girls = getting hit on by 100 guys, while hoping that they actually like 1 of them.


    FEBRUARY 11, 2018 UPDATE

    Thank you everyone I really appreciate the feedback. I read every one of the response and made the following changes:

    1) I drastically shortened the copy.

    2) Re-clarified face pic would be send once we've connected online. There are many female profiles that have no pic at all, and some no copy, just for the record.

    3) Added in my height.

    4) Removed all parts of the copy that pertained to weight. I do not apologize for not wanting to partake in an intimate (albeit non-sexual) act of cuddling with a VERY overweight woman. I wasn't being an ass by saying "no fat girls", I was very diplomatic, polite and respectful about not wanting to cuddle with a full figured/bbw/obese woman. I even put in there in the original post that I was not referring to women that were a few pounds overweight, and that I meant REALLY overweight only. Everyone has a right to their comfort zone and that was mine. And just because I do not want to wrap my arm and body cuddle around an obese woman does NOT make me shallow and I'm not apologizing for that.

    Anyway, thanks everyone for your responses.

  • Actually I said that you were respectful and that there was nothing wrong with that preference...but now I'm kinda sorry that I commented at all...good luck to you anyways

  • You are totally able to cuddle With women who aren’t overweight just like the women have a right to not cuddle with someone who is has those limitations . Everyone has their biases. Many times there are consequences to our biases.

  • Greybeard


    I always think it's better to say what you actually want or at least a range of instead of one listing all the things one doesn't want because that could easily be an endless list and rather hurtful in some ways.

  • edited February 2018

    Agreed with most of what everyone of you said too. :)

    So hope these help OP.

  • @WestsideMarc your response to the comment re weight and justifying why you believe there was nothing wrong with it is actually more offensive than your original comment. Take it out if you wish but stop while you are ahead, if anybody comes across your post they will prob only see it as shallow and insincere,

  • The thing about the original weight comment in the profile is that it was likely predicated on the idea that women would read your profile and reach out to you. That doesn't happen much. In all likelihood, the only women who will be talking to you are whatever small percentage reply to your PMs. Since you won't be sending PMs to women with whom you are unwilling to cuddle, you won't likely be hearing from any. So the weight stuff served no practical purpose, and you were right to take it out.

    I don't think anyone begrudges you your preferences. But I don't think you're doing yourself any favors by elaborating on your thoughts around weight. If a large woman reads your most recent comment above, she will feel needlessly "fat shamed" by reading how you "don't want to wrap your arms and body around an obese woman." Doctors tell us that more than 4 in 10 American women are clinically obese. So the odds are good that some of these women will join CC, only to read that you find them repulsive and not good enough to cuddle with. I know you didn't explicitly say any of those things, but that is pretty much what many will hear in the words you did use.

    I don't think anyone begrudges you your preferences. There's just no need to broadcast them in a way that risks being hurtful to passers by. Here is the risk you are taking now: a fit, athletic woman who is your dream cuddler reads your profile and is favorably impressed. She's inclined to reply to your PM, but first she does a search of your forum posts to see what she can learn. She sees the comment above, is offended on behalf of the heavy women who will feel hurt by it, and decides that you are lacking in empathy --- or maybe even cruelly contemptuous of the obese. So she decides she doesn't want to cuddle with you after all. Maybe that's the potential consequence that @CuddlebugTM was talking about?

  • I notice that there are a lot of comments about profiles being to long. it makes me wonder if maybe mine is too long. All input is welcomed,
    <3 Jim

  • @I_am_Polylover maybe a bit long for most people. In this day and age, many people's attention span runs out after something the length of a typical Twitter post. ;-) They're the ones who post TL;DR (too long; didn't read) after everything longer than one paragraph. If I had any suggestion/criticism about your profile, it might be to start with the description of yourself and what you are looking for, and end with the excerpt from the thread. That puts the key information first, and the editorial content last, a format profile readers are more accustomed to. Shortening it would be good overall, but it's also difficult. I tend to write lengthy posts myself, because saying all that needs to be said as concisely as possible is a lot of work.

  • I_am_Polylover

    I can shorten it from my perspective and inbox you the edit if you like. I understand you've every word there because it matters to you though like above stated maybe reorganizing can also help and I can take out some bits not so necessary if I spot. You can see how you feel about and redo your edit after. Let me know.

    I am not around as much lately, though I come around some.


  • i gave a haircut and regret even asking in this public forum; as expected some good constructive advice and then of course some overly sensitive souls that get offended by everything. anyway thank you everybody for all the input. i took everyone's comments into consideration and drastically reduced my profile and made some deletions and modifications such. i requested the post be deleted but admin said not possible so please, no more comments. THANK YOU

  • @WestsideMarc In all honesty, considering you are going to be the one to be reaching out to women on here far more often than a woman reaching out to you, you have the ability to only contact people you are interested in. So in that regard it is really pointless to list your weight preferences. You aren't exactly going to have a plethora of women clamoring to contact you on here in the first place.

  • @Lovelight Yes, I'd really appreciate that along with reversing the order as @quietman775 suggested. Thank you.
    <3 Jim

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