What do you think of apologizing? Has anyone ever said you apologize too much?

StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage
edited May 2023 in General

I tend to think of cuddling enthusiasts and pro-cuddlers as folks who are more agreeable and compassionate than the average person, and I think one thing this is associated with is apologizing a lot, like apologizing way more than usual in a noticeable way. And of course, I'm only talking about non-Canadian culture here, since apologies are more widespread as an everyday social convention in that particular nation.

Personally, I apologize all the time, and I think it's fantastic to do so. It's a sign to others you care about them and are considering their feelings, and it's also a sign of confidence because you are not afraid to admit weakness or fault, not worrying that it will make folks think less of you overall. Apologizing even to excess is usually a good thing as long as it is not jarring and awkward and makes sense in social context, yes, yes.

Actually maybe I'm wrong... maybe it's not good to over-apologize... maybe it frequently annoys people or is self-demeaning... oh, I'm sorry if this post didn't make any sense. I should have made it more thoughtful...

Anyway, what are your thoughts on apologizing? Has anyone ever told you that you apologize excessively?

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Comments

  • TxTomTxTom

    @StructuredQueryLanguage

    DO apologize only when it's appropriate, such as when your actions have caused harm to someone.
    DO NOT apologize for someone else's actions. The apology is not yours to give.

    Unfortunately, we now live in a super, hyper-sensitve community amongst many super, hyper-sensitive people who feel like anything said before last Tuesday is outdated, archaic, and "cringey", and they demand apologies for the infraction of your aforementioned cringe. DO NOT.

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    I apologize when I’m in the wrong. If I’m not in the wrong, I don’t say sorry.

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)

    "Mike, you apologize too much"

    Said no one ever.

    so yeah, I'm with @CuddleHugs01234 on this.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I do. It might be a “raised in the 50s-60s thing. I need to stop.

  • Lisa123Lisa123

    Some people, especially women (but not always) apologize for everything. People who have it ingrained into them that their opinion doesn't matter often start sentences with "I'm sorry, but...." In most instances it isn't necessary. I've learned to offer thanks instead of apologies in certain circumstances. One example is to say, "Thank you for your patience," instead of "I'm sorry there's a delay."

  • cuddle_bug88cuddle_bug88

    Unfortunately, I do have this trait. It's a messy little habit left over from childhood. Anyone else I've met that does this, does it for the same reasons I do....and it's NOT because we're actually sorry. 😬 I wish it were born of empathy. Instead, for me it's a form of compliance or a response for not wanting to comply when I have every right not to but feel bad about it. It's a very ironic phenomenon considering I do not come across as passive in the slightest.

  • TxTomTxTom

    People who have it ingrained into them that their opinion doesn't matter often start sentences with "I'm sorry, but...."

    Thank you, @Lisa123 Exactly!!!

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    I often say "I'm sorry" when what I mean is "I empathize" or "I feel you". It's not like I'm taking on any blame or assuming responsibility. I just want them to know I understand they're vulnerabilities and I'm there to listen and be leaned on.

  • AllAboutSoulAllAboutSoul

    A previous boss of mine forbid the word "unfortunately" in my communication with clients because it was an apology.
    "Don't say you're sorry for something beyond your control or else you're setting yourself up for an argument."

  • StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage

    I think apologizing when something is someone else's fault is awesome too. That way you make them feel less uncomfortable or guilty since they know you don't blame them.

  • hikikomorichanhikikomorichan
    edited May 2023

    @TxTom Removed

    There was this one guy who did apologize a lot, apparently I was the only one patient enough not to get angry at him for it, poor guy he did have a good heart, but sadly most of the world gave him crap for it.

    I don't know where he is now but I imagine he's probably fared better than me, ignorance is bliss.

    Reported and reviewed. Removing first part of comment. Please refrain from expressing anti-religion sentiment in the forums. [Charlie_Bear]

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited May 2023

    The situation in which I grew up as a child lead to my developing a highly people pleasing personality. Not only did I often own up to what wasn’t my fault and apologize for it, but I also had tremendous difficulty saying no. It’s taken a long number of years in therapy to start to undo this - and I’m still struggling with it. I just never thought I was worthy enough for friends so I went out of my way to become the “yes” man. I know better now, and feel very differently about myself, but the personality and behavior traits I developed in childhood don’t go away easy.

  • BearBear

    I’ve met a lot of women who seem to over apologize. Especially those who were conditioned to be manipulated.

  • [Deleted User]Mman (deleted user)

    I would like to apologize to all those that I have not offended. I am sure I will get to you at some point.

  • VoraciousValueVoraciousValue

    @RadiantHugs I'm the same way. Because of my anxiety and my low self-esteem, I apologized for almost everything when I was younger. I have been told I apologize too much--more than once! I like to quip that I sound like a broken Brenda Lee record! I'm working on the same thing, but you're absolutely right: Old habits die hard.

  • TxTomTxTom
    edited May 2023

    @Mman

    Maintaining a different perspective does NOT warrant offense, which in turn does NOT warrant an apology.

    Being offended is giving someone the power to control you. Do NOT hand over your sovereignty so easily.

  • [Deleted User]Mman (deleted user)

    @TxTom I always appreciate your words of wisdom. Thank you.

  • cuddle_bug88cuddle_bug88

    @TxTom never thought of it from that perspective. Solid advice!

  • ColinSandmanColinSandman

    I apologize when I have made a mistake and am not (usually) reluctant to do that, However, I have been told I use the word "sorry" too much. Has that happened to anyone else?

  • CSnMUS87CSnMUS87

    I say I'm sorry if I'm wrong and am sincerely apologizing, I never liked the idea as a kid of giving a forced (by a parent) apology through clenched angry teeth. That being said, I always have cooled off pretty quickly and don't like lingering bad feelings, so I will most likely apologize and want to make amends.
    I also say I'm sorry when I'm trying to empathize with someone's situation that makes them feel unhappy or stressed, to let them know I care and I'm sorry that they have that going on right now (and often that I wish I could know what to do or be able to do something to help them feel better or fix their situation, though unfortunately I often don't know what or if I could do anything.)
    If it's neither of these types of situations the only other time I'll say I'm sorry is if like a physically bump into someone (as I can be clumsy), or quite possibly say it sarcastically if someone is trying to argue with me (such as "oh I'm sorry I'm not psychic and couldn't foresee the future for you." or "I'm sorry you're acting like insert how they're acting"). However I don't do that last one that often, as I try to be easygoing. I'd have to be pushed quite a bit.

  • [Deleted User]HumbleBaron (deleted user)

    I was told that before yes lots of times

  • StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage

    I sometimes have to insist to others that I don't mind apologizing a lot, and I tell them, "No, I will not apologize for apologizing too frequently! I draw the line there. I'm not sorry for being sorry!"

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

  • EarthaREarthaR

    I used to a lot but then realized that mindset operates in an over - accommodation and promotes self - demeaning. So now I apologize when it is accounted for quickly, I've apologized for others particularly when a person tells me something that was sad that happened to them, then I would say something to the effect, "I hate that happened to you. I'm going to apologize for that person. I'm so so sorry. I hope that atleast hearing it makes you feel a lil bit better." Then thirdly, to be socially responsible, I most certainly do when it calls for it. Regrettably last year, I did apologize unnecessarily to a friend of mine because her daughter completely exaggerated a situation about me, although I did no wrong I figured 'why even try it since its her daughter?' She took her word for it without question. So I felt obligated to apologize to her daughter too. Months later, we are no longer friends. Her mom told me a couple of times that her daughter was jealous of our friendship. Around that time, I asked God to remove false friends from life. So I'm grateful.

  • [Deleted User]DaniIsHere (deleted user)

    For me it's hard to say i'm sorry. When I hang with a woman, i get attached. It makes me think about her day and night. So if one day ill mess up, i know im wrong but i just cant say sorry.....

  • BrianLBrianL

    I've been known to apologize for apologizing. I'm sorry.

  • J_Michael_LJ_Michael_L

    Saying sorry when it doesn't make sense: "Sorry for making you comfortable" vs saying it when it does: "Sorry for saying something inappropriate".
    If you constantly apologize for every single thing, it can get annoying, but by no means is it necessarily a bad thing. I take it as someone being emotionally careful.

  • AmortentiaAmortentia

    I am actually bad at this. With new people I apologize for the slightest things though. Like I bumped into them or I touched them by accident or whatever then I'm sorry right away. However, when it comes to people that know me well like family and friends it doesn't come as naturally. With them I expect them to know me well enough when I might say a joke or something because I don't mean to start anything but just planned to be funny or do like a pretend attitude thing or like pretend to be rude and then they get upset as if I mean it. Then when they say something about it then I remind them it wasn't meant to be as they think it was and then I say sorry anyway and move on from there so we both forget it. Sometimes I do mean it though and it is obvious it isn't pretend but in most cases they're not really those I am close with. Like once (a guy older than me) was picking on some guy younger than both of us and I stood up to him and told him to stop acting like he's a child by trying to pick on others like their race, height, body, etc. This is like a big no for me so I stand up about it and he got so offended that I called him a child so I just told him that I wasn't sorry because that was based on his actions so if he didn't want to be called a child to stop acting like one. Sometimes, I had missunderstood the situation because saw it at its end phase so if others corrected me to explain the whole story then yes I will apologize if I am wrong. But it does suck to have to be wrong and apologize at times though!

  • Lafan329elaLafan329ela

    DONT APOLOGIZE ITS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS!!! INSTEAD DO,SAY,ACT,THE CORRECT WAY INITIALLY

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