Here’s a good video on the modern causes of touch starvation. The woman in the beginning brought me to tears and I wanted to hug her so badly.
Ohhh poor lady, I’d give her a cuddle session for free if she was here on C.C. and local to me. Thanks for sharing that video ☺️ hopefully it can help new comers have a better understanding of why the cuddle community exist as well as its level of importance.
It’s so sad to see people suffering from touch deprivation, how something as simplistic and effortless as a whole hearted genuine hug unfortunately it is more common than most people realize. The ways in which losing access to human touch and physical kindness is very discerning as it plays an important role into why I’ve spent years study psychology w/ a minor in sociology and dedicated my career to counseling a plethora of patients in the mental health and drug rehabilitation industry because everyone needs love and kindness for it is simply part of human nature.
Humans need social interaction, physical touch and mental exercise for without it everyone would be suffering and feeling just like the lady in that video.
A hug and kindness can’t fix everything in the world 🌎 but it can damn sure make it feel a little less lonely and a lot more worth living.
@SouthernDoll I have a great respect for all of you pros for making the difference you do in the lives of your cuddle partners that may be suffering from touch starvation.
@warm_embrace
Why thank you, your words are too kind and much appreciated ! ☺️
I wish you many safe & happy cuddles 🤗
@warm_embrace Wow, very powerful video, thank you so much for sharing. I feel like this should be added to the sticky mental health thread.
~ Sunset Snuggles
I went 4 years with barely a handshake until I discovered the world of cuddling…the first time my cuddle therapist gave me a hug I literally burst into tears. I am so grateful for those I have been cuddling with for the past 2 years. I still ache for touch since I have no prospects for any sort of relationship so even the slightest touch is too rare a gift…and I think of it as a gift now. It just doesn’t happen enough for me
@SunsetSnuggles I agree! This would have also been a good reference during past forum discussions about whether or not cuddling can be considered “therapy”.
@Spud424 I have experienced long periods of touch depravation in my past and I feel for you, my friend. I found a weighted blanket provided me some comfort at night. Do you have any self-care strategies that give you some comfort?
About 8+ years & counting.
@teddybear888 “ About 8+ years & counting.”
That’s a long time, my friend. Do have any self-care strategies that give you comfort that you would be willing to share with others?
I have noticed over the years hugging so many people that people that have been touched starved or have had trauma or pain seem to have the best hugs for me at least. It may be because they know how valuable a hug is. I feel the most love from the people that I’ve had the most pain.
I’m a person that loves to hug people I wear free hug T-shirt in public and try to hug strangers. I am always always always open to hug someone. It’s just hard to know who needs a hug. Sometimes you have to ask for one.
I’ve been to some Third World countries and you get an abundance of affection and hugs. It just seems like here in America there’s a lack of hugs I’m not sure about other places. But it’s our culture I guess. Especially since there’s a lot of sexual abuse everyone’s afraid to touch each other now. That’s why it is so nice to have consent. I would love for someone to come up to me and say can I have a hug. When I have my free hugs T-shirt on sometime I’ll try to catch a person‘s eye and then I’ll say do you need a hug and they always say yes. Just reminds me I gotta wear my T-shirt more often. Thanks for the post.
I don’t think I can say this enough but I’ve been working in a nursing home for 35 years and I know if there’s anybody touch starved it’s the elderly and when you embrace them or hold their hand you can feel such love. So if I was touch starved that’s where I would go and make a friend.💛
@KozyKim 🎯 I agree on seniors and touch. 💕
Thanks warm_embrace for sharing. I love the comments being shared.
Well said @KozyKim 💛. Years ago I was involved with a couple of organizations that volunteered and visited shut -ins throughout the county. A lot were in nursing homes and some were at home . They were definitely touch starved as Kim stated above. We use to keep 3 x 5 index cards for the families with notes / comments about our visits. They were always happy to see us visit and sit and chat for awhile . I don’t know how many times I wrote they just want to hold hands or get a hug from anyone.
I can relate to this video and thank you for posting it. @warm_embrace.
I’ve always refer to it as a skin hunger. Pre-Covid. It was much easier to connect and go to cuddle parties. So it wasn’t much of a problem. Before I got my knees replaced, I had become more homebound and less social. Now that that’s been remedied I still need to get out more socially. Which is harder than ever with caregiving. Yesterday I was just telling somebody and talking about this subject. Working with my dad. I have to have him put my arms around me to pick him up but it’s not the same as a hug I was saying. now I’m thinking about giving my dad a hug more but that’s never been his way and years back. I realize he never actually said I love you and he shows it though. My father came from Italy has always been very stoic in nature.
I just had some awesome cuddles over last weekend. Just a day or two later I was definitely needing more.
When I noticed, there were professional cut all the here on here I didn’t want to have to pay. Just part of my nature. I can be cheap on myself. I was thinking I could connect with somebody who’s in enthusiast. As that has become harder to bring into fruition, I’ve connected with some great paid cuddlers. They’ve opened their heart for me and connected with me with unconditional love.
I really appreciate the work that all of the paid cuddlers do.
@KozyKim and @OhioMike People with open hearts and warm hugs are sometimes the answer to a prayer of someone they touch.
@Bear I am plagued by the question of the woman in the video; “What do other touch-starved people do to cope?” While there isn’t any substitute for touch, I think there are some self-care strategies that can help. During the years I was severely touch-deprived I found a weighted blanket and hot baths helped. Massage also helped, but that was too expensive to be a primary source of touch.
Does anything you’ve tried besides cuddling help?
I have a friend whose love languages touch and he was on the dating sites and he dated this girl for a little while and she did limited touching because she was taking it slow it ended up not working out but he said the conversations were so great that it was better than a hug
I know exactly how she feels and it hurts so much to go through a touch starvation.
@warm_embrace no, not really. Keep plugging along.
I like cuddling, but if im being honest I could take it or leave it. There are so many things to life that are important and induce happiness, and to hyper focus on one singular activity can make you lose site of all the attainable and tangible things that you ignore by focusing on what you don't have and what you aren't happy about. I like to think of cuddling as something that adds to my overall layers of happiness, and not something that determines my happiness. It is not a make or break for me.
@pmvines that’s very well said. You’re such a good writer💛
@warm_embrace Weighted blankets don’t help for me. I get too overheated. I’ve done massages, paid cuddlers and actively looking for a cuddle buddy.
@pmvines Perfectly said!!
@Bear best of luck with your search!
My heart goes out to that lady in the video. She is clearly suffering. And I hope she gets what she needs as a result of making that video. Different people have a different level of need for physical touch. It may be difficult for someone with a low level of need to empathize with a higher level.
@1teddybear I agree. It really struck me when the psychiatrist in the video mentioned that the level of touch starvation in our modern society for many people is equivalent to that of orphans in Romanian orphanages.
Let me say first that I certainly do not support threads that bash pros or complain about pricing, but I found the video ironic that the woman in the beginning rejects other paid forms of touch and everyone “feels” for her and are heartbroken for her and understandably so. However, when a man makes the same point in the forums about paying for touch he is a whiner and a TOS offender. I have been guilty of doing that with the guys that start or support those types of threads but after seeing the double standard applied in this thread, I think I, and several others, need to practice a bit more tolerance. Their frustration and pain should be acknowledged and perhaps tolerated more by pros and the CC team within reason of course (no one needs to call them prostitutes for example). Obviously, a video confessional heightens the immediacy of the person’s emotions but it doesn’t mean there isn’t real pain behind a thread post of someone looking for genuine unpaid touch.
That was my takeaway. I and the CC community need to be more tolerant of others who seek genuine connection and either can’t afford it or believe the connection isn’t the same. She believes the connection isn’t the same and we empathize. I apologize to any males who ever made a post that sincerely expressed they felt paid cuddles were transactional and I only focused on the TOS and forgot that empathy and understanding trump arbitrary site rules. I feel ashamed for my transgressions in that regard.
@BoomerSpooner ~ Good on you. And thank you for sharing your turn and reasoning. 🫂💓
@BoomerSpooner some interesting points. This is probably a discussion for another thread but I am grateful that I found cuddling…plus I am more grateful that I am fortunate to be able to afford to use these services. I have realized that the only way I am going to get physical touch or emotional regard from somebody is to pay for it. Not complaining just accepting reality and realizing and accepting my limitations when it comes to relations with the opposite sex. If I didn’t make a good living my touch starvation would never be resolved. But I do feel sympathy for those who can’t afford it and can’t find it anywhere.
@BoomerSpooner Much respect for describing how you have evolved on the issue regarding male touch deprivation. We all do better when compassion is not gendered.
@pmvines Very well said indeed!😊👍
There are so many things to life that are important and induce happiness, and to hyper focus on one singular activity can make you lose site of all the attainable and tangible things that you ignore by focusing on what you don't have and what you aren't happy about.
THIS!👍
Thank you!😁
