Flags are flying and I'm not involved?! This is my favorite boundary topic even... I think most people know my opinion on this one so I'm not going to reiterate how childish it is to believe you are owed something. (Whoops just did) TO THE OP... its okay to be hurt. I've been gone for 3 months and I spent my whole morning replying to everyone I missed even though I posted I wouldn't be answering while I was away on my profile. Mainly, it was a whole bunch of nice positive messages. The nicest things from the nicest people. Sometimes we are out and about. It happens. I'm sorry its bothering you. Hugs and love.
@Soulja hey, there. @CuddleDuncan is a pretty legit member of the community. Haven't been through all the thread posts and I'm freshly back from a long much needed absence so maybe I'm missing the full argument but he's cuddled enthusiasts too. Hugs and love.
@stormydaycuddle - He's a troll. Hoodstar made the exact same comment before it got removed by a mod.
What's worse than not getting a response is when you DO get a response, exchange a couple messages and then I propose a cuddle session to an enthusiast (or even book a pro) and then they stop communicating and leave me hanging. It's only happened a few times at least. I get no response 98% of the time...lol
I have used CC for a month or so just because I thought it will be a safer alternative for dating (as a religious man, I do not engage in extramarital sex) but I soon found out that it’s not worth the effort. Installed Hinge the other day and had my first date yesterday.
Hi, All. I wanted to weigh in on this as I have a bit of an unique perspective.
First and foremost, please understand that anyone that you are messaging or reaching out to is not required to respond to you. A good deal of the Cuddlers (or pros) on here that I have spoken with or read blurbs by on the forums have other jobs and means of employment/money making. I'm assuming that most of the clients or enthusiasts do as well. Making an income is incredibly important to all of us and sometimes we get busy and either forget to check messages or miss a notification. Not every person listed as online is in front of their keyboard. I tend to leave numerous tabs open at once. Some people bail on conversation they do not feel a connection or interest in whether it's a client or a cuddler. When I receive an inappropriate message or something that makes me uncomfortable, I stop responding and report them. I never respond any further.
Point Number 2 : Blank messages rarely get answers. Simply put, a lot of people just do not have the time to deal with messages that have no substance to them. I employ a rule that I employed when I was on dating websites or when a photography client messages me : If you send nothing but a greeting of "hi," I'm probably not going to respond. In my experience, those that are truly looking for a service will give you that information upfront. I have never met someone looking for family photos that made me guess at what they are looking for and the same should be customary on a website designed to pair cuddlers with cuddle clients. It's not taboo here. It's not something unusual but rather an expectation that someone on this website might be seeking touch.
Point Number 3 : Unless you have met someone in person, you have no idea who you are talking to. I cannot stand when men message me, "Hello, Beautiful." This is a massive thumbs down and no-go for me. I'm not here to find a date and you should not be, either. My point is - You have no idea what someone's true intention is. I have met four men in my area that lied to me and on their profiles about their marital status and intentions that background checks cleared up for me. You have no idea what someone's trauma profile is or what they have been through or what their life is like. It is extremely unfair to put expectations of returned messages if you're not sending trauma-informed messages or responses. You have no idea by sending a message and looking at a profile if someone is being abused or has been. I do not respond to messages that trigger me until I'm at a better place and less triggered.
Point Number 4 : You have no idea what someone's inbox looks like. You may be message number 35 down or you may be message number 3. Please be patient with one another.
I hope this is somehow helpful.
@JustPlaneCuddle hard agree.
But unfortunately as much as folks may have pointed these out previously, because this is a service industry there will probably always be unreasonable expectations. An analogy my mom used to use within the hotel industry was "there will always be guests who expect you to have an unlimited number of phone lines and unlimited number of employees to be able to answer their call within 3 rings. Then they'll expect that there are an unlimited number of rooms of their desired type, on their desired for, in their desired location, on some sort of conveyor belt so that no room has ever been used before they enter it and they never have to wait for it to be cleaned. Oh, and all this for at least half the going nightly rate and smiling service all around!" 😆
Another thing that tends to get overlooked that is more common than people realize (and at least in my experience even more common in the cuddle community) is how neurodivergence and social anxiety impact the ability of people to respond "in a timely manner". People who are on the Autism spectrum, have ADHD, suffer from anxiety or depression, and other conditions that effect executive function tend to be drawn to platonic cuddling and online community. But we also tend to struggle with time management, Out Of Sight Out Of Mind, organization, rejection sensitivity dysphoria, anxiety over not meeting social expectations, etc.
I've been accused of ghosting more times than I can count, when really it was mental health struggles getting in the way - and the resulting blow to self-esteem of being a "bad person" for not meeting unspoken expectations only makes things worse.
Instead of expecting everyone to owe you a response on your schedule, perhaps try asking them why they haven't responded, if they are ok, let them know you're around when they're ready, or ask if they'd like "bump" reminders/check-ins to combat OOSOOM. If their communication style isn't compatible with yours, then that's fine - move on without judgement. It's not a moral failing, it's just incompatibility.
But don't go claiming someone has ghosted you for simply not replying to messages. That is not what ghosting is, and labeling every rejection, miscommunication, or too slow response as ghosting takes away from the very real abuse actual ghosting constitutes.
Said it before and I'll keep saying it . Nobody is owed a response, and for grown adults to have trouble dealing and coping wirh interwebs strangers not messaging them back is silly. Stop spending so much energy on wanting to control the actions of others and focus on being emotionally mature You might realize all the lovely things that you have , and forget about the things you don't.
🙄 it's liiiife...
@pmvines buttttt why you no message back. It been 5 whole minutes.... 😑
@Jillybear87 because I like to see you sweat 😓
@cuddlefaery
But don't go claiming someone has ghosted you for simply not replying to messages
I was pretty sure no one said this, so I went back through the thread and did a Ctrl+F find for "ghost." No one else used that word. You're the only one in this thread who brought up ghosting.
Why do you do this? If you want to respond to someone, why not respond to what they actually said instead of pretending they said something else?
@pmvines
You are highly judgmental about how others handle a difficulty you don't seem to experience. I'll be the first to agree that these posts aren't all edifying, but what's behind these posts in many cases is a lonely person who is trying to make human connections and is hurt by their failure to do so. Your mockery of the situation reflects a lack of empathy for people in different situations than you that is really unfortunate.
Okay, so let’s unpack that shall we?! “Ghost” is a term that 💯 fits the convo even if no one directly called it that. It is what the complaint is about so let’s not go wailing over a synonym here. @cuddlefaery has a proper grip of the English language. 2nd: @pmvines may have been using judgement to effectively pinpoint that these complaints tend to be made, supported, and validated by people with fairly backwards social skills in most cases. Calling for empathy for people who have a hard time accepting reality and therefore demonize others (while a nice flowery way to say we are the victims of something tragic) Is not true. Its life. You're the victims of life and demonizing the other side isn't fair either. The lack of empathy started somewhere and I'm afraid it wasn't with the non-responsive person. If they didn't respond your reasoning of why are assumptions. Leading to a world of self induced fantasy. Feelings are valid projecting isn't as snazzy. Not trying to put words in PM's mouth but @CuddleWho you should probably avoid doing so as well.
As for the people who are merely expressing their feelings. I get you. Its tough but its no ones responsibility. I do hope you feel better but try not to internalize things. If this isn't working for you find something that does.
Ghosts are scary.
No one is owed a response but a lack of responses can also be a motivation for people leaving the site. This is a topic that has no “pat” answer. Life does happen, people do miscommunicate, and people forget. But I am in @stormydaycuddle ‘s camp—discuss the topic but don’t demonize either side.
As for @cuddlefaery ’s point about neurodivergents and people with social anxiety that also goes both ways. Those who possess those traits can also be hyper focused on not receiving any replies and that has been borne out over time by many of these people starting threads asking why no one responds. Again, there shouldn’t be value judgements applied.
Again no one owes anyone a reply, but no one deserves chastisement or ridicule when expressing their frustration about not receiving a reply. Instead the forum should be a vehicle for both sides to listen to each other.
@BoomerSpooner i agree with this statement “ Again no one owes anyone a reply, but no one deserves chastisement or ridicule when expressing their frustration about not receiving a reply. Instead the forum should be a vehicle for both sides to listen to each other”
I feel that as human beings none of us want to be isolated or feel ignored. I believe that communication is vital for us. That’s why we are able to speak and write and even perform sign language if needed. Even art is a form of communication dating back to hieroglyphics and murals. We always try to communicate our experiences.
There are going to be plenty of times when people disagree but when someone doesn’t communicate, it leaves one person thinking or assuming another person thoughts which might misrepresent reality.
On the other hand, I do believe that there are some instances where some messages just don’t warrant a response. For example, if I tell someone that I’m not interested, and they keep insisting for me to give them a reason, I might not respond because I’ve already initially stated that I’m not interested.
I may be off-base, but I have always felt part of the problem is the site's homepage copy. "We'll Get You a Cuddle Buddy Today." "Visit a profile that takes your interest, send a message and meet up to cuddle." It makes it sound like all you have to do is show up here and cuddling is assured, and anyone who spends any time here knows that's not true. It really raises a false expectation of success and probably increases the disappointment (for some) when they send out messages and get zip out of it.
@WriterGF - It's easy if they stick to pro cuddlers as they will get a response from at least one.
@Mike403 Right, but how many newcomers to the site know they have to do that? Outside of one "Do you have pro cuddlers?" question in the FAQ, there is nothing on the homepage that refers to there being professional cuddlers here or that you may have to use one. Instead, it just says, "You search for people in your area out of the thousands of active members who are looking to cuddle." The clear implication is that there are loads of people you will be able to contact, with no mention that you will most likely have to pay for cuddles.
So what you end up with is people doing just what the site says to do - searching for people in their area, firing off messages, and then hearing nothing -- and they wind up on the forums complaining about it.
@WriterGF @Mike403
I agree with both of you.
But yeah, based on the 6 plus months I've been here, I really think the Cuddle Comfort site has an brand identity problem and they should really rethink the main page and the set up account process.
This topic has been beaten to a pulp and Charlie should probably close it, or move it to the idea to make site better.
@CuddleWho my cup of empathy overflows, and I have no interest in proving that to you as you certainly do not count among those who stand in judgment of me, just know that it is certainly there. What I don't empathize with is the mountain of whiners and people who want to control how and when others respond to their messages and then want everyone to pat them on the backs and cry with them about it . I do not empathize with that sentiment . I can't help it that this site has such a large percentage of emotionally unstable people and arrested development, nor do I feel compelled to feel sorry for them when they behave irrationally.
@pmvines I can't help it that this site has such a large percentage of emotionally unstable people and arrested development, nor do I feel compelled to feel sorry for them when they behave irrationally.
I totally agree with this too....sometimes I actually get taken aback by some of the topics that come up here and then the behavior exhibited in them. A lot of adults here seem to have issues actually "adulting" so to speak. I try to have that empathy but it only goes so far for me.
I don’t think anyone is emotionally perfect and I think everyone has bouts of emotional instability. I’ll be the first to admit that I do but it’s what makes me human. I’ll never be perfect nor do I want to be. If that makes me less of an adult or less of a person, so be it.
@MrAdmirer right? It's not that I don't care, I just don't feel like it is my place to try to fix random interwebs strangers . There is some deep seeded stuff happening with some . I don't like to use the word trauma or trigger without truly knowing that that's what it is because those are 2 of the most overly used and misused words in our vocabulary at the moment, but the entitlement issues and wanting public outcry and sympathy because they didn't get their way, or their feelings were hurt, or they aren't able to control the outcome of the situation to their liking, is almost toddler like mentality and I have zero craps to give . It's not my job to understand or fix this. I am able to both not care about this phenomenon, while simultaneously being a good person. Being good or empathetic certainly does not hinge on appeasing you.
I truly hope that we all get the help that we need, and that we manage to not harm ourselves or others in the meantime.
Be patient, be honest, be kind.
It helps me to remember that there is no “Scoreboard”, and that my experience of my life is unique, and utterly my own.
I love that mantra, @CharlesInWI. I try to live by that as well as much as possible. Also, sorry you had a bad experiences on here. I think your positive attitude speaks wonders.
@w8ed_blanket
Thank you.
It is people like you that keep me coming back to this space.
I just don't feel like it is my place to try to fix random interwebs > > strangers
I am curious where anyone asked someone to fix them? And I understand the frustration of repeated threads addressing the same topic. And I understand the frustration when several agree about not receiving a response and turn it into a lynch mob.
But it is also not anyone’s job to chastise, call them whiners, or otherwise attack others because that is the way you feel about something. That is posting out of anger. Sometimes it is best to not post on some threads at all if there is bee in your bonnet. Chances are the thread will die a lonely death if everyone did that. I know that is one thing I have learned on this forum over the years—usually learning it the hard way. If the thread turns venomous let the mods handle it.
@BoomerSpooner my opinion and I'm sticking to it. If you have seen me call out anybody in particular for whining then feel free to call me on it . But I don't apologize for criticizing the concept, ideas , nor general actions of something I find ridiculous. But other than that, I don't believe I've directed anything at anybody specific.