@entwine A lot of this has to do with sex also being stigmatized even more than cuddling and that is what stains cuddling and massage in the US. Heaven forbid if people hook up and if they do they must be doing it when cuddling or getting a massage as well.
Organized religion in all its forms poisoned that well a long time ago in the USA. All one has to do is examine the sexual undertones of the Salem Witch Trials and the rhetoric of the Temperance movement.
@Mike403 okay
A pro cuddler I was with the other day mentioned that Bill Nye(the science guy) did an episode on professional cuddling. I was hoping I can find a clip of that on a free site such as YouTube so I can share it. I didn't even get to watch it yet myself because I don't have Netflix.
@Mike403 edit - nevermind , it's not the one I was thinking of. Sorry!
It depends on the professional. With great power comes great responsibility. Quote of the day also
@w8ed_blanket - Guys need to be more proactive in reporting pros who offer those "extra" services and look elsewhere if they want it. In normal circumstances, two consenting adults should be free to do whatever they want, but it's more about protecting this site's image. The more pros here offering non-platonic services, the more clients will be here looking for it.
I just advised someone yesterday to report a pro -- she was offering sex work, "cuddling" guys in the cab of their trucks, etc. CC doesn't need that sort of thing.
In my opinion it's going to always be a Niche aspect, but apart from this site they are others that offer this platform.
As long as it’s monetized, I doubt it.
I get the fear of sharing the site with people you know. I shared it with two people very close to me, and while both are very supportive of me cuddling, they both still think it's very strange, especially group cuddles. 🤭
This is why I call this a "hobby". It's something I enjoy, just like people enjoy hiking with a friend. This is just a lot less effort and sweat. 😁 I think it's brilliant and I'm so glad I found this world.
~ Sunset Snuggles
@SunsetSnuggles - Cuddling enthusiasts is one thing, but they might send me off to a mental institution if they found out I was hiring pro cuddlers....lol
@Mike403 😆 Ah, legit. But massage, facials, other types of paid touch are socially acceptable. It isn't fair.
I honestly hope it becomes more socially acceptable. I work in mental health and talk about this work openly with coworkers and initial reactions/thoughts are always kinda weirded out but the more I explain the benefits to them they start to understand. I know a few people on here talked about how it removes the pressure from being in a relationship with someone while also still getting affection and care in a platonic and safe way and I completely agree with that. I’ve seen it time and time again where people get into a relationship because they just want someone to care or hold them.
@SunsetSnuggles to be fair, most paid forms of touch usually occur in a professional setting like an office.
@MrMarkAndrew This is true. Some Pro's like @xandriarain do this.
Not as long as a person can get a massage. With me, massage wins out every time. I see cuddling as reciprocal.
I'm not sure if a massage will do it for me. Probably not. For me, it's more about emotional wellbeing than anything physical. I always feel so much better internally after just receiving a hug.
Can anyone in the mental health community speak to the effect on people of decoupling the need for physical touch and approval from the need to maintain a long term intimate partner?
My favorite cuddles are when I am cuddling and we are chatting about something nerdy like video games and we are just laughing and having an awesome time with one another. I think the general public immediately thinks it’s non-platonic when cuddling can be so much more while remaining completely platonic.
@Charlie_Bear - Platonic cuddles is way more intellectually stimulating than just meaningless sex. There's nothing like discussing your favorite topics while holding someone. I wish peoples ape brains would understand that. A non-sexual experience is much better in a way.
@Mike403 Agreed. There's something really special about going to a group cuddle, wrapping around someone you don't know, and having that first getting-to-know-you conversation while holding them, accepting them, and showing them tenderness...and receiving the same. It's such an amazing, vulnerable way to get to know someone, and somehow feels so safe and comforting.
@1_teddybear I'm not in the mental health field (yet, at least), but I can speak a bit from my own experience.
One of the things absolutely necessary in order to practice ethical non-monogamy is disentanglement in general. Our society socializes us to turn to our spouses/long-term romantic partners to become "all-in-one" providers, and if we've learned anything from TV/VCRs and Smucker's Goobers it's that combining everything together isn't always a great idea because when one part goes bad, it becomes difficult to fix and/or a sticky gross mess 😂. Turning our partners into our best friend/lover/housemate/financial aid/cleaner/caregiver/therapist/parent replacement/childcare provider/secretary/etc. puts far too much strain both on our partner and on the relationship itself. It also can lead to a lot of codependency issues where we do not know how to function as whole adults or humans without our "other half".
The important take away I got from therapy, years of self work, and now over a decade of having multiple partners of varying degrees of investment is that we as humans are already whole, despite what the media, romance novels, and older generations would like to sell us. We do not need a partner to complete us. We do not need a partner to fulfill our needs for us - we can find ways to fulfill those needs ourselves, especially when or if our partners are unable or unwilling to do so. Fulfilling our needs, even separately from our partners, is not selfish - it allows us to bring our best selves to the relationship and takes the pressure off of our partners from having to do something they dislike/aren't good at/have trauma around/have different needs for.
In the case of having different touch/physical affection needs, which is incredibly common because it is rarely something couples discuss before getting more involved, the frustration, resentment, and shame that can build up can be enormous. I know for me, my desire not only for more physical affection, but also from different people I cared about, led me to a decade of incredible shame cycling that I still struggle with now even another decade later. I felt worthless and unfaithful and like there was something wrong with me even though I never actually did anything wrong - all because I was trying so hard to fit a mold that was never made for me. Ditching that preconceived mold was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and I have never regretted it and would never go back.
Note: All this can apply to monogamous couples as well, and disentanglement practices and therapy is also used for anyone struggling with codependency or relationships with clashing needs. People who struggle with enmeshment also tend to struggle maintaining healthy boundaries, too, so that is something to look into (I know I sure as hell did and do struggle with boundaries, but it's gotten easier with practice and time).
@SunsetSnuggles - A group cuddle event will probably be a very different experience than hiring a professional. I'm afraid it's going to be feel so awkward going up to some random stranger and asking if I can cuddle them.
I hope so. People need it. The sad part is many who need it the most will probably scoff at the idea of it.
Great post, @cuddlefaery .
@Mike403 - I thought the same thing but because everyone is there for the same reason, it really wasn’t awkward at all. Plus, if it is a facilitated event, the facilitator has everyone do introductions and leads everyone through consent exercises at the beginning of the event so the other participants feel more like friends you haven’t met before rather than strangers.
@justjennn was the facilitator for the event I attended and she did a fantastic job of making everyone feel welcome.
I feel like it will slowly be more and more accepted by society but people need to talk about the need for platonic touch and services like this site!
Cuddling is something between physical/emotional therapy and a drug dispensary.
Yes! Considering five years ago that there were few articles on cuddling as a profession or benefits of cuddling. And this site didn’t exist
Now there are more professional cuddlers, common to see articles about cuddling on mixed media and more.
On a personal level letting people know you use cuddling might not be for everyone. Some of my close friends including partner know I seek out cuddling experiences.
I also recognise that for certain folks and parts of society, cuddling is seen as part of sex or leads to sex. Pushing that shame culture to make one feel bad about doing something naturally healthy
Not anytime soon. Would require a fundamental change in society. Maybe in several hundred years assuming humanity survives that long.