Before websites like this existed...

Mike403Mike403
edited July 2023 in General

...how did you feel about platonic touch with strangers? Many people still think it's weird to cuddle with somebody that you are not in an intimate relationship with.

The poll question is for before the cuddling community like this existed. Think back to when platonic cuddling with somebody you don't know hasn't been normalized.

  1. If a random stranger that you didn't know anything about asked to give you a hug, would you consent?83 votes
    1. Yes
      34.94%
    2. No
      19.28%
    3. Depends
      45.78%

Comments

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    hmmmm....well...we didn't have much bodily autonomy back in 60's, 70's etc. You got kissed, hugged, picked up, swung around etc by all kinds of strangers and if you weren't happy about it , you got a stern look from parents !

    I came from a super huggy family so hugging a stranger or someone you just met was par for course back then.

  • [Deleted User]Umoja (deleted user)

    Fortunately, I both bit AND kicked when I was younger, so most of the people knew to cut a wide circle around me! lol I stopped playing football when the guys would still chase me even when I didn't have the ball--- so, touch started to really be a problem after that..

    It will be interesting to see the breakdown between answers from women vs men. Without getting into a long-headed explanation, even though we're more communal, more nurturing, touch can often carry a different meaning/safety level for us than it does for men.

    .02 cents :)

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited July 2023

    I would have said yes but only because I’d be too afraid that I would offend them otherwise.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    Most hugs in my youth were given to people who I wouldn't have otherwise wanted to hug.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • TheDave90TheDave90

    Well my earlier years were filled with social anxiety so I'd have been actively avoiding as many people as possible haha. So glad things are different now.

  • SariazSariaz

    I don’t know I’d say platonic cuddling with somebody you don't know has been normalized - but that’s probably a different conversation.

    I would have been hesitant about anything beyond hugging - certainly was nevous about my first time going to a cuddle party, until I got there.
    But, for a hug - particularly if someone intentionlly stopped and asked for it - I would definitely say yes. I’ve always enjoyed hugs, been blessed enough to not have felt they were forced on me, and wouldn’t want to turn someone away that had put themselves out there to a stranger like that.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesInWI (deleted user)

    Any stranger wanting to hug me is meaning me harm.

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod

    A weird story when I was 19 I got chased around at family events by a 35 year old spouse of a relative demanding hugs. No one believed me when I said he was a creeper. "Well, why don't you just hug him?"
    To them he appeared charming and funny. Funny thing, they find out later he's a creeper. Um, hello. Duh.

  • mayjunejulymayjunejuly

    Back in my high school and undergrad days there were always people walking around the quad with those "free hugs" signs and I always took them up on it. Also in undergrad, I had a friend from group therapy who was seeking out his sexuality (at the time he identified as gay, now I believe queer or pansexual, been a while since we chatted) but he had difficulty finding a partner that would stick around for any longer than a week or two and it was causing him some significant emotional distress. I was just out of a bad relationship and desperately trying not to go back just because I deeply missed physical touch. So we were talking and discovered how much we both liked cuddling, so we would cuddle whenever we hung out and it was so comforting knowing that our boundaries were being respected but that we also could fulfill our need for physical touch.
    So he wasn't so much of a stranger, but it was my first introduction to platonic cuddling and how meaningful it could be.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @stormydaycuddle - Should have bought some pepper spray and went for the eyes next time he did it. That'll teach him.

    Chasing somebody down to hug them when they didn't consent isn't charming or funny. It's weird.

  • cde123cde123

    Always loved it. In high school and college I had a few opportunities for platonic cuddling with opposite sex friends and those were amazing experiences. Cuddling then became something for my romantic relationships, until I found this site. Cuddling random strangers though, that hasn't happened organically for me - probably won't since safety is so critical, and so many women have bad experiences with men. Then again, maybe I just need to work on my sales game.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @stormydaycuddle I'm sorry that they let that happen to you!

  • pmvinespmvines

    Growing up vast majority of my friends were different genders and sexes . I was always considered the bestie brother type who would go to war for you and help you bury the body. From an early age I was spending more time with my friends than at my own home.
    Many of them were really affectionate people. Doesn't necessarily mean it was always a cuddle thing but lots of them would hug on me , kiss my face, etc. And some were cuddle friends in the sense of what folks tend to do on sites like this but it wasn't really called that. We didn't refer to ourselves as cuddling or as cuddle friends, just kinda did what felt natural to us at the time.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited July 2023

    And to piggy back off my last post I was involved in the punk rock scene and was heavily involved in drugs as a kid . Myself as well as many of my friends were from broken homes and were broken people dealing with trauma who were desperate to feel safe and loved . So some of us really did soak up the love and affection because it was what we needed at the time . Can't say that I'm the same person now that I was then , but fortunately I still have a desire to connect and be affectionate with others.

  • VanillaFlowerVanillaFlower

    I’m definitely a hugger and I come from a culture where hugging/ kissing strangers is the norm but it depends. Generally I would but depending on the location and the person I might not due to safety reasons.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Sariaz - It's normalized in this community. We don't find it weird anymore.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs
    edited July 2023

    '64 to '70 SoCal was all hugs. In high school it was fashionable to hug upon greeting. We even had an activities office that was set up for massages, back & foot rubs, and we used eye contact a lot more to communicate. There was also truck loads of trust. No gender lines either. It was an era of free love.

  • BearBear

    When I was younger I was very insecure and shut down. I didn’t seek attention nor did I get much. When I started on my spiritual path I started going by Bear. I’ve always had people come to me and vent, even strangers off the street. In my spiritual community, it happened even more. People would come to me for hogs and such.

    That started around 2000.

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