Platonic cuddle?

Roxanne72Roxanne72
in General

First, I'm going to say that I'm not going to be the popular one on here! When I first heard about this site, I thought Oh cool! What? I can really get paid to do something I absolutely love doing????? So, I signed up to be a pro, but after a few sessions, I stepped down from it. Seemed people wanted more than platonic, but that wasn't what I was looking for!

After some time, I decided to try again, but was denied. I decided to go as a non pro, because I mean cuddling is something I truly enjoy! I don't really fit on any other site because I'm not looking for sex but not looking for a relationship either. Yeah, I may not be normal, but I'm me!

Had a good cuddle, just before the second one, he told me he couldn't do the platonic thing. Had one say he was cool with platonic, even had quite a bit good karma, we cuddled, then he was like " I know you said platonic, but if you wanna touch me...". I declined. He fell asleep! Lol. Another had good karma, but yeah, from get go, he was just looking to get off! Both, I just kind of scratch my head and was like"is it just me?". All these ladies saying all this nice stuff about them....

I mean am I the only one that feels like this?

«134567…11

Comments

  • Mike403Mike403
    edited August 2023

    Report those idiots. Sorry for the harsh language, but they joined a platonic site and say they can't do platonic?

    Take money before the session begins and if they hint at anything non-platonic, simply leave or kick them out then report them.

  • Jova114Jova114

    I am sorry you've gone through that.
    I've only cuddled once so far and not to toot my own horn, I was a gentleman. She even left that in my review lol
    I feel like this is the case of giving someone an inch and they want a mile.
    Platonic cuddles are out there. I hope you find some.

  • Eileen_98144Eileen_98144
    edited August 2023

    I can’t begin to express the dilemma of this website. When people respect the boundaries, it’s a great experience. Unfortunately, that’s about 1/10 people who contact me.

    Edited to remove the triggered rant I went on.

  • JustPlaneCuddleJustPlaneCuddle

    UGH. You are NOT the only one. I cannot tell you how many times I have had people expect more when I have offered boundaries and only platonic sentiment. You are not alone. Report, report, report. As much as I hate to be a broken record, it's the only way that we can keep this platform clear of those wanting/expecting more. I'm so sorry you have experienced this! I hope you are able to find and attract those here for the right reasons!

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Eileen_98144 - I know that sexual predators are rampant here but 9 out of 10 people? That's a lot will eventually kill off this website if they keep scaring women away.

  • Roxanne72Roxanne72

    Okay, I did mean to add but my post was getting way too long anyway lol. But I do have currently have a couple cuddlers that have been really sincere. One said that I helped him and another said the first time we called he kind of felt a connection he couldn't explain. Not like a relationship connection nor anything like that but he said it was just something he couldn't explain. I know I've been told I make people feel comfortable cuddling with me maybe that's my problem lol. Had one other I did feel super comfortable with and hoped to cuddle again but more than likely it's not going to happen. Though he said he would cuddle with me again, I sent him a drive a message and said hey don't say it unless you mean it lol.

  • Mike403Mike403

    A simple hug is the most powerful anti-depressant for me and it improves my mood for a week at least. it's sickening that so many people won't accept this site for what it is or go to Tinder if they want something more.

  • INurturePeaceINurturePeace

    I am 0/2 for actual platonic intentions. 🤬

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited August 2023

    It's not just you. It happens to every woman here eventually, and if you are in the US it happens pretty quickly.

    Report, Report, Report. At the very first sign of trouble, Report. If it doubt, Report. Every report helps the mods build a pattern of behaviour. Yes, they will try to re-register under another username, but that doesn't always work (the site is good at picking up banned people who try to rejoin) and even when it does, if everybody Reported every time they would give up. Most of them give up in the end as it is.

    Oh and @Roxanne72, from what you say you are completely, 100% normal. What you describe is common, it's just that it doesn't get talked about much in wider society.

    There are at least three routes to people having good Karma but still being non-platonic. Some of the offenders have carefully created a platonic image in the hope of being able to get away with things. Others have pushed boundaries and been allowed to get away with it: new professionals in particular are reluctant to write bad Karma for fear of false 'revenge karma'. They don't know that revenge karma is not hard to spot and the mods are bored to death of banning people for writing it.

    And then some have always struggled with the platonic aspect of cuddling, and one day it just all becomes too much. I would have found it hard when I was a young man. That isn't an excuse, because there is no excuse.

    For the offenders without karma, if they are new sometimes they genuinely don't know what platonic means, and have just ignored that aspect of the site because they are too committed to ignorance to look it it up. Others still genuinely believe that the 'platonic' thing is just a cover story, and isn't real. This can arise when, for example, their friend has met an undercover sex worker here before she was caught and banned.

    So, in summary, it isn't you it's them. However, as you gain experience you will be able to improve your screening process, and will get better at weeding them out before anything actually happens. On this site, sadly, you shouldn't give people the benefit of the doubt. If they are genuinely platonic it will be one isolated report, and given that there is doubt to start with that's not going to result in a ban.

    I have spent a lot of time looking at and considering profiles, and helping both professionals and enthusiasts tweak theirs. Two phrases from yours caught my eye. Firstly "I'm easy going". This is the kind of phrase used by sex workers who are trying to operate illicitly on Cuddle Comfort, and as such should be avoided. In fact the word "easy" should be avoided completely.

    Secondly, "looking for anything else". I know there is a "not" before it but it isn't the strongest phrase you can use. Something like this is better; "Looking for platonic cuddling only. I have a strong history of Reporting people who try to break the terms of service: no exceptions."

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    It makes me sad that so many people on here have had experiences like the op describes. I'm sorry, @Roxanne72 that you are one of those people.

  • Roxanne72Roxanne72

    Sorry......talk to text.....

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited August 2023

    Unfortunately karma is not foolproof as bad actors are not exactly going to state that someone crossed the line for them willingly, which is why a vetting process and having bulletproof boundaries is absolutely necessary.

    The problem is a systemic one deeply rooted in our culture in so many ways - patriarchal values, how men are raised to expect women to treat them, how we all are raised to expect give and receive affection only in romantic and sexual relationships, how consent and boundaries is not taught properly to young children nor reinforced as skills throughout life, and the list goes on. It takes a ton of emotional labor, time, and energy to be active in platonic cuddling in a safe and sane way, and that rarely gets portrayed to new people on social media or news articles.

    One of the best things I can recommend for anyone of any gender wanting to explore platonic cuddling is to take a class or seminar on consent and boundaries and to attend platonic cuddle parties BEFORE attempting to try one-on-one cuddling with strangers. Almost no one in our society has the skill set or is prepared to deal with potential pitfalls because it's simply not how we were raised or educated. Further, prospective pros really would be best served by taking some sort of certification training before attempting to see clients as it'll cover everything from vetting, to advertising, to safety, to services best practices, and even professional ethics.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @cuddlefaery

    One of the best things I can recommend for anyone of any gender wanting to explore platonic cuddling is to take a class or seminar on consent and boundaries and to attend platonic cuddle parties BEFORE attempting to try one-on-one cuddling with strangers. Almost no one in our society has the skill set or is prepared to deal with potential pitfalls because it's simply not how we were raised or educated. Further, prospective pros really would be best served by taking some sort of certification training before attempting to see clients as it'll cover everything from vetting, to advertising, to safety, to services best practices, and even professional ethics.

    Yes yes yes yes and thrice more yes.

  • Roxanne72Roxanne72

    I'm sure many of the "pros" do it willingly and that's how they make their money. It's just the more that do it the more it looks like the normal thing.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited August 2023

    Case in point re: karma - I only have one karma here because CC is not my main platform for seeking clients or partners for platonic cuddling and I'm not pressed about getting karma in the first place as I recognize its limits. My one karma does not reflect my several years of experience in platonic cuddling, my education and background, or the good reviews I have from other partners elsewhere.

    If I really wanted to, I could behave as some other pros and ask my other clients & partners to sign up here to give me karma, or I could ask everyone that I've interacted with to leave a glowing review even though we've never actually cuddled or maybe never even met in person. But 1) that'd be against TOS, and 2) it's against my own personal and professional ethics. I'd rather go for my own quality over quantity goals and provide references to potential partners as needed.

    This is not to bash those with tons of karma - for some this is their main platform and they cuddle full time or have been active on this site far longer. It's just to highlight how karma is not always an accurate reflection.

  • Mike403Mike403
    edited August 2023

    Public cuddle events are a good way to educate yourself how to ask for and give consent.

    Adding the below text just for anyone who needs to read it:

    always ask before you touch anyone anywhere and wait for a verbal yes before you proceed. If they say anything else or seem unsure, that means NO.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @Roxanne72 sadly you are right. They get banned when they are caught, as do the clients, but since both are happy with the situation they don't report it. So sometimes it takes a while before they are caught.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @Roxanne72 the number of pros here that cross the line is most likely a minority as the mod team removes them if there is any indication of breaking TOS. Beware of and report any member who claims "but other pros have done it!"...this is a common tactic to try to manipulate us into dropping our boundaries.

  • RezzRezz
    edited August 2023

    Nope you're not alone. It's a large part of why I have stepped back from accepting new clients and am only seeing my valued clients who have shown me that they truly respect platonic cuddling.

    New/ inexperienced pros are always an easy target for predatory members. I don't believe for a second that these guys don't know what platonic means, they know, they just don't care. For many it's a game to see how far they can push your boundaries.

    Pay attention to the karma left and by who. Did the pro offer candlelit massages, ask for gift cards, clothing options and/or use coded language in their profile? If so walk away, there's a high likelihood this client is seeking more based on his past experiences with his previous pros.

    Everything starts with thorough screening. It will weed out the time wasters and those who are seeking additional services. This has been extensively covered in the pros forum.

    Get paid upfront. If you're finding yourself in a uncomfortable situation that you feel will escalate or is unsafe , excuse yourself to the bathroom and leave. Then report their asses. We don't want them here either.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Rezz - I don't blame you. The first pro I met here in 2017 left the site due to bad experiences here but still books with me directly. She told me that she lost all her other clients after COVID and I'm the only one she still sees currently but still refuses to reactivate her account here. :/

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod

    @Roxanne72 if you think anyone's coming for you because of what you said... I'll fight them for you. Also, creepers hit up newbies to boundary push because sometimes new people aren't as used to having to say no. I had soooo many clients when I was new and I felt like I was fending off rabid animals. It evened out and my clients got better and are now 99% awesome.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @stormydaycuddle - People need to understand that unless you give a definite "YES", it is always a NO. It's sickening how many predators feel like they can take advantage of people. They need to have the police called on them and they might think twice about these behaviors. Just being banned from a website isn't going to affect their personal/professional life.

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    We had a lot of issues when some of the escort websites got shut down a while back. All the escorts came on here to try to find clients and ruined it for the rest of us. 🙄 And unfortunately I think some of those positive reviews are from escorts some of the time so you can't always go off the reviews. I think it's gotten a lot better though. I haven't gotten anywhere near the amount of sexual messages that I used to get. It helps a lot to politely state cuddles are platonic only on your profile and then make sure the client agrees after booking. The non platonic ones tend to just ignore me after they book and I ask them to confirm that they understand nothing sexual will happen during our session.

  • Mike403Mike403
    edited August 2023

    @RebeccaKe - It doesn't make sense that the government needs to tell us what two consenting adults can do with their own bodies. I'm not against sex work at all as long as it is done at the right place away from websites like this where people are expecting platonic cuddles

  • Jova114Jova114

    @Mike403 I get ya. Don't go to Subway and expect a burger

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    @Mike403 I'm not hating on escorts, but there's websites for that. When they come on here trying to find clients it makes it unsafe for platonic cuddlers. I even had a client once who told me he genuinely just wanted cuddling and was harassed by an escort who thought she'd be able to make extra money off him when she got to their session.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @RebeccaKe - That's what I just said. I'm hating on the government banning escorts.

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    I feel like for a lot of the boundary pushers too it's not even always sexual. Sometimes they're just misogynistic and they want to feel that sense of control and power they get by violating someone's boundaries. It's like a game for them.

  • Mike403Mike403

    I only see what is shared here in the forums and it isn't feeling very safe here. I'd hate to know what the female pros and mods have to see.

  • [Deleted User]AriaEss1 (deleted user)

    I would say I’m having the same experience. I’ve only been on the site for a few months, I’ve gotten a few inquiries and clients but majority of them did not want platonic cuddling. I recently had one trying to tongue kiss me. Another one feeling up on me. I want to stay on the site because I know there are some cuddlers on here that just want to cuddle and nothing else but idk. I haven’t taken on any clients in the last couple weeks because the inappropriate touching has been too much for me.

This discussion has been locked.