As I get older, getting a hug or snuggle definitely releases oxytocin in me ans give me that fuzzy feeling. For most of this life has been reserved, without hand holding, and synchronized affection. Anyone else gets the same feeling?
I had trauma around touch growing up which took me a long time to heal from. Much of my 20s and 30s I spent not trusting those around me, and just not getting too close.
As life progressed, I began to realize the importance of human connection and embarked on a journey of personal and spiritual growth. Hugs and human connections started to feel good. They started to bring healing. They started to establish bonds which appeared far more meaningful than material things.
@RadiantHugs, I firmly understand. After being assaulted in my early 20's, I ran from affection and emotion as a whole for years because avoidance was easier than dealing. After confrontation and beginning to really come to terms with what transpired, I was very distant with how I gave and who I gave touch to. I'm so glad that you are feeling healing on such an sentimental and spiritual level! There is something so satisfying in stepping back to look at how far you have come and realizing just how much those bonds now mean to you.
Depending on my mood, I get the warm fuzzies; the connection has to be genuine and not just someone holding your hand or hugging out of obligation. For example : I have some serious medical trauma from years of physician rejection and misdiagnosis. Having someone present with me when I meet with a new doctor keeps me from coming unglued or focusing my anxious energy on past wounds. I've even taken a stuffed animal with me to squeeze when someone was not allowed back with me. I have to admit that my personal favorite hugs are children's hugs - especially when they laugh. There something so special and heartwarming about a child's laugh because it's not forced. It's something so pure and so raw and I think so many adults have a hard time showcasing that level of feeling and unconditional love. My niece's hugs make me feel like I am radiating rainbows from my eyeballs for days! I'm not yet a parent so I had no idea that was something one could feel. I had a client email me last night in discussion of how much having a real, tight hug from a neighbor's child - where the person did not immediately pull away has helped him cope with recent trauma and grief. I understand that feeling all too well, too. I miss my father's hugs; he always made me feel safe and like everything would be okay, no matter what was happening around us.
My partner was very deprived of touch as a child due to his mother suffering from postpartum depression. His family has never been big on tenderness, endearment, warmth or even empathy. When we met, he was really standoffish because he had never encountered anyone as comfortable with their emotions|expressing them as I was/am. Sometimes, I have to press pause and allow him the space to process before he can receive touch or he becomes very overstimulated and overwhelmed. This seems common in those that grew up without touch being important in their family's dynamic. Every single day, he comes home from work and we take a good full minute to embrace in a hug. It pretty usually seems to uplift us both.
I don’t know if it’s so much age based or personal support circle based. If you’re constantly surrounded by a loving family well into your 60’s you’d probably be less touch deprived than someone who just came out of juvi at 18 and lived the majority of their life in foster homes prior. Or someone who’s whole family passed away at 30. The need for touch I think depends more on where you’re at in your isolation then it does your age. Of course as time goes by people do tend to scatter further and further apart like waves. It starts off very tight knit and close and then radiates outward into separate sleeves. There’s a correlation there but it could begin at various stages in one’s life I think.
Yes, hugs, hand holding for sure.
Because I don’t get the hugging and holding hands anymore, I treasure when I can spend time with a CC girl that will do that for me.
@JustPlaneCuddle Thank you for the kind words and for sharing your own story so vulnerably. The nasty thing about the childhood incidents which caused trauma was that I remembered them vividly, but had no idea that (or how) they affected my ability to have normal functioning relationships until those connections were unraveled in therapy years later. By then, a lot of damage was already done. I’m still glad I discovered cuddle therapy when I did; it has greatly helped me have healthy and balanced relationships by eliminating the needy, clingy, and anxious ways in which I would often show up before.
Can't say I've noticed any kind of age related difference . I can see where there could be a case for it being more appreciated and valued as when we age and our friends and family move on or pass away and we face our own personal struggles with identity , roles, health, finances, faith, and mortality then we might inevitably become more in need of connection touch and love. But that would of course be subject to the needs of the individual, and everyone is different.
Thank you all for your experiences and reasoning. For me, my family is further apart or passed away. I always been reserved and no really into touch but hugs and cuddles are a wave of comfort now.