I was light weight in offended

ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes
in General

I was chatty with a potential pro cuddle about cuddling. We are a bit of a distance apart.(maybe an hour and a half) so i asked what would make it worth it to her. I ain't crazy about the other dea of paying, but I'd like to do it so we was curious. She replied 4 hours. I'm just k with that, i get it. That drive the price up to a point that made me reconsider.

Now I'm not criticizing her at all for setting a boundary. But when i thought about the cost, the price of accommodation including the a4 hour cuddle it didn't seem like something i want to do. But the response made me question a lot.

She said i might want to consider a relationship, and i always do consider that. The thing is if it's either a cuddle for a bunch of money or finding a relationship it just turned me off.

Am i nuts?

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Comments

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited November 2023

    Both def cost a lot (time, energy, or money). I would even say enthusiast cuddles takes time and energy too. I think you have to decide what you're willing to sacrifice for the result (time, energy, freedom, or money). I mean not everything is exchangeable like that, but I think there is something that must be given up to get to the ultimate result.

    Also, are there not many cuddlers in your area?

  • Bella_SeraBella_Sera

    @BashfulLoner, I’m so sorry you felt put off by your cuddler's quote, but from the minimal info that you provided, it sounds like it tracks with industry standard--that is to say, if a cuddler is going to travel a distance to you, it is customary to expect that the session duration will be greater than or equal to the amount of travel that she must do.

    For example, if you wanted me to drive 3 hrs round trip solely to cuddle with you, I would require a 3-hr minimum session plus a travel fee. (I charge $20/hr after the first hour of travel). If total driving time is more than 6 hours, I'd also ask you to pay for my overnight accommodation at a hotel. (12+ hours of cuddling and driving is just too much for one person to reasonably do in one day).

    I agree that this cost does start to add up and quickly begins to feel unreasonable to the client, but you have to appreciate that even though you might only be seeing your pro cuddler for a few hours, she's basically giving up the better part of a day for your convenience.

    For this reason, I strongly discourage clients from hiring me to drive to them. I encourage them instead to either come to me, or wait to see me when I am on tour in a city closer to them. It's a better value and prevents "buyers remorse," in my experience. Until then, there must be someone closer by that you can cuddle?

    Wishing you the best of luck! Clients feel free to drop any questions about logistics, happy to explain my rationale.

  • [Deleted User]Tygus (deleted user)

    You, and someone professionally providing a service, couldn't come to an agreement on compensation for their time. It's as simple as that. Don't overthink it 👍

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited November 2023

    Yeah, if you're not attached to the concept of cuddling or meeting someone in that way, you can also get touch needs met and use that $1k or so for 10 or more 1 hour massages across 3-4 months. Or get 5-6 chiropractic sessions across half a year.

    If you really want an enthusiast cuddle , send 25-50 messages tomorrow and upkeep your inbox daily. Nothing is free.

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod
    edited November 2023

    @Bella_Sera and here I thought I was the only one who discouraged clients due to distance for their benefit. If someone says they are coming from the springs or even Castle Rock especially later in the evening I seriously tell them my cuddles aren’t worth the drive. 😂😂 If I wouldn’t do it I’m not pressuring others to.

    Edit: sorry about the typos. I’m blind as a bat and don’t wear my glasses.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I'm perfectly ok with her requirements. I know beginning the conversation that there is a cost, of course i make a choice on if it's cost I'm willing to spend.

    What disturbed me was the "it's time you considered a real relationship"

    I don't use this for a fake relationship or a replacement relationship.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    I’d just respond to her “thank you for your unsolicited advice but it’s time you stop giving it”

    Or something to that effect if you felt offended. If you think it came from a genuine place then take it in stride. She could be right, you never know. Something to ponder.

    Of course, this is a platonic site so advising someone to get into a relationship isn’t exactly appropriate either.

  • JubalJubal

    Well, if you're expecting her to drive 1-1/2 hrs each way, then yes, she needs to get a session that is long enough to be worthwhile (or charge a fee for the drive time). Alternately, you could drive to her for a shorter session.

    From what little you posted, there's nothing worth being offended over on her advice. Free advice is usually worth what you paid for it after all.

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @BashfulLoner after all of these years, I hope you know that I adore you and your gentle heart is shown throughout many a forum threads.

    I appreciate your ability to verbalize your internal thoughts and feelings.... Not many people have the ability to do that.

    I appreciate @Bella_Sera and her ability to break down her why and @Minestrone101 is spot on about everything takes time and effort etc. But @PrettyLuv really nailed it with the problematic responses when someone giving you unsolicited advice.

    Here.... You have asked a specific question.

    Am i nuts?

    I say absolutely not. It seems like the reason why you're asking that question is because someone else is trying to tell you what your heart is saying and it isn't aligning.

    It sounds like you already know what is going on and this pro (who is maybe trying to be helpful) doesn't know you well enough to tell you what you think/feel. You know you. That's what matters.

    I don't use this for a fake relationship or a replacement relationship.

    The Four Agreements by Toltec book was a lifesaver and a GAMECHANGER for me.

    The book is broken up into an exploration of the four agreements:
    "Be impeccable with your word"
    "Do not take anything personally"
    "Do not make assumptions"
    "Always do your best"

    Now when people try and tell me what my heart thinks I try REALLY HARD to not take it personally. If I feel I need to reflect on what they're saying then I do that, but I am no longer interested in letting someone else tell me what I feel/think/need unless I am asking them for their opinion/advice. Otherwise, I can say "thank you for your perspective," and move on to the next issue of my day.

    PS You know I would cuddle you in a heartbeat and when the stars align, we will make it happen! 😊

  • Mike403Mike403

    @stormydaycuddle - The penguin documentaries you subject them to should be worth the drive on its own.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    @Mike403 why are you constantly trying to derail people’s threads? Everyone else is giving meaningful responses to the OP. If you’re not going to give one yourself why respond at all? That’s so rude.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @PrettyLuv - It was a light hearted joke.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    It was a light hearted joke.

    @Mike403 I bet it was. I don’t think OP was joking when he posted his feelings rather vulnerably to an entire forum of people to read. So I think it’s exceptionally in poor taste to be joking around in his thread.

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod
    edited November 2023

    so de railing it with a fight is better? I think the joke was far more productive to the health of the forums in general.

    four forms of hypocrisy emerge in perceptions of self and others' hypocrisy: inconsistency, pretence, blame, and complacency

  • Mike403Mike403

    @PrettyLuv - The message was directed to @stormydaycuddle because she always has those documentaries on when I cuddle her. I'm not sure how that was so offensive.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I think the mods are the official cops of the site. Vigilante justice is not productive.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv
    edited November 2023

    @Mike403 I know the message was directed to someone else. Specifically the reason why it’s been derailed to begin with. If you were interested in the OP you would have responded to the intent of his post instead.

    @stormydaycuddle it wouldn’t have been derailed if his jokes to you weren’t made in the first place. You can support that all you want, since it was aimed at you of course.

    If he has nothing meaningful to add to the OP’s post he shouldn’t be responding to it. All he’s doing is derailing the thread and making the OP’s feelings out to be a joke in the process. Reducing the impact and seriousness of the thread overall.

  • KingsportCuddleKingsportCuddle

    @sillysassy Thanks for sharing... I've got to add that book to my reading list! How much better would the world be if we all strived to live by those four principles:

    "Be impeccable with your word"
    "Do not take anything personally"
    "Do not make assumptions"
    "Always do your best"

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod
    edited November 2023

    Someone is wearing green and it isn’t a good color for them. Now IF we truly mean what we say about derailing threads… this should be done now. Otherwise please refer to the four forms of hypocrisy listed above.
    I’ll do my part and leave it be.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Oooo... @stormydaycuddle ~ That bit on hypocrisy just sent me on a whirlwind exploration of rabbit holes featuring various findings and universal truths. I have much to explore/unpack later.

    I recommend anyone curious about inner work opportunities to google that. So good!!

    Also... To joke or not to joke?? At least in this instance the joke was on topic as it referenced a pro being far from a client and how it's worth driving to said pro (a sort of nod to what others had shared previously ~ could be better to drive to them, than to pay them to drive to you). 🤷‍♀️

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    color scheme seems to be a lil off.

    @quixotic_life it would be relevant if it was actually directed to the OP. Making jokes on someone’s thread without having even responded to them is just rude and disrespectful.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited November 2023

    I think @BashfulLoner does a pretty good job of voicing if something bothers him. I personally see nothing helpful in taking offense for someone who hasn't indicated that they are offended. Not sure what the point is. When I am annoyed or want to fight on here I tend to just bite my tongue and talk about poops .

    My thoughts are that there are other people to cuddle and I'm sure you'll find something that works better for you. It wasn't a fair statement to tell you that you should try finding a relationship just because her terms didn't suit you.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited November 2023

    Take a deep breath. @BashfulLoner has been around a long time and has seen far worse than an innocuous joke. If the joke offendeth thee—report it.

    Now back to the topic on hand.

    @BashfulLoner reading between the lines it seems she thinks you are looking for more than a cuddle. I have seen this before and I shrug it off as creep fatigue on their part. I would not take it personally at all or waste time over analyzing her comment as it is not a reflection on you but rather an assumption by her.

    And she is not wrong either as even Radiohead suffers from Creep fatigue.

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod
    edited November 2023

    @BoomerSpooner Im actually hopping in the say that your analysis seems pretty accurate. I’ve seen one to many creeps messages then said something to someone who may have been innocent because my view was filtered recent experiences.
    Also: don’t they refuse to play that song?

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    @Bella_Sera Perfectly said.
    @BashfulLoner I can understand how this interaction made you feel and appreciate you sharing your perspective. I hope you find someone amazing to cuddle and connect with, transactionally or otherwise. 💖

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv
    edited November 2023

    @sillysassy I really loved what you said and the thought you put into the response to the OP. Sorry it had to be followed up with a joke. I hope @BashfulLoner that pro’s comment didn’t make you doubt yourself in being on this site because you belong here just as much as anyone else needing touch.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited November 2023

    I think that telling a client to find a real relationship is in poor taste, especially if they don’t know you and are not a trained therapist.

    I’d feel Iike the pro is nuts and not the other way around

  • KingsportCuddleKingsportCuddle
    edited November 2023

    @sunnysideup Absolutely. Also, it diminishes the genuineness of the relationships we form on here. A cuddle relationship is a real relationship (at least in an ideal world). Just because it's not a sexual relationship or a romantic one doesn't make it less real. It was an inaccurate and somewhat insensitive remark on the part of the pro who said that.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @KingsportCuddle Yes you are right cuddle relationships are relationships in the platonic sense, but to just throw the term “relationship” out there in the context of this website as a pro is like lobbing a grenade into a minefield—without clarification it is denigrating to the client, can be an allusion to romantic love, or an interpretation of lust and can explode into bans if feelings get hurt. Never assume what is meant by that word and ask for clarification always or if it were me, move on to the next person who won’t make assumptions of me.

  • KingsportCuddleKingsportCuddle

    @BoomerSpooner A fair assessment. The word "relationship" is a complex word with many meanings. To clarify, I'm using the term to mean "cuddle based friendship". The pro's comment about "a real relationship" suggests more of a cold, transactional based exchange.

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