Right! 😂 @MissAdventurous Also, did he intone that I was in the gang too? I've never been in a gang! I hope we get to wear cool leather jackets!! 😎
@pmvines there is a ver specific group of people that make condensing comments to people. My warning to the OP was to be prepared for that, it always comes. I also mentioned to you directly in response that his original post was open for dialogue sharing thoughts and asking questions. He didn't at that point need any of the correction and snide comments that were sure to come. Beyond the original post he made i have nothing to offer him or anyone else in that regard. But as far as clicks, again there is a very specific group that will pile on and probably lead someone to dig their heels in on defense. The gang is here and some will chime in. I'm sorry if that bothers any of you, but it's how i see it.
I'll offer this example, i did not in my original statement or any other side with the OP, nor do i agree. But i do recognize the conversation that people have with themselves coming in here. Sometimes you have to allow people to understand what's going on here. The only way they do that is to come here, because this is not a common community.
But if the consensus among whoever has a problem with people trying to understand what's going on here, let's just tell them all to go back where they came from. Is that how we'd like to do this? I'm fine either way, let's only have men in here that will shut up and not speak up for themselves. Let's just quiet anyone with an opinion differing from the dominant opinion. Why not, that shit works everytime.
And thank you @BoomerSpooner this site is just a site where cuddlers can meet other cuddlers. It does not promise any level of certification or experience....or even vetting on the clients end. Just as Facebook doesn't verify their members...The vetting is up to the members and mods help as best as they can with serious issues. (They are great!)
@BashfulLoner thank you for the gang reference....maybe it will help with my street cred! I apologize about my comment. I actually did not read your comments before writing that....it was based solely on prior experience in similar threads on nearly the same topics. Edited to add (Just as you were warning the OP ahead of time....so was I) That doesn't mean I don't stand by what I said in a general sense, just that here it was misplaced and I'm sorry about the misdirection it may have caused here.
And true about how much you tend to egg people on! Jeez man, doesn't that get old? Or just for the rest of us?
Btw, i do believe that you have to give a measure of grace to new people coming in here, maybe pat them on there backs and explain. As most of the comments in this thread did. There are a few however that demonstrate that they are much smarter than the guy who only asked a question. A question where he carefully did not mention women.
I love cuddling and absolutely benefit from the sessions AND I love getting paid to do something that I love. 😉💕✨
It seems that where there are individuals willing to pay, there will be those willing to charge. Yet, there's a deeper layer at play, closely tied to the law of attraction.
We attract individuals who align with our mental, psychological, spiritual, and rational expectations. Relying solely on payment might create a transactional exchange, meeting immediate needs without necessarily fostering personal development. Interestingly, there are cases where paying for cuddles can indeed contribute to personal growth, especially if the professional involved is well-versed in fostering a more tactile approach to life.
Cuddling with a professional could potentially create an environment where someone becomes more comfortable with and interested in cuddling, possibly leading them to seek cuddling with enthusiasts or in personal relationships. Positive experiences with a professional cuddler might contribute to an increased appreciation for the benefits of physical touch and closeness.
Exploring ways to bridge this apparent gap between Pro and enthusiast could contribute to a more inclusive and diverse landscape in the world of cuddling. It's not just a financial transaction but a nuanced exchange that deserves a closer look. This line of exploration should improve the situation on all sides.
I would only interact with cuddlers who express a desire to foster and help develope your abilities at enthusiast cuddling.
@BoomerSpooner I think the word "pro" means a professional and carries with it some serious connotations. I think we all understand what I'm saying here and I'm beginning to understand this market much better now. For the record this site does use the word "therapy" here. Given the related professional qualifications of the so called "pros" on this site (or lack thereof) and the loose usage of the word therapy, things are becoming clearer now w.r.t the intent of this site and the pros here :-). Sorry, I'm a bit naïve and new here. Thanks everyone for the discussion.
@Mihir posted: "Do both parties benefit from cuddling?"
Of course. If they are enthusiasts. If they get along well, mentally and physically. If they're a Pro and an enthusiast, who am I to know? I'm not a Pro and I can't speak for them, but from what I have been told, they do not always benefit, let alone even enjoy, cuddling their clients. But obviously that experience will vary, and is highly dependent upon their vetting skills and how thin their wallet is.
@Mihir posted: "If so, why does only one party pay for it?"
Because only one party is desperate enough to pay for it. 😔 Because there is a gender disparity...too many men, too few women, just like on dating sites. As @Melancholy aptly mentioned, same reason bars have Ladies Night with no cover charge for women, but men have to pay. Men hunt. Women choose. Same as many animals in the wild; males pursue, females deny and ignore until they so desire. This is part of a much, much bigger question and discussion. But is it fair? Absolutely not.
@pmvines posted: "it feeds into this notion that men are being taken advantage of"
Men are being taken advantage of...perhaps with their own agreement, but when this feels like their only option, and you hear the stories I've heard from male enthusiasts who have had Pro's use and abuse them, emotionally, financially, eating them out of house and home, coercing them for free rent, good God the list goes on...YES, men are being taken advantage of. Not by every Pro. Not simply for paying for cuddles. But on this site, through many Pro's who are not here for genuine reasons, absolutely men are being coerced, manipulated, and used, especially financially.
@BashfulLoner posted: "I know most people here [are] seasoned and get rather annoyed by the questions that they've discussed many times, but I'd assume that for most that are new to this the question was an attempt to dialogue to better understand."
Thank you. It saddens me to see newbies jumped on, ridiculed, and treated like crap for asking an innocent question, just because some people have been fielding that question for years. If people are sick of "the same questions/threads"...avoid them. Don't answer them. Leave it to those who have patience and compassion. If these questions continually come up, that's a clear indicator that it's important to a heck of a lot of people. It would do us all well to treat new members of the community with respect.
@SouthernDoll posted: "every single person here has the option and choice to cuddle for free and to cuddle someone for free"
Quite true! If hiring Pro's isn't someone's cup of tea...don't. PM me, instead. 😂 I may be a month or three behind in answering, but if our paths ever cross, you won't pay for my cuddles and you'll have to fight me for dinner, 'cause buster, I was brought up to go Dutch.
@Mihir posted: "I think one should be qualified to offer that service for a fee in the first place."
Totally agree with you. I have always been very disappointed by the lack of vetting of the Pro status, here. I remember when I first joined, I assumed (yes, ignorant on my part) that Pro's were actually particularly skilled, certified, or experts in some measurable way. I laughed it off in mortification when people started telling me that I should be a Pro...because I thought it took something special. Sadly for this site, it does not. That is not to say that quite a few Pro's here do not have something special to offer, above and beyond just having a warm body that's capable of doing the thing called cuddling. Some are certified, some are very serious about providing therapeutic touch, about helping their clients in many more ways than simply by holding them, as @coregulate posted: "Things I've held space for during other cuddles: a straight 60 minutes of sobbing, venting, ... and being with various states of mental illness across all the spectrums" Those Pro's I have the utmost respect for, and I am willing, even as a female enthusiast, to shell out money for them. I have, and it was worth every penny. But it is true, most of the new Pro's, and many existing ones, are not specially qualified in any way other than just being a human. That's why I take issue with the word "Pro" being used for them. Paid, yes; Professional, only some...by every definition of the word.
@Mihir posted: "many women (obviously not all) here wake up one day and decide to earn some side money for cuddling."
Yes. So do men. The community has to gently break it to them that their services are rarely called upon. 😬 Not sure which sucks more...having to pay for cuddles when you want them, or realizing no one wants to pay for your cuddles when you thought you were gonna earn easy cash. Anyway, point being...both men and women join this site for the wrong reasons, looking to make an easy buck. Only one of them succeeds, due to, as you said earlier, the market.
@Mihir posted: "When there's a healthy market for being a pro, there's just no incentive for anyone to become an enthusiast here. Why would they!"
Why would a female stay an enthusiast? Let's ask one. Oh, hi. 😋 I choose to remain an enthusiast because I value friendship, and meaningful, genuine connection. The idea of having to cuddle any man who throws money at me does not appeal, in any way. I love being an enthusiast because I feel zero guilt and have zero financial pressure when I say no to potential cuddlers because they are not looking for friendship or meaningful connection. I get to cuddle exactly and only who I want; money doesn't tempt or force me to cuddle those with whom I have no genuine care for or vibe with. That is extremely valuable to me, and I have no desire to go Pro in the foreseeable future.
@RedFox16 posted: "Any woman who is an enthusiast ... deals more with cuddlers wanting to "take" from her (energy, time, emotional energy, etc) but not reciprocate."
I would have thought this would be more prevalent with Pro's, as men would feel since they're paying for it, they shouldn't have to provide anything back. No? As an enthusiast, nearly all of my cuddles have been very reciprocal, and it only takes one cuddle to spot those who simply expect to lay there and get pampered for an hour and not put forth any effort, so I can very easily avoid ever meeting up with them, again. It's only happened twice, thus far.
...You peeps see why I don't sit down at the laptop, often? Holy heck it's time-consuming. 🤣
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
@SunsetSnuggles i’m thinking we should change your name to ProfessorSnuggles 👩🏻🏫😅 P.S. I’ll be your student any day of the week and twice on Sunday. 😂
I only attempt to add commentary when i think it's valuable, to someone. Probably not all or even most. I don't feel a need to parrot comments i either agree with or have been stated. I try not to give much push back because as i don't intend to take anything personally i don't expect anyone else to take what i say personally. Maybe the value i see in what i say isn't valuable at all, i apologize for egging. I do enjoy thoughtful comments i read like what @SunsetSnuggles offered and many others as well.
With that said, i also believe that when coming into this, everyone should take time to understand what's going on in here. Don't come in thinking you're going to change the intent of CC or change the motivations of anyone in here. What's offered is incredibly personal and how you partake is as well. Even if you choose to pay. Even if you choose to charge. Your reasons are yours and yours alone. It could be to keep yourself from crying yourself to sleep all 30 days of a month or to earn money for a car payment. If it's to satisfy some creepy intention (as long as you keep it to yourself and abide by the rules) if it's an altruistic desire to help, it's all yours and yours alone. It's also your decision to try and figure out how you fit. Energy exchange is real, the threat of being taken advantage of is real but all of the wonderful things you may gain is just as real. With that im out. Peace love and soul.
Right, because women should only be paid for things that bring them misery
@pmvines OH SNAP 🤭🤘🏻✊🏻 Saying the quiet part out loud 😂
market dynamics a.k.a supply/demand
@Mihir There are a lot of different facets to pro cuddling, but the main thing that makes it successful as a job is the market dynamics that exist in our specific social climate. There are a lot more male cuddlers than women, homophobia makes most men avoid male or nonbinary cuddlers, while turning to women in our society to meet men's personal/intimate needs is commonplace. Even if the individual men looking for cuddles aren't necessarily thinking about that fact, women are treated most often as resources for men to use (like how traditional marriage disproportionately benefits men, she gets a ring, he gets a maid, cook, personal hooker, therapist, life coach, breeder, housekeeper and nanny) so whether consciously or subconsciously, men often act in ways that are unfair towards women. This, in turn, increases the risk factors for women exponentially when engaging with men in such an intimate setting.
It's true that some, if not most of us do it just because we love it, cuddling done right is absolutely beneficial for both parties and for those like myself who aren't pros that's all we really care about. Amateurs like me can pick and choose to cuddle with whoever feels right for our cuddling preference, but pros are often more able to handle a broader range of types of cuddling. As some of the pros in this thread have said, being a pro often means a higher level of emotional support, people sobbing, working through trauma, and even those who think because she's a pro they must have access to more than platonic cuddling. These things, while not required of pros, are common aspects that pros have to deal with and screen for in ways amateurs have no incentive to.
But even if we were to leave all that aside and pretend it doesn't exist, the high demand for women in the platonic cuddling space is constant whether you go pro or not, so it's really basic economics to go pro if you can and that fits what you're looking for. Many people in our society are very lonely and touch starved, and that's not going to change any time soon, so I say cuddlers of any gender who can benefit that way while cuddling absolutely should. 🤘🏻
I think what gets people riled up is:
The under layer of misogyny - you're going into detail about how you don't think the pros are worthwhile, useful, or qualified. That is certainly going to make folks upset if you call a part of the population useless.
The next layer is feeling like men are victim to this demand and should "fight back" for equality. There's really no victimhood going on - there is a service and a clientele.
The idea that training, practice, and professionalism is not needed in this job. Unlike being a hairstylist or nail salon tech, they are putting their bodies and safety in physical danger and in a vulnerable, intimate spot to fulfill a service. If they're on time, they have clean sheets, and perform their duties as promised, I would call them a professional. What type of formal training is required to be an investor, fighter, food industry worker, or life coach? Some folks can do it, and some folks can't. But nonetheless, it does take a lot of skill, dedication, sweat, and tolerance to make it work - they are also a backbone of the community and do care all around (about clients, the community, and yes, paying bills) - they are not cyborgs aiming to take your money and laugh on their way to the bank.
Your tone seems like one of anger, disbelief, and ridicule, and that really is not going to sit well with a community. Especially, your expressing these views before knowing the ins and outs of cuddling. Your sounding condescending and dismissive on one hand, and then trying to behave as if you just asked an innocent question (as opposed to attempt to make what you think is original social commentary) kind of makes people see through the thin veil of what you were relaying.
Now, do people wish harm in you? Probably not. But, you may want to get to know what's going on in the community some more before casting judgement . However, if that's your bag, have at it. There will be a lot of folks upset as a result, and they're actually being really nice about it!
absolutely, yes yes yes
I don’t charge for cuddling. I enjoy It. Honestly I’m the one who needs to be held. But I felt both me and the person I cuddled with benefited.
Nice responses by many members here so far.
Only thing I'd like to add: Just because someone enjoys their job, it doesn't mean they should not be paid for it. If I have a particularly good day it work, it doesn't mean that I shouldn't be paid for that day's work.
I’ve been told by quite a few men that they hire Pros to keep their own relationship boundaries defined. They aren’t looking for nor are able logistically to have an ongoing type of “Enthusiast to Enthusiast” cuddling friendship that are meant to be developed and repeated over time. I totally understand and respect this approach. They pay for the caring nurturing benefits of platonic cuddling, because it’s not been available to them otherwise. This very defined interaction makes me feel safer, it’s actually uncomfortable for me when some try to use CC as a dating site.
I’ll share why I often pay for cuddle sessions with a pro - I’m not lacking friends, but I still prefer hiring pros to meet my needs for connection. For one, I don’t have to return any favors, I just count the money and that’s my exchange. There isn’t some expectation that I’ll do something for them at another date. Often times I’m not in a place where I’m able to hold space for anyone else, and hiring pros is an awesome way to get my touch needs met.
In the realm of providing cuddling services for pay, individuals are often labeled as "professional cuddlers" or "paid cuddlers." Despite being a paid service, this occupation doesn't typically fit within the framework of traditional or formal professions. It lacks the structured standards and regulatory oversight commonly associated with more recognized professions.
Having spent my entire career in an unlicensed profession, I've operated at the highest level. In our field, acquiring a how-to book, and tools, and finding a clientele who can't discern the difference might classify someone as a professional. It's a humorous reality we often acknowledge.
Moreover, the concept of anything being considered therapeutic, especially cuddling, opens the door to the possibility of individuals identifying as cuddle therapists from the start. However, determining the level of professionalism in such cases and gauging client satisfaction becomes a subjective matter. Who's to say what defines success in these unconventional but seemingly fulfilling roles?
Well, @Mihir ....you've had some extremely fantastic comments and varying POVs written at length in order to attempt to help you understand this dynamic here. It's actually dizzying to read them all and see how much time, care, thought and effort went into people's comments. I hope you can at least see and appreciate that part. 😉🤗
I guess the final question would be to you. Obviously it bothers you that some have to pay for cuddles (that aren't always what they want/need/expect). And I think we all can agree that it's a very fair way to feel about the situation. Regardless of whether it's our current reality or not...
What would you like to see take place in order to remedy this situation then? After getting all the "evidence" of why or why not people here choose to do what they do (professional, client, enthusiast), what do you believe can be done to make things different (or better)? Pragmatically and reasonably, of course. ☺️ 😉
I've never been in a gang! I hope we get to wear cool leather jackets!! 😎
@RedFox16 Lol!😁 I'm hoping during any "turf wars" that we can dance battle 🕺💃 like in West Side Story...LOL! 😆
Ohh! Or like in Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo!😆
Do both parties benefit from cuddling?
Sure they do and both parties can benefit from cuddling, whether its paying for cuddling with a pro or not paying with an enthusiast. 😁
If so, why does only one party pay for it?
Lol!😄 I don't know what "party" you're referring to "paying for it", because as a Cuddle Enthusiast I only just PAY FOR appetizers/snacks/beverages to feed those who genuinely want to come over to cuddle and hang out with me.🫂
That's the only "paying for" that occurs on MY END of cuddling!😊
@CuddleHugs01234 - very well said 👍 For the first 9-10 months I was on this site I only cuddled with pros. That was great and helped bring me from touch deprived to “normal” (or as close as I will ever be to normal 😂). In the summer of 2022 I began cuddling with enthusiasts as I enjoyed getting to know potential cuddle partners better before cuddling and many / most pros prefer to keep communication brief because it is time consuming (some never even looked at my profile before we met to cuddle).
The bottom line is if a man is looking to schedule a cuddle in the very near future, his best bet it to hire a pro. If he is wanting to spend the time and have longer conversations to get to know someone better before cuddling, then he would probably be better off investing time with a potential enthusiast cuddle partner - but either way, there will be an investment of either money or time.
The party paying for the cuddling is clearly benefitting more from the cuddle itself, whereas the one being paid is clearly benefitting more from the payment.
Only analogy that I can give from my own experience is being a fishing guide. While I love to fish, and benefit from taking others fishing, teaching and helping them to catch fish, I benefit far more from being PAID for this service.
@Jubal That's a very fascinating analogy, thank you!!
@RedFox16 I got a tag notification but then you edited your post; feel free to PM, if you like. 😊
@lonelytauros Aww, you are sweet.
@BashfulLoner Thank you! 🤗
@Runawaycuddles
...homophobia makes most men avoid male or nonbinary cuddlers...
Fear or hatred is why most men prefer women in intimate relations?! How'd you make that leap?
Talk about a disconnect...
@SunsetSnuggles So sorry! I edited for wordiness... I was still in college essay writing mode 😅 But as Olaf said "All good things, all good things." 💗
@Katota Yas girl!! I still don't know who's in this gang, but definitely you! And definitely sharks and jets style! 💃🕺 And anyone else who wants to dork it up with us too!!
But honestly, yes I do enjoy cuddles with the people I cuddle with... very much! It's not just money, it's human connection! Hopefully bringing comfort along with healing touch to another person and trying to share something positive with another human being in this sometimes crappy life.
But it does absolutely cost me too! Not money, but a lot of my personal and time resources. Those are worth more than money to someone who doesn't have the luxury of free time....like hardly any. I have 3 teenagers, that I raise alone and my youngest has special needs....and I go to school full time (and still earn straight A's).
I'm an insanely empathic person, and can feel people's vibes and energy from far away..... sometimes through messages on here too. And I have patience for miles (just no patience for pot stirrers and such) So if I did have the free time, I'd probably also be an enthusiast! However, it would also greatly limit the amount of peeps I could engage with here too. And I LOVE being able to talk to all sorts of people 😁
And, I'm sure a lot of us know....givers will give and takers will take. No matter what boundaries we put up. And it still costs a lot of emotional energy to reinforce our boundaries when takers try to take ....even when they don't "mean" to take, it still happens. The fees I charge go towards other things in life, in order to allow me to do this.
Once I'm to the point of being a talk therapist....would anyone expect me to do it for free just because I enjoy it or it's rewarding for me? Nope.
On here, people can assume whatever they want about me....and I have learned to not worry so much, because it's on them for not trying to be understanding. (Not the "pot stirrer" type of understanding, but genuine type of understanding). I know that I'm just trying to make the world a teensy bit better with any small contributions I am reasonably able to make. All while also enjoying the toast my special kiddo proudly made me for breakfast this morning....her first time using the toaster alone! 🎉💗😍😍
@RedFox16 You're a rockstar! 🎸
@SunsetSnuggles You too!!
@Katota Always love your insights and sarcasm as well.
I've actually pondered this myself before. Funny enough, I was just telling my ex husband the other night how sometimes I feel guilt or Imposter Syndrome because I make good money doing something as (usually) pleasant as cuddling.
As a pro cuddler, I do love what I do...
✨ However! ✨ ... The difference with being paid versus not being paid is that you're more often than not obligated to cuddle with people you normally might not choose to. (I don't mean that in a rude way, but sometimes you get clients you vibe with less than others.) And if you're a regular pro cuddler, you have to put a lot of time and money into maintaining your space, and providing amenities (I pay rent for an office space as cuddle HQ, plus offer my clients ice cold water, coffee, tea and Ferrero Rocher chocolates. I also have to do extra laundry and take more showers. ⏳💸) It's an investment.
You also take the risk of cuddling with strangers and you have no idea how the session will go. You're put into a very vulnerable position. So while pro cuddlers enjoy cuddling... We definitely work for our money.
I apologize if these points were already made, I didn't browse the whole thread yet. If anything, it will reinforce that a lot of us are having the same experience.
^ As most have said, yes I benefit from sessions as well, but I am putting my safety at risk by cuddling strangers. There have been some sessions where the vibe is off and I'm stressed the fuck out because of inappropriate touching or topic of conversation. On the other, I've had sessions where the person is truly kind, respectful, and I get to make a friend. Sharing laughs and being in the arms of a genuine human being is one of the most relaxing things ever, and I leave the session happy and proud to do what I do.
I facilitate a client-centered experience. Yes, I benefit just like I do from my work as a counselor, but I am not centered and the client is receiving my full attention, focus, and care. The experience is tailored to their needs and preferences and there’s a lot that goes into that before, during, and after the session.