How to introduce yourself to non pros

[Deleted User]GameStriker4481 (deleted user)

Whats some good tips to introduce yourself to non pros on this site?

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  • Yeah, I'd love to hear too. I'm yet to receive a single answer from a real non-pro. I've received some responses from cuddlers that fail to present themselves as pros but who make it pretty clear that they are expecting pro-like compensation for cuddling. I've always tried to be respectful when approaching a cuddler. Perhaps it's not about what you say but how you look? Or perhaps ghosting and ignoring messages is the new norm?

  • My experience is similar to @cranefritz - no response at all. I don't think your approach makes much difference as I've tried several different ones. I would guess most people who register on this site are not serious about it or are treating it as a dating site, There are a huge number of profiles that have been inactive for months or years.

  • [Deleted User]SJSpooner (deleted user)

    I can chime in as a non pro female. I think it is best to approach someone as you would any new potential friend in a social situation. Make sure you have looked at their profile and know something about them. I know that I have intentionally said a bit about myself and my interests in my profile so they can essentially serve as 'hooks' for someone to start a friendly exchange - if they are so inclined.

    I would say it is best to stay away from complimenting a woman on her looks from the get go. I find I am irritated when I get first messages from men who say things like: "Oh, you look so cute. I'd love to cuddle with you". Or: "Hey beautiful. How are you today?". Just avoid that kind of talk - at least at first. Those kinds of compliments give off a vibe of "Oh, this guy just doesn't get what platonic cuddling is all about". At least to me anyway.

    Someone on here in a recent forum thread (wish I could remember who so I could give them the credit) said that, on an online dating site, you would not send someone a first message that said: "Hey, so you wanna have sex?". If you were actually interested in dating this person, and not wanting to come across as a total creep, you would probably start with a more friendly approach. So, even though this is NOT NOT NOT a dating site, you are approaching a person to potentially engage in a rather intimate activity. Yes, there is a certain amount of intimacy with platonic cuddling. Most women are not going to cuddle with just any man. I know that I need to feel like we have a certain level of communication and rapport that works for me. As a non pro I am interested in a truly mutual and enjoyable exchange. I want to feel appreciated and validated and feel secure and relaxed. I can never get to that place if the guy on the other end of the computer is not sharing much about himself and/or not asking me about my experiences, my life, my interests, etc.

    I suppose I can say - approach and treat women as human beings in female form. Be friendly, be funny, be curious about what makes us tick and not just see us a warm soft bodies who are there to service your cuddling needs.

    One last bit of advice. Make sure that your profile is at least decently filled out. Yes, I know this is difficult for some people and some don't like talking about themselves. But I can tell you that if a guy with no pic and almost zero description of himself is just not going to pique my interest in any way! How can it. I know nothing about you. Keep that in mind. I have a pic. I have a decently fleshed out profile. What makes me want to respond to a guy with none of that?

    Also, make sure that in your initial message you comment on something that can get a conversation started. For example, "So I see you like the Game of Thrones. Me too, but I haven't seen the last season". You get the idea.... And don't just say something like "How are you today?" At least not unless you also offer something about yourself. As a woman those kind of meek one liners make me feel like the onus is now on ME. I have to then respond and get the conversation started. It irks me! Usually I roll my eyes and hit the delete button on those kinds of messages.

    OK. I'm sure others will chime in. BTW @GameStriker4481 - kudos to you for asking this question. Best of luck to you on here! :-)

  • From a newbie, now pro perspective: Many men have reached out to me. A couple made me feel a bit nervous by their approach. One wanted a full body pic, although I have one on my profile. It makes me thing that they're just collecting pics and not serious. Another seems overly sexual, asking me about how I liked to be touched in the initial email. Then there are a couple men who emailed me, asking if if be interested. I reply, asking a bit about them, and they go ghost. It almost feels like I'd have a better change at finding what I'm looking for on a regular dating site (and just be specific on my profile).

  • It is best to treat it as you would anybody with whom you might be wanting to start a friendship with. As it is not necessarily a business meeting such as with a paid cuddler, the person will def want to be friends first and feel comfortable before wanting to meet in person. So maybe try to find something in common from their profile, or just tell them they seem friendly and you wanted to say hello and introduce yourself and wish them well. If they say hi back then expand on your conversation. Maybe add to a friends list. If you click then maybe exchange phone numbers or something, and take it from there. Good luck.

  • [Deleted User]thewait4 (deleted user)
    edited March 2018

    I have tried so many different approaches on dating sites as there are no non-pro cuddlers here in my area. Now, I just say whatever I feel. It doesn't work either lol. I used to be a bit of a poet. So, I resorted to just sending poems sometimes lol, an emarassing confession, as if to say, "I know you're not going to read this, but here, at least maybe it'll make you smile" lol.

    The thing is we don't get a constant feed back. There is no control, as in an experiment. So, it's hard to know if you did something wrong, that person wasn't interested, etc, etc. So...I would take SJSpooners advice.

    There is so much that goes into an approach that it's hard, or neigh impossible, to come up with a formula. Just be yourself, be where you are now, and hope it works out. If your intentions are good then you're good, but people have too many preferences and conditions.

    On a side not, and I am guilty if this, if YOU get a message, and I know that is few and far between lol, don"t jump at it. Treat it as you would any other thing. Weigh the sender, see if you really have chemistry. Otherwise it can be a long dark path to a realization that you may not have liked that person anyways.

    You are not an option, just as much as they are not an option. For us dudes, and I'm assuming most of us in the thread are, we are generally so starved for attention that we can tend to grab at anything. Like wise, women on the internet are so over loaded with attention they can get jaded. It's...not a solveable issue. There is no guarantee that anyone is going to respond to us, anyone, no formula that will guarantee a response.

    So, just try your best and don't beat yourself up. Diversify, try a few different sites. I don't know, but that's the best I can come up with. After being in the online dating scene, and this is similar as far as base communication goes, it's not changing. So, we might have to adapt.

  • This comes up a lot on the forums, referring to previous threads wouldn't be a bad shoutout instead of this deja vu. But that aside, my top tips:

    1) Do NOT mention cuddling in the first message. Yes, this is a cuddling website, we're all here for that (well those who understand the purpose of CC anyway), but just messaging someone and being like "Hey, fancy a cuddle?" or words to that meaning just suggest you merely want to use them for your desires without caring for theirs or what they're like as a person. At least that's how I would take it anyway.

    2) Show an interest in anything they have on their profile, use it as a conversation starter. If for example they mention they're really into superhero movies maybe talk about that. People are naturally more inclined to talk to people about topics in which they have an interest than those they don't.

    3) Don't make an opening message too short or too long. Don't put an essay about yourself but don't just put like a 3 word message either. Some people here might be familiar with the concept of writing an essay so it's like a skirt, long enough to cover the subject but short enough so others looking will be interested, similar thing with an opening message but on a smaller scale.

    4) Don't flirt. There's nothing wrong with looking at someone's picture and thinking they're attractive but don't bring it up in the opening message, it kind of suggests you have other motives; best case scenario is they'll realise you're just trying to be nice but it'll still make them nervous.

    5) Aside from what you message them about, make sure your profile is interesting to look at too. When you message someone and they read it, they'll almost definitely immediately visit your profile. Obviously people are more inclined to respond if you have a picture and an interesting good-sized bio (again, write it so it's like a skirt) with plenty of questions answered.

    6) Don't assume if you message a load of people and no one replies that you're doing something wrong. It's definitely a possibility that if that happened you aren't doing something right but even if you write the perfect opening message and profile not everyone will respond to you. Just keep trying, but don't be annoying and pester people you already messaged to talk to you as chances are they'll block you or report you.

  • edited March 2018

    @willmott2k10 - I've done 1 to 5 and none of that made any difference at all. Your most valid point is number 6. The only people I've connected with via this site messaged me first because they saw my profile or liked a forum post of mine. Unfortunately, all live far away. But I've only been on the site for a short while, so I'm not too discouraged and this isn't the only avenue I am pursuing.

  • @UKGuy Part of it is just down to luck really more than anything else too, in that you have zero control over what people live in your area and if they're sociable. All else I can suggest is keep trying, if you do all I mentioned I'd like to think it would just be a matter of time before you meet someone; maybe expand your search radius too, many people I've met on here live 50+ miles away as I have little luck with anyone closer than that.

  • [Deleted User]snughugs (deleted user)
    edited March 2018

    The vast majority of men who have messaged me have either talked about cuddling or meeting up within their first handful of messages and it's really off putting as a non-pro. It gives the impression that I'm just a possible avenue of affection rather than a real human being who they need to get to know before that kind of connection can develop.

    I also get a lot of people requesting photos when they've barely said hi to me. Clearly, if that was something I was willing to give to strangers the photos would already be up there! I understand wanting to know who you're talking to before talking to them but then just message the people who do have profile pictures readily available. Personally, I'd rather scope out how well I get on with someone first.

    I think because of the nature of this website I'm extra cautious with who I'll talk to. The whole point is to meet up with somebody and to share a close platonic bond. So when a complete stranger comes crashing into my inbox saying "WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN CUDDLING ME" I immediately write them off because that says that they want all of the physical closeness without even the faintest bit of conversation. And I'd rather not be treated like a human-shaped beanbag who's only purpose in life is to give affection.

  • Great input @snughugs it’s always helpful for the non pros to put in their perception. Holds a lot of value I think

  • [Deleted User]GameStriker4481 (deleted user)

    Also, I don't have a profile pic up for privacy and security reasons. Is that a supposed "red flag" in the eyes of other non pros? I wrote in my profile bio "NOTE: I'll send you a pic of me after I get to know you online. I'm new to this site and need some time to get used to it."

    @SJSpooner Thx :)

  • Since my energy levels drop and my immune system weakens if I don't cuddle every so often, I don't particularly care about being just a possible avenue of affection for whoever I'm cuddling with: it's not so much a connection thing as it is a health thing. And since I'm the next thing to properly face-blind, lack of a picture doesn't make a great deal of difference to me, either.

    At least, not on a rational level. Irrationally, I can feel a bit nervous about meeting someone who doesn't want others to be able to identify them. There are good reasons for wanting privacy and security. But my instincts don't seem to care.

    If someone was sending a first message to me, I'd say their best bet would probably be something like, "This is where my free time overlaps with yours. This is where I'd like to cuddle, though I'd also like this or this. What would you like?" As a nice bonus, they might include an activity like reading or watching a movie or taking a nap or whatever, and then we could go from there.

    But I'm weird, and so I don't know if this would be ideal for anyone else. Hey, reader—what would make you most likely to reply to a first message?

  • @GameStriker4481 Many people don't post their pictures on here for similar reasons, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially if you've said below you're willing to share once you know each other a little better :) It might put a few people off talking to you but ultimately if the rest of your profile is filled out well I wouldn't say you've shot yourself in the foot by doing that, maybe in time consider putting a pic up if you start to feel more comfortable but don't feel pressured into doing so by threads that suggested you should.

    @DarrenWalker I can't see that appealing to a lot of non-pros, most of us prefer to get to know each other a little first, I do totally understand your position though and if you prefer to cuddle first ask questions later maybe pros are more down your alley, I don't generally message them but I do get the impression since they're charging they don't try to develop the same sort of bond with you that a non-pro would feel the need to have prior to meeting.

  • edited March 2018

    @willmott2k10 - I live in a city of 1.6 million people. If I expand my search radius from 20 to 50 miles that will give me access to the 1.6 million people plus a few lizards and rattlesnakes.

  • @GameStriker4481 I think it can be quite interesting when people use something that represents them as their profile photo, instead of just having the default "anonymous" image ... some examples from @zi99, @mikehugs, @Rose95 and @Morpheus:

  • [Deleted User]snughugs (deleted user)

    Thankyou @AshleyCuddles it's nice to feel like part of the conversation :)

    I didn't realize we could use photos that weren't of ourselves, I may do that then rather than having the blank default image up! Thankyou for the idea @respectful

    Personally I don't have a photo of myself up for a few different reasons - none of which are because I have two heads or run a chocolate smuggling business on the side or something! =) It doesn't mean I won't share my photos with someone once I'm comfortable as I do understand that many people develop their opinion of someone based off both personality and appearance.

    Although I will say it's off putting when men essentially want dating photos. It's difficult to describe but I'm sure most people know what I mean!

    @DarrenWalker thanks for your perspective, it's always interesting to hear the different reasons why people might come to a site like this. I also have a couple of health conditions so it's interesting how that can influence people's needs. I do agree with willmott2k10 in that you'll possibly have more luck with pros depending upon where you live. I'd say that most people, particularly women, want that security of knowing someone before meeting them in person. Unfortunately the world is a dangerous place! When I receive messages like the one you described all sorts goes through my mind - including is this person a human trafficker using the website to meet and trap unsuspecting women, is it a normal person who's misunderstood the point of the site and will be pushy about wanting more, etc.

  • Photos are no longer a problem in my opinion. Whenever I start a conversation with somebody I send them a pic with my response right away since we now have the capability of doing that.
    It used to be that you had to send them an email address and they had to reply to it with their email address and only then could you send a pic.
    Now if they have a profile pic and we start talking I just send a pic right away even if they don’t ask for it because I think it’s only fair that they also can see what I look like even though I don’t have a profile pic for privacy reasons.

  • [Deleted User]snughugs (deleted user)

    See, I'm more cynical - I've had bad experiences in the past and there's nothing to say that the person in the photo is actually them! There are also people who have stalked me online before and created fake accounts to do that, so I no longer take people at 'face value' so to speak :s

  • [Deleted User]GameStriker4481 (deleted user)

    @respectful Ok, I think I'll try that out

  • I always think, “how can I make my profile better?” I dont have the greatest pictures right now, and I’m terrible at talking about myself, but they are areas where it will help me get responses. As mentioned before, I try to avoid mentioning cuddling in the first message, I never flirt, I usually try to make them laugh or smile, or at least ask them how they are doing. Whatever you say, just be genuine about it.

    I have only been here about a week so I dont expect any responses, as I find response rate to be similar to dating apps. Maybe that’s just me though. Some will, some won’t, so what? Keep messaging! :grin:

    TT

  • Ive tried so many different ways too, I should just get back on a dating site because this place seems like a dating site to me as well!

  • And men are always asking me for more and more pics I also feel like they are pic collectors!

  • @Beautiful1 , i wont go back to any dating sites because I’m not trying to date. Too much pressure. Also, I just moved to this city so idk anyone or have time to meet people.

    I think it’s standard to request pics from someone you may want to be in physical contact with, yeah? Even if it’s just cuddling, sometimes looking at an image of someone brings a level of comfort and relatability that words can’t deliver, in my opinion.

    Also, don’t give up, I’m sure there are some nice cuddlers in your area :relaxed:

    TT

  • I agree with @Beautiful1 . I also find it peculiar that anyone would ask for more photos of me when I already have six on my profile page. I have had more pics requested at times, and I have denied those requests.

  • Pic collectors! Hahaha it's true, I haven't had it from this website in particular but I do get this a lot!

  • edited April 2018

    I don't understand the problem, if someone asks for more photos, just say NO.

  • There are various reasons of why people don't post their pictures. Maybe because they are public figures, high position/title at work, too attractive or just want the potential cuddle buddy to get to know them as friends before showing how they look like.

  • @angela10 True. Great perspective.

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