Cuddling with a Narcissist

Jascuddleboo32Jascuddleboo32
in General

Have you ever cuddled with a covert narcissist?
I have and didn't realize it until it was almost to late. Thankfully I'm out of that relationship. I so thankful for having survived an abusive narcissistic relationship. Someone I met here on CC in Pittsburgh.

Comments

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    How did you discover they were a narcissist? It would be helpful for some to hear what to look for.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    From here? I'd say I've likely met up with more than one - but I only know for sure one of them was. They can be hard to spot sometimes because not everyone who harbors narcissistic tendancies shows them right away.

    They're what I consider to be low-grade sociopaths, and yet still a troubling personality disorder because it leaves those of us in their wake questioning our perceptions of reality. And for many of us, it's often only in hindsight, when the fog lifts, that we realize that we were being manipulated, coerced, taken advantage of, etc. for their benefit (even when others have been telling us all along)...

    And because they're so adept at controlling narratives and making others question themselves, they can leave you broken in ways you weren't before. Where if not sifted through and sorted can leave you vulnerable for the next one that comes along.

    But you can take control and read up on what to look out for (there will likely be far more than you saw in just that one person)...

    And interestingly, although labeled as 'how to stop being one', the way to protect yourself from falling for the next narcissist's trappings has the same elements...

    And if it does happen again, rinse/repeat, and good luck!! You deserve to have better for yourself. 🫂

  • MecitMecit
    edited December 2023

    I sadly think both of my relationships were with narcissists. They start out one way in terms of being charming and heavy on lovebombing but quickly change for the worse and don't listen to misgivings or boundary requests; they take arguments the wrong way, move too fast, and cut off relationships lickity split. They have major anger and avoidant issues and also see people as toys in a sense. They have interpersonal and communication difficulties. They are not open minded except in ways that suit them, and they quickly forget what they said or promised. They play the blame game and gaslight, and bluff confidence. There's no stability or true closure with them, sadly.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @Mecit ~ So well captured!!

  • AnotherCuddlistAnotherCuddlist

    @quixotic_life wonderful information, thank you!

  • SouthernDollSouthernDoll

    I’m so sorry to hear about your previous abusive/narcissistic relationship, it sounds like you have experienced a lot in some of your past relationships. So I am glad you survived it and on a positive note 📝 chose to share what you’ve learned here with others in the cuddle community, so they’ll know what warning signs and indicators to look out for in other individuals when cuddling and avoid finding themselves intertwined with an abusive narcissist!!

    No, I have not personally cuddled with a narcissist. Though I’ve cuddled with someone who was and is a child to a narcissistic parent, so they’re dealing with a lot of trauma that can result from that form of upbringing.

    ~ Happy Cuddling Everyone 🤗 ~

  • [Deleted User]4TheSnugs (deleted user)

    Narcissism is a result of severe trauma and it is possible to have a healthy relationship with a person with NPD if they are aware/in healing

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    In the context of platonic cuddling wouldn't one be protected from npd behaviors? Is think it would really only affect you if you stepped out of this context, maybe not against the tos but out of the true intent. Asking more than stating.

  • BearBear

    I was involved with a narcissist once. I was not aware of the tendencies. She love bombed the hell out of me. That and physical attention and cuddling were great at first. That caused me not to catch red flags.

    After she got physically abusive, I took off.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited December 2023

    @BashfulLoner In my experience, folks that are narcissists have little to no regard for your boundaries or feelings - they also project a lot of their flaws or insecurities onto you. Real examples:

    • I volunteered to drop a person off at a bus terminal. We were running close on time and I was familiar with a set of directions and proceeded there since I knew we'd get there in time. Two seconds before I made a left turn out of her neighborhood , she turned on her GPS and told me to make a right turn. There. was not enough time to react. She started screaming at me that she knew the directions better than me, I stated that was true but I was already in the process of turning and knew the directions. She began telling me I was like her father, who did nice things for her but was domineering and disregarded her feelings. I told her it's not too late to turn around, but she instead said it's too late and keep going (and yelled at me the whole car ride)
    • I had a partner that would start major arguments every two weeks. When I told her we could resolve things peacefully and civilly, she continued to insult and point fingers at me. When I finally was upset and required space to cool down, it activated her abandonment issues and required more care and nurturing despite her starting a fight , angering me, and then not providing me the time and space to process and move on.
    • I had a former best friend who I introduced into a martial arts school. He eventually got it into his head to be the best in the US so stabbed me in the back using the coach (which caused me to leave eventually) while I was helping him financially and my family loaned him a cellphone and data program.

    Yeah some folks , like the second one later tried very hard to heal (she did suffer extreme abuse - which she relayed after the relationship). I have some sympathy for her, but even in the post relationship she was still denying my feelings and diminishing her role in the destruction of our relationship. So it is what it is. In the end, I want a narcissist to eat, just not at my table.

    While it's possible for narcissists to heal and change, frequently the major barrier that's preventing that from happening is the lack of humility and the grandiose sense of self or self-importance. I'm not a psychologist and can't see how this is treated, but it makes for a turbulent, unstable time bc their state of mind is turbulent.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @Minestrone101 im talking about the context of CC. Someone with those traits behave that way with a captive audience, in some sort of relationship or context that requires interaction. In this, it would seem to me, that you behave or don't come around. I would assume narcissist have normal relationships with most people in the world, when someone's sees something they don't like they just remove themselves from interaction. So i guess in my mind if your cuddling a narcissist more than once something else is bringing you to this scenario besides platonic cuddling.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited December 2023

    @BashfulLoner - I disagree. Driving a person, cuddling a person , or even having food with a narcissist gives them ample opportunity to: gaslight , to trample on others' boundaries, to love bomb and manipulate, to deny someone's self-worth so they're easier to control.

    One of my cuddler friends on CC was love bombed and then later was canceled on a cuddle last minute (then weeks later told them they were lonely at 2am, etc). Romance or sex is not required or need to be on the table in order for narcissism to work out. That's my opinion based on my experience as well as the anecdotes of others.

    But, sometimes experience is the best way to understand the complex actions of a narcissist.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes
    edited December 2023

    I guess i get what you are saying. What you described is very close to be outside of what platonic cuddling is, at least in my mind. I'm not claiming to be an expert so I'm just trying to be clear on it. I understand these types of people are trying to manipulate but doesn't there have to be something to manipulate? Being love bombed by a stranger would just be weird right? You get love bombed by someone you looking for love from, right? I agree that people attempt to trample boundaries but isn't there a reason people allow them to be trampled. I'm thinking if this is happening something else beside platonic must also be. I'm not trying to blame anyone, it's just how it's computing in my mind.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @BashfulLoner I get that most narsissistic traits are described from the perspective of a romantic relationship. But as the child of an officially diagnosed narcissist, I can tell you that lovebombing doesn't have to be within a romantic or sexual context. It is any over the top promise of care or oversaturation of kindness, which is then ripped away and swapped out for bitter, hateful treatment, if you don't give that person what they want.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited December 2023

    @BashfulLoner As I wrote earlier, one example was a former best friend (same gender). Another friend of mines ex best friend had a disagreement, and it's a narcissist number one goal to be right. Then she bad talked her behind her back and turned her friend group agst her.

    I have two family members who have been married to a narcissist for years. One of them, my sibling, began demonstrating narcisstic tendencies for years after some years of marriage. This has made it almost impossible to schedule get togethers with this sibling, or to call them out on lies bc they'll always deny (gaslight).

    One last thing - regardless of how you will interact with a narcissist (work, family, romantic , platonic, cuddle, sports team, etc.), they are oftentimes takers. If you're a chronic giver or people pleaser, then it quickly becomes an unhealthy symbiotic type relationship.

    Anyway, needless to say, I have a lot of opinions about this phenomenon (as well as too many experiences with it - anything over 1 is too many). Cheers to you.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @SunsetSnuggles @Minestrone101 im not trying to be dismissive, I'm genuinely asking. I believe what you are both saying. I guess i can see how you'd fall into a situation where being a victim of this behavior is possible. I have pretty thick skin and will ignore a lot from people that i don't have a vested relationship with. Wether it be romantic, professional, in service, transactional or anything of the sort, I'd like to think if i see behaviors such as these in people I'm meeting or beginning with id avoid continuing, and also if there of i find that im in it I'd hope i could easily escape, that's the perspective im coming from im CC.

    But I probably have some relationships with this type, but for the most part it's probably exhaust them. Not caring much about their negative energy, and eating that love bomb like candy. Or maybe i have a mild case. I hope not.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    If anyone would like to lovebomb me, I’m accepting applications

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @BashfulLoner I get you, don't worry; just wanted to give a perspective that was outside the realm of a romantic relationship, since that is the aspect that is always reflected, not only in media, but even in many "official" examples.

    I do completely get where you're coming from, with thinking narcissistic behavior wouldn't really "work", coming from a stranger. The negative aspects, for sure, right there with you. But the "positive" aspects would deeply appeal to many hurting, lonely, vulnerable souls within the cuddle community. The lovebombing is exactly why narcissistic behavior draws people in. They feel all that acceptance and affection they've been missing or dreaming of...the negative aspects would come after.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • frankparker9frankparker9

    OP calls it “surviving a relationship” so clearly it is either a romantic relationship or something similarly intense or entangled, it sounds like? Not just a cuddle session or two. I agree it is a little confusing.

    @quixotic_life I love Melanie Tonia Evans, and the list of traits that make one susceptible was new to me. I’ve saved it. Thanks!

    I moved in with a narcissistic partner, bought a house, got married, had kids… makes me wonder what not realizing it until it is “almost too late” is for OP. :) It’s never too late.

  • Dulcie7Dulcie7

    I spent 14 years with one. Cuddling with the narcissist was almost non-existent near the end.
    Mine was a selfish cuddler, always wanted me to be the big spoon, would never hold me, always turned away from me in bed ....if they even decided to sleep in the bed to begin with.
    Intermittent reinforcement was huge in the relationship, it had me trying harder and harder.
    And promises of marriage kept me around so long.
    I don't ever want to do that again, I deserve to have peace in life ✌️🕊️

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited December 2023

    I don’t have time to read about this narcissism you speak of. I'm too busy looking in the mirror.

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