I actually wasn't talking to OP..... YOU may be a perfectly nice fellow, but MANY are not! So just don't even give that advice that it's ok. You are only making yourself look creepy by continuing to insist.
Edited for content. While you are welcome to share your opinions and experiences, name calling and baiting are not tolerated. See you in a few days [netrunner]
@RedFox16 you don’t know me yet you just passed judgment on me. You insulted me and called me an old man, gross and creepy.
@carrieanne
@Morpheus but please remember that you’re not an 18 year old woman, are you? I’m not either but I remember how I would’ve felt about that when I was 18 or 25 or maybe even 29. So you don’t actually know how they feel about it. I can’t believe you wrote that. 🤦♀️
But did YOU sign up as a platonic cuddler at 18, 25 or 29? Unless you can say yes, you don't know how they feel about it, either. Their life experience is entirely different than yours. They're not being forced to cuddle platonically as an enthusiast or Pro. You do remember the cuddle appointment has to be agreed upon by both parties, right?
The anti fish photo Reel you linked was a poor choice. It is the opinion of a woman in the very age bracket that you find too young for OP to cuddle. The fish photo diss is for DATING site photos, which CC is not. (Dating sites is even in the hashtags.) Using your own analogy, that woman can't speak for any women older than her because she's never been a woman that age. It's simple to turn that logic around.
@starrynitecuds that is NEARLY victim blaming dude. Don't do it....don't go there. The whole "she's the one who chose to have some drinks" or "she's the one who chose to go to the bar" is victim blaming. "She's the one who signed up for a cuddle site" STILL does not mean she's aware of what exactly can happen.
A woman who is 18 is legally an adult, but she is NOT (no matter her life experiences) developmentally an adult. Look it up.
Plus, don't forget that we pros have a pros only "unsafe clients" forum....so don't insist you're a standup guy if you're really not
In the end, OP asked what he can change to get more responses, and I would believe the women on here.
(Unless he's trying to cuddle men, then that's a different story,and no hate against that).
I kinda agree with the gross and creepy part but I've been here long enough to know stuff. While not everyone is like this and I'd like to think that even most aren't like this , there are certainly some slimy dudes on here who aren't here for platonic reasons (y'all know who you are). And I'm referring to even long time members, not just the fleeting ones that end up deleting or getting banned Some folks have a history of turdery, which leaves quite the impression on others who hear about and experience it. So it's not out of pocket for someone to raise an eyebrow if someone is actively attempting to cuddle with someone much younger than them when there are other options closer to their own ages. It's understandable and I can't blame someone for that .
I always thought having a large age range is meant to increase their possible cuddle pool. Just leave that field blank then we won't be having this discussion.
I figure younger pros need money for college and they are often more cheery and optimistic to be around. The world has not driven them to angry rants yet. That being said, I don’t remember even seeing anyone in my search area under the mid 20s.
@RedFox16 From your profile:
Despite being a redhead, I'm a very intuitive and empathetic person. I can usually sense what someone needs from me and am also very understanding and non-judgemental.
That's from YOUR profile. Yet here you are judging away: by age, by sex, even language.
You claim I'm "almost victim blaming", but there's no victim, villain or crime. Calling my gender into question because I don't join the male bashing club or talk like a 50 year old woman? Because I don't call women "Dude"? By Carrieanne's logic, since you haven't been 50, you don't know and don't get an opinion.
If this is truly "a hill you will die on," why are you generating income for a site that allows age gap cuddling that obviously goes against your beliefs? And for clarification, what's your age that women are magically mature? You do refuse to cuddle 50+ male clients who admit they have cuddled women younger than that age, right? Because it's hypocritical if you don't.
You won't "die on that hill" when money is being paid to you.
I pm’d him directly about my opinions before this thread got very active. So not directed at him, this is just in general and my feelings/thoughts about the topic at hand.
From my life experiences, someone quite a bit older, looking for someone quite a bit younger, is creepy. I won’t go into personal details, but to me, it’s creepy.
On the other hand, one seasoned pro told me that younger guys may push boundaries more, and may be flaky in canceling and such. I go with my gut on who to schedule, but the younger ones I have actually seen, have not pushed boundaries. (And one older gentleman I saw, didn’t push any boundaries either.) On the scheduling part, some have been flaky, some have not.
It’s all in a person’s motive. Each person is different. I’ve seen lots of reviews for older guys on here that have seen younger women, and by the karma, the older men have not been creepy at all. With that said, there are many that are!!
Not going by stereotypes and going with your gut, is my best way. Actions speak louder than words. And hidden words, and suggestions speak mountains in a conversation. Motives are what matter, not age. Either can be a great platonic cuddler, not pushing boundaries, and vice versa.
This might not be related to anything but I wanted to throw in my 1 cent or is it two cents? I don’t remember, but I’m over the hill.
I would like to reiterate, the OP never said he specifically wanted to cuddle 18 year olds. I never said, go cuddle 18 year olds. I was simply trying to be encouraging to a member of this community. I encouraged open mindedness and all inclusivenes. Other people however in addition to their personal attacks, are taking this opportunity to present their own personal agendas and are arguing things that were never said.
I'm curious why age would matter? If this were a dating site I could understand, but this is supposed to be platonic, so age shouldn't really matter. Unless someone who thinks age is an issue subconsciously suspects the older men are looking for something non-platonic?
Thank you for asking @starrynitecuds however, being understanding and empathetic does not extend to predatory behavior. Not even remotely. And flipping things around on someone instead of addressing your own called-out behavior also makes you appear sus....but even more so. Just stop, you're not achieving the goal you think you are here.
@Morpheus, using the words "openness" and "inclusivity" do not take away the ick factor from the topic and the more you insist, the creepier it makes your comments seem. Again, as above "Just stop, you're not achieving the goal you think you are here."
And I know you want to be supportive to your fellow old men @jplemmon , but please don't add more icky comments to this already bad thread. Your first comment was borderline, but this one is much worse 🤢
Edited to add: FYI to anyone else adding comments... If you are over 40yrs old and male, please, please refrain from commenting "support" of those older men who seem to be proponents of actively pursuing extremely young women under the guise of "it's a platonic site, so what's the issue?" It just makes YOU look creepy....it's not a stance you should be defending. This is for your own good, please just trust me
From here on out, just comment in order to help out OP by answering his genuine questions. He wasn't the one who said any of this and seems to honestly be in search of help. ☺️
And to answer the OP, While I've had about a 10% response rate, pretty much all ended up getting banned before it moved past a first message exchange. I've not had a cuddle session with an enthusiast in the (roughly) 8 years or so I've been here.
🤣
Lot of 40+ dudes in here claiming age isn't an issue as if they're young ladies themselves. Creep factor off the charts in this thread, and I'm a 40 year old dude too.
@jplemmon young man have you finished your homework assignment
@mulftor it's creepy to say age doesn't matter? Quite a stretch, even for this site.
@lonelytauros I have only finished 20 out of 40 pages so far on the thesis 🫢
To constantly insist it's not a factor at all is creepy yes. People are different. There are ladies in this thread saying they wouldn't cuddle a man my age if they were 18. That's a real honest opinion, not sure why anyone would argue with them. People are different and there are 18 year olds out there who will cuddle everyone.
To me people who have to argue they're not creepy is creepy in of itself. Take the opinion for what it is and move on. A lot of these ladies deal with quite a lot of crap from men. If you're not like that, great, then there's no reason to get offended.
Most of these women are just trying to keep themselves safe, and if their opinions and actions while doing that offend someone, that someone should do some self reflection on why it offends them.
And just so we are absolutely clear, I cuddled a 19 year old just the other day. Age certainly does not have to be a factor, but to many it is and that is a valid opinion for them to have and should be respected, not argued.
Right! @mulftor ! Thank you.
And @jplemmon why the laughing emoji....that wasn't a joke 🤔 Or maybe you need some person-specific examples of what it looks like to be a creep on here? 🤨
Nah, it's funny
@mulftor All I did was offer my opinion as well in an entirely non-creepy way. I never said anyone couldn't have their own opinion.
I too have had consistent cuddlers in the past who where in the college aged range. They were perfectly confident in establishing their boundaries and they carefully scrutinize who they cuddle with. One had a recommendation to meet me specifically from another friend I used to cuddle with. Another picked me because I have well established karma and have been on the site a long time.
One of them was able to pay their entire college tuition with no debt via cuddling. I just don't agree that they are necessary more naive or less able to handle themselves compared to someone older. That was the complete opposite experience that I had.
So?
If someone says 40+ men are creepy, I'm 40+ and that does not offend me. Why argue or try and change their mind? I know who I am and I know they're just trying to keep themselves safe.
Why argue or try and change their mind? That's the creepy part. Stop arguing and let people have their preferences. Nothing is stopping you or I from continuing to be respectful dudes.
@mulftor I am not trying to change anyone's mind. I am offering my perspective. People can have their preferences and I can have mine. I expressed my opinion and I was called creepy so yes I defended myself. I don't know how much clearer I can be.
Modified due to content. See you in a week for breaking the forum rules [netrunner]
Age difference matters because generally, in virtually any type of relationship, the potential for a disparate power dynamic increases as the age disparity increases. This doesn't mean that age disparity guarantees a problematically disparate power dynamic. Of course there are mitigating factors. Some folks think the above is true and important, and some people don't. The advice in this thread and the subsequent conflict seem to be highlighting this dichotomy.
It feels kinda like deciding between two skateparks. In one, the norm is to wear safety gear. Even the people who aren't at all worried that they'll be injured still wear safety gear because they want to be in an environment where safety is the primary concern, and in support of that the potential danger is talked about and preventive measures are used to reduce risk. In the first skatepark there are some jerks who trip people and make them fall, and who try to convince other people to be in high risk scenarios, but the overall atmosphere of prioritized safety decreases the overall occurrence of injury. In the other skatepark, the norm is for people not to wear safety gear. They prefer the sense of freedom and comfort that they feel... Some of them are fooling themselves about the risk, some genuinely think it's overblown, some have been manipulated by bad actors to underestimate it, and others see all of that and still prefer it because helmets and pads are uncomfortable and such a drag. In that park, injuries happen more often than in the other... And malicious people find it easier to cause chaos... But helmets and pads are such a drag.
Question: So theres a 40 year old woman enthusiast in my area who's preferred age range is 18-45. Is she a creep? (Feel free to call my bluff and request proof in DM)
@jplemmon thank you for bravely representing the silent majority
@Sooson I wish they'd be less silent so I'm not the only one getting in trouble 😆