Your view of married people coming here?

June 2016

In my situation, since I've had an amazing wife for 35 years, whom I love deeply, I would not want to be unfaithful to her at all. Yet, because my sexual orientation is gay (long story on that one), I still need some sort of affectionate physical contact with another man. That's why I have just joined this site, in the hopes I can find a like minded gentleman friend that I can cuddle with, and nothing more.

CarlosHunt · June 2016

So let me understand this. We are trying to invent something called a "platonic cuddle", when we all know that close contact between too healthy adults, be it WM, MM or WW, that this has to be, by the rules of mother nature, sexual. From a healthy heterosexual man's POV, I find cuddling with a nice, personable lady extremely sexual, and I have to do everything in my power to control my urge to jump her bones. I think men are hard wired after many moons of evolution to act / react that way .... But ultimately do respect boundaries, and if the boundaries are too limiting then I move on.

docgatorb · June 2016

I think that you are missing asexual as a 'sexual orientation'. Although this may seem to some to be against the rules of mother nature, it wasn't that long ago that the majority of people felt that gay, bisexual and poly were against those same rules and not healthy. It seems that mother nature keeps producing variations that goes against these rules, the 'rules', it turns out, are conceptions created by certain individuals (religions) that have been imposed on other individuals. If men are hard wired after many moons of evolution, it has been in the direction to innovate and experiment rather than to be stuck in one way of doing things. Now everyone can feel free to stick with whatever they are comfortable with but that doesn't mean that it reflects the perspectives of everyone else. In fact, as much as can be deduced from evolutionary evidence, suggests that man has only been monogamous in recent history and the rate of failed marriages suggests not very successfully.

bluestripes · June 2016

Sexual attraction is a thing that does go on for (some of) us, but it surely isn't the only thing. I've been cuddling for two months now and am enjoying to keep discovering all the subtleties and nuances of attraction. Turns out, sexual attraction is only one "color", and I've been missing out on a whole other palette of emotions. Then of course, sometimes you meet a person and the sexual attraction part of it is so strong that other "colors" can barely show -- and that's okay. I can tune it down and explore the rest of the colors, or sometimes I can't

. I wonder if for some of us the sexual "color" is so strong that it overrides all other "colors". There's its own beauty in the monochrome

but I'm glad to be out in the color-land.

bluestripes · June 2016

Going back to married folks, I see no reason why a person cannot actively choose not to pursue their sexual emotions, but to explore and enjoy the rest of them... Will probably need some training on that for many of us, but I don't see it as impossible or "less than"

Crispin · June 2016

I found I am not as hard-wired as I thought. I preferred to think we are soft wired. We are not all wired to enjoy sex. If u are then u are.

June 2016

It's also people in relationships. I don't see how a boyfriend would approve of his girlfriend coming here. Something must be wrong in the relationship.

bluestripes · June 2016

People in open relationships? Just one example; relationships between people are as varied as the people themselves.

TwoTone · June 2016

I'm married and I enjoy cuddling my wife, but I also enjoy cuddling other people. It doesn't necessarily mean there's a problem with your relationship.

docgatorb · June 2016

So true.

Jay211 · June 2016

Person in a committed relationship here. My girlfriend lives in another country, on the other side of the ocean, so we can't exactly be together to cuddle right now. Neither of us have a problem with the other having platonic relationships with others (because neither of us is super controlling/obsessive).

June 2016

That would be like the Ashley Madison of cuddling lol.

frankparker9 · June 2016

Marriage is a long game if you are in it to win it — 50 years or more! Sometimes there are difficult periods. A couple that was fine when the money was flowing in might begin to fight when it dries up. Two people who aren't that great at self-care may take care of each other, until they have kids, and suddenly there's massive amounts of new stress and little energy left over to hold each other up. Some people get married young, before they really know themselves and what they want. Whatever the case, resentment over unmet needs builds, and there is emotional distance, and then fights, and then divorce. It happens every day.

It's easy to look at someone else's marriage and say, "Aha, I detect evidence of a dysfunctional dynamic in the relationship!" Yes, and? Not everything has a quick fix. Whether your spouse would approve of every action you take is not more important than the marriage itself.

There are many kinds of marriages, as well. Some are open marriages, and even in ones that are not, some cuddling may be allowed. And we haven't even talked about cultural norms of other times and places to decide what's "healthy" or "natural."

Crispin · June 2016

Frankparker,
Wow, that was well put. You have an excellent and objective understanding of coupling.
Marriage evolves in an organic way.
I have a great cuddlebuddy at last and realize I don't need an affair to be happy.
My marriage is something I treasure as it is no longer a threat to an affectionate life.

I wish I knew what I did to make my life satisfying. Maybe it's just my time to be happy.
Perhaps the key is that a mate doesn't have to be perfect if they allow one to find all the ingredients in other people.

bluestripes · June 2016

@frankparker9, @Crispin, your responses are a joy to read. Thank you.

Xenith · June 2016

I don't think you could possibly find a consensus on this. Also non-monogamy is very possible. It was my ex wife that more or less twisted my arm to start a facebook, okcupid, and fetlife account for me.

Crispin · July 2016

Wow Zenith. Is she taken?

crispycoconut · July 2016

As a married person, so long as my husband is ok with it, it is fine. I enjoy cuddles and being i dont work, this is a decent way to earn extra income doing something i enjoy. Its nothing sexual nor is it meant to be anything sexual or more than platonic cuddles. Its not always because there are things wrong in the relationship or because my husband doesnt pay attention to me, because i get a lot of attention.

coolguy19850101 · July 2016

I agree with Crispy coconut. I feel man needs more than one.. One in life is necessary but not sufficient.

July 2016

If the marriage/relationship was going great then there wouldn't be a need for cuddling outside of it. If the purpose is to make cash from professional cuddling then that's different.

July 2016

As a female I'd probably be okay cuddling with a straight married woman who just needed some more affection, but I would feel uncomfortable cuddling with a straight married guy. I guess if the guy was married and gay that would be different.

July 2016

@Sunflowerfield why? I feel like the straight male is seen more as a creep by young women today. Interesting that you bring this up because I have been waiting to discuss this for a while now. A girl who had genderfluid and cuddles either ignored me but I had this feeling that if I had cuddles either (bi sexual) on my profile that she would message me back. This girl looked like a hipster millennial type.

docgatorb · July 2016

@SnuggleSymmetry You are reading way too much into a non-response.There is no data in an non-response. Consider a non-response as inactive, it doesn't reflect on who you are.

snowbelle · July 2016

I do have sympathy for the people not getting enough touch from their spouse. The relationship before the one have now was long distance (well I guess 3 hours isn't super long but we saw each other an average of once ever month and 1/2, usually for a weekend). After being in that situation I can understand. People need touch, some more than others, and during that relationship I felt some of my most loneliest times. I also was in a new city and stressed with work all the time so I didn't have friends, or even family, to turn to- not that most friends wouldn't feel weird about cuddling someone in this culture anyways...
So yeah, through that relationship I learned I definately couldn't ever do that again or be some kind of military or highly traveled business wife. I need a person that I can be close to and spent quality time with, no amount of Skype or phone calls can change that.
That being said I don't think it's right when people seek any kind of physical partner with out their spouce (or bf/gf/)'s consent. I find it cheating and being unfaithful to your relationship, and I hate guys that are cheaters lol

snowbelle · July 2016

Also thinking about what snugglesymmetry said, I don't think I would snuggle with a married man either, unless I was also married and seeking cuddling. Some men are just very much hard wired for sex and will do things like "getting a feel" and just blaiming their urges on it. I would always try to seek out people I'm not really attracted to but it seems like most guys dont. I even meet someone on cl that just wanted to go see a move and then he consistently went to touch me, after I moved his hand multiple times.
So why would I only pick single guys then? I guess because of my moral compass says that if a single guy makes any moves it's annoying but understandable and I just tell him to knock it off. If a married guy does it though, I just feel bad about myself, even dirty and go home even more jaded about trusting people. I guess I've just been trusting too many times and don't care to be let down again, I wish that people would just be honest and clear about what they want (and not by using stupid acronyms and code words that people may or not know). Then again I could go on and on about that and make it it's own thread lol

CatVal · July 2016

Not gonna lie, didn't read most of the thread - just here to answer the initial question.

i don't mind if people have significant others, and I don't pry. They requested a cuddle session for a reason and if they want to discuss those reasons, I'm happy to listen. If not, well that's fine too. I'm strictly a platonic cuddler, and although the affection is very intimate, I guarantee the relationship won't go anywhere beyond friendly companionship.

sabbir · July 2016

when a parson feel lonely he try so many thing to be admier this but when feel sad nothing can remove the pain..

coolguy19850101 · July 2016

they have a big heart. they are not letting marriage kill the love they have in store.

October 2016

I messaged a married woman and asked her why she's here? Then she blocked me, haha. Probably has problems in her marriage. I wouldn't feel comfortable if my significant other was looking to cuddle with other men on here.

October 2016

Of course other users here will try to excuse them by saying that it's platonic and that it's okay as long as there's no sex. Well it's not okay and if a person in a relationship is here then something is not right with their union.

Categories

Your view of married people coming here?

Comments