Deep conversation?

[Deleted User]1_teddybear (deleted user)
in General

I see quite a few profiles that express a desire for deep conversation with their cuddle partners. But for those of you that think this is important, what does deep conversation mean to you specifically? Your hopes and fears? Strategies for world peace? Learning new things? And no, just saying "All of the above" is not an answer. Please think about it. What is it that you feel the need to say, or to hear, or to share?

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]zerogone40 (deleted user)

    I would say interesting rather than deep. Or maybe both. I want to think about things, be given some food for thought. have my opinions changed. I don't mind watching a movie or listening to music, but there is some pleasure confined to the mind in having a decent conversation with someone. It's stimulating. The subject is less important than whether the person is interesting or not. Whether I am.

  • HaaaveyoumetsamHaaaveyoumetsam

    There isn’t a certain topic that makes it a deep conversation for me. If I’m comfortable enough with my cuddler, our conversation just flows into something deep. We can be talking about movies and then out of nowhere get into why a certain one had such an impact on you and then that can go to anything in your life that you’re comfortable sharing.
    If you can tell that the other person is listening, you’ll start to just talk about more and more things effortlessly.
    I’ve never started a conversation with a deep question. They’re always a surface level question and then before you know it, your words just start flowing.

    It’s important to me because we are both two individuals who have our own lives. Yes there is a transactional part since I’m a pro, but I want to feel like I’m cuddling a real person with real thoughts. I want to come out of that session knowing the other person well enough to be able to see them again.

  • BearBear

    I can usually talk on different subjects. Sometimes I really get into metaphysical aspects and sometimes I just like talking about movies and simple things. Then there are times where if there's a strong connection I'll check in with the person and see how they're doing.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    A deep conversation for me would go something like this;
    Me- hi are you available
    Me-ok great 8pm ok?
    Me-wonderful I’ll see you then!

  • pmvinespmvines

    What's deep to me isn't necessarily deep to others and vice versa . So I find it important to find some common ground first , then go from there . Silly or deep just depends on the situation and the connection and the person. Reading the room . Otherwise it's just somebody babbling and carrying on about what they want to talk about and what's interesting to them without regard for others .

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @pmvines 💯 You are truly one of the last people worth visiting the forums for.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @TheFunCartel
    You just want my poops updates

  • SolarisSolaris

    I think deep just means you get to go underneath the persona you project to the world on a daily basis and talk about the deeper aspects of your self. What is important to you. Who you are. What you want to be. Who you used to be. I'm already talking about what's important to me here -self inquiry. But to others, deep may be their charity work or family, hobbies. What gets to them excited and passionate.

    I also love talking about movies/art and spiritual, metaphysical, and quantum/cosmological things. These things are deeply wrapped up in who I think i am. And it's always great to bounce these things off of others and see what they have to add. I've learned a lot from talking with others. Also, talking about what's important to me, and what's important to them, fosters connection. And connection is what I'm really searching for.

    That being said, quiet open-heartedness can get me to connection too.

    @sc1994 You described how it works for me perfectly.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    "Deep" for me means it's something that both people are passionate or interested in. If only one person is passionate about the subject, the other person can still be interested in hearing about it and take joy from their passion.

    Small talk, by contrast, intentionally avoids topics that people tend to get passionate about, usually out of fear of conflict. That fear usually stems from people not knowing how to either de-escalate conflict, or how to navigate it in a civil debate rather than argument. A lot of people have childhood trauma around conflict in conversation and avoid it at all costs, but the healthier way to handle trauma is to learn to cope with it gradually, not try to avoid it which just delays it.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    Anything but "small talk", please! I don't want to chit-chat about the weather, or ask polite questions about your weekend or your job...or answer them.

    I don't feel a need to say or share anything particular, I just want to have a connection that feels valuable and memorable...I like to truly know and be known. Surface level stuff just doesn't interest me.

    I want to talk about something that matters, something meaningful, something that you're passionate about, something you care about. I want to know what makes you tick, what makes you cry, what keeps you going. Hopefully you want to know the same about me. Friendship should be a give and take.

    Everyone who is saying that it's different for everyone, and with everyone, is correct. There's no pattern laid out for what to talk about or how to get there. It just happens, if it happens. You click with someone and things naturally go somewhere deep.

    If it has to be pushed or forced, or one person is just trauma dumping, or it's one of those, "They're my best friend" but the other person doesn't at all feel the same way, that could be suggestive of Histrionic Personality Disorder, or something similarly concerning. Anything deep or intense should be done with consent and mutual interest.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @1_teddybear posted: "what does deep conversation mean to you specifically?"

    Here are actual examples of some of the Quality Time subjects and moments that feed my spirit; though, as mentioned above, it could be any variety of things, there's no road map.

    • Hearing about someone's childhood
    • Laughing over shared childhood experiences, toys, or movies
    • Learning about someone's passion project or hobby
    • Sharing an emotional moment together in silence
    • Having someone share about their plans for the future
    • Listening about a painful relationship (death, distance, break-up)
    • Sharing pictures of our pets (mutual excitement, pain over their death)
    • Looking at family photos on the wall or in an album (learning names, hearing stories)
    • Talking openly about health struggles, including mental health
    • Sharing life issues and asking for and receiving advice

    These are just some off the top of my head. These moments can be heartbreaking, or they can be filled will hysterical laughter...but they are bonding experiences that go beyond polite chit-chat. These are the kinds of connections that make my heart glow. 💗

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    B)

  • RunawaycuddlesRunawaycuddles

    In "polite society" (aka neurotypical society) relationships are built by first trading meaningless phrases you don't actually care about the real answer to. It gives neurotypical people time to gauge how it feels to talk with this new person and once they feel comfortable doing that things can slowly progress into "deeper" things like sharing actual opinions, more honest answers to questions and possibly even some level of emotional vulnerability.

    Those of us (generally neurodivergents) who want "deeper" connections much faster, don't find smalltalk comforting, in fact it's incredibly boring, frustrating and seems completely ridiculous to us because nobody's actually being honest. 🤷🏼 When people ask us "How's it going" we actually want to say how we're doing, to share some level of our real lived experience with them and hear the same from the people we're interacting with, but that's considered "too deep" and even rude so we have to preface that we prefer "deep" conversation.
    This doesn't mean that we don't ever wanna ask smalltalk-y things like work or basic life information and only want to talk about trauma, solving the world's problems and our deepest darkest feelings, it just means that we aren't satisfied with the eternal loop of smalltalk where we just repeat preordained phrases at each other like "Living the dream!', "Thank god it's Friday" and "Did ya catch that game this weekend?" forever.

    So when I say I love deep conversations with people it means I want to know you, what you really think, feel and care about, your perspective on the world, your niche hobbies that you could talk about forever just because it lights you up to do it, and I love it when that same level of conversational interest is returned. I wanna know and share the things "normal" people consider weird, whether it's as light as a secret hatred for kale or as actually emotionally deep as what the last thing was that made us each cry, I want it all and I fit best with people who want the same. ☺️

    Hope that helps!

  • [Deleted User]zerogone40 (deleted user)

    @Runawaycuddles - Agreed.

  • Will564Will564

    For me, this is an area where there is a massive difference between doing it with a pro vs. an enthusiast.

    For an enthusiast situation, I honesty view it the same way I would any other friendship. Some friends like to talk about some topics, others other topics. Some I go deep with, others I don’t, depending on what we have in common and what we enjoy talking about.

    To me, “deep” topics I enjoy talking about with my friends are philosophical topics, which often boil down to where we find meaning in our lives. This can be day to day stuff, but we kind of analyze it more. We learn what each other value and what’s important to us, and we don’t mind hashing out the details. This extends to talking about people in general, and the good things and problems of the world. Sometimes it can get political, but more in a broad sense of moral viewpoints on life rather than individual policies or representatives.

    A pro situation is very different, because I don’t view it as being completely social. It’s funny because there’s more of an emotional boundary there. I open up way more about myself, whereas the pro might be much more guarded than a friend would be. We have to be careful to keep up emotional boundaries from viewing it as a friendship.

    We still might talk about the “deep” topics I mentioned above, but I feel no guilt in making the session all about me. That to me is the beauty of pro cuddling…feeling so shame, guilt or embarrassment for getting exactly what I want, since the time is at a premium.

    Otherwise it's just somebody babbling and carrying on about what they want to talk about and what's interesting to them without regard for others .

    "Deep" for me means it's something that both people are passionate or interested in. If only one person is passionate about the subject, the other person can still be interested in hearing about it and take joy from their passion.

    This exactly sums up why I view a pro situation differently. With a pro I don’t worry about keeping them interested, since I trust that since they’re there for me, they can take joy from how much their listening is helping me.

    It’s basically a way for me to let out a lot of my emotions without having to worry about the emotional labor of the other person, which is completely different than every other interaction in my life.

  • TxTomTxTom

    I don't like small talk. I struggle with maintaining conversational continuity as I grasp for something to say. And while those "awkward silences" don't bother me, I've noticed how they really bother some people, who then promptly begin tossing out word salads just to drown out the silence.

    When meeting someone for the first time, I often wish we could perform a Star Trek-like "mind meld" so it'd feel instantly like I'm conversing with an old friend.

    I prefer deep, meandering conversation, but the problem is sometimes people can't seperate the ideas from the person. Conversation has a way of revealing someone's politics or worldviews. Being honest risks alienating folks. People become too easily offended.

    I've always been able to seperate a person from their views. While I don't like echo chambers, having compatible views just makes conversation easier it seems, as I don't like arguing or fighting. It's harder and harder to have disagreements with someone where they're still willing to depart as friends. That's why I have never block anyone here on these forums. I don't take disagreements personally. I would grab a beer and talk to dudes I disagree with as much as I would cuddle dudettes I disagree with. But that's just me.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I have a statement in my profile to the effect of enjoying deep conversations. To me that usually means sharing inner thoughts / perspectives.

    The majority of cuddle partners I have met on this site are around 20-25 years younger than me. While we have some shared life experiences, we experienced them at different ages (I.e. I was 35 when the twin towers fell, but many of my cuddle partners were only in their teens when that happened). We probably see many things differently and I enjoy learning about other people’s perspectives.

  • cudbud64cudbud64
    edited May 2024

    I don’t need to know every facet of a potential cuddler’s life, but I like to be able to chatter every so often, sometimes when I arrive to a cuddle, sometimes between pockets of silence during a cuddle. It makes it more fun to talk about common interests and experiences.

    Sometimes I find that because the thing that brought us together, the site, is on our minds, it can be a primary topic. I don’t prefer for it to be beyond talking about boundaries and safety, which is totally necessary

    Talking about personal interests and stories can tell you a lot about someone’s character and if they are someone you can feel safe around. It is not unreasonable that an enthusiast will want to know who you are before sharing an intimate space with them.

    I have cuddled with people across a spectrum of life experiences different than mine and it has grown my ability to have empathy and compassion for others, but I cannot contribute to my own learning without recognizing first that I have my own bias. I recognize I can’t go into learning without listening and have to leave my assumptions aside. Knowing who someone is allows me to do that.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc

    To each his own, but me personally?? I’m a constant deep thinker, speaker and tasker IRL so I 180 from that as much as possible in a cuddle.

    I’m all about a great chill playlist at the perfect volume, a little nugget of conversation peppered in here and there in between the silence, and cuddling a great woman on my gluten-free couch or preposterously soft sheets and amazingly comfortable mattress!

    But hey! That’s just meeeeeee……

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    I think it just depends on the person. My goal is not to necessarily have a deep convo. My goal is cuddling and enjoying the moment.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @CuddleHugs01234 i agree… sometimes it’s just nice to enjoy the silence because the more that people talk the higher chance of a disagreement somewhere lol 😂

  • TxTomTxTom

    Mea culpa, I know this isn't a music thread.

    But it helps stimulate the neurons and dendrites needed for a memorable exchange.

  • musicfortruth17musicfortruth17

    It means sharing deepest thoughts and feelings n actually being HEARD n UNDERSTOOD by one another. N feeling one another’s feelings; empathy. Emotional intimacy. That’s what it means to me.

  • TravisMorrisTravisMorris

    An interesting thing happened with my last cuddle. I am 80 and she was thirty-something. She asked me if I went to Vietnam. I said yes. She asked me if I would like to talk about it. No! And then I started to talk about it. I had never done that before. I talked about experiences, feelings and sadness. Things a woman from a different generation, a different century, a different world view should not relate to. Nevertheless, she let me talk without interruption or comment. I am grateful.

  • TxTomTxTom

    Thanks for your service, @TravisMorris . It was truly Hell on Earth. That was before my time, but thankfully, some of those experiences are being brought back to the public consciousness. (i.e., very recently: the enemy tunnels that were dug under our bases, feces covered booby traps, etc.)

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    You can make almost any topic deep., but what fosters a deep conversation is a good connection

  • [Deleted User]1_teddybear (deleted user)

    @TravisMorris Thank you for your service sir.

  • RunawaycuddlesRunawaycuddles

    @TravisMorris One of my favorite things about these kinds of connections is the fact that they are most often completely separate from people's normal lives, so we each become "people of no consequence" as I like to call it.
    There's a freedom there to share things that would normally have major potential risks or be difficult to talk about when weighed against the context of a long relationship, but without all that or a connection to our larger social circles, there really are no interpersonal consequences.

    I'm glad you could share and that your cuddle partner provided such a welcoming space!

  • RunawaycuddlesRunawaycuddles

    @sunnysideup Absolutely nailed it. With the right connection even the most mundane conversations can be incredibly deep, and without it you can talk about the most intimate things in the world and still not feel connected 🤷🏼

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited May 2024

    @Runawaycuddles

    One of my favorite things about these kinds of connections is the fact that they are most often completely separate from people's normal lives… There's a freedom there to share things that would normally have major potential risks or be difficult to talk about when weighed against the context of a long relationship, but without all that or a connection to our larger social circles,

    Thank you for posting that comment. You beautifully expressed something I have felt but was unable to find the words to articulate. The women I have cuddled are all outside of my professional and social circles, and the vast majority live 2+ hours away from me. The ones I have cuddled with multiple times know me very well - my full name, occupation, etc.

    There are different levels of sharing. One level is sharing thoughts and opinions with strangers online like a forum discussion (low risk / low intimacy). Another is sharing with people in your close circles (high risk / high intimacy). Repeat cuddlers who are outside of your social circles are a middle ground of low risk, medium to high intimacy. Kind of reminds me of the proverbial “Goldilocks Zone”, not too much, not too little, just right.

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