If I'm taking a booking and am asked "what are your boundaries" the conversation is over.
@TedEBearCuddler It threw me for a loop too. But I could see where @biancalovecraft may be coming from. I think its because some people may be fishing for other things perhaps?
For me, it wouldn't be an automatic conversation over. As you said, boundaries are a good thing to talk about because some more examples include some people don't like their hands held or their face touched. Some can't handle repetitive motions in the same spot because of sensitivity (that one is mine). Some have a boundary that they won't cuddle on a bed...
Without talking about boundaries, they may inadvertently be crossed accidentally.
My contract is that I promise.ro not be a douchey whining dunce cap, and will be clean and freshly pooped.
So many slime balls on here and a contract or agreement isn't going to clean the slime out . I hate to say it but I've been here too long and know too many people and too many stories so I realize the reality of things .
Contracts, boundaries clear up any grey areas. If a person says, “ don’t stop!” Versus “Don’t! Stop!”! Verbally, they could be taken out of context and given the wrong assumption of rather something is okay.
Clear, concise language is important, as well as body language. It’s better to be safe than sorry for both parties.
@TedEBearCuddler I think stating that you follow the terms of service on here and that you keep it platonic, but want to see if there are any other boundaries that need to be discussed, is a good way to put it.
Also, you could ask if it’s a blanket yes, as long as it follows terms of service, or does the cuddler prefer each move is asked about in the beginning or throughout. This part can be discussed in person, as long as you are both agreeing to terms is service and platonic cuddling.
So if the terms of said contract aren't adhered to, do you sue?
On a more serious note. I would Sue Allen
Tho I think Pamela was hotter
@btrflyy for what it is worth, @Jubal is right -- contracts are meaningless to those who have no interest in honoring them. There are buzzwords to watch out for in messages that key in whether someone will try and cross lines that they shouldn't, for those who you decide to take a risk on ... well, I like to keep a taser handy.
People seem overfocused on the term "contract" and if they can be sued for breaking it, and ignoring the "consent" part.
A parenting tip I've seen is to draw up a contract with your kids, outlining everyone's responsibilities (yours and your kids'), and what happens if the terms are not met, and possibly rewards if the terms are met. I've never seen anywhere near the derision toward this idea that I see here against a contract of consent. I don't understand why some people have such a problem with talking about boundaries beforehand, rather than (hopefully) being apologetic when you've accidentally violated those boundaries.
I would expect consent to be important enough that people are willing to do this. If it isn't, maybe they shouldn't be involved in close personal contact such as cuddling.
Too late 🤣
I've never felt the need or desire to have any kind of contract with other enthusiasts.
I am very clear about my intentions and boundaries throughout my profile, and in my interactions with potential cuddlers.
I take time to get to know people before meeting, and if their intentions do not align or I felt they were not going to respect the cuddle headspace, a meeting would not occur. 🙅🏻♀️
~
That said, I agree with @Unscented_Lemon.
The purpose of a contract in this instance is (typically) not for legal purposes, or with any intent to sue. 📄
It's for clarity, and to make a client feel the gravity of the agreement.
🪞 Just as looking at yourself in the mirror and stating your intentions for the day aloud doesn't make them so, it is recommended because it makes it "real".
Same with writing down your New Year's resolution. Same with a vision board. 💭 The act of taking something out of your head and putting it down on paper makes it vivid and tangible, and studies say you are more likely to act on it.
@biancalovecraft posted: "If I'm taking a booking and am asked "what are your boundaries" the conversation is over."
This struck me as very bizarre, same as @TedEBearCuddler and @LadyVel.
I imagine you are referring more to those who ask something along the lines of, "What all can I do?", which is a whole different vibe, and could indicate the underlying non-platonic question, "What all can I get away with? 😏".
Asking directly about your boundaries is a very healthy question, indicates a base knowledge of consent, and is a sign of care and respect. Boundaries of both parties should be made known, before cuddling.
This is standard practice at group cuddles, as well...the entire circle goes around and states their boundaries. We already know we are in a non-sexual space. We can either reiterate that, or expand on it.
Boundaries stated in this context are often things like, "I break out if you touch my face, so please don't", "I have a left knee injury, please avoid it", "I'm uncomfortable having my stomach touched", "Light touches are very ticklish to me so please be firm".
Asking about and sharing boundaries is a crucial part of mutual awareness, consent, and can help us vocalize difficult things.
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
Thank you, @LadyVel, @CuddleHugs01234, and @SunsetSnuggles for your follow-up comments and advice. I really appreciate your insight and suggestions.
I do understand that for some, asking about 'boundaries' may seem like asking 'what can I get away with'... but for situations like mine, where my feet are extremely ticklish and I prefer to wear socks and not have light touches there, I feel that is a boundary I want to establish. And I will guess that others may have similar boundaries that would not be obvious unless discussed.
I love your final line, @SunsetSnuggles ... "Asking about and sharing boundaries is a crucial part of mutual awareness, consent, and can help us vocalize difficult things."
Again, thank you to you all for your helpful responses.
Nah, learn how to be clear and concise, and how to have and uphold your own boundaries. If someone does not listen or respect said identified boundaries, end the session..
I usually phrase it as "Do you have any boundaries beyond the usual non-platonic boundaries?"
TLDR
Yeah, no thanks.
@TedEBearCuddler et al, It's because I've been on the internet long enough and received enough messages that I can feel the intent in three word sentences sometimes, especially within context. Plenty of people here can. If someone is extra thoughtful, and wants to know anything additional for my comfort, they're usually already in for an appointment because they have communicated well up to that point, and demonstrated decency. There's a very thorough yet simply worded contract that we all have to agree to on a regular basis messaging each other, At least with providers. It covers everything important, So asking "WhaT aRe YoUr bOuNdAriEs" is always, in my experience just another virtual grope.