Caring can be just a facade.
It doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person.
So much writing on here to explain absolutely nothing. Doesn’t matter if you pay up or not, the person will care or not based on what they feel. They could either really care, fake caring, or just not care. Some variation of that I think.
To be honest , if you approach someone for help with a need in the same fashion that you approach people who respond to your post , you're not going to get very far. Frustration and venting is understandable, but you're kinda coming across as resentful and bitter, and towards people who have nothing to do with what it is that you're frustrated and venting about ?
OP I would like to hear more about what specifically happened that led you to make this post. A lot of people made assumptions but if you’re more clear on exactly what happened, you may find a bit more support.
This thread reminds me of something Tom Lehrer said. "Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it."
@Morpheus yeah I agree. I don’t understand the being so cryptic. I agree that most pros don’t care other wise they’d do it for free. What I can also understand is that some pros and clients build a connection that is more friendly. Maybe OP hasn’t met his match yet.
I agree. If you're genuinely interested in getting some perspective and having a productive conversation on here....then recounting your specific experience(s) would be the needed thing ☺️ Some of us truly enjoy a good psychological/philosophical discussion every now and then! Just understand that there will also be trolls or bad actors that interject and also those that misunderstand each other. 🫤
But try not to take things in online forums too personally....since as you mentioned, in person discussions are much better and more helpful
If you're just wanting to get some perspective without a discussion, it's a bit trickier without having more details about the situation(s) you are referring to. But it might be helpful to consider these things: 👇
What does "caring" mean to you? And what expectations do you have for a person that says they are caring in their profile? (Like, do you expect a more "caring" pro to behave in a different manner....smile a specific percentage of the time, text more between sessions, give more hugs and less face slaps....?) We have zero idea what you even mean about what is caring or not.
Think about what is reasonable to expect from another person in ANY relationship (be it friendship, romantic, professional, coworkers, etc). For a cuddle pro, is your definition of "caring" actually reasonable to expect from a service provider? Yes, a service provider that provides comfort....but similar to a massage therapist. So what do you think is reasonable to expect from your massage therapist in your personal definition of "caring"?
Next, try to consider what others might define "caring" as and what their perspective of their responsibilities are in these situations ("caring" as a friend or Significant other vs "caring" as a service provider). How much personal time and emotional energy is fair to expect a cuddle pro to "give" in order to be "caring" enough for your personal expectations?
Consider what other things another person has in their lives and how much time/energy/emotion those things take up as well? Are you expecting them to spend equal or more time/energy/emotion on you than they should on their own family members or friends and is that realistic to expect? ⏰
If you do decide to relay a specific scenario...then great! If not, that's totally fine too and I hope the information I provided, as well as others....can help you process things and sort out how you're feeling and how to handle things in a healthy way in the future ☺️😉
I am not trying to defend women or female pros when I say what I’m about to say, I’m trying to help men who made need some help with this. If you’re a man hiring a female pro cuddler, you’re hiring someone to cuddle with you, not to solve all your problems or to be your bff. You should not create any expectations of any type of relationship outside of paid sessions. This does happen sometimes. Many male clients do develop friendships with female pro cuddlers but this is something that should happen naturally and not be expected or forced. When it does happen, enjoy it while it lasts because it may not last forever. Be in the moment, enjoy it and be grateful.
I mean, It's not necessarily a bad thing to "defend pros" @Morpheus 😉 Especially if it's by simply explaining things that are genuinely healthy and reasonable ways to "human" in the first place 😎 And concepts that everyone here should know.
@pmvines explained that very well and also @Will564 .....just in different ways....so OP has a wide variety of explanations to help them understand whatever situations they are venting about. 😉
@jr17 There are plenty of threads on here about this, but I do care about the people I cuddle. I did do it as enthusiast for a long while, but decided to do it as one of my part time jobs because I love it. People can do jobs they love, and get paid. You don’t have to do it for free to be a caring person. I know there are other pros that care also.
@RedFox16: I think these are some good questions and I am looking forward to reading any thoughtful answers that anyone might have.
I understand where some might feel or be skeptical, for whatever reasons, about the idea of a pro cuddler "caring" about their clients.
As for me, I absolutely do care in the context of someone who provides a needed service, but that doesn't necessarily mean everyone I meet at the end of the day would believe me.
I care much like I did as a massage therapist, and as someone who has tried to meet people's various needs through other businesses I have run. I am 100% all in to meet anyone's platonic cuddling needs or wants, but I have boundaries such as I am not your girlfriend or FWB. That can be the case and I can still care as a pro cuddler.
By "care" I mean that I want the people I cuddle with to feel like their needs are met, their boundaries respected, and they enjoyed themselves and/or found the time therapeutic, healing, fun ... got what they needed.
Also, if someone I meet doesn't get what they need with me, I care enough to know how I can do better and it isn't about money but my desire to be a positive force in people's lives, if just in a small way.
That's my two cents. 🙂
@RedFox16 I said it the way I said it because many people like to man bash on these boards. I wanted to make sure that people understood that I wasn’t trying to contribute to this unfortunate trend. There are many good men on these boards that can use positive male interaction and mentoring as opposed to bashing.
I personally am fed up with all the man bashing on the boards. Look at this thread. The OP says something and so many members assumed they knew what he was talking about and started making negative comments rather than trying to understand and be helpful.
To spin off something someone else said, you likely have no idea what was going on in the pro's life that day. If they came across as uncaring that day, it might have had nothing at all to do with you or with being a pro. Everyone has bad days.
Thank you so much for your two cents @HarleyGirlKate ! I think you worded that beautifully and explained things so kindly 🤗
And yes @CuddleHugs01234 .... It's perfectly healthy to care about the things that we also get paid to do. I personally wouldn't be able to cuddle with nearly as many amazing humans (and probably only one person exclusively, honestly) as I can as a pro... so I'm very grateful for that! AND I still care very much about anyone I cuddle with 🤗
And for my part I would very much want to know if there were needs I wasn't filling for someone ....since We all have very different perspectives and expectations about what is reasonable in certain situations. I welcome when cuddle buddies help me understand (their needs).
Thank you @Morpheus for explaining. I was partially teasing, because of the way it sounded....but I bet it is extremely frustrating to see those threads and feel those feelings from them. It's not ok to be mean on here.
It’s entirely possible that the OP expected some kind of emotional experience/connection with the Pro Cuddler. Does he thoroughly understand the purpose of this site? As others have mentioned, are his expectations realistic for what a ”Cuddle” is? Cuddling between strangers is mostly a physical act of providing pressure, hugs & holding, platonic touch for those who have felt disconnected from others and have not experienced that in a while. It is comfort that has been missing.. I think too often people come here looking for some kind of a relationship that is more than the physical time spent together. That would generally be something that develops (if both agree to) between Enthusiasts, as in regular meetings and friendship. This is also a “he said she said” situation. We don’t know what took place during the session. During their time together, maybe it’s possible that she, for whatever reason, did not feel up to providing emotional needs he wanted. Maybe she had not agreed to what he wanted. I’m sorry every time I read Posts from people who feel a letdown after the session because they thought they would find one thing here, they don’t find it and then they’re disappointed and hurt. Its possible that he is looking for an actual relationship, Similar to what one would find on a dating site?
@RedFox16
And for my part I would very much want to know if there were needs I wasn't filling for someone ....since We all have very different perspectives and expectations about what is reasonable in certain situations. I welcome when cuddle buddies help me understand.
What I find very fascinating is that right there you perfectly explained what it means for a pro cuddler to "care". Even though there's a ton of nuance and details and individuality to answer your earlier four questions, I still think you basically answered them by saying what you said here: You care about fulfilling your clients' needs, within the reasonable boundaries.
So just by you saying that makes me think that you're a very good pro who cares about your clients.
Find people who care. You can kind of tell who does. There's many signs but you have to know how to read them. For me it matters so I try and figure that out. I am selective because I am trying to gage cuddlers who love what they do. Also narrowing or filtering who you would cuddle makes it a lot less overwhelming.
As to why some people will pretend to care... Well that's the game if it's primarily about earning. Unethical in this space perhaps, but it isn't disallowed.
@sg89 Saw in your profile that you hope to make a positive contribution to the forum. And you do.
I make my living as a respite worker,
*in addition to do Pro cuddling (2 months I’ve done it -and done it well if you read my karmas) *
What respite work is, I work for a state run company called Aarc - and I am payed to take care of autistic children so that their families get a break - they can rest - or shop - or go in the other room and just have space- they can get their hair and nails done -whatever it is that they need to have a mental break
i am getting paid to care
We do not make friends with the families - as we don’t have the same family constantly so - while it is nice to have a connection between both the carer and the child - The parents of my clients (the autistic children/young adults) have to depend on the fact that the stranger coming to their home is trustworthy - And will do their job to the best of their ability. caring for an autistic child, which is not always easy, I don’t care any less for them because I am getting paid - I don’t try any less because it is difficult-
In fact I care more for them because they need me - And the families are so appreciative to have the help,
It is in a way like cuddling, we are doing a service that is needed - We are getting paid for that service and I imagine many of the pros (at least the ones I’ve seen that have been on the site for a long time - and have so many good karmas ) All do this - not only because it is a living, But more so because they care - they like to give back, and they love the job.
Why is it that people graduate school and then look for ‘a job they (hopefully) love and get paid well to do’ And that is the gold standard that you hope you can achieve -
Yet when someone achieves it through cuddling - people seem to have a problem with that. .
Wow, that's an extremely kind complement @Will564 ! Thank you!! ☺️☺️
What an amazing thing @jillyain ....for both jobs you do! And that is a beautiful comparison 😍
And also might I say a HUGE THANK YOU from somebody (me 🤗) who has a kiddo with autism and also uses the services of respite care providers ☺️ And like you said, despite the fact that they get paid to do it ....they care so much for my amazing little girl!! Every time I talk to any one of them, I can feel the amount of love and compassion that they have for her. 💗 If I had the means, I would pay all of them 100x what they make now to keep "caring" for my daughter!!
And now back to our regularly scheduled forum thread... 😎
OP taken and i agree. If you don't care don't pretend that you do. I didn't see what was removed so i didn't misread.
Don't expect people to care because you want them to. Don't expect them to care because you care. Don't expect people to care because they show up. Don't expect people to care if you pay them.
There is a difference in caring to do a good job for someone and caring about someone.
What you should do is do what you say you'll do. Expect what is expressed to you.
Be careful of what and how you express so it's not misinterpreted. Be careful of how you interpret what is expressed, understanding your perspective could color what you see.
Care about yourself first and foremost, i think if you do that well, everything will fall in to place.
You ask and pay for things because you care about you want and need. Choose carefully how you spend your time and money.
Peace, love and soul.
@jillyain I used to do respite care. It really does make a difference in those families. One family still calls me and we exchange Christmas cards and pics too. Sometimes we get together.
Tbh I don't care at all if my cuddler cares about me. All that I ask is that they pretend they do for the duration of our session. For many it is a job.
It's interesting that the idea exists that you can't care about something that you get paid to do. I'm not saying that it's always wrong, and I believe that there's a lot in our society that supports the idea, but I firmly believe that money and care can coexist in the same space.
Not everyone (maybe very few people) are as lucky as I am in the sense that I have a full time job that I absolutely love. I love it because I get to spend my days demonstrating my genuine care for people who deeply need it. The nice thing about getting paid is that I don't have to find a job doing something I hate in order to do something I love with the few hours that I have left afterward.
I believe (through personal experience) that many pros DO genuinely care about the people they cuddle.
I 100% believe that the pros I have seen do care, and take their job seriously. I actually am kind of astonished that they can just up and give this level of care and openness and connection to so many random people. I couldn't!!!
But then there are some who don't care, I'm sure. Just got another banned profile email me to book with them. Generally speaking, if you care you'd follow the rules. And they didn't.
@jillyain
The first part of your post is very beautiful and heartwarming. It explains perfectly how people can care deeply even if they're getting paid.
Why is it that people graduate school and then look for ‘a job they (hopefully) love and get paid well to do’ And that is the gold standard that you hope you can achieve - Yet when someone achieves it through cuddling - people seem to have a problem with that.
Yet when someone achieves it through cuddling - people seem to have a problem with that.
At least from the perspective a client, I honestly think it comes down to self esteem and sense of self worth and value.
It's the thought of "I can't get anyone to care about me unless I pay them money. It means I'm not worthy of care in itself because I can't get the care without the money."
So I think in a situation like that, someone will never believe a pro cares about them as long as there is money involved.
And unfortunately, the fact of the matter is you can never truly tell what someone else is thinking. Sometimes people can intuit certain things or pick up on cues. But you can never know for sure. That's why the client has got to trust the pro to get fulfillment out of the experience.
So I think someone who believes they are not worthy of care will never trust that a pro cares about them, even if the pro truly does. Because their mind is always going to go back to, "I can't get this without money. I'm not worthy of it". So they think the pro's genuine care is a fake act.
I think that's why a client has got to get that sorted out in their head first or they will never be satisfied with hiring a pro.
@Will564 Very insightful.