Gentlemen, what were your original assumptions about cuddling in general and the site in particular, and how have they changed after being here a while?
I took it at face value
Was curious
Skeptical
Cautious
I'd read about a cuddle therapy practice in Albany many years ago, so I understood the concept.
I learned about it from a cuddle party about 11 years. There were no pros yet. People cuddled. It was easier to connect with enthusiasts then. I took a break and when I came back, there were pros. That was the big difference
I honestly wasn’t sure, so I joined and learned about it from others and on the forums before having any cuddles for four years. Of course, COVID affected that time line significantly, but I’m glad I took the time to learn about it before jumping in with unknown expectations and unawareness of protocols.
I learned this was a thing months ago. It's been an eye opening experience. There are a lot of creepy guys out here. I couldn't believe so stories I heard. It's been difficult because of that for those of us whom just want to provide a legit service. Most females won't book. I'm at the point now where I'm going to book to get good karma to set minds at ease.
When I found out about this site a year and a half ago, my original assumptions were that you message someone on here, you meet them, and then cuddle. Nope. What I actually learned is that you message them, meet, give them money, they set a timer, and you cuddle. I had no idea cuddling could ever be monetized; it was silly to ever think. I later learned "enthusiasts" exist but is next to impossible to meet a female one. I guess the truth is that women aren't here for the same reasons as men.
Original thoughts about cuddling and this site were wow what a neat place to find people that enjoy cuddling!
Now it’s like even better! You’ve got a vast array of colorful characters on the site some with a great sense of humor and vast knowledge on a multitude of topics!
When I read the forums sometimes I feel like I’m at a comedy show, sometimes a concert, other times it feels like I’m watching a horror movie!
However like anywhere else you’ve got your bad apples, and your cliques, maybe some secret societies too! Who knows 🤷🏻♂️
It’s all good though because if you step out of line the man come and take you away
@1_teddybear My original thought about cuddling was, “too good to be true”. A way of giving and receiving platonic touch without the complications of a LTR.
My original thought about this site was “cautious optimism”. I did not want an escort service and my initial thoughts included wondering if this site was really just a front for SW services.
What I found instead is a wide variety of people, most of whom (including men, women, pros and enthusiasts) were deeply hurt / hurting in one way or another. Some are coping with traumatic childhood or young adult experiences, some coping with emotional fallout from divorce or loss of a spouse, some looking for momentary relief from years of depression / anxiety / loneliness / emotional or physical neglect.
There are many here who have a compassionate spirit and an inner drive to comfort others, some who truly think of themselves as “therapists” but who often do more harm than good, and some who see clients on this site as walking ATMs. NOTE: I did not say “all” or “most”, or even “many” fall into that last category, but anyone who denies people like that exist on this site probably lie about other things as well.
@JohnR1972 very nicely worded...my thoughts exactly...it's a big world out there with many verities...I guess we shouldn't be surprised if it is the same on Cuddle Comfort!
I'm a little envious of you guys being able to find people to connect with here. My original assumption was "maybe it can work and I can cuddle with someone I like". After being here for a while it changed to a more painfully familiar "nobody would reach out to me and those few I reach out to - won't respond". So I'm glad others have a better experience. These days I just check in once a week to see if there's a new face in the area.
No assumptions so nothing's really changed . I came into the community with an open mind and heart , and healthy dose of self awareness and realism . I approached it knowing that there will be ebbs and flows and as with any kind of social construct , keeping expectations practical and making efforts to meet the other person halfway (both emotionally and geography wise ) will be the best way to make connections. Also I have never taken cuddling so seriously to where I feel like if I don't have it in then there is somehow something wrong with me . I treat is as a nice thing to do and an interesting way to meet people . Not like miracle water or something I need to survive . I also don't take myself that seriously , and people see that and recognize that I will likely add to the equation rather than be an emotional vampire. People spend time with me because they want to spend time with me , not because I am begging them to . And that is due to the efforts I make in building connections and friendships over pursuing them for cuddles. Folks like to be treated as whole assed human beings , not as a means to an end, just to fill a spot as a warm body to fill a need. If there is a connection and trust and comfort level and rapport , then if we are meant to be cuddle pals it will happen naturally and organically . That hasn't changed as it's the same attitude and perception I had from when I joined .
Much more complex of an activity than I thought it would be.
But then, when a normal activity becomes a "market," that usually becomes the case.
My original assumption is that it was a great and easy way to find company and affection. Although the sight has changed as has professional cuddling in general, it’s still a great and easy way to find company and affection.
Thank you guys for sharing your perspectives. We have all had to come to terms with this environment in our own way.
My original assumptions about cuddling in general were that it could fill a void of loneliness, and make you feel closer to someone in an incredibly innocent way. I was actually very intrigued by the idea that cuddling could be platonic.
I've been on this site for several years, but it took a few years for me to feel comfortable, and actually reach out expressing interest in a session. I thought this site would have some good people, but also a lot of catfish and scam type of profiles. Truthfully, a site involving cuddling with real people, and platonically at that, I didn't think such a thing could truly be possible.
As for how my outlook has changed as I've been on here, obviously, there are a lot of amazing and real people here. While I'm not as active in the forums, there is a sacredness to the community here, and I am grateful to be a part of it in some way. The few sessions I've been able to have with people on here have been absolutely wonderful. I found that I can find comfort and share a common want or need for physical touch with others here without it being stigmatized. Platonic cuddling is a very real and amazing thing, and a person can experience genuine care and feel seen/valued, even under those conditions. That's something I wouldn't have known early on, but am so glad I've gotten to experience.
Thank you @sean2589, yours was just the sort of response I was hoping could be shared.
@Miles31- I believe you have a truly interesting perspective and I wonder if others have similar feelings. My first thoughts on cuddling was intrigue and curiosity. I, like Miles, thought there were women who genuinely wanted to cuddle with men to fill a void and receive human touch and companionship without the complexities of a relationship. There may be women out there who desire cuddling without beig paid for it but this site is dominated by pros on the womens side-The chat may not be -but the profile pages are not even close. I actuallly have still not connected for a cuddle session so I could not comment on how a timed session feels, but I certainly get @Miles31's point. I truly appreciate the people who make the site work and the forum participations. I find the various perspectives on cuddling quite interesting and some day I will book a session- more than likely with a pro because that seems to be the only realistically local option. I am obviously curious about the opening awkwardness of cuddling with a complete stranger but I look forward to the experience.
@BrianOcean
I am obviously curious about the opening awkwardness of cuddling with a complete stranger...
If you take this graphic to heart, as I did, there shouldn't be any opening awkwardness.
@Miles31 @BrianOcean
It has been my experience over the past 9 years on this site that although pros are paid to do this, many of them genuinely enjoy cuddling. Of course not all experiences are the same and not everyone has the same chemistry. Things have changed over time in my opinion. When I first discovered cuddle comfort, I think pros were here more for the cuddling and the money was secondary. The site has definitely been infiltrated by pros who are just looking to make money. The pros that genuinely enjoy cuddling and their clients still do exist though.
@ChasAlton - Thank you. 😊
Like others, I signed into the site with the feeling of “What a great idea! Cut through the red tape of new relationship complexities and find like-minded people who have an inherent physical touch and emotional connection need…as I certainly do!”
Sounds great on paper. But my experiences here over the last month or so proved that my naive assumption above is certainly not the reality.
I’m not interested in hiring a Pro. I’m sure there is a wide range in their quality and caring, but the concept of paying for cuddles is both foreign and unappealing to me. I want to feel something “real”.
The “enthusiasts” I have attempted to chat with here who responded almost always ended up being unlisted Pros who were looking for money. The other enthusiasts either didn’t respond, or wrote once and then somehow ended up in “paused” mode. (Seems to happen quite a bit, and another indicator they probably asked others for cash.)
So in my brief time here, I’ve found neither cuddles nor comfort. I’ve found this site to behave just like traditional dating sites. Very few responses, not much warm communication, and just as unlikely to find yourself in someone’s arms without having to pay for it. (I’m making an analogy, I fully understand this is not a “dating” site…but has similar results.)
Maybe in certain parts of the country there are real “unicorn cuddlers” who are true enthusiasts, happy to respond and meet, and both sides are happy to share a warm and tender connection sans money. But this is certainly -not- the case here in NYC.
I don’t blame the site, but still feel disappointed.
@1_teddybear You're welcome. Happy to share my experience. I think you've asked a great question.
@MRyanNYC There were times I felt how you do about paying to cuddle. Even now, I want that "real" you're describing if I'm honest. But in having booked a couple of pros to this point, those sessions have gone so well, and have been so vital to my emotional and mental health that you would never know I paid for it. It's been a "real" that is better than if I had never met them. Having said that, I am really sorry that you haven't found cuddles or comfort as of yet. I hope that changes for you, and that you find what you're looking for. I have yet to have talked with an enthusiast, or experience those struggles you outlined when it comes to them. But I know they definitely do unfortunately exist with others having also shared similar experiences.
@MRyanNYC I agree with what @sean2589 said.
While I wasn't in love with the idea of professional cuddlers, the ones I've cuddled with have been incredibly sweet, interesting, and very affectionate women. They've certainly filled an empty void in my life.
I would encourage you to at least find a Pro with a solid reputation/karma. In fact, there's one just next door to you whom I'd love to meet. If I'm ever out that way, I'd definitely like to book a session with her.
So, don't be disappointed, try booking a reputable Pro---and be delighted! She'll help you get through your doldrums.
@TxTom Have any of the pros you have cuddled with had cuddlist training?
That I would get a free travel cup for every $100 spent, and membership points, I really want to buy a teeshirt and umbrella with them!
Looking back, I was SO incredibly naive about cuddling and the world when I first starting looking into it a year ago. Between me being asexual and not having physical contact with anyone for long time, combined with the fact that my six male friends I know are all in long lasting, healthy relationships with women (as far as I know), I've lived in a bubble that does not reflect the way society truly is.
So my mind assumed that everyone who came to a cuddle site had good intentions. I assumed we were all adults here and could respect each other, even though it was intimate. My mind thought of how it seems like most people at least have basic courtesy when interacting with others. Maybe that's not true, but it's what I see in my every day life.
I assumed if someone wanted more than cuddling, they would go somewhere else. I basically assumed that all men were like me.
That's why it blew my mind that men would pay for what was equal to an enthusiast experience. It still kind of does, TBH.
For me, when I pay a pro, I'm paying to get unconditional emotional support and full control of the session (within the obvious respected comfort level and boundaries). To me that was completely worth paying for, and anything less isn't worth it.
But now I've learned the true nature of this site and in the world in general. I've learned why there are way more many male enthusiasts and hardly any female ones. In my mind, basically boils down to three reasons.
So many men are horrible at both harming women and pushing boundaries. It's not worth it for so many women to take the risk.
Many men view women as being there to give them what they want. They wouldn't make it a true 50/50 enthusiast experience, focusing equally on both people's wants and needs. They would basically treat a female enthusiast as a pro, but with no money involved.
So many more men are touch deprived and desperate for it. Women have much easier access to touch, both wanted and non-wanted. Men do not. With this ratio so different, women have the opportunity to make money from their time, which is very valuable to men....even in cases where their cuddling skills aren't really any better than the clients they are serving.
The whole thing still kind of blows my mind.
I didn't make any assumption. The site said it's a place for people to meet for cuddles and I took that at face value. It didn't fail me, though you do have to be selective and patient for a good experience.
As a man, I say I was thinking it was easy to find cuddle buddies and it's not. I also underestimated the amount of trust and required to cuddle. The benefits of cuddling definitely were more than I thought ,man. So man, I don't mind the difficulties to gain the benefits,man (as a man).
The concept of cuddling was perceived as a safe method of meeting women without the expectations of getting into a relationship. Since that time my perception of women has completely changed because of the positive experiences while developing wonderful, long term, intimate, and close friendships with the women I have met. However this is with learned caution because I have also encountered women with "issues" and scammers on the site.
I signed up way back when there were no pros - but even then I had no illusions that it would be easy or "free" cuddles. Suggesting to a random stranger that they get together with you for a first meeting to exchange cuddles was certainly odd - if not preposterous. Meeting and making friends was my objective even then, just as it is now. If a friendship builds, cuddles may just be part of the connection we share due to a mutually shared enjoyment of touch, facilitated by the trust which has been built over the course of the friendship.