What emotions do you feel when you cuddle?

Will564Will564
in General

Reading some other threads got me thinking about this.

The past year has been really huge for me because I have experienced more intimate touch than I have for my whole life. So I’ve felt a lot of emotions.

So I was wondering what other people feel.

It fascinates me because I’ve gotten the impression some people don’t view cuddling as emotional at all. It’s hard for me to imagine that, because cuddling makes me feel emotions I don’t get from merely talking to someone or relaxing by myself.

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Comments

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited June 2024

    I think cuddling has been able to allow all manner of emotions to surface for me - joy, sadness, anger, and fear. Not all in the same session, of course, but over time. I’ve cried during sessions and left joyful. That has happened many times. Another time I had anger come up as childhood trauma was exposed and the accepting environment allowed it to surface. That session was with a very skilled pro and we turned it into a full on rage club where I was biting towels and slamming pillows. Then it suddenly became fear as I felt out of control!

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    It has varied depending on circumstances and the person I was with.

    When I first joined this site (nearly 3 years ago) I had a lot of bottled up emotional pain. I am especially thankful to two pros who were well equipped and welcomed me to open up and “let it out”. NOTE: not everyone is equipped and able to handle that level of raw emotional energy so don’t assume the person you are with is someone who is OK with that level of sharing. I was just fortunate to find 2 pros who were able and who explicitly invited me to open up in that way.

    Today that pain is a fading, distant memory and cuddling has taken on a much calmer, relaxing and peaceful vibe. I have a regular cuddle partner / cycling buddy (an enthusiast I met through this site) and we go on cycling adventures together. We have already ridden 30+ mile trails in 2 states and we have 2 more cycling / cuddle trips planned for this summer in other states.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    Peacefulness, calmness, serenity

  • KuddlyKoalaKuddlyKoala

    In general, I think cuddling provides people with the feeling that they are cared for, valued, and wanted. Especially for someone dealing with low confidence, self-loathing, or childhood trauma from neglect.

    Maybe love is the right word. Platonic love for both humanity and empathy for the experiences people have had and knowing you're sharing time and being close with another complex being. I personally cuddle because I enjoy the feeling of nurturing someone. Knowing I can help people warms my heart. I'm very open for people to be sensitive around me and love soothing people's minds. Guess you could say it's like maternal instincts.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @KuddlyKoala
    I love what you wrote and the words you used are such a good clear explanation.
    I hope people here will really read them and take a minute to process the purpose/intention of platonic cuddling.
    There are so many emotions that go through mind & body while cuddling and some of them are a problem.
    It can be so valuable if understood.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    When I first started cuddling, it felt like an emotional connection with the other person but now I realize it for what it is, and that is a relaxing experience nothing more nothing less

  • Will564Will564
    edited June 2024

    @Morpheus @lonelytauros

    I find it super fascinating that relaxation is your main focus for cuddling. Can you say what it is about cuddling that you find more relaxing than other activities you could do by yourself? How is it more relaxing than something like a massage, or just having a conversation with friends?

    @KuddlyKoala

    I really like how you described the idea of "love for humanity". I think that's such a beautiful way to describe a pro's motivation for offering cuddling services. I think it can be applied in enthusiast situations as well.

    The word "love" gets associated with romance or family to where we don't apply it to people outside of those relationships. Sometimes friends don't say they love each other, but they certainly can love each other. Teammates can love each other, co-workers can love each other. I think people sometimes feel like they can't say there's love involved because it diminishes romantic or family love, but I definitely don't think so. There are different variations of love we can feel in different kinds of relationships.

    I think sometimes we don't say it because we're afraid of one type of love being misconstrued for other types.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @Will564 when I’m not cuddling I’ll watch sports or tv shows and play video games. Cuddling is both physical touch and small talk wrapped into one that I can’t get from doing my other activities so that relaxes me.

  • [Deleted User]Fematheist (deleted user)

    Ooh... Warmth, fun, connection, kindness, grounded. Cuddling retracts my claws and fangs, and makes my hackles stand down.. Suddenly, I breathe more deeply, and it's like being squeezed helps me find my way fully back into embodiment... And if my Cuddler talks with me quietly, I almost start purring!! lol

    It's kind of two-sided, though, because I'm MORE THAN HAPPY to "pour" into my Cuddler, as well. I KNOW just how stressful our crazy world can be... I like to try to wick out some of the edginess that my Cuddler might bring to the session, too! :)

  • Will564Will564

    @Fematheist

    Ooh... Warmth, fun, connection, kindness, grounded. Cuddling retracts my claws and fangs, and makes my hackles stand down.. Suddenly, I breathe more deeply, and it's like being squeezed helps me find my way fully back into embodiment... And if my Cuddler talks with me quietly, I almost start purring!! lol

    I love that description. One thing that's so great about cuddling, (kind of like @RadiantHugs mentioned), is how it helps us let go of all of the stress and anger we feel. When you're cuddling with the right person, the hope is that at least by the end of the session, you can feel all of that tension go.

    It just gives us a safe place to relax, enjoy ourselves, connect, have fun, and just kind of feel the common humanity among us. I know for me when I cuddle, I love how it almost feels like everything else in the world has stopped and you can just focus on connecting with another human.

    Not to say that there aren't plenty of times when our own preferences and individuality comes out as well.

  • waynewvwaynewv

    I find it hard to explain to people that have never done it. For me it is so relaxing, I call it putting my brain in neutral, if I’m stressed out about anything as soon as I cuddle up it is no longer on my mind. I like to cuddle in the evening because after a cuddle I can fall asleep so quick and have a great rested sleep. I like to call it a recharging of my cuddle battery. I once had a cuddle with a cracked rib and during the cuddle it never once bothered me at all. I do doze off most of the time for a short period and even have had my cuddle partner also doze off. I find it very comforting when I wake up and find we are both in a tight cuddle. I have only told a few about me having cuddles with strangers and they don’t understand it at all.

  • Darkeyed_maleDarkeyed_male

    Never cuddled, have a session booked, this will be my first. I'm somewhat concerned about not being present tho. Ideally, A drive - in movie cuddle would be ASMR nice. The smell of buttered popcorn, the backdrop of a darkening sky peering in through the hatchback modified to be a camper for the night, with pillows snuggled into a nice comfy comforter..accented with the slight sounds of kids on the swings in silhouette, and cartoons on the silver screen. Ahhh and a coke to drink...with the speakers in the window turned down softly low..and a calming hand and soft voice assuring me that this beautiful night will mark the beginning of a beautiful friendship. This would be my dream cuddle..i know it's possible..So my emotion imagining this cuddle world would be peace. This world at this moment in absolute peace.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    Relaxing, happy, a little oxytocin high, overall just a good feeling.

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    Contentment

  • Will564Will564
    edited June 2024

    @GuitarGar I love that image! Sounds super cozy and comfortable. I've always loved the feeling of watching a movie with someone, having popcorn and a soda, with some pleasant sounds of other people in the background.

    @waynewv

    Your post (along with a lot of others where the recurring theme of relaxation comes up) makes me realize how much more of an active cuddler I may be compared to a lot of other people. There are times when I do like to just be present in the moment and kind of drift off like you're describing.

    But I find that that's not particularly satisfying for me for a whole session. I'm realizing that I may be able to enjoy relaxation on my own more than many people. So when I cuddle, I like to give and receive all kinds of touch. I like to explore and find all of the little ways we can find things we enjoy. Even if it's just giving each other squeezing type hugs throughout the session.

    I may just be a much more tactile person compared to others.

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    When cuddling with someone, I don't have to hold on to myself quite so tightly, because someone else is holding on to me. I can be more free to let my inner selves out. Being the little spoon makes me feel safe. And I can feel loved, and love in return - the simple love that a child would feel, not the complicated adult love. And most of all, I don't feel alone.

    On the downside, sometimes one of us will say something that reminds me of something, and despite my best efforts, I'll end up crying.

  • Will564Will564

    @Unscented_Lemon

    When cuddling with someone, I don't have to hold on to myself quite so tightly, because someone else is holding on to me. I can be more free to let my inner selves out. Being the little spoon makes me feel safe. And I can feel loved, and love in return - the simple love that a child would feel, not the complicated adult love. And most of all, I don't feel alone.

    I'm so glad you said that, because that's one of the big emotions I feel too! That child-like love. And SAFETY. I love the feeling of being safe and comfortable myself, and I've also grown to love the feeling of providing that safety to someone else as well.

    On the downside, sometimes one of us will say something that reminds me of something, and despite my best efforts, I'll end up crying.

    I actually think that's something else that's so great about cuddling with the right person...being able to be completely vulnerable and still feel safe, like everything is ok, no matter what emotions you're feeling at the time.

  • Notacat1Notacat1

    There’s a weird nervous excitement that I feel leading up to a cuddle. The feelings I get once we meet can vary from relaxed, entertained, sleepy.. in unique cases where I feel like the connection is genuine, those feelings are amplified.

  • KuddlyKoalaKuddlyKoala

    @Will564 I think people are scared of bringing up love because they think the word 'love' cancels out 'platonic', but they aren't mutually exclusive. You can have love for someone without being in love with them. I'm very comfortable using the word love to describe what many people feel during platonic intimacy.

  • [Deleted User]DulceLuna (deleted user)

    Usually a little nervous at first, until I'm able to feel our energy together ☺️ then it becomes easier to melt into the embrace and flow of the cuddle session. My best sessions have been relaxing and soothing...so soothing that it just feels so right to ignore the time and not break the spell. ✨ I had one session recently that the energy felt so strong and pure that it almost caused me to drift into a deep sleep!

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Sometimes a little depleted, If the caring is one-sided, it can be exhausting.

  • [Deleted User]DulceLuna (deleted user)

    @g_w_t_w I completely agree with that 👍🏼

  • Will564Will564
    edited June 2024

    @KuddlyKoala

    Yes, exactly. That's awesome!

    @DulceLuna

    It's really interesting for me...a number of times I've felt like the time in the session is just going by so fast because I get into that zone. I love that feeling you're describing of melting into the flow of the session. I feel that a lot.

    But unlike a lot of people who have commented, I find that I do that much more when I actually have something to do with my hands. It's almost like a stim thing for me. Being able to use them relaxes me. I even like to grab onto pillows or blankets during a session while cuddling. Rubbing, massaging, hair stroking...there are so many interesting ways to touch and be touched that relax me.

    Seeing others' preferences is helping me learn more about myself. It's really cool.

  • [Deleted User]Fematheist (deleted user)

    Hahahaha!!! I thought it was just me!!! lol That "doing something with your hands" thing!!! SAY THAT!!! @Will564~
    I'm VERY "handsy" (NOT in a creepy, disgusting, inappropriate way :( ), and I believe that that's why I love my work!

    However, I contact my world with both my heart AND my hands... I LIKE TO TOUCH STUFF!!! lol So, if I can squeeze and cuddle, it makes Life make more sense, if that makes any sense!! lol

    I AM SOOOOO GLAD THIS SITE EXISTS!!! :)

  • Will564Will564

    @Fematheist

    I'm glad we connect on that! I feel just like you do.

    I think we feel like it's just us because it's more on the intimate side of cuddling and people may not be comfortable talking about it on a forum. But like you said....as long as both people are comfortable with it, as long as no boundaries are crossed, and as long as it avoids the obvious areas...it's not creepy, disgusting or inappropriate, no matter how intimate it is. Communication is always key, but as long as both people are clear on their boundaries and comfort levels, I say have at it. There's so much to explore!

    To me, the best is when both people equally enjoy the touch. Like...the kind that one person loves to give is the exact same kind the other loves to receive. Those are the most magical moments to me. I won't go into the details, but I've had a number of great moments like that and it's wonderful. True connection.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Sometimes we all tend to overthink everything, because sometimes a cuddle is an escape from one’s emotions.

  • BearBear

    It all depends on who I'm cuddling with. There are times that I click into caretaker mode.. Then there are times that I want to feel cared for. Most of the time I have a feeling of unconditional love. As well as feeling grounded and stable. This is all in regards to platonic cuddling.

    Cuddling has also helped me with my depression and feeling better overall.

  • [Deleted User]Fematheist (deleted user)

    "To me, the best is when both people equally enjoy the touch. Like...the kind that one person loves to give is the exact same kind the other loves to receive." Woooooo.... Fan myself with my Jay-pan fan!!!!!!!!!! lol @Will564~ If you're EVER over this way.... lol

    @TheFunCartel ~ We DO often tend to overthink everything, a lot of the time. Appreciate the thought. When the cuddle is hitting right, I pretty much FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE, and melt into Calm.. No thought, no worries, no overthinking.. Just PRESENCE, CONNECTION, and PEACE. Whatever happens in the world, after that, I'll deal with later. But, for right now, just US, HERE, NOW. The very thought of that makes me breathe more deeply! Thank you! :)

  • panda619panda619

    Relaxed and vulnerable 💀

  • Will564Will564

    @Fematheist

    Ha ha...if you and I ever end up crossing paths, it sounds like we would be very well suited to cuddle!

    @panda619

    I really like how you mention vulnerability. It's something I love to feel when I cuddle...both vulnerable and safe.

    @Bear

    I can relate to all of those so well too. Caring for another, being cared for...cuddling taps into those emotions for me.

    @TheFunCartel

    This is something I've been trying to think about. It almost reminds me of meditation. I watched a video recently talking about how a lot of people say that they can't get meditation to work for them because they try to sit and clear their mind and they just can't do it. And what the person in the video was saying is that they've been taught wrong, because how meditation works for every person can be different based on how their mind thinks.

    I'm one of those people that has never been able to get that standard version of meditation to work.

    And that may be related to why it's so hard for me to just lie with someone when I cuddle, and do nothing else, and feel relaxed. It's almost like it's taking work for me to force myself to lie there.

    But...where I do get into the relaxed emotional zone, and not think about anything and clear my mind...is when I have something physical to do. That's why I'm so handsy when I cuddle. If I can massage something, rub something, squeeze something, even it it's just some soft object...it's like it allows my mind to shut off.

    (also happens if the other person is doing something to me. Chest rubs are something I like a lot).

    It's a great thing for my mind to just be taking in the sensory experience of it all. Sometimes it's almost like my hands are on autopilot in a comfortable area. When my mind is focusing on all of the things I"m physically feeling, it's like I'm moving my focus away from all of my other thoughts and emotions in life and zeroing in what I'm physically feeling right in that moment.

    The same thing happens when I go on nature walks. I think about what I smell, what I hear, what I see. Focusing on those physical sensations is how I clear my mind of emotion and thoughts and stress.

    So I kind of think that's how I end up "being present".

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