Cruel world

DarkSecretsDarkSecrets
in General

The way humans treat one another is less than ideal. No wonder we live in a world of lonely and depressed people. Kindness is no longer a given. People are dispensable and ignored. Just because…

Manners cost absolutely nothing in this world. Nothing at all. Yet, it’s hard for people to display the most basic of manners and etiquette.

Just a rant… whether real life or online people have an uncanny way of making others feel ignored or insignificant.

Feel like it’s easier to give up then make friends these days…

Comments

  • JSP_1JSP_1

    You have to have thick skin and persistence to find people that you are compatible with in friendship and otherwise. Patience and persistence

  • DarkSecretsDarkSecrets

    Yeah, I understand. Compatability is not the issue. Just the rudeness of people.

    Don’t know if I’m old skool but I thought it was a natural human behaviour to acknowledge someone communicating. Lol nobody needs to be my friend but some acknowledgment as a fellow human would be nice rather than treated like I’m insignificant or invisible.

    Just makes our existence that more pleasant…

    I’ve been on my own since 16 so I’m cool with loneliness. Not so much being invisible lol

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    Sometimes kind people get punished for being kind, so so to compensate they’ve learned not to give out too many inches lest someone take a mile.

    We call people that are too prickly or overly pessimistic about others “damaged.”

    That’s the need for the thick skin, you gotta reach out to people if you want a connection but you are going to be pricked and ignored along the way.

  • DarkSecretsDarkSecrets

    I dunno I must look like a monster or something lol

    Constantly trying to talk to people but ignored is demeaning after a while. Whether real life or online.

    Meh.. it is what it is lol

  • DarkSecretsDarkSecrets

    Cheers for the advice guys 👍

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    It can be quite difficult to make friends once you are out of school. A lot of people make work friends, but they disappear once you leave the job.

  • DarkSecretsDarkSecrets

    Strangely enough I was the popular one at school. The older I got, the less friends I found I had…

    Until I’m here, looking for a stranger to cuddle and acknowledge me.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @WriterGF what he said is true. If you’re not in school and you’re not involving yourself in various groups it’s going to be very hard to find friends.

    At OP you don’t look like a monster, but people respond well to people who seem approachable (body language I’m talking about). Ask your friends if you seem like an approachable person and try to work on that if they give you critiques. Only way to get a better result at something is to try new things.

  • DarkSecretsDarkSecrets

    Yeah true, I’ve become a bit of an introvert. Possibly social awkward because it’s been so long.

    The friends I have mentioned that they like me because they feel safe in my presence and have no worries at all. They know they can be themselves without judgement.

    You’re right it’s most likely due to my lack of social circle. Hard to meet people and make friends if I hardly meet new people but then when I try people are rude.

    Lol no more moaning… it what it is.

    I think I just generally don’t connect or find things in common with most.

    Possibly strange or something… im just unable to perceive it.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited June 2024

    @DarkSecrets We also get out of it what we put in. I am a member of an Adventure Club (hiking, rafting, diving etc) and the Audubon Society (birding and birding trips—I have not done a Big Year yet) and have made a few friends that way by bonding over common interests. I am not saying join these groups but there are groups for just about everything now—including cuddling.

    Even then there has to be follow-up and consistency. You can’t go to one event and say oh well no one likes me. They have to get to know you and vice versa. People have to get a sense of you in person. So many people are completely different in person than the way they communicate on line or correspondence. And meeting someone tangible in person is usually less likely to result in being ghosted than on a web site.

    Also, if I am reading you right from other posts, you are seeking compassionate people who will listen. I highly recommend volunteering for causes as that seems to draw those types of people. Not all women judge you for your insecurities and flaws. I find most women judge you by your honesty and willingness to be open.

  • SolarisSolaris

    I know what you mean. To be honest, all the real friends I've found are in support groups and meetup.com. try it if you haven't.

    It is brutal out there. Hang in there and don't let them convince you that you aren't worth it.

  • DarkSecretsDarkSecrets

    Thanks for the words of encouragement and advice guys…

    I feel isolated and lonely currently. Just getting the better of me at the moment.

    Trying to make friends and being ignored like one is insignificant does not help at all.

    I’ll accept I’m maybe not liked by others. I need to accept people are just plain rude too.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @DarkSecrets You have shown nothing that makes you unlikeable. Quite the contrary—you have been open and vulnerable and I think that is admirable and contributes to making you likeable. I would hang out with you.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @DarkSecrets I hear you. As an introvert and definitely not a joiner, I can tell you it's a challenge. And online friends have a tendency to disappear abruptly.

  • Katelyn_BKatelyn_B
    edited June 2024

    @TheFunCartel: That is excellent advice you gave.

    @DarkSecrets: I don't really think I have any good answers. There are certainly people who aren't going to like you and people whose default is rudeness. I meet such people, just as I also meet a lot of nice folks.

    What I've found in life is that people often vibe off of what they perceive as the energy you are putting out and depending on their personality, the day they are having, and other factors how that energy makes them feel, etc. After all, we are all the main characters in our own lives and most of us react to others based on how they make us feel unless one makes a concerted effort to do something different.

    Years ago, when I was trying to come out of my shell a bit because I wasn't used to be around people (much of my childhood was spent being isolated on a remote farm) something I tried was going through one day with a smile and asking people one thing about themselves, when it came up, and just listen.

    Then the next day I'd artificially act frowny and a bit morose.

    It was as if the human race had completely changed and on the first day people were sunny and bright, and the second day people mostly ignored me or seemed to not want to deal with me.

    I'm not saying to be fake, but is the energy you are putting out offline serving you? That is what that exercise taught me.

    Also, you don't look like a monster.

    I will close with this: I hope you don't give up and decide people aren't worth the effort, because if that is what you put out into the world, it will probably become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

    Good luck!

    🐝

    p.s. Edit: Agree with the other commenters that "DarkSecrets" is perhaps a touch too dark here.

  • LadyVelLadyVel

    You don't look like a monster.
    Wishing you the best of luck in life and cuddles. 🫂🫂

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    Welcome to the site. There’s are lots of other threads where guys are talking about it is hard to find a cuddle with an enthusiast. It’s not you, it just takes a bit of time to find a good fit. Many will end up hiring a pro. Anything online is hit or miss. There is a lot of rejection, but be assured it’s not anything personal. I was an enthusiast when I started, and now a pro, and there has been rejection throughout at all. I have about 60 pages of messages. This is why I say don’t take it personal.

    I checked out your profile. The only thing on that that I would find concerning would be the username. It doesn’t feel like the safest profile name I’ve seen. But other than that, there were no other major issues with the profile.

    I do agree that common courtesy is the best!!! On something like this though, not responding or ghosting is their answer.

    Big hugs! 🤗

  • Will564Will564

    @DarkSecrets

    I haven't been sure what I want to say. I settled on deciding to share some things about me. I don't know if it will be helpful to you or not. If it's not, I apologize, but that's why I'll use a spoiler tag for anyone who doesn't want to see it.

    I've struggled with self acceptance and self love my entire life. I'm 40 and I'm just now STARTING to begin to figure it out. I've tried all different kinds of things in the past and it's never stuck. It's HARD. There are so many thing in this world keeping us from loving ourselves. I think a large number of people struggle with this in some way shape or form.

    When I don't love myself, I'm putting my happiness and sense of self worth into the hands of other people. If they say something good about me, I feel good. If they ignore me or say something bad about me, I feel bad. I'm not in control of other people, so I'm giving them power over me. There's no way I'll ever be able to control what they do. It keeps me from being in charge of my own life.

    But it's MY life! No one else's! No one else spends 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for an entire lifetime in my body, in my experience. If anyone deserves love from me, it's me.

    Through help from others, I've found some techniques that have started to help me out, to see myself in a different light. It takes being completely 100% honest with myself, and not hiding from my true feelings. Not burying the ones that are unpleasant, but facing them. Putting the light on them, and learning to deal with them.

    It's taken looking at my entire self. Identifying the good parts and being proud of them. Repeating them to myself. Congratulating myself for them. Doing this every day. Believing it. Not shying away from it. Recognizing them for what they are objectively and truly.

    Taking a look at the flaws. Recognizing them for what they are. Accepting them. Figuring out which ones will always be a part of me and which ones I can improve.

    If this too much for me, I go back to my strengths. I reinforce them. I acknowledge them. I accept them as a part of me.

    Recognizing which things in me are NOT flaws, but I've led to believe they are from other people. Getting rid of those beliefs.

    Accepting it's fine to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. They don't define me. They're a chance to look back and say, "Hey, now I know something that I didn't before." Not beating myself up over them.

    Giving myself self-compassion. Treating myself like I'm my best friend. If there was someone else feeling the way I am, how would I treat them? Whatever I would do for them, I give to myself. I tell myself. I'm just as deserving of it as anyone else in this world.

    Realizing the common humanity in all of us. We're all the exact same, trying figure out our way in this world. We're all going through this human experience. Not a single one of us is better or worse than anyone else...including me.

    For me, it's not an easy process, it's not a short process. It takes work. It takes repetition. It takes a lot of self examination. It takes a shift in beliefs I've had my entire life that were not suited for me, beliefs that others put on me from a young age that I'm now realizing were not true and right for me. It's taken me a while to dig up those beliefs and start to form new ones.

    There's a whole lot more, but that's some of what I've done and it's helped me.

    I don't have it all figured out yet, I've just begun to. But I feel like I've made progress for the first time ever.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    It can take touch-starved men a particularly long while before they start to figure out how to make good use of this resource. A number of those men end up giving off a “near the end of my rope” vibe, which makes them seem riskier to engage with. (People are wise to steer clear of you if you seem like you might struggle to manage your own emotional well-being.)

    So, try to make self-care a central part of your plan, without relying on free, irl cuddles manifesting too quickly. Keep things light and as upbeat as you can. And maybe swap out DarkSecrets as a user name for something that sounds a bit less ominous.

    🐵

    Good luck.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @DarkSecrets I think you might want to take @MonkeyNeedsAHug’s suggestion. Sometimes even the strongest of us can get down on ourselves and the energy we give off during these times comes across as off to others. That’s when we have to search for productive ways to work on ourselves before we can offer something of emotional value to a cuddle partner.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    @DarkSecrets in my opinion (which is worth as much as it costs), your name is probably cool for a video game, but it sounds to me like someone who probably needs a therapist for their trauma and not a cuddle partner.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    100% agree with @starrynitecuds comment.

  • AuroradreamAuroradream

    Wow there is sooo much kindness and honesty on this thread. Hugs to each and every one of you. 🤗
    @DarkSecrets ...
    There are always better days ahead. You're doing the steps to find more light. Blissful blessings! 🙏🏻

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    I actually feel sorry for younger people today---life was so much simpler and fun in the 70s to early 90s----now---everybody has to be on their toes worrying about the risk of offending someone---it was so much simpler back then---people just enjoyed life

  • DarkSecretsDarkSecrets

    Thanks guys…. I really appreciate your responses.

    My gripe wasn’t so much this site. Just in general.

    Whether real life, other sites or here. Same old story… there’s always people’s expectations and judgements to navigate.

    If you don’t meet them then be prepared to be ignored…

    Got to a point I feel like I’m not good enough or can do anything right. Although I’m not doing much wrong… other than saying hello and being well mannered.

    I’m an upbeat person but not being able to form connections is taking its toll.

    I feel like an alien lol.

    Noted about the name… noted about my negative vibe. Noted I need to change xyz.

    Noted that me is not good enough and weird lol.

    Generally I find people more polite and kind here so had different expectations. People are more mature and everyone is looking for the same things.

    Somehow I feel like an outsider. Like I always do. Watching others form friendships….

    Thanks for listening to my shit today.

    Take care guys.

    Probably come off here… these apps and meeting new people isn’t working out.

    Stay blessed lovely people x

  • Will564Will564
    edited June 2024

    @DarkSecrets

    Got to a point I feel like I’m not good enough or can do anything right.

    Noted that me is not good enough and weird lol.

    In my very humble opinion....

    It's not that you aren't good enough.

    It's that you don't know that you ARE good enough. Because you are.

    But my opinion on it doesn't matter. Nor does anyone else's on this forum or in this world.

    It's YOUR belief about it that matters. You have to be the one that truly believes it. Because you're you. No one else is or ever will be you.

    If you're able to believe it all on your own, then take that path.

    But if not, there is absolutely no shame in seeking help. Any kind of help, professional or otherwise. Because what matters most is you.

    Again, my humble opinion. I'm not you. Only you know what's best for you.

    But I hope you find what you're seeking.

    and weird lol

    It's taken me a long time to learn that we're all weird. No one is normal. And that's a beautiful, wonderful thing. Being weird makes us who we are. It's what makes us stand out. There is no one else on the planet, and never will be, someone just like you.

  • reefermadnessreefermadness
    edited June 2024

    Sorry for your pain @DarkSecrets . You are not alone. Most others on here struggle with real friends as well (that's why they are here). I'm not sure why they don't feel just as depressed. In particular, the more posts you see from someone the more lonely they probably are.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    I think your profile and pics are fine. Agree with the others that you need a different username. That was the thing I honed in on; never mind the rest of your profile is fine. I couldn't understand why you picked that username. Lots of people will be afraid to communicate with you because they won't know if it means you have an offbeat sense of humor (to me a good thing) or if you are troubled, etc. Just so you know, you can change your username just once a year.

    Good manners are essential but be sure to write more than a polite line in your messages. People want to know the person they are gonna cuddle, at least a little.

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