Do you need a timeout? We'll let you know.

I wanted to thankfully acknowledge all the people who make these forums a truly fun place to interact with each other.

I was extremely surprised and disappointed to have received a “Timeout” as if I was a small child. The ridiculously nebulous explanation of “Communicating in a manner that breaks forum rules” while never giving any indication of what specifically “ broke Forum rules” is not helpful to anyone on the site.

If those who make these decisions want to act as parents and treat the members like children by putting them in “timeout” then they should at least act like Good Parents and try to teach their “children/members how they broke the rules.

This type of weak and flimsy reason for shutting someone's account down is a disservice to all members whether we agree with each other or not.

It is painfully obvious as to why there was no real explanation to the reason to shut down my account for a week. There is no real explanation. Someone who is the arbiter of good and bad language decided I was “mean” or “aggressive” or maybe even “unsympathetic”

This really should concern anyone regardless of what opinion we may hold on any post on this forum.

Engaging with those who hold a different point of view is what makes the forum a fun place and I am sure most would agree-It is productive to have a place where differing viewpoints can be discussed.

I truly feel sympathy for those who suggest that a member should be banned because they are “insensitive” or “aggressive” {whatever the heck that even means on a forum}

Perhaps the Forums are only for cheerleading and there can be no real opinion if it varies from the original poster.

Sometimes we don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone.

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Comments

  • edited June 2024

    Yes, unfortunately that is the case. I feel any consequence should include a direct link to the specific TOS violation and that other mods should have to review and provide evidence at how that interaction was a direct violation.

    Alas, the moderator ranks have thinned quite a bit lately from what I can see. Or they are certainly less prominent. I've noticed much slower responses and less visibility. I guess they don't have the time and resources to provide that sort of 'proof' with the current ranks.

  • edited June 2024

    I'm not a mod, but I believe that part of the reason that we're not told is to give us a chance to reflect on all the things we've written and consider what gave rise to the timeout, and why a respected member of the community thought it was unacceptable.

    To read your posts, use

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/profile/comments/username

    This feature is unsupported, so use at your own risk.

    It may be one post, or there may have been a cumulative effect. Occasionally moderators make a mistake, but they have neither time, energy nor inclination to ride hobby horses or sanction people unneccesarily - it's much too tough a 'job'. (They are volunteers.)

  • [Deleted User]FriendlyFemale (deleted user)

    I understand your frustration. I agree that everyone should be able to express themselves freely here However, I do understand the place mods can be put in also. If someone voices a complaint, they have to do their best to keep the peace. It's a tough job as different things that were not meant to offend can severely offend someone who is just having a bad day. Perspective can change based on things going on outside of CC. Maybe a comment that would've offended me at 10am yesterday would just have me eyerolling at 3pm today. I'm gonna guess the "vague" aspect of it was to maintain privacy of the person voicing their complaint.

  • It would make sense to not give specific details so the person getting reprimanded doesn’t try to seek revenge in some way against whoever they were communicating with in a way that was against TOS.

    I like Duncan’s idea about giving you a chance to reflect on what anything you could have done to earn that. Respecting others is important.

    Good luck and be well

  • It would be nice to be allowed to talk freely

  • Well, on the one hand I do sympathize. On an older account I used to have here before I took a hiatus, I received a couple warnings about forum posts that could not rationally be perceived as having broken any rules whatsoever.

    Which is absurd. But, in retrospect, I actually have at least a tiny bit of sympathy for the mods. Because they do have forum users to cater to and a forum culture to maintain.

    The forum presents itself as a general outlet for discussion about cuddles from site users, but it actually puts some effort into catering to pros and women in particular, to give weight to their grievances, and to present a certain wholesome, therapeutic view of pro cuddling. It's hard for the forum to consistently keep up that look, because there's a steady stream of regular site users coming here who want to express themselves, but that's what they're going for.

    So in practice I think you just need to tack on a few extra rules when posting here: Don't rock the boat. Be wary of implying anything negative about a pro cuddler or a woman. Be wary of giving any weight to a man's grievances.

    You actually can get away with a lot of that if you're lucky and careful with your words, but there's always a risk you'll hit a nerve.

    And you know, that's alright once you accept it.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @Melancholy Except we've already seen what topics here can spiral into. A timeout is more merciful than a ban.

  • I made a post about North Korea and their insane laws and what their people get punished for...and I got warned for making a political post.

  • edited June 2024

    I just want to live in a world where I can have my own poops thread , and a boner thread that gets stickied so that I can authoritatively tell new users to refer to my sticky boner

  • edited June 2024

    What about a sticky poop boner thread?

    . . . Oh, ugh, nevermind. I just heard the words in my head. Ack, thbpt!!

  • My poops don't stick . I'm all no wipers all day,smooth as the swoosh of a basketball net

  • 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Well, my only take on this topic is that, well I try to be really careful what I say and sometimes I think I get near the edge, So I know it’s not that hard to cross the line and make comments that will get you put in time out. It’s never happened to me and I’m trying to prevent it.
    Meanwhile, what one person thinks is a perfectly fine thing to say, may not be appreciated by others who are reading that comment.
    I’ve seen that happen actually quite a bit. I read things by even some of the of the most amusing people here that give me pause. Like “really did he just say that??”
    So it’s all open to interpretation.
    @Mike403 I plan to visit the NK DMZ in the next 6 months So I will report back. It’s a scary place, but I will be safe lol not crossing the line.

  • I will be very interested in hearing about a first-hand experience of the DMZ but I would never go. And it is not hard to get a timeout.

  • @achetocuddle
    I don’t know if I’ll be nervous, my son goes there because of his work, I think it would be an interesting experience. I will update you - hopefully I won’t do anything wrong and get taken away.

  • I'm not nervous for you; you have a good head on your shoulders and seem to be able to evaluate risk correctly. I've read a lot about North Korea and i would be weak in the legs if I thought I had to even walk close to that zone. I'd probably be crying.

  • Last trip to SK I didn’t go. My heart rate will be up there, but I think I should get to have the experience Tourist go there all the time so it’s probably fine

  • I think it is a great opportunity. I am a scaredy-cat about a lot of things and I don't think people should really emulate me. The world could not turn.

  • I'm not naturally empathetic. Just throwing that out there. Reading half of what you've posted has gotten me quite annoyed.
    If you're placed in time out with no direct details as to why, it's been called out already to reflect. If after your reflection and time out is over and you feel the need to whine and complain about it,.... then you absolutely deserved your time out. It's a website that they will moderate and regulate as they see fit and you have no say so. Your opinion won't change policy. Stop whining and be happy you're not on permanent ban?
    Sorry yall, I myself work for a website and I fully understand and appreciate internal information. Sometimes you just won't know exact details to refrain from circumstances of circumventing policy.
    Nevertheless, have a great day. 🫂

  • While I can understand being frustrated when you don't know what you've done "wrong", making a post just to criticise the people who spend countless unpaid hours trying to maintain and improve this community feels incredibly mean-spirited. OP spoke about not knowing what you've got until it's gone, I think we should all consider that without our volunteer moderators (who do a lot more than just regulating the forums) this place would be an absolute shitshow.

    ❤️❤️❤️ to all our mods, thank you for everything you do.

  • Yeah I am in agreement with those who feel like you are just kinda mad and throwing a tantrum now that you can . You will be ok . Time will.pass.and so shall this . I understand being annoyed with things that are outside my understanding and control I really do, however this isn't the place to rant about your timeout .

  • @BrianOcean in my opinion, you have every right to know why you were timed out. If you really want to know, you can ask one of the mods. They’ve all been helpful, friendly and polite in my interactions with them. I can’t promise they’re going to tell you, that’s up to them. I don’t think that’s the point of your post though, I think you’re saying that you’re bothered that we’re weren’t notified nor told. My general feeling is that if the mods do something, there’s a reason for it and I respect it.

  • Also, there are a couple outspoken people on here who vanished for a bit and then came back saying they needed a break. I’m over here like 🤔 y’all got timed out didn’t you 🤣

  • I agree and if you question why you were placed in timeout you get an extra day. It’s ridiculous, then you have the mod suck ups who try to speak for them and justify it. There tends to be moderator pets who can say and do more and not face any consequences for saying the same or worse than those placed in timeout.

  • Sorry bro but we live in a snowflake society, where any sort of criticism or opposite opinion is considered hate speech. Remember the old Twitter that would ban someone for speaking an Opinion like Jordan Peterson (who got tagged with "Hate Speech" because he used the "wrong pronoun"? Notice that doesn't happen with Elon (despite his controversial stances) Just roll with it brother

  • I genuinely appreciate all the responses to my post and I am impressed that “REFLECTION” is so widely advised by all. I am quite sure that those who most strongly suggest reflection are the most actively practicing it themselves.

    I have to agree that my post can be seen as whining and complaining or “throwing a tantrum” as was comically stated. This is certainly true to some regard and that is the benefit of an open forum where we don’t have to just agree with a post.

    I also sincerely appreciate the mods and should not have directed any complaint toward them. They are volunteers and are doing what they think is best.

    Asking mods to ban people who you disagree with under the guise of “mean-Insensitive or aggressive language"
    negatively affects the site.

    I would imagine-not all Mods hold the same views on what is and is not acceptable language.

    The irony of this is that those calling me whiner and complainer could possibly be put in timeout for being “insensitive” to my post or coming at me “aggressively” if that is the standard of a timeout.

    After some careful and extremely popular reflection-I have to agree-I was whining and complaining and those calling me out have every right to do so.

    Let’s just keep the standard consistent for calling out all “whiners and complainers”

    Should those who respond with such an opposing opinion as those stated here all be put in timeout?

    I would not support it-but I guess we could all benefit from the Wisdom of @Cuddlesofcuddle

    _ Stop whining and be happy you're not on permanent ban”_

    A truly free and open forum for all of us.

  • Timeout sounds good to me! Once a day. Timeout. Face the corner and reflect on your day so far. Maybe there can be an app like that, turn it on and it disables your phone for an hour or two. 🤷🏻‍♂️

  • @BrianOcean Read your posts quickly but I think you are right about everything. I won't hold my breath for all whiners to be treated with a consistent standard. I hope you won't be discouraged about the posters who called you out for things they are doing. You write well and I love to read.

  • @BrianOcean i would actually love to know specifically what you were timed out for. After “reflecting” do you know of something you said that made that happen?

  • @Morpheus
    That was really the reason for the original rant-I have not said anything to anyone that was any more "Critical or Aggressive" then what was said to me in this post. All of which I have absolutely no problem with.

    Someone [who I have never engaged with] private messaged me with an insult and then blocked me.

    I would imagine it was a response to a post that was deemed-"mean or an even more comical term-"unsympathetic" which is a term I see thrown around here often.

    @Morpheus -I did see someone unfairly label you a Transphobe-but I am sure if that offends you-you are just not tolerant enough. You should probably do some "reflecting" to see why you are "transphobic"

    To suggest that the person calling you and others Transphobic do some refelecting of their own is probably more intolerance on our part.

    “_ Stop whining and be happy you're not on permanent ban”_ @Morpheus

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