This being Pride Month, I figure we can share stories of how we realized that we're LGBTQ+, and when we came out to people. To offer inspiration, encouragement, and support.
For me, I'd been thinking more and more about how life would be better if I'd been born a girl. Almost certainly a side effect of therapy and learning how to stop masking and be myself. If I'd been born a girl, dating would be easier. I wouldn't have to play the role of the aggressor, a role I'm not at all suited for. If I'd been born a girl, people would have been more tolerant of me, willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, probably even more welcoming. Being shy and withdrawn is cute in a girl but creepy in a guy. If I'd been born a girl, I could wear those pretty skirts and dresses and colorful things, and paint my nails in pretty colors and wear pretty hairstyles. If I'd been born a girl, it would be okay to ask for and offer hugs.
Then one day it happened. I was dwelling on my life and my fate, and how unsuited I was for the world. And I thought to myself, "If I'd been born a girl ... ... holy fuck, I'm trans!" I'm not normally prone to swearing like that, but such was my shock and surprise, there was no lesser word that would work. Then, of course, I immediately asked myself, "But am I really trans?" But there was one thing that convinced me. I'd also been wondering, "If I'd been born a girl, what would I want my name to be?" And so I chose my new name more than a month before I realized that I'm transgender. And I also did a lot of talking to other trans people on Discord and reading trans people's accounts on the web. I read up on bottom surgery. The description of bottom surgery and the six painful weeks of recovery did give me a moment's pause, but it took less than 5 seconds for me to say "Worth it!"
The details of seeing a doctor and getting on hrt so I'll skip it, other than to say I managed to get on hrt very quickly.
Coming out was not a problem for me. I lived in a liberal area, had liberal friends (a couple of whom are trans), worked at a company with a strong liberal and inclusive culture, and my family is liberal and already knew transgender people. My parents were immediately accepting, which didn't surprise me at all. Once I was comfortable enough to start presenting female in public, I came out to my immediate team at work. Managers were notified, but everyone else found out more quietly. One person said he noticed my name change in Slack, and told me congratulations. A bit later, another person messaged me saying one of the programs still had my deadname, so I could change it. The only thing that surprised me there was when the VP of Engineering called to ask if there was anything he could do to help.
One of my friends, a lesbian, I had joked with about forming a comedy duo. She would tell the jokes, and I would be the straight man. I sent her an email saying, "If we ever do form a comedy team, I will be unable to be the straight main, as I am now neither." And I had another friend who I had shared a social group with. She had commented a few times I was like one of the girls (which always pleased me - a clue which seems obvious in hindsight). So my message to her was "You know how you've said that I'm like one of the girls?"
The first time I brought my car in for an oil change after I started presenting female, the mechanic looked me up by phone number, said "You're -...", realized the name did not match the person in front of him, and quickly switched to "Your last name is ....?" Basically, there was acceptance wherever I went.
People said I was brave for coming out. I never felt brave. You can't be brave without risk. Now if I'd lived in Texas, Florida, Ohio, or other similar states, coming out would truly be brave.
It has been over three years since I started presenting as female. Over three years since I have worn pants (other than while clearing snow). I have absolutely no regrets.
One final note. About half a year after I came out, another person came out as trans, encouraged by how well it had gone for me.