Obviously, with the caveat of not paying for it.
Keep your expectations low and go with the flow
Patience. It can take a long time to hear back from an enthusiast and a long time to build enough trust she will want to meet you. Keep in mind female enthusiasts are buried in messages from day one.
Lots and lots of patience. Don't take things personally. Clear and timely communication is the exception, not the norm.
@southpawcuddler Patience and openness are big— remember that you are entitled to exactly zero responses or interactions from anyone on here, and that you will never fully know their circumstances, so practice compassion and understanding. Share your clear face picture with them in your messages when reaching out, and don’t get mad if they don’t choose to immediately reciprocate.
If you have some sort of income, it may be worth saving up a bit— it was helpful for me to build karma by meeting with some established pros early on. I received feedback from enthusiasts who subsequently spent time with me that that had played a role in showing them that I was a genuine person who other women had had a positive experience with, helping them feel safer meeting a stranger off the internet. We all know that having karma guarantees nothing, but it’s probably the closest thing this site has for vouching.
There are also a number of advice threads on the forums, I would suggest checking them out and maybe consider being a positive contributor, as some people notice that and that can also give them a sense of if you would be a good fit together.
Treat people like friends not commodities . Get to know people , don't just message a stranger and ask in first three sentences if they want to meet to cuddle . Also keep in mind you're 19, there will be lots of people not comfy meeting due to that . Be patient and good luck
It depends on what you define as "success" I suppose. If it's to find an enthusiast to cuddle with, well nothing's worked so far. Not even gotten past 1 or 2 emails except once who ended up (sorta) ghosting me for our first public meeting.
Thank you pmvines for the insight. I figured as much, although it doesn’t hurt to try. Getting to know people first is the goal.
Put in very little effort. That's the best advice I can give you. Treat this as a side quest you picked up that you don't plan to finish unless it just happens to be on the way and it's convenient.
@Vocalist100 I get to cuddle an enthusiast at least once every two lifetimes.
Bro, just pay for it. You aren’t going to find willing female cuddlers. It’s not worth the time and energy you’ll lose trying to find one. Don’t pay more market value to keep the prices in check too. Also you are 19… what are doing here? Go out and do what young kids your age do. You shouldn’t have to be here to get affection
The damage is sadly already done but this comment went too far. You never know what someone is dealing with. [Shake]
sooson---congratulations on your accomplishment!
Ugh. He already deleted. I hope he finds a community more educated and empathetic to support him. Telling a lonely young adult who is likely struggling with social anxiety, neurodivergence, or other issues without support to just "go out and do what other young kids do" is exactly the wrong response.
As both someone who struggled at that age and found support and community online, and as an educator who has worked extensively with teens and young adults - please don't ever invalidate and dismiss people seeking connection online. In-person connection is not inherently more valid than virtual, especially on a platform like CC where the goal is to eventually meet up in person.
This is one of the many ways young men get isolated and driven into incel culture, by the way - they reach out for community support and are rejected repeatedly until they find one that tells them what they want to hear: that it isn't their fault.
@dennis22554 yes it is but you have to do three lifetimes worth of homework to get where @Sooson is at
@cuddlefaery Yup. What if he's neurodivergent. Or out in the middle of nowhere. Or has people trauma. Or is neurodivergent in the middle of nowhere with people trauma. Empathy really shouldn't be as hard as some people make it seem. People looking for advice are looking for empathy and support, not to be told they're a loser who will never be successful. (Yes, I have the experience to know that's almost certainly how he interpreted that.)
Lol. No, I’m not going to get more “educated”. Having a bunch of middle aged men, some probably in their late 50s or 60s, telling a 19 year to be “patient” is dumb advice. How about guy get off the internet for a minute and actually meet up with people? Thats the problem, the youth need to get off socials and internet and meet people. It’ll help him out more. And let’s be real: he wasn’t going to meet woman around his age here, or many willing to cuddle a 19 yr old. And even realer, he’s probably just looking to hook up and seeing this isn’t the place if I had to guess. Do you just like starting fights on here or what?
I'm not going to get more “educated”.
Of this I have no doubt.
Having a bunch of middle aged men, some probably in their late 50s or 60s,
I didn't realize there's no women here, only middle aged men.
Thats the problem
The problem is people who only have a hammer and treat everything like a nail.
As for the rest, you certainly do know a lot about the future. Can you give me tomorrow's lottery numbers? And with how much you know about him and his motives, you must be an excellent detective.
Yeah , but this is how pretty much all younger folks are meeting people -socials and internet. Even myself as a 49 year old have adapted to this technique. It's not like it was when I was 19, and thank Buddha it wasn't because the Interwebs have a great way of bringing follks together and creating community for folks who would have never known each other existed otherwise . Perhaps this isn't going to be the platform that ultimately is what the guy needs, but let's not be boomers yelling at the clouds about kids these days and how things were when we were 19. It's hard enough to not seem old and out of touch lol
Being kind and genuine
I wasn't even addressing you Unscented_Lemon but OK. You seem like another one who just like to start sh*t. Way to take just snippets of responses without any context to fit your narrative. Do I know much about his motives? I know jack squat about his motives, but have common sense. You are the one already saying he may be neurodivergent, experiencing trauma, or in the middle of nowhere without any facts. Dude was here for what, like a day, and is gone. Located in New York area if I remember, (looked at profile, but remember it being in US on East Coast), no friends/karma. I'd suspect all the men told him in takes a REAL lot of time to even talk to someone, filtered out his closest matches, and said "dueces" I don't need this. Which is the only option to go, IMO.
You also need to work on your reading comprehension.
Hate that they already deleted so they won't get to see my response. But here goes anyway :-)
I consider myself successful here because I know what to take seriously and what not to take seriously for me. I set my own terms, I'm active when I want to be, I'm passive when I want to be. Apparently I'm in the small minority of Enthusiast women on this site, however contrary to popular belief, my inbox is not bursting out the frame. Also contrary to sadly popular belief, I'm an Enthusiast who actually does get something out of not being paid to cuddle. So I treasure those who I am able to connect with and am seeking new folk to connect with as well. Just because I don't have a cuddle lined up as often as I want to though, I don't see this as a failure. Everything happens, or does not happen for a reason. This mindset is how I find success here and everywhere else. 💜
@Midnight01 And you might be right about what happened - or you might be wrong. The only thing any of us know is what he posted and what you responded. And the "facts" are that quite a few people on this site are on here because they cannot or do not want to just "go out and meet someone." Are you wrong that that would be the best way for him to go? I don't know him, so I don't know that answer. But you could have phrased it in a way that was a little less harsh, since as you admit, you have no way of knowing his situation.
Bummer he's gone 😔 So far I've loved having just about every one of my assumptions proved wrong. Aren't humans such interesting creatures. Just looking at the numbers....for the most part the 25-35 year old males that I've met, chatted with, or cuddled have been much more respectful and permission driven than the 50+. There are of course exceptions on both sides, but as I said...for the MOST part. (And yes I know he's 19 but I'm looking at the ages of people I've interacted with by chance not deliberate) I have my preference set to all ages.
I think utilizes the internet to meet people is great for people of all ages. I wish it had been around when I was 19 lol Cuddlecomfort may not be a great spot for a 19 year old male however.
The answer is patience. There is no other answer inside CC. But what people have said about age is kinda true at 19 i think the patience required might not be available to you. But there is hope that you can find what you need in the world. If i remember correctly a lot of my time with women could have been better spent cuddling and accepting that than what i really had in my mind. Or doing what i thought i was supposed to be doing. The great thing about older men chiming in on this is that you could find some of us have realized the pitfalls of being young dumb and (you know the rest) and what would have been more beneficial and how rewarding platonic interactions are. Every male who thinks I'm wrong about that I'm sure just hasn't reached a level of maturity that is required. That's not a criticism it's just hot the conclusion I've come to with all my old ass experience. I believe we all get there. But I'd hope for a young man to find all he needs in the person he chooses to be with or the friends he chooses to have.
What's worked best for me? 1. My inbox isn't overflowing because I'm usually on mute. When I go off mute, I usually get 30 looks in an hour and 1-2 messages because... 2. Putting ****** Platonic cuddling only. ****** in my profile several times weeds out more. Been told it's a bit aggressive. 3. Responding to messages from nearly blank profiles with "There's very little on your profile. Please feel free to contact me when you put some effort into developing it, as I have learned here that profiles better reflect the person. Have a great day!"
@starrynitecuds All good advice, although I am not sure how much of it would apply to a 19 year old male OP.
I ,a;ways give a full detaied intrpduction of myselfand develo[ing an on;ine relatipnship.
@Midnight01 more likely the guy left because of the combination of being told his age would be a barrier and because you were so hostile towards him. Up until you chimed in, he said he was still going to give this place a try. And even if he didn't immediately get cuddles, the process and learning social skills is a large part of participating in platonic cuddling - one which you seem to have been slacking on.
Let me tell you a bit about 19 year-olds (or younger) making friends on the Internet.
I had friends, good friends, in person as a kid/teen, but I always still felt like an outsider my entire life. I never quite fit in completely and I was super stressed trying to keep up. It was like there was an invisible wall between me and the people I was supposedly closest to -- which much later I learned was undiagnosed neurodivergence.
I turned to the internet as a teen first for gaming and learning, and quickly found "my people". People who didn't judge me for making minor social mistakes. People who understood how my brain worked. I made friends who I still have to this day - some I've been friends with for 22+ years now. We've seen each other through high school, college, marriages children, deaths of loved ones, job changes, major moves. We've met in person, many times. They were the first to comfort me and offer help when my mom got sick, and a couple flew out for her funeral even though they never met her. They helped me pack and move multiple times, including cross-country. They've helped me through my major depressive episodes and worsening health challenges. And I've been there for them in all the same ways - closer to them than many of my childhood friends who have since drifted away and moved on despite our shared past. We know we can count on each other and that if ever times get rough, one of us will be there to catch us. We are family, even though we met on the Internet and may live hundreds (or thousands) of miles apart.
So just because you would not make true connections and friendships with people on the Internet at age 19 doesn't mean mean no one can. And for some it's an amazing, life-changing experience.
Be kind, honest. Be generous with listening. If you are a guy on here, be safe and trustworthy. Approach with compassion, assume everyone here - and in the world in general - is the star of their own show, and is working to become a better person, or find temporary comfort or distraction from a volatile world. Also, bring snacks and good music.