It is easier to believe…

JohnR1972JohnR1972
edited June 2024 in General

“It is easier to believe something that has happened before will happen again, than to believe something that has never happened before will happen for the first time.” - Author Unknown

I have been thinking about starting this thread for several months and it was my cuddle friend who encouraged me to go ahead and do it for the sake of the men on this site who are struggling to find anyone (especially enthusiasts) to cuddle with. I wish I had shared this before @1_teddybear gave up and deleted his profile a couple weeks ago.

This is going to be a long post so I am breaking it up into 2 posts and using spoiler buttons. Also, @CuddleDuncan has created a similar post to this probably 2 or 3 years ago about finding success on CC. This is not meant as a rehash of his excellent thread but rather as encouragement to those who may be getting frustrated on this site.

BACKGROUND:

We met through this site last summer and have become very good friends. Although cuddling is how we met, our friendship extends way beyond that. We live hours apart, and we have gone to a couple of festivals together and had a great time. Last November I re-introduced her to cycling by letting her borrow one of my bikes (she had not been on a bike in decades). We have had several cycling adventures together across multiple states, and a couple weeks ago she set a personal best for her longest ride ever. We already have plans to cycle together in 2 other states this summer. We enjoy our time together and although she no longer uses this site, we remain 100% platonic.

I am sharing all this not only with her consent but with her encouragement.

HOW IT STARTED…

I first noticed her posts in early 2023. She and I share some common views on hot button topics in the forum so I reached out to her by private message. We struck up a friendly conversation but she lives in another state and due to the distance between us, I did not expect us to meet in person anytime soon.

A few months later, I saw on a cycling website that there was an organized Century (100 mile) bike ride planned near where she lived. I was interested in doing the bike ride so I messaged her and told her I was planning to be in her area the Friday evening before that bike ride on Saturday and I told her if she were interested, I would be happy to meet her at some public location on Friday evening. She responded with a specific location and time where she wanted to meet. We met, had a great hour long conversation, then went out and got dinner together. After dinner, we were both very comfortable with each other and we went back to my hotel for a cuddle.

We stayed in touch by text but because of the distance, I really didn’t expect to see her again a for quite a while. A few weeks later, her job required her to travel to Central Indiana and she let me know so we met at her hotel for a cuddle. We then met the following month at a festival about half way between where we both live and the month after that we met at music festival closer to where she lives. The point is we weren’t just cuddling, we were spending time together doing things of mutual interest.
The other huge thing that facilitated our growing FRIENDSHIP was trust. I never tried to “get away with anything” or test her limits to see how far I could go. We have had many deep conversations and have shared a lot with each other. That has gone a long way with her because she knew she is safe with me and she is willing to put time and effort into spending time with me (driving for hours to meet me in the middle rather than waiting for me to drive to her).

TAKEAWAYS FOR MEN SEEKING CUDDLES:

There are several take aways from my experience I want to stress to men who are frustrated on this site. Enthusiast men outnumber enthusiast women 16 to 1. It is unrealistic to expect to find an enthusiast who wants to spend time with you AND who lives within 5 miles of you! You have to be willing to expand your horizons and be willing to travel.

Likewise, this didn’t happen overnight. My first year on this site, I only cuddled with pros, my second year (after building up some karma) I began cuddling with some enthusiasts. I did not meet my cycling / cuddle friend until nearly 2 years on the site.

Comments

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited June 2024

    PART 2
    REGARDING KARMA & RAPPORT:

    Some women put more faith in karma than others. At a minimum, having several karma means you have actually cuddled with someone without getting banned. Yes, that is an extremely low bar but it says more than a person with zero karma who MIGHT be someone who was banned and then created a new account. Also, the quality of the karma goes a long way. A simple “He is a nice guy and I look forward to seeing him again” probably doesn’t impress most women. However, I have been blessed by a couple of cuddle partners, especially enthusiasts, who have left much more detailed, meaningful, and heartfelt karma that I suspect carries much more weight than a short, generic karma.

    Also, building rapport over time is crucial. I have never once contacted an enthusiast with an opening message of “Hey, wanna cuddle this evening?” If a woman contacted a man with that opening message, he may very well say “YES!!!”. But that doesn’t work at all the other way around. In my experience, women want to get to know someone BEFORE they meet. They want to know you are safe and that you have something in common (not necessarily everything- that would be boring and probably suspicious enough to make them wonder if you are just saying what they want to hear).

    Does this approach work with every enthusiast? In a word, no. Everyone on this site is a unique individual. There are things that are generally true of different groups but it is no guarantee of success. I have reached out to some women (pros and enthusiasts) regarding things they have posted in the forum and never received a response.

    I have even tried to reach out to one pro I had never messaged or communicated with in the forums only to find out she had already blocked me. I didn’t take it personal and I can only assume she didn’t like something I had said in a forum post. She saved us both some time.

    PROFILES & PHOTOS:

    Speaking of profiles… who are you? Why on earth would anyone want to meet a person with a blank profile?

    I do not post photos of myself on CC. I am not famous but I am recognizable (my photo usually appears in the local newspaper, and their website, 2 or 3 times a year in connection to either my primary job or some volunteer work I do for 2 not-for-profit organizations). However, in spite of not posting a photo I have received a lot of positive feedback from enthusiasts about what I share in my profile. Nothing personally identifiable but a lot that is personal and philosophical.

    WOMEN WHO HAVE INITIATED CONTACT WITH ME:

    I have had several women initiate conversations with me after reading my posts and/or visiting my profile. Want to know what most of them have in common?

    1) They either do not have a profile pic or if they do it is a REAL (I.e. unfiltered) photo. None of them have had “Glamor Shots” style photos. What I take from this is they are very down to earth people who are comfortable in their own skin. They do not try to impress others by altering their appearance.

    2) They are very genuine people. When I read their profiles I get a good sense of who they are. Some live on farms (FWIW - I grew up on a farm). Some have very blue collar occupations and I totally respect that. Some are passionate about their pets or their hobbies or about travel. My point is they are willing to share a part of their true selves by talking about what they are excited about and I appreciate that.

    3) They are friendly but not pushy or demanding, just as I am in my messages. My cuddle / cycling friend told me when she was on this site she would frequently get messages from men, often much younger than her, on a Saturday evening wanting to meet that night. That never went over well with her (and believe me, that is a British level understatement 😂)

    SO HERE ARE MY TIPS:

    1) Participate in the forum and be yourself. Will everyone like you? Of course not. But those who agree with you or at least find your posts interesting are more likely to reach out to you.
    2) Be patient - it took me nearly 2 years to find a regular, enthusiast cuddle partner.
    3) Be willing to travel - that may mean you don’t see someone as often as you like if they live hours away but it demonstrates to them how committed you are and it makes your time together more special and meaningful.
    4) Be friendly but not pushy. Suggest, don’t demand. Building rapport for weeks or months then say “I’m going to be in your area on _______, would you like to meet somewhere of your choosing” comes across much better than asking to meet in a hotel.

    Happy cuddles.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    What an excellent post, thank you @JohnR1972.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @CuddleDuncan - thank you.

  • Katelyn_BKatelyn_B

    Wow, I agree, this is a good post.

  • JustPlaneCuddleJustPlaneCuddle

    This was fantastically written. Thank you for sharing your experiences!

  • [Deleted User]FriendlyFemale (deleted user)

    John, thank you for taking the time to write this out and share with us. I do see a lot of guys get frustrated, and I hope this encourages them to keep the faith. 💛

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @HarleyGirlKate @JustPlaneCuddle @FriendlyFemale

    Thank you all for your comments. I too hope a lot of men in particular see this and take it to heart. I am 58 and I have never seen a legitimate “quick fix” in my life.

    I appreciate the pros I have spent time with, a couple of them in particular really helped me when I needed it most - when I first joined this site and was hurting inside. But I always knew that was not a long term solution for me. I also appreciate all the enthusiasts I have shared time with and gotten to know on a more personal level.

    From comments I have read on here, it seems a lot of men either…
    1) don’t understand what this site is about (confusing it with other sites)
    2) don’t understand how to use this site / approach others, or
    3) have unrealistic expectations of this site (finding an enthusiast quickly who lives nearby.

    This is a great site if properly understood and used correctly 😊

  • Katelyn_BKatelyn_B
    edited June 2024

    Of course. 🙂

    I was a seriously touch-deprived enthusiast when I first joined, and I was pretty impatient for good things to happen. A couple of pros really helped me get my mind in a good place early on. They helped me calm down, become more patient, more thoughtful, and more effective in working toward the kind of life and friends I want.

    None of that would have happened if I hadn't joined CC.

  • BrianOceanBrianOcean

    @JohnR1972
    Great Post-
    The practical application of much of the info you shared is the key.

    Wisely acknowledging the numbers between Male and Female cuddlers-and choosing to start with Pros is great advice.

    This is obviously a much better strategy then complaining about how few women are available and then saying no one should pay for cuddles.

  • PinkMalloPinkMallo

    I think you highlight one of the best reasons to book a pro- time! Finding a mutually beneficial cuddle relationship really does take time and effort. I think pros are very useful for people who don't want that connection, or just want a hug right now. I wish there was less judgement around hiring pros. It isn't about 'having to pay'- most of my clients are just very busy and hiring me is more convenient to their lives. Great post. I hope it helps people who are struggling. I like how you formatted it too.

  • JustPlaneCuddleJustPlaneCuddle

    Speaking of a "quick fix" is something that I feel needs to be honored more often and discussed louder. In 2019, I was on a chemotherapy medication that caused me to entirely withdraw. I had no idea how much it had changed my personality and how much I was lacking in physical connection until 2022, when I was able to rejoin a good deal of the photography community and be hugged. I know I am still not fully back to the person I was before but - coming here, showing up, and being present with my clients has healed pieces of me that I did not even realize had been wounded. I found understanding in my chronic illness clients and deep, binding friendship in some of my SA clients. I have grieved alongside a couple of my clients that have lost a loved one and both of us felt a lot less alone. There is no "quick fix" for human intimacy but having one another around certainly does begin to fill that void. Gosh, I love everything about this thread!

    @PinkMallo stated this beautifully! Finding the right fit can be time consuming! I have actually had clients thank me for charging because it helps them consider it a service and not a friendship; some of my clients have a hard time separating themselves from their paternal instincts in feeling the need to take care of someone else instead of being taken care of in that moment.

  • hifigeorgehifigeorge

    JohnR1972 I really appreciate what you've said here, especially the part about having patients. I kind of look at it as an ebb and flow situation. Different people come and go, even pros. I've met some wonderful folks on cuddle comfort. I do find myself in a dilemma with one of your tips, about traveling. As i'm totally blind, I don't drive. Navigating unfamiliar places would be a challenge, and even a safety concern. Aside from that, I'm on a low fixed income and have to save up for the odd pro I do cuddle with. I simply cannot afford the additional cost of a bus ticket, if a bus went where I needed to go, and then there's lodging. Travelling is something I would be more than willing to do, if I were able, it certainly has a few benefits like visiting a place I've never been. I'd ask my wife for help, and I know she'd be willing, but she is also legally blind, and can't drive either. Plus there'd be the additional cost of paying for an extra person. I am open to suggestions from you or anyone else who may have a solution. I'm not necessarily expecting an answer, but I felt I had to point this out, as I'm sure there are a few of us, who for one reason or other, are unable to travel.
    Thanks

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    @JohnR1972 Great post!

    I was an enthusiast for quite a while and I am friends with some people on here and I have an ongoing relationship with them. Some started when I was enthusiast, some while being a pro. I value their friendships. Friendships take effort enough. Just like you said, not a quick fix.

  • [Deleted User]DulceLuna (deleted user)

    @JohnR1972 thank you for creating this post! It's a beautiful way to explain and encourage others to continue looking for that great connection. 🤗 It is hard work but ultimately very much worth the effort! 💖

  • [Deleted User]Fematheist (deleted user)

    @HarleyGirlKate ~ I feel you on that!!! I had to pull in the impulse to go clubbing... like nabbing cuddlers and dragging them in!!! But the cool heads and reasoned explanations here on the site-- thanks @JohnR1972 !-- have helped me see the error of that way! lol

    I missed last summer's Rose Cuddles, here in Ohio... IF THEY DO IT AGAIN, I'LL BE THERE EVEN IF I HAVE TO WALK!!!! lolol

Sign In or Register to comment.