I am a really chill person. But I also know that it only takes seconds to get roofied.
I also know that over 20% of women suffer sexual violence in their lifetime.
Trust is something that is gained, not just given. Most of us work very hard to build a layer of trust before a cuddle session. But there is only so much you can learn through a site like this. And, unlike many professional services, we are working out of our homes, your home, or a hotel room. That puts us in a more vulnerable position than most service workers. Tbh, while the nature of the time provided is often completely different, the environmental situation is very similar to a blind date.
If I am working with a female client, I would not be at all offended if she wanted to test her drink or only drink from unopened bottles.
Please try to keep in mind that while providing you comfort, safety, and healing touch is our job... it is also completely on us to keep ourselves safe. It is not meant to be offensive AT ALL. It is just very, very important.
@angela10 Apparently, the nail polish is coming out this fall. You can find out more about it and get on the waitlist at http://www.undercovercolors.com.
There are also a few date rape drug test kits for drinkable on Amazon.
Note: I’ve never used this products, so I don’t know how good they are. But I thought it might be valuable information to have.
@AndiCuddles actually 20 percent of women report having been sexually assaulted , there is really no telling how many there really are as so many go unreported. So many men have the attitude of well , I'm not like that and I wouldn't do that so how dare she feel that way about me !! Well be that as it may , it doesn't change the fact that there are still multiple layers of trust and barriers to get through. So if a woman wants to be cautious about me so be it , she is the one who has to be concerned about being raped and /or physically assaulted .
Gee , I must be reckless ! Let’s say In order to earn someone’s trust I give trust . Up front So I invite someone who only goes by the name of Fire and Blue , or , flames and Ice ( completely trust the person), So we happily cuddly , oh , I have to answer the doorbell , when I come back , what do I do about my drink . It’s been sitting there . Should I gulp it down ? Should I get out my nail polish and test it in front of the Cuddler ? ( and offend her? What if she is not used to that ?)What if the Cuddler dosed it ? Well , the cuddlers story goes “ he fell asleep, so I left , when he was sleeping , someone else must have come in and robbed him officer , and , they slipped in the date drug .( if they ever do track them down) Then I get bad karma I accused them of a crime .
Yes , is there not risk both ways , and a chance of offending the other Cuddler
Now they have all those fancy drinking bottles so you can drink your water in a stylish way. What we need is one that only opens after you enter a secret code. That way you can leave your bottle unattended and not have to worry about your drink being compromised. Someone already makes such a device. Try eBay. They come from Australia. https://newatlas.com/go/4263/
Now you are taking an extreme hypothetical and running off with it, knowing this is not something that is likely to be a reality . However for many women safety is an actual reality. It is highly doubtful that anybody would take things to an excessively exaggerated extreme like you are posing , and you are only minimizing legitimate actual efforts that some women take in order to feel safe . Roll your eyes at it all you want , but it is not your reality.
@AndiCuddles THANK YOU!
Yes date rapes happen more than you think and it often goes unreported. Can't really blame the women for not wanting to embarrass themselves by reporting it.
I don’t mean to come across as insensitive to the rape crimes but to me a “ trustless ... cuddle meet up , rendezvous, session ... call it what you want . A trustless cuddle just seems to have a sort of fake ness to it , diminished meaning . I feel that way . Strongly . Let me add that guest of mine , if you are a man , woman , whatever gender , age , ( and I won’t discriminate) for some cuddle , if you want to test any thing that is served by me , go ahead and test it . After you see that there is nothing in it , would you quietly leave , and just to show you that I trust you , take a sample with you and have it tested .
@cuddlerforu24
Safety > Hurt Feelings. The End.
I promise every female cuddler you meet is utilizing some safety protocols. In fact our contract REQUIRES some.
We do not scream them from the roof. We want you to have a beautiful experience.
But your belittling our safety concerns is really tiring and is verging on trolling.
You are reminding me of a previously banned user . Same use of rhetoric . You state you are from France on your profile though your postings dont come across as very French like . You also have cited a former members name in a recent post who deleted their account as well as name and many postings from this site over 7 mo ago yet your account is less than a month old . I call shenanigans!!! Shenanigans and hijinks!!!!
While I realize that the OP has now been banned, I do believe this topic has touched a nerve. Good!
I thought I would share a few quotes on women and our ever present fear of violence and sexual assault. Yes, something ALL females live with. I recently read a very well written collection of essays. A few key passages stood out to me.
Here are some words to reflect on, as we consider this debate about how to walk that fine line between ensuring our personal safety and running the risk of offending a new acquaintance:
“Women are afraid of being raped and murdered all the time and sometimes that’s more important to talk about than protecting male comfort levels.”
“Or as someone named Jenny Chiu tweeted, “Sure #NotAllMen are misogynists and rapists. That’s not the point. The point is that #YesAllWomen live in fear of the ones that are.”
From: Rebecca Solnit. “Men Explain Things to Me.”
I wouldn't mind being roofied. The only thing I would regret is that I might not remember it.
@RCasey8890 - If that is your attempt at humor - I must say...it is rather offensive - in my opinion. Just really insensitive and tone deaf to some of the valid concerns that some have posted on this thread.
It wasnt humor, it was serious.
@RCasey8890 you might feel differently about it when you woke up to the reality that your wallet, watch, and phone were gone. I've read quite a few stories over the years of traveling businessmen who thought they had picked up a woman in the hotel bar. Instead of their anticipated evening of fun, they were drugged and robbed.
And that might be the least of your troubles. There is currently a huge problem with American tourists at Mexican resorts being drugged. Most are robbed, some are beaten, wives or girlfriends assaulted. At least two people have been killed this way. The U.S. State Department has an advisory about Mexican resorts on their website. (or at least they did as recently as two or three months ago.)
If you "woldn't mind" being drugged, I can't imagine why.
The affirmation that I am attractive enough to be raped would be worth it.
@RCasey8890 needs to be removed. This is not okay.
I disagree with andicuddles. Rcasey probably just has personal struggles, especially with self worth. His last comment makes that obvious. The solution for that is not to ban the person but to offer compassion.
You have got to be freaking kidding me, @ubergigglefritz.
He's banned now. He was also submitting reports against Pros who chose to ignore him and then refused to stop doing this when asked not to.
I'm not kidding. Other actions may be ban worthy, I don't know, but being ok with being roofied in hopes of feeling some semblance of feeling desired is something worthy of compassion, not to be attacked for.
Thank you, @Mark.
That same emotional struggle is displayed in his frustration with people not responding to him. I can't judge him without knowing the content of those messages.
Oh, I didn’t think you were kidding. ???
Everyone has struggles; everyone deserves compassion.
But comments left BY A MAN saying that he wants to be roofied and raped because that would make him feel attractive are not acceptable in a forum post about how women worry about (and can protect themselves from) being roofied.
That is sick and predatory behavior.
I have compassion for him — but this is not the place for him. At least not until he works out some of his thoughts and feelings with a qualified therapist.
Why do I feel so strongly about this? Because I have compassion for myself and other cuddlers who want to feel safe in this hobby or business.
Also, no one attacked him. Through words OR actions.
Saying something is not okay is a boundary, not an attack.
Ok, then we are obviously reacting to his behavior in different ways. I don't take that alone as predatory behavior. I would need to talk to him before judging.
@ubergigglefritz I think in this case he was probably trolling rather than honestly revealing his vulnerabilities. If he was expressing this sincerely and with intent for respectful debate, then perhaps a ban wouldn't be an appropriate first move.
Technically you are right. It's easy to feel attacked when being told you can't express an opinion or thought or feeling.
@mark that may be true, but I can't know that just based on what happened here, and hearing he was harassing pros for not responding to him just makes it seem more likely that he is frustrated by lack of attention, and has issues with self worth. I can't judge that without knowing what occurred in his messages.
Maybe it wasn't trolling or maybe it was a mix of both. I'll definitely keep an open mind when reading his appeal, if he chooses to submit one. Anyway, his ban was more about him refusing an official request.