What am I doing wrong?

cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid
edited September 2024 in General

Hi, I am a 59 year old guy and have sent out around 35 messages out to both Pros and Non-pros but mainly Non-pros.

Out of those 35 I have had 5 replies. One Non- pro was a fantastic cuddler and we are still in contact and one pro was nice but came off the site due to haraasment. I also had one scam artist who I reported and was banned.

I never send out one line messages, my messages are always detailed and written in a friendly educated way.

I think not responding at all, even if you don't think you are a match is extremely rude. It is not how I have been brought up.

Is this the norm for this site or can people offer some advice? I am in the UK if that helps.

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Comments

  • TeddyCuddle45TeddyCuddle45

    I cant think of a time a non pro has actually ever responded to me, so I personally don't waste my time with them.
    Sounds to me you are doing good with a first message and I would definitely agree with the not responding being rude, but with non pros a lot of them get flooded with request or so I've heard, so might be hard to reply, plus not having a picture might affect that as well..
    Location can also play a big part of it, and the cuddlers that are available in said location. I say keep trying an don't lose hope.
    I found my cuddker and I have no desire to deal with anyone else, quality over quantity.
    Sometimes you just have to work a little harder

  • gentledadgentledad

    I think it's purely an overabundance of men vs women and the ladies get inundated inboxes.

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    @TeddyCuddle45 I do have a picture it just isn't showing on the Forum. I am in London which is the capital of the UK and I am happy to travel although I have no desire to go to the US.

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    @gentledad - yep, that is definately true. I search about every 2 weeks and it is always the same faces. Never anyone new.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited September 2024

    Enthusiasts have no obligation to respond to messages. The site makes it quick and easy to join, and as a moderator I can tell you there are a lot of creeps that make accounts and send inappropriate messages before they are banned, ruining it for people that are here with the right intentions. There are many reasons why a person may not respond, with safety seeming to be at the top of that list. Safety is going to be given priority over hurting the feelings of a complete stranger that randomly reached out, which just needs to be accepted. I also believe we have many who are socially awkward here (myself included) so meeting people online can be very intimidating.

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    @CharlierBear - The only reason I can see for someone not responding to a detailed message is ignorance.

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    Update: Since I have posted the question, a lot of people have visited my profile which is great news, although every single on of them is from the US. Oh well... :)

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)
    edited September 2024

    @cuddlyDavid Trying to catch the attention of a female enthusiast is like trying to catch a leprechaun while he rides over a rainbow on a unicorn: worth trying, I suppose, but the odds are way against you and your time could probably be better spent. (And frankly, referring to people who haven't responded to you as acting out of ignorance is not going to help you any. The forums are essentially a billboard for yourself -- women are reading your posts and will react accordingly.)

    I would also point that I have a female enthusiast I am friends with here - she went away for a weekend and came back to 250 messages in her inbox. It's highly unlikely she is going to get through all of them.

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid
    edited September 2024

    @WriterGF The only people reading this and looking at my profile are American so I am safe! I am from a generation where you respond to people irrespective of the reason. Ignoring people (or ghosting as it is now called) is ignorance and if people take offence to that then I would not want to meet them let alone cuddle them. The one non-pro who I have met sent me a 6 paragraph reply. They are the type of people I want to engage with. Maybe this isn't the right site for me.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @cuddlyDavid I am coming at this from the perspective of being on the job market, where you can interview four times with a company and then get ghosted. You also have to accept the fact that your messages may not even have been read, because they are in a pile of hundreds the enthusiast has received. (Probably a stupid question, but do you check when you write to see how recently the person has been active? A fair number of enthusiasts create an account look around, then disappear for weeks, months or longer.)

    No one likes being ghosted. But there is also something called "engage and enrage" - write someone back to say no and you don't know if they are going to start demanding an explanation for why, etc. It's safer to just not respond sometimes. Basically, no one is entitled to a response and if you feel you are, yes, you will be miserable here and most places online.

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    @WriterGF I am a web developer so I understand technical sites and have my search criteria set up so I only see people who have been online recently, as well as a plethora of other criteria. I also only contact people who seem active and if possible have Karma.

    I think my problem is I am old and I don't understand this new world. When talking off context and refering to the job market, I agree, I get ghosted there as well! But that never happened in the 80s. You always got a reply, by post...

    Also people in the 80s were not offended if they got a "Thanks but no thanks reply" and I am referring across the board. I was on the very first dating site and back then everyone replied. Normally it was "Thank you for replying but you are not my type" but I like that. It shows they engaged.

    I have had many pros contact me who are not suitable and I have replied to every single one, explaining in detail why they are not suitable. I feel if they took the time to contact me then the least I can do is write back.

    I guess this thing isn't for us older generation!

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    Or you simply have to accept the world has changed and adjust. What I have found is that coming on this site expecting anything pretty much leads nowhere. (And if an enthusiast does get back to you, you need to be prepared to talk for maybe months before she will feel safe enough to cuddle with you, which I completely understand.) The notion, promoted by the marketing, that all you have to do is show up here and you get a cuddle is false. Enthusiast cuddling takes time (a lot of it), patience (even more) and work (probably more than people expect.)

  • TxTomTxTom

    Six months and you've already gotten 5 replies out of 35 messages?!

    You're doing a helluva lot better than I did.

    What's your secret?

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    @WriterGF I do understand where you are coming from and while I do understand the world has changed I still have standards in both myself and what I expect of others. I am not going into details as to why I am using this site but it isn't because I am socially awkward. I fully understand the need to engage before cuddles. In fact that is something I think is essential. I met one pro and in my opinion we didn't have enough chatter before hand and thats one of the reasons I am not comfortable with Pro cuddling.

    As I have said I have had one amazing non pro (or enthusiast as you call it) cuddle and before we cuddled we had many, many exchanges including going out for a meal which was a really fun afternoon. She actually held my hand on the way back to my car which I though was sweet. We then arranged a cuddle and it went well.

    I am just surprised there are not more people like her on the site.

    Another issue is that I am in the UK. It seems quite apparent that 95% of the people who use this site reside in America so there are not many people to message at all.

    I think I should be happy with the one amazing cuddler I have found on here and cut my losses.

    Thank you for your input

  • TxTomTxTom

    I have had one amazing... enthusiast... cuddle and before we cuddled we had many, many exchanges including going out for a meal which was a really fun afternoon. She actually held my hand on the way back to my car which I though was sweet. We then arranged a cuddle and it went well... I think I should be happy with the one amazing cuddler I have found...

    So, what's the complaint about, again?

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    @TxTom. I am beginning to realise that I am not alone. How can guys keep using this site if they don't get any replies? It is rather baffling.

    Also I was thinking of making a post about the cost of Pros. How can I get a massage for £50 but a cuddle costs £100. It doesn't make sense. I had a session with one pro out of curiosity and she didn't do anything special (although she was lovely). No training or college required for cuddling is there?

  • TxTomTxTom

    @cuddlyDavid

    How can guys keep using this site if they don't get any replies?

    Because this site is not the center of our lives.

    Also I was thinking of making a post about the cost of Pros.

    Yeah. Don't do that.

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid
    edited September 2024

    @TxTom hah - No it certainly isn't the centre of my life. Too much other stuff going on my life. Too many old rock star's egos to massage!

    Ah I was being sarcastic about the pro price post but they charge way too much so I will not be using them.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @cuddlyDavid
    If you think it can only be ignorance if you don’t get a response from a detailed message, then good luck. Just don’t be one of those people that reports everyone that doesn’t respond.

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    @CharlieBear Hey, no of course not. It is a character trait that I despise and I wouldn't do it myself but it isn't something worth reporting. The only time I have reported anyone is when a 'so called' cuddler tried to get money from me for her alleged sick mother. If anyone reports people for not responding then they have issues.

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    @TxTom Sorry I missed your message asking about my complaint.

    Yes I have had experience with one good cuddler but she is quite active on this site and has many other people she engages with which is great for her but it means I can only see here every few months. I was hoping to meet one or maybe two other people to cuddle with. This isn't a dating site after all. I am not looking for THE one.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @cuddlyDavid This site was originally all enthusiasts. Pros became a thing because there are way fewer female enthusiasts than male enthusiasts and many of the men on here now use pros. Many people cannot find an enthusiast and some prefer pros as a general rule.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @cuddlyDavid So you met one and you are complaining? Some people on here don’t even manage that, so I guess I still don’t get your complaint. Enthusiasts don’t sit around with their fingers crossed hoping you contact them. Most eventually delete their accounts or turn pro so it can be a challenge. I have met with 12 enthusiasts so far and one pro who no longer charges me because we are two peas in a pod waiting to get shelled, but it definitely takes longer and requires patience.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    @cuddlyDavid Do you call and thank or write back to every store that mails you their flier? No? Can't say I blame you.
    Many of the random messages I get here are the equivalent of junk mail.
    "Hey, when you wanna meet?" Or "How much do you charge?" (I'm an enthusiast.)
    Many times when someone does decline politely, it's met with open hostility or arguments. So "ignore" is often a reasonable option. Because no answer IS an answer.
    (Please don't soapbox about "my generation had manners." It's coming off as a lightly veiled, "women owe men.")

  • TxTomTxTom

    Okay, well, you may not find another cuddler like her. So, count your blessings.

  • MindTherapyMindTherapy
    edited September 2024

    @cuddlyDavid It’s because you’re mainly reaching out to non pros. Pros will usually always respond. It’s like the equivalent of strangers sending you dm’s on Facebook. Don’t take it personal. Try more pros.

  • JSP_1JSP_1

    On the internet, if money isn't involved, women will usually only respond if they find you attractive enough or interesting enough to respond to. This should be pretty common knowledge by now

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid
    edited September 2024

    @deepsleepcuddle I am British so I will be honest here! I want a friendship (not a relationship or anything sexual) as well as cuddles and a pro won't cater for that. Also Pros are way too expensive in my opinion. I can get a massage in London for half the price of a cuddle. I also feel the concept of paying for a cuddle really strange.

  • niceman99niceman99
    edited September 2024

    Typical story on this site and with 99% the women being in America the very very few that are in the UK are either never on the site which you can see by their last login or as most of us agree never bother replying.

    The classic is they don't put a picture up but won't speak to you unless you have a picture? Work that out lol

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    Hi @JSP_1 How are you doing? I think you are talking about a dating site. Hopefully cuddlers won't care too much about my ugly mug! As for interesting well thats a matter of opinion but I feel I have that in droves.

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