Younger and older cuddlers

respectfulrespectful
edited June 2018 in General

I've cuddled people of various ages now, including more than one 19 year old, which has been fine. To me it's not the age, it's the person. But I would like to understand better what it is like for a younger cuddler to cuddle someone older (I'm 47).

A phrase that's stuck with me since I heard it is "power imbalance" from this post:

"I do think that one thing a lot of older men don't really take into consideration is that younger women may feel more vulnerable and that there is more of a power imbalance."

I am interested in how that works, and what could make a younger cuddler feel the most comfortable. Something that I do think helps is to encourage them to say "no" if they would prefer not to do something (meaning preferences, not just boundaries). I did that recently with someone and she did actually say no to something, and I asked her how that felt. She said it felt very empowering, which made me happy, since that was the intention.

Are there any other ways an older cuddler can be sensitive to a younger one, to take away a sense of "power imbalance" if there is one?

Comments

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited June 2018

    What I would be concerned about is someone possibly looking toward someone as a paternal type figure? Not too sure how often it happens but I can see how someone from a broken home, or who has emotional issues and needs a parental figure, or someone who needs parental comfort, could seek that out through a cuddle partner. Seems would open the door to transference and counter transference. I am 43 and have cuddled with someone 24 yrs older as the oldest (though I also have cuddled 2 people who are 22 yrs older), and also have cuddled with someone 21 yrs younger, plus all of the ages in between.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    I don't see it as a power imbalance personally. I usually feel more at risk with younger guys. I really enjoy cuddles with older men. I feel like they have a particular need for it, are more typically discriminated against, and thus I'm able to really make a difference for them.

  • cuddlerforu24cuddlerforu24
    edited June 2018

    I would say that an actual demonstration, of the older cuddlers abilities , could help .
    An initial 1/1 opportunity, wouldn’t happen , but at a cuddle party , the younger Cuddler could observe , the older cuddlers skills, while they are cuddling others ,and perhaps even audition the older person .

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited June 2018

    My experience is that most women have an age limit even if they don't state it in their profiles. And that is about 15 years older than themselves (it's the same on dating sites). Since the vast majority of females on here are in their teens or twenties, that pretty much excludes anyone over 45.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @ukguy thus my preference stated above. I'm seeing someone 78 in a couple weeks. Can't wait! :-)

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I don’t care about age, well of course they have to be legal.

  • [Deleted User]MissX (deleted user)

    I've cuddled with older and younger guys and I actually feel safer with the ones that are at least 10 years my senior. Although there are exceptions both ways (good and bad in both groups) in general I've found older guys are less pushy about boundaries and less likely to try and barter with you about your rates.

  • quietman775quietman775

    @respectful Never mind the perceived power imbalance; there is an age below which my own comfort level comes into play. I recently cuddled with a 24-year-old pro, and she was my youngest ever. (At least, the youngest whose age I have known; some other cuddle websites do not display the pro's age.) Someone who is 18 or 19 would be way outside of my comfort zone. At that age, she doesn't have enough life experiences for us to talk about much. If she can't legally buy a beer,or if she wasn't old enough to vote in at least 2 presidential elections, I would feel like I was cuddling a child. That's not the dynamic I want. I have seen 16 pros from this site, and their average age is 31.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @MissX I’m 18 years your senior :-)

  • happybearhappybear

    i'm 47, and the ideal range is 10 years up or down, just to have more in common as far as stages of life, but have had several great cuddles with someone younger, the conversation was great and connecting, we had like minded souls and creative spirit, but were at different ages/stages of life.

  • mickcuddlemickcuddle

    I’m one of the very oldest on the site. I’ve learned that if I don’t get a response to a simple hello or a comment on someone’s profile, I just get over it. I don’t generally approach anyone who doesn’t say they cuddle men, so I have to say that age has a factor in why they don’t respond. But then there are other good reasons someone would take a pass I don’t take it personally, life’s too short to get all wound up into a ball.

  • AndiCuddlesAndiCuddles

    Huh. I don’t really have a preference.

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    That’s quite interesting take! I’m not sure if I feel the same way just bc I’m a professional cuddler and to me I enjoy cuddling with all folks of different ages. The older ones do seem to feel more protective of me which isn’t a bad thing at all. Lol

  • whitetantrawhitetantra

    I personally prefer with a 60 year age range for the exact reasons above ..cuddling with all

  • [Deleted User]MissX (deleted user)

    @Morpheus Perfect :)

  • calineurcalineur

    @respectful We can only do so much to influence young cuddlers. Believe it or not, we can be as respectful, kind, understanding, discreet, caring, forgiving and reasonable, etc. as is possible and still get nowhere because not everyone knows how to deal with that, believe it or not! I too have been with very young ones, and the difference was how she dealt with older ones. Some I never saw again because yes, I felt that I was with a child. But I have been with others the same age and I felt much more comfortable because both the conversation and behavior was that of a relatively mature woman. I might add that all the young ones with whom I cuddled were professionals, doing it for money. (Cuddling with young ones as an enthusiast I have found to be next to impossible, if not completely impossible.)

    @UKGuy even with the professionals that I have seen, they had to warm up to the idea of being with someone older. But in each case I came as a referral/recommendation, which I believe made a huge difference.

    @ubergigglefritz, @MissX, @stellarosass I appreciated your comments.

  • respectfulrespectful

    @calineur "Cuddling with young ones as an enthusiast I have found to be next to impossible, if not completely impossible"

    Can I ask what made it difficult?

  • [Deleted User]suzyffa (deleted user)
    edited June 2018

    As a pro Cuddler , I have cuddled with both older and younger people. Older gentlemen seems to understand better what the experience is designed for and they have more control over their impulses. This said it doesn't mean some won't try to push your boundaries because they will. Younger folks on the other hand 9 times out of 10 ( from my experience at least ) will try to push the boundaries almost all the time.

  • Edward3123Edward3123

    Just as @suzyffa I have cuddled with both older and younger people and older people have a better understanding.

  • White_KnightWhite_Knight

    For me personally, I would only cuddle with people +/- 5 years within my own age group. If I were cuddling with someone older than that, I would feel like they were babying me or it might feel kinda patronizing (even though I know they weren't trying to come off that way). I couldn't even cuddle with someone if they were younger like 18 or 21, that's highschool or college freshman age - that just feel creepy for me, man! Haha

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    Cuddling is cuddling. I'd cuddle with my grandparents. I'll cuddle with my parents. I'll cuddle with my 20-something-year-old siblings and with my under-ten-year-old siblings. Age isn't a factor for me. Although, come to think of it, older people do generally tell better stories....

    But younger people are less likely to misgender me. So there's that.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    Agree with @DarrenWalker . Cuddling is platonic, and that has no age restriction. As long as we can talk and respect each other :-)

  • calineurcalineur

    @respectful In my case I would have to answer your question as to the challenges with this short list:
    1. Status. Biggest, and the only way around it is with pros who are open minded enough to ignore it. I still find it curious the amount of rejection even from pros who I believe pass on my requests due to this. I can only assume, however, as none of them have had the maturity to voice their reasons. So far I have only met one enthusiast, and she happened to have the same status, not surprisingly.
    2. Age. But this only applies to the younger ones, of course.
    3. Relatively low level of available selection
    4. Relatively negative opinion of platonic cuddling (?). I believe that the concept of platonic affection generally may not be part of the current educational system.

  • Alan2018Alan2018

    You're not getting married or dating, so age is a matter of preference.Theres nothing wrong with a big age difference.An older person can be significantly less than a younger partner in power.Society still has a huge prejudice regarding older people.

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