What makes someone a good cuddler?

HealingSystemHealingSystem
in General

Hey there. I never thought I would use that word as a descriptor for someone. But here we are, I guess.
I'm very new to all of this, and I'm not even really sure how to cuddle in the first place. I don't even remember the last time I've experienced it. It's gotta be over two years ago.
I don't even really know how to cuddle someone. Like, I've heard there are a lot of different ways that you can, but I have no clue what those are.
Also, what makes someone good at cuddling? And are there people who are bad at it? I know that sounds like a stupid question, but I'm just wondering if there are people who are just not good at cuddling.

Comments

  • [Deleted User]justwanthugs (deleted user)

    The good ones care about people. They are kind, empathetic, genuine, and they are with you when they are present. The bad ones are cold, distracted, unpleasant, watches the clock, and do not give you full attention. I’m fortunate to have only had good ones, and a few great ones.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @HealingSystem
    Hmm. I would say the only "bad" cuddling I've experienced are the "dead fish"...like a limp handshake, there are a few people out there who don't engage. They are enjoying themselves, but they're coming at it from either a place of selfishness (where they expect you to do all the caregiving and make them feel good while they lay there doing nothing), or perhaps from a place of shyness (where they're unsure of what to do, so they stay frozen).

    Any form of reciprocation and involvement is better than the above. Not sure how to help the selfish or oblivious peeps, but for the shy ones, I would recommend asking, "Is it okay if I..." (stroke your hair, rub your back, hold your hand, etc.).

    If that is too daunting, a workaround is to ask, "What kind of cuddling or touch would you enjoy?" or "What cuddle position makes you feel most comforted?" or "Is there anything specific you would like, today?" This takes the fear of rejection away that you might feel in the first scenario, and places the ball in the other person's court. Then it is up to you if you can comfortably provide them with what they would enjoy. Never do anything you aren't comfortable with/consent to.

    Being a good cuddler isn't about knowing all the crazy positions in the book (yes, there's a book), or being "better" at it than someone else; it's certainly not about attractiveness or sex appeal.

    Being a good cuddler is about respect, and genuine care. If you have those two things, you can't go wrong. 🫂

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug

  • CuddlezDrag0nCuddlezDrag0n

    A good cuddler is someone who shows they care without words. When you can feel the warmth and care for the other person.

  • [Deleted User]mulftor (deleted user)

    Sunset Snuggles nails it.

    At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging, let me list some of the good cuddler compliments I've gotten over the years.

    1. Communication would be the top compliment I get. Not even anything related to the physical act of cuddling. I often worry I overcommunicate, but I think that's just my anxiety talking. We are strangers after all. Is this position okay? Are you comfortable? Always ask before I touch somebodies hair. Usually when I ask what positions a pro likes, they just say I'm the one paying so I should pick, but I still always ask.
    2. Easy going, go with the flow. I never really have a plan for how a cuddle is going to go. I have no expectations going in. Not everybody is going to click. If you stick to cuddling people with many reviews, you can get a sense for how a cuddle is going to go, but everybody is different and you just never know. Be open to having that experience. I have cuddled pros that I am glad to have met but will likely not cuddle again. I do often cuddle newer pros and with that comes a risk of what @SunsetSnuggles calls a dead fish. It is a little rough to pay someone 200 for 2 hours and have them just lay in the same position the entire time and not really interact with you.
    3. Polite.
    4. I'm warm.
    5. I smell good
    6. I wish I didn't have to list this last one, as it should be just the default behavior of everybody on this site, but it needs to be said. I am genuinely not looking for sex.
  • BearBear

    A good cuddler cares and respects boundaries. Making sure both parties are comfortable and respected.

    I only had one “ dead fish “ , I don’t know if they were selfish or extremely shy.

    One of the best things you can do is be yourself and be calm.

  • AuroradreamAuroradream

    At an event, a well trained Cuddlist provider I know told me once that I'm " a natural". I thought that was an awesome compliment, even if I don't know 100 different cuddly positions.
    I'm aware that I'm tuned in to my cuddle partners and my unique empathy can reveal to me how someone is stressed and what they need.
    So the best cuddles for me promote a connection that's hard to describe. Being heard, if needed, being accepted in the moment, letting someone know it's alright and the universe has them in its embrace too. Deep stuff huh 🤔
    I also love cartoons and giggles and back scratching lol

  • GuyverGordonGuyverGordon
    edited September 2024

    My biggest fear (or at least one of) is that I will end up being the "dead fish" ... it'll be out of shy/nerves rather than selfishness; it is kind of an automatic 'how do you turn this thing off' kind of thing.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    IMO, a good cuddler is kind and caring, regardless of status (pro, client, enthusiast). It's less about the positions and more about being present and a good person (not pushing boundaries, paying as agreed (for Pros), respecting good hygiene.)

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited September 2024

    Can't really add anything to what's already been said other than to try to relax and not overthink things. It's a cool thing to do In your spare time but it's not miracle water. Don't place any more reverance on it than is necessary. All that does is get you lost in you own head about things and it's really not that deep. Have fun, be open and lighthearted, and be a good human. Everything else will fall where its supposed to . Cuddling included .

  • KatotaKatota

    try to relax and not overthink things. It's a cool thing to do In your spare time but it's not miracle water. Don't place any more reverance on it than is necessary. All that does is get you lost in you own head about things and it's really not that deep. Have fun, be open and lighthearted, and be a good human. Everything else will fall where its supposed to . Cuddling included .

    @pmvines 😁👍

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    In my own words, maybe restating what others have already said… genuine enjoyment of the cuddle, and being in the moment.

    It’s not a transaction and it’s not artificial.

    I’m not often in the moment, thinking about all sorts of things. But when cuddling with someone like I described I can be and I value that as well as what I learn from those people.

  • team_cuddleteam_cuddle

    A good cuddler is someone who has good communication skills, and that is aware of the other cuddlers comfort levels. Someone who can make the other person feel at ease.

Sign In or Register to comment.