@jimmylee A lot of men intentionally want to pay because they want the boundary of keeping it professional. They don’t want a woman who wants something more like a friendship or attachment. They want to keep the cuddling separate from the rest of their lives. Not everyone is here for a BFF. I think this especially might apply to men here who are married or in a relationship. Some might want that and some don’t!
Many men here complain about Pros and having to pay for a cuddle, but just remember not everyone is like you. there are all kinds of ways of thinking and all types of needs. I did not join this site to find a bf or date. Not looking for a relationship from someone here. Having limited sessions with people works best for me. I’m not saying it would never happen, but it’s not why I came to CC. I am not alone in this way of thinking.
It's not often you get a thread as good as this on any forum.
For the avoidance of doubt, yes there are straight men on this site who cuddle other straight (or not) men on this site. I don't think it happens a lot but it is absolutely a Thing. Fear of assault is one of the most-reported obstacles to it happening more that I have heard.
I heard a report from a cuddle workshop which was intended to be mixed, but to which only men attended as it turned out. It seems it was a very positive experience for everybody. The implication was that the average man is actually more open to cuddling men than most people realise, but the social context has to be right.
@TxTom
close intimate affection generally leads to that which shall not be mentioned here
That may be your experience, but it simply isn't true in general. The VAST majority - I mean well over 99.9% - of intimate affection does not lead to anything. It is valuable in itself. For example the majority of close intimate affection between sexually active heterosexual partners does not lead to anything.
@cobrapause44 I interpreted the OP's post as, "I get that other people have different preferences from me and that's cool, but even thought I've thought about it I don't understand those preferences. Could you guys explain it to me? Trying to learn about the human experience here."
@CuddleDuncan 💯 to everything you wrote. People here have a very difficult time with understanding someone else’s POV. They think everything is a spinoff of their own way of thinking. That gets so old, why is this? Have people not had time to learn anything about life and how others think? @TxTom Please just speak for yourself! I wish men in general could get their mind away from what’s in their pants and focus on other parts of their bodies for just once seriously!! Here’s the truth, I often wonder how men get anything done because of that disability of their focus!
@g_w_t_w Thanks for your thoughts. I wasn't trying to cast any disparaging thoughts or comments to those who go the pro route. I was just responding and surprised at the idea that the majority of men here cuddle with pros. Even there, I'm not saying that's wrong - it was just information new to me.
@jimmylee Yes, there are people here for every reason Imaginable. When I first joined, I was pretty shocked at what I found. It’s been a great learning experience for me to read what other people think about pretty much any subject! I try to stay open minded and find value.
On the two ends of the spectrum of possible answers you have "no homo" and "if you don't cuddle all genders you are homophobic". I don't identify nor agree with either of these polar opposites, and find most people are somewhere in the middle with this. People have a right to feel how they feel and not be judged for it and to do what is comfortable for them. I like the thought and care with this thread so far.
Aren't those of you who think that people should be comfortable with doing something they are not comfortable with actually the ones attempting to do social programming? I mean, I prefer cats to dogs. Anyone who tries to tell me that I should be equally comfortable with a dog as a cat because of how they believe social norms should be is trying to socially program me to do something that is against my preferences.
I do not understand completely the gender imbalance either. I can only speak for myself that I am very very comfortable with extending and opening my arms to ANYONE who is interested regardless of women, men or trans on down the line.
Gender imbalance isn’t fun that’s for sure.
@pmvines I didn't get either of those from any of the comments here (well, except for one or two which I chose to disregard). If it was something I said, I was just relating my own personal experiences.
Also, choosing the bear has nothing to do with homophobia.
@btc13 Your comment feels far too much like the typical "The people who accuse me of being X are the real X!" Complete with false equivalency. But do tell me what popular media and societal rules are telling you do do something you're not comfortable with.
@IronLemon I had meant to say that as an example of polar.opposires that are often brandished in these kind of threads, not necessarily that they are currently being stated in this one per se. But the night is still young...
….
We forget we are apart of the animal kingdom. Our only main difference is we walk upright, use tools, and cook our food.
But if the other animals could talk, and we asked a male lion who they would prefer to cuddle with, what would he say?
@Scorpian He would say a sheep or other prey. Fortunately, there are human males who don't think that way.
The differences you mentioned are far from the only differences.
@IronLemon cuddle and attack or eat is not the same thing. This is where things tend to take a turn for the worst.
@SariSari After reading the question and some of the responses, I realized that it was going to be helpful in understanding the why of the question if I had more information about you as a person. Otherwise, the question doesnt make any sense, unless the intent were solely to create controversy, which is essentially the purpose of those who seek another's attention for profit.
Just to preface my comment, anything I say is my opinion. I realize others have their opinions, and I have mine. I usually dont see the benefit of feeding controversial conersations, but in case my point of view adds something useful, here it goes:
Yes, there is such a thing as men platonically holding hands with another man and briefly hugging or touching, with zero sexual intent involved. There is also familiar cuddling, such as parent and child, for example. Also zero sexual intent involved.
That being said, as a man myself, the idea of cuddling another man is so far from my mind that I could compare the repulsive idea to eating dung.
In my opinion, I only cuddle women because, by nature, I enjoy the feeling of her feminine energy through holding hands, hugging, and cuddling. (The yin to my yang, so to speak).
And I have zero desire for that with a man.
And I do not believe it has anything to do with social conditioning, rather it is how I was made and intended to be.
Regarding the first question as to why there are so many men compared to women on this site and seeking cuddling partners in general so as to allow women to charge huge sums of money and why men are willing to pay huge sums of money and risk their relationships to cuddle with strangers is a much more involved question which I wish didnt exist but I also dont know how to solve except by seeking an actual relationship with someone who doesnt know that this site exists, or would never in a million years think to participate in cuddling strangers. (Laugh out loud).
@SariSari Hello, my personal experiences are that society from an early age discourages/limits men from from physical contact with other men. I decided to battle these standards long time ago but sharing platonic affection with many gender identities. So I have met with and share positive experiences with many! This is my experience but everyone has a right to their own journey/preferences!
@Scorpian thats a great question. But I'd bet 2 pints of blood that the male lion would exclusively cuddle male lions. Since they'd want to experience that mane themselves. The ladies to busy working for his taste and actually wouldn't have enough time to be bothered with cuddling.
I returned to read some comments and I'm thinking to myself how do the majority of us know there is a gender imbalance? Because I've never searched men, mean are not showing up on the home page, i rarely am contacted men, most of the people who visit my page are men, the forum interaction is pretty much equal so how does the average site user know this? Not that i doubt it at all but everyone states it as it a a fact that affects them personally.
If the majority of men have zero interest in cuddling men, the site can filter so you never see men how does it cause an issue for you? Ladies, those that cuddle women exclusively, how do you know there is an imbalance? Is it a curiously that causes you to explore the competition? Or are we all just accepting a narrative that is easily believable? Is it easier to believe that because we don't get the attention we desire, i think that's why i accept it.
Even if it's true how does it affect you? You search your area, you see what happens on the Home Screen, you interact on the forums and if I'd go by who visits my profile it looks like it's 80% men to be very honest. If i went by who responds to messages 80 % true.
This is only a question, is it ego that makes it an issue?
@BashfulLoner I have seen stats on here a few times that testify to there being way more men than women on this site.
@IronLemon Anyone in this chat who is trying to make the case that men should be equally as comfortable cuddling with other men as they are with women if it is platonic is trying to use the platform of this site to stigmatize those who have the preference that many men do of only cuddling with women.
I swear if you people don't stop talking about men cuddling men I'm gonna start talking about boobs, tongues and prices.🤣🤣🤣
@Sooson 🤣🤣🤣 Please do because I’m getting really bored with this one. Oh, but if you do and get in trouble, it’s not my fault OK
@btc13 First, that's not happening here. Second, what you describe is not social conditioning. If you can answer the question I asked, you will have described social conditioning.
@Sooson I'm sorry that the idea of men cuddling men bothers you so much that you feel a need to disrupt the conversation. I look forward to flagging your comments.
Nobody has to read this thread. I'm enjoying the read.
If you don't want to read about people's thoughts and feelings regarding men cuddling men, maybe don't go into a gender discussion thread on a cuddling forum.
I'd certainly prefer that than the negative reinforcements to open discussion.
@SariSari Some components of my take:
Most humans need touch - in a similar manner as they need food, water, and sleep, (but on a psychological level rather than a physical level)
Platonic touch and sexual touch are not binary, but blend and overlap; and a person's sexuality informs which types of people they want certain forms of touch with.
American (Western?) society as a whole is becoming touch-starved. Possible reasons for this? 3a. Many forms of touch with strangers or acquaintances that were semi-normal in the past are now at risk of being framed as intimidation or assault; i.e. clapping someone on the back in the workplace._ (in some cases, they ARE intimidation or assault)_ 3b. The 'satanic panic' period of the 1980's result in a heightened sensitivity to apparent homosexual behavior such as same-sex touch - in the 60's and 70's no-one would have thought worth commenting on.
It is much easier for an average woman to go get opposite-sex touch than for an average man- i.e. an average woman can go to a bar or a dating website and get a date without difficulty, and would almost never need a paid website to have someone cuddle her. An average man will have an fairly difficult time. Possible reasons for this? 4a. There is a strong stigma against men as being dangerous. Women don't have the same stigma. So a man will be happy to cuddle most women without knowing them very well, but a woman will want to know the man well, or the man will have to seem significantly notable in some way (unusually smart, or interesting, or handsome), or be willing to compensate her financially for the perceived risk. 4b. Women may simply be pickier in general regarding who they date/physically interact with. Scientists observe that females are usually picker about mates in the animal kingdom, possibly because of the energy/risk burden of actually bearing the young for the next generation. If humans are animals, its plausible that this is still a layer of our psychology.
I talk about dating, et al here because people who are successfully dating or meeting people at bars are more likely to have their cuddle needs met. Obviously this isn't a dating website.
@billiam I don’t know if that was aimed at me, but to clarify- It’s the arguing that gets boring, some need to feel defensive. Otherwise it’s a learning opportunity.
I feel there has been good exchanges here on a controversial topic but it still boils down to personal preferences and choices. There is not a right or wrong. The OP'S question can be answered simply by recognizing the fact that a large number of men prefer to cuddle with women only and find cuddling with men unappealing and that is ok. For those who find that odd or strange, that is ok also.
Are you a masochist?
@Sooson
If a man chooses not to cuddle another man or a woman doesn’t want to cuddle another woman that’s their preference and should be the end of it . It’s not some conditioning or whatever else veiled negative reason being mentioned. Why are other preferences on here defended but if a person mainly a male doesn’t want to cuddle another male it’s some negativity surrounding it.
@pmvines I agree with you, especially the beginning part of your comment. I don't agree with polar opposites either, and I am definitely in the middle. 👍👍👍
It's just cuddling to me, not dating nor marriage.😊