I actually found this thread to be unusually free of negativity. There seems to be a more "live and let live" feel and the OP has overall been treated with respect.
@WriterGF Ain't it though? 😊👍 Very positive flows going on here with this topic indeed.
I'm sorry that the idea of men cuddling men bothers you so much that you feel a need to disrupt the conversation.
@IronLemon 👍👍👍
@Katota lol now i did not expect you not to get a joke.
@Sooson Uh huh...
You know none of your popcorn stuff counts without extra butter, right?
@Sooson It counts for Me, and that's all that matters! 😁🍿
Off topic, but here Sooson provides a good example of a Schrodinger's joke.
@WriterGF im not doubting it at all. I'm just asking how would you know as a user of the site? And what benefit does it give you? Why would it matter if in fact that's not what you're looking to explore? Because as i navigate the site i don't see anything that tells me that. I'd have to look, and again my question is why look?
@g_w_t_w
I wish men in general could get their mind away from what’s in their pants and focus on other parts of their bodies for just once... I often wonder how men get anything done because of that disability of their focus!
First, it's not a "disability." It's an urge, like any others we have.
Second, it's been posited that that specific urge is what motivates men to get things done.
@gem7 I'm not sure I would have considered this a "controversial" subject. Pretty straight forward. As many have already stated, it comes down to preference. Nothing more. Nothing less. It's only "controversial" for those who are bent out of shape by opposing views. I wish them well. I know I sleep just fine at night.
And @TxTom I agree with you. Definitely not a disability. My wife has been mentally disabled for the past 16 years. No cure. Turned our lives upside down. It will never change. To call a cuddle preference a "disability" is to demean those, like my wife, who truly suffer daily with a disability.
@jimmylee I agree it is pretty straight forward for some of us. You stated it wasn't controversial but then it was for some? In any case I have no issues here.
@gem7 Controversy is in the eye of the beholder.
I want to add a couple more things from a guy who cuddles guys perspective. I have a male friend who is going through a long separation from his wife who has been having a particularly hard time emotionally. I identified that a lot of his problem is that he just hasn't had physical affection in a long time, and that he has missed out on that vital nourishment, to which he agreed was true. We often do the "guy" hug, but I told him that I would hug him for a long period of time if he wanted, over a minute or more. I told him he would get the same results as from a female partner. He knows I go to cuddle parties and am very open cuddle wise, and he was able to see that what I said was true. I told him all he needed to do was ask me. He was open to the idea, but has yet to ask for it.
That being said I would not want to have him put his head in my lap and brush his hair with my fingers because I know he wouldn't be open to it. I could not at all cuddle with someone who is not open to cuddling with me. I would not feel safe enough to cuddle deeply with someone if the other person didn't feel the same relative safety. It just wouldn't work. I have asked several straight female friends to be platonic cuddle buddies, but have never asked a single straight male friend because I figured I would be wasting my time. Straight guys on here who might be open to cuddling with guys to break those social conventions will be running into the same problem. And cuddling with a gay man might cause them anxiety that that person would have sexual feelings for them, which is just as valid an experience as straight females on here having the same concerns.
Also, on a personal side note, I go to cuddle parties where I seek out cuddles with males more regularly than females. When it comes down to it I am pansexual and demisexual but my more immediate sexual attraction is primed towards female bodies, and of course my attraction comes equipped with certain "types." I seek out guys in cuddle parties more because I find sexual attraction to be a hindrance to what the point of cuddling is for me. I call it the attraction distraction. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy "eye candy" as much as the next person, but sexual attraction is more annoying to me when it comes to getting to know someone than not. One of the most valuable things that I have learned over the years is that sexual attraction is nowhere near as correlated to any kind of satisfying physical connection with another person as is being intune with our own and each other's bodies.
@BashfulLoner Why look?
I can provide a guess. Guy is here for a long time. Can't get any enthusiast cuddles. Starts to wonder why. One theory that would come to my mind, I think, is demand exceeds supply. How many enthusiast women are there (supply) and how many men (demand).
I'm a curious guy. Had I not seen the stats I might have looked myself.
What benefit does it give me? Well maybe I would choose another way to pursue cuddles where the chances are better. Maybe having seen the numbers, I don't feel so bad about myself for not getting any cuddles. Or maybe I realize I have to work harder to stand out, or expand my radius.
In short, if something isn't working, explore theories as to why so that it can be fixed or abandoned.
I'm sure there are other reasons too.
@g_w_t_w Sorry if I misinterpreted your reply. There was another reply that I was calling out primarily.
@jimmylee I can accept that theory.
@cas123 Thank you for that very personal post. I see you.
@IronLemon I am not speaking about mainstream media. I am only speaking about this forum. A statement like "I don't understand why a man wouldn't be equally comfortable with cuddling another man" has the same texture as "I don't understand why a man would be comfortable cuddling with another man". Either way, it is an attempt to characterize someone's preferences as unacceptable. My thoughts are I don't care at all who you prefer to cuddle with. If you still disagree, I don't know what else to tell you.
Preference, life experience, how have you been loved, touched, cuddled and by whom. These are all relevant factors. Obviously if love wasn't lacking in the world there wouldn't even be a need for a cuddle site. However it is lacking, ppl are seeking, searching and they tend to flow with that which they are familiar with. If there life experiences have been holding and being held by women then women is who men will gravitate to because it's what we know and what are comfortable with. Speaking for myself, when I think of nurturing, softness, compassion, soft voice, delicate touch, etc etc, women come to mind, men don't.
Fellow queer here, and you gotta understand this isn’t a queer-catered space. So as is the case with most places, if it’s not explicitly for the queers, it’s going to end up being mostly for the straights. This site has the exact same ratio as a sugar dating site or Tinder because think about who’s actually lacking in the ability to find a cuddle partner. Overwhelmingly, it’s cis straight men.
Women aren’t going to struggle enough to need this site. I can go get platonic touch right now if I just went up to a random stranger and asked. So of course you don’t see as many women on these sites. On top of that, the very few female enthusiasts I see here often get chased off by severe sexual harassment and delete their accounts ASAP.
I can’t speak to the experience of a queer man, but I know in queer spaces, people tend to be much more chill, open to deep platonic relationships, and do giant cuddle puddles casually. I cuddled platonically more than once with my queer male friends and never had any of the common issues that the men on this site seem to act like are completely unavoidable (random boners, grinding and groping, etc) and it’s a big reason I prefer queer men. My main point is, you’ll see less queer people here as well since they also tend to not be touch-starved. In fact, I often see large groups of queer people practicing relationship anarchy, and usually being way less lonely as a result.
All of these factors mean you’ll see less women, less queer people, and more cis straight men utilizing this site. And no, most cis straight men can’t separate gender from anything platonic, I experience it constantly even in professional interactions. They’re way more obsessed with gender than we are lmao
@bobadevotee: Good comment! I agree with your observations here, and have experienced most of what you detailed, both the good and the bad. 🙂
@ExclusivelyHeal dang I’ve gotten all of those things from good men. Break free from gender norms, homie
Softness has no gender. My friend’s ex gf set his kitchen on fire lmao. Not exactly soft or delicate.
@HarleyGirlKate thank you! Much appreciated.
I’ve just consistently noticed way more community and affection in queer spaces, so I can see why most wouldn’t be utilizing this service.
@btc13 If that's how you interpret people asking "why" so they can understand something, I feel sorry for you and those around you.
For those who believe (it's a belief because no evidence has been offered to support the idea) that who you choose to cuddle with depends on instinct, that you'll only cuddle with people you're sexually attracted to, I have some questions. How do you reconcile this belief with straight men who feel comfortable cuddling other men (which can be seen here)? Why doesn't this instinct also apply to women? How would you expect this instinct to apply to people who are transgender or non-binary?
And a bonus question. We have seen someone on here who avoids cuddling with people he might be sexually attracted to, and as a result feels more comfortable with the people he cuddles with. Doesn't that directly contradict the idea that it's a matter of instinct?
Wouldn't you say that if men only cuddle with people they're sexually attracted to, that's a good reason to avoid cuddling with men unless you're interested in having sex with them?
@bobadevotee Welcome back and thank you for your insightful comments Always a joy to read.
@IronLemon homie the answer is that most men don’t respect or want to interact with things they’re not sexually attracted to.
Deal with it at work all the time. You’re not human to them if you’re not attractive. I’ve had things THROWN AT ME by men at work. But then if I show up dressed up traditionally feminine, they act much differently.
Taking this moment to say I love my female and queer customers who aren’t out here treating me like shit on days when I don’t have makeup on
I actually do get hugs and touch from my male friends it’s actually more that energy I need so that’s why I haven’t that way.
@bobadevotee I could never break away from that which is the natural Order of Things. Again people go to what they know based on their life experiences. I've never held or been held by a man and have no desire to be quite frankly. I have been held by very soft Divine women and I have held soft Divine women as far as your example of the girlfriend setting the boyfriend's place on fire that doesn't entail that she is in a soft woman because she got angry. Anger is a response that can bring out a multitude of different personality traits in a person that you wouldn't find to be normal so that's a poor example. I could go into some examples of some men who were perceived as soft and charismatic and kind and turned out to be serial killers so let's not do that. I do however agree with some of what you said as far as this space and the lack of touch. You're absolutely spot on with that.
“ I actually do get hugs and touch from my male friends…”
Yeah me too but you know, in public, and for less than 5 seconds. I ain’t about to crawl under the covers with them for 2-3 hours. Asking why not is like asking why do cats not like to take baths. You can ask all you want but the majority is just not going to like it.