While this is obviously not dating, I went on enough blind dates in my life that I would always provide a photo, even if not requested. Trying to connect with a stranger without a clue what they look like can be awkward, and if they are expecting something other than what you are, it's painfully obvious.
I always send a picture when asked. I completely understand it being a safety issue
I think it is a sad commentary when threads like this that ask for opinions turn into pissing matches. There is always those that try to sway others to " the right way of thinking". We are allowed personal choices and it is ok.
@jimmylee This is a ridiculous straw man argument you are making without COMPREHENDING the point.
It is not about whether anyone cares about what safety measures people choose to take. Live and let live. How does that have any relevance here? Who is telling people how to live..
Does a picture truly provide security is a valid question? What is the problem with asking that?
If I send you a picture and that eases your security concerns-isn't that more dangerous if i have bad intentions and the picture is not me.
What is so hard to understand about this question?
Responding with silly comments that imply we care or don’t care about how people choose to screen is avoiding the question.
Yes-In @Rezz's case THANK GOD she did what she did. That was a truly scary scenario but extremely unique in many ways.
Do you think most Female cuddlers are doing that? Taking a picture and somehow cross checking it across the internet?
No they’re probably not. They are taking the picture on face value.
To @Falco's point-If this predator had sent a false picture - @Rezz may have let her guard down because she “got the picture”.
What is so hard to see about this?
Pictures may give you a sense of safety and in some cases be effective- but there are scenarios where they would provide no safety at all.
@Mike403: I believe that in a crowded public place there are more witnesses (and if well chosen also more security cameras), but I didn't consider that usually pro ask the client to reserve/pay the motel, so it could be easier for the police to reach the offender (if he didn't fake the ID too).
@jimmylee: #1 You said live and let live, so why can't I care about other's safety instead of to mine only? Everybody is free to do what they want, but if they're underestimating dangers, I like to make that clear. I think the world is a better place if it is a safer place. I know that many people saying a lie doesn't make the lie a truth, but many people believe it if only few disagree. And despite what you believe, unfortunately it impacts me as well. Many people write on their profile that they won't cuddle without receiving a picture. They don't say without a safety measure. That doesn't impact me for another bigger reason: I live where there are no available cuddlers. But if you haven't seen it, search for the thread "Man vs bear". I think you can get why it impacts you and me anyway. #2 I'm not deriding anyone, I apologize if that's what one can understand from my words, it was not my intention. I have a hard time explaining myself in my native language, let alone in English. If I read someone writing that having an amulet hanging from the mirror prevents you from having car accidents, I'm sorry but I can't help but write that safety measures do, not the amulet. For me, this is teaching "science", not deriding people.
@GuyverGordon
I challenge and still do challenge whether ALL requests for pictures are safety concerns. I am [ As we all are I'm sure] very glad @Rezz used a very thorough screening process and the predator sent HIS REAL picture.
No one -Including you-Has yet to answer what happens if a person with bad intentions sends a FALSE picture which eases your safety concerns.
In THAT SCENARIO -did a picture help or hinder your safety?
You know, again, doors. They can be picked. They can be broken into. You can breakthrough windows. There are many ways around them. Doors therefore are not there for security. (Or locks)
What about gates/fences. You can climb over those. That must not be used as a security concern either.
Security cameras ... you can hide your face if you know where to look. You can turn off the power and they are useless. So obviously people who use them can't possibly be using them for security.
People will always circumvent the barriers we put down. Does that mean we never lay them down? So yes, there are a multitude of ways to fool the photo test. It is a still a layer of security.
You now used the word 'ALL', which you didn't use before. Who is saying this is the only measure of screeening? For some, it is simply a deal breaker if you don't provide one. It is a gate; it may not be the only one.
And I would wager @Rezz experience is less unique than you think. Which is why, as a part of a process of security, she required a photo.
@BrianOcean
I challenge and still do challenge whether ALL requests for pictures are safety concerns.
I agree that not all picture requests are for safety concerns. Picture are also used to screen people for reasons other than safety and are requested with safety conveniently used as the reason.
I have many screening methods that I'm not sharing here. It's a single layer to the onion.
I don't know where you got the idea that I stop at just a picture. Again I have multiple screening methods.
If I'm hosting , smile 🤗 you're on multiple cameras and you're not coming in unless 1+1=2.
Hotel? Meet in lobby. Their home? Rare but if I do same as hotel. Meet outside. 2+2=4 or I'm out.
I haven't had a single problematic client in over two years. When I scroll my old messages I'm met with at least 1-3 banned members per page. These are people I declined or reported. My screening works. Large in part because I don't subscribe to their excuses and am wise to the bullshit. Send a pic or gtfo. I don't go back and forth with anyone who wants to be difficult. I value my safety over $$$ everytime.
Contrary to popular belief amongst a few in this thread I personally haven't met anyone who has used a fake picture on the extensive list of clients I've seen. If I do I'll report back here. Promise. 🤗
@GuyverGordon The point you and others seem to missing is fairly obvious -particuarly in light of @Rezz's scenario.
Most Female cuddlers [this is just an assumption] take the picture on face value. They DO NOT cross check it on the internet. If this guy had contacted another cuddler who does not cross check pictures with the internet- The picture would then have served to help him gain her trust and drop her guard.
That would have been bad if another cuddler who takes pictures on face value had agreed to meet him because he sent her a picture which then made her trust him.
Would you not agree?
Do doors and gates and locks cameras help criminals ?
Your analogy is lacking.
Some of use have an opinion that Pictures are not the best way to insure a person's safety and in some cases can help the person with bad intentions.
It's not that confusing and to @Falco's point- if what we are saying can help add to people's safety protocols by at the very least acknowledging that Pictures only should not give you a sense of security.
What is the harm in that?
Most Female cuddlers [this is just an assumption] take the picture on face value.
This is where your argument is lacking. I'm now thinking maybe you are arguing for argument sake (this is just an assumption).
@GuyverGordon outside of context, I thought the statement was trying to be funny (picture - face value). But then I looked at the original post. Nope.
Any pro that is taking a photo at face value and relying on that solely for her safety and security, is usually inexperienced, a bit naive and definitely not treating this as a job with real risks. They usually learn very quickly and tighten their screening or leave the site.
Does anyone know about the Cuddle Comfort Blacklist?
I heard it mentioned, I don't want to start anything. Wondering how it works.
@jimmylee I really wish it was ... that would have been my type of humor... at this point, I really think he is just arguing for the sake of arguing (? ... best case scenario maybe)
Who are you trying to prove anything to? You know what makes you feel safe, isn't that good enough? Do what you need to do and let others live with the risk they choose. Everything will be fine, i hope. What ever defensive measures you choose i think you'll be fine. Mine is avoidance of many things, it works.
@Dance_Culture Yes, there are multiple blacklists. No, becoming a pro doesn't grant you immediate access to these, if ever. If you're not a POS you won't end up there. It's used a tool we to help keep each other safe from predators. Unless you're a problematic member the lists shouldn't be of any concern to you. 👍
@Rezz first time hearing about it, I'm concerned now, could i possibly be on it and not know? Why would people be blacklisted and just not be banned?
@BashfulLoner If you're not banned or have never been there's a good chance you're not on there. If you haven't been contacted by the mods regarding questionable behavior on the site, you're likely not on there. I should add the lists are not just limited to cuddle comfort but multiple platforms.
( If anyone is thinking of messaging me for them or wants intel, don't waste the keystrokes )
@BashfulLoner @Dance_Culture The pros apparently run their own gossip column on a thread that is only accessible to them. in some ways you can consider it a mirror image of DOT N L. Considering so many pros out there don't even know the forum exits let alone visit it, I doubt being on any of these black lists would be a significant issue for you. also consider the fact that not all such lists may be on the platform and that the platform itself is known to be more forgiving towards clients then some pros would care for.
yes, some pros assume that if you sent a pic you are safe, I have lectured a few for exercising poor screening or no screening at all and gave some tips. some of them are quite reckless.
Wow. Questionable has too many meanings in this context to list. Safety is a huge concern for all of us. Secret lists tho..good intentions..but these never end well.
If you are keeping a list among yourselves, please consider discretion. Please think of our past and how these things can go down the wrong road. It starts with categories..these categories get wider to include lesser things and the list grows.
Please stay safe
This makes me sad.
Some thoughts that aren't necessarily new to this conversation, but summarize how I feel...
Photos are one layer of a level of identity verification in a screening process for establishing both mutual trust and relationship accountability.
On both ends of this dynamic each person is extending some level of trust, (and hopefully respect & genuine intention) at multiple points in the communication process to meet someone new & create some consensual agreements for safety and comfort to establish what's possible in the connection.
I define consent as the ongoing active practice and process of asking, listening, choosing and negotiating while staying within the limits/boundaries of what each person is available for and interested in.
Every person has their own personal autonomy and may choose what their boundaries for privacy are in relation to the level of safety risks they are willing to take for some cuddles and connection.
There are absolutely gendered power dynamics here that I think not everyone agrees on, but exist, unfortunately. The fears that men have when it comes to sharing their photo are not the same fears that women have.
Gendered violence is very prevalent and real and there is serious risk (as Rezz pointed out in her example) that women take in allowing a stranger access to their bodies and potentially homes to offer care and cuddles.
There are risks of harm for men as well, but they are generally not the same when it comes to bodily harm. I would love to see more understanding and compassion from the men on this site to really empathize with this. I really appreciate those who do seem to get it or who are trying to understand and don't think that we're taking things too seriously.
It certainly sucks to be catfished and it's valid to be on the lookout for scammy people, but most of us just want to see who we're talking to in order to feel safe and secure on a primal nervous system level seeing the other's face.
I believe offering a photo to connect with another human being on a human to human level is the bare minimum. Personally, I don't care about appearance or identity and I'm not here for physical attraction. I always honor confidentiality.
I just need to know at least some identity information who I'm planning to spend intimate time with. This is a good faith gesture and way to socially connect. It's an easy 1st step to vet someone and for accountability down the line if harm occurs.
Reading too much into this list thing. It's not new,.been there for years and it's a useful piece of communication for the pros to have for known violators and safety concerns. Before we start getting our egos in a bind just remember there are plenty of men on here who are also on off-site chat groups etc who share Intel about the women on this site, like who will let you push boundaries, who will ket you get away with what, who will let you pressure them into longer sessions and free time, etc. which means men are actively behaving badly and seeing what they can get away with. I'm not a member of any of these groups or on these other sites, but just trust me when I say I know what I'm talking about here. And it's of course also done here on CC as well. I get messages from time to time from dudes asking me coded questions about some of the women I've spent time with on here . Fishing for info. So I see nothing wrong with pros on this site warning others about bad experiences and problematic clients. The more you know..
@pmvines thank you for sharing that. Exactly.
The idea of blacklist trouble me. It's only because i don't trust the way it may be populated. If i were to think of how personalities and words are flung around in the forums on this side of things, I'd be skeptical of how they are thrown around in private. But i ain't worried about being on it because i ain't going to be doing anything wrong. I also tend to only want to be where im appreciated so if there ever comes a time im not then, oh well.
@pmvines The cuddle mafia WTF. I understand the purpose, I support the reason. But the process cannot help but be flawed. And to include other sites makes it scarier. Who manages this and how far does it go?
Please understand, I'm with everyone on safety..but this cancel mindset will destroy us.
@sooson There are lists that exists outside the restrictions of CC. These primarily consist of predators who are dangerous and have had multiple complaints lodged against them. If someone is genuinely concerned that they have been listed there, maybe it's a good time to reflect on why. While I'm sure there's gossip forums amongst some pros , they exist outside of CC and are not allowed in the pros forum. It's only fair , they had to compete with the skeevy group chats and forums some very active forum members here participate in. 👋😉
@Rezz
There are lists that exists outside the restrictions of CC. These primarily consist of predators who are dangerous and have had multiple complaints lodged against them
and in my comment I stated one of the reasons for that: "the platform itself is known to be more forgiving towards clients then some pros would care for."
@Dance_Culture Not really following you my guy I think you're making this into something outlandish when it's really not . There is no cuddle mafia. If the pros have a list they share of known dangerous and predatory and problem clients it's for their personal safety and sharing of info it's really not that deep . I mentioned that there are men who like to also push boundaries and share with each other those who will allow it . I mentioned that because I feel that this is a justifiable reason for pros on here to share communication about problematic clients because there are men who actively push boundaries . I used it as an example because if men are getting riled up over that, instead of using their noggins and considering why a naughty list exists in the first place. If youre gonna be upset then be upset at the douche canoes who don't behave and put the women here at risk.
@pmvines your wisdom always makes me chuckle out loud.
I get it.