The moral superiority of lesser violation

So it’s no secret that professional cuddlers will get solicited for sexual acts. People who will solicit you for sexual acts, love to say things along the lines of “At the end of the day, we are just two adults”

So much of the Internet is devoted to sex and finding people to have sex with. This website is Pretty much the only sanctuary to find non-sexual interactions. It feels extremely predatory to come on here And put unsuspecting people in that position, It compromises the entire culture of this site.
We cannot cultivate platonic intimacy if we are constantly watching our back, trying to ensure we will not be assaulted. If I cannot trust a client to behave in a platonic way, there is no foundation of trust for me to build intimacy.

I was in talk to the potential customer and it was going really really well. We were riffing, we were sharing personal stories. Then he goes on to say that he sometimes becomes aroused during a cuddle session and while he doesn’t want sex, he gets “annoyed and disappointed” when it doesn’t happen.
The whole mood changes.
He then proposes that I give him 👋 after cuddling.
Gross.
Obviously, I’m not going with that.
But then he goes on this absolute diatribe About how he’s not looking for sex and he’s not like those other people and he doesn’t want to put anything in anyone. Somehow He sees himself as the hero for Soliciting a lesser sexual act. He even had the gall to act like I was the one being unreasonable.

Round of applause. True bravery.
I’m so tired of this.
I am lucky enough to have a lot of regulars who understand the importance of platonic intimacy, but it really disappoints me that people come to this site and corrupt the culture.
Thank you for letting me vent.

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Comments

  • @atomicbearhug I'm sorry that happened ...

  • edited October 2024

    “Ma'am I'm no hero . I'm just a man. A man who wants a 👋 from an unsuspecting interwebs stranger. But if the title of hero fits I shall wear it proudly for it is my burden to bare .”

    In seriousness, I'm sorry you have to deal with these things. I'm sure it's demoralizing when the people you are trying to provide a service for can't take it seriously enough to not try to press you for more and try to turn you into a prostitute. It's not your fault.

    Flag reviewed. Modified so it’s a bit more clear it’s referencing the person described in OP’s post. [CharlieBear]

  • Yeah that really sucks. It shouldn't be that way. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

  • edited October 2024

    Wow yeah amazing how people can twist things around and make themselves seem like the victim?

  • @atomicbearhug - sorry, but not surprised, to hear about your experience. Hopefully you reported him.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    Wow! I can't imagine how that made you feel. Somebody trying to play the "nice guy" is really a jerk.
    That should never happen to anyone. Glad you took time to vent.

  • @pmvines that made me laugh so ugly bro 😂😂😂

  • edited October 2024

    It’s crazy that some people think that just because it’s not full penetrative sex it means it’s platonic.
    Had one dude say, “I don’t want to have sex with you but I want to make you cum.”
    Sir, that’s gross.
    I told him no and he was shocked cause he supposedly never had anyone tell him no 🥱

  • @MajesticMango
    I am scrubbing my eyes with a loofah after reading that. I AM SO SORRY

  • edited October 2024

    That was after he dry humped me while I was secretly crying into the pillow to scared to tell him to get off of me :)

  • @MajesticMango At that point, you have the legal right to physically harm them, just so you know. An elbow to the ribs and just getting up without saying anything and leaving works. Or you can berate them. Trust me, they know better. Highly recommend bringing a self defense weapon as well and holding it while cuddling/keeping it close.

    Just a reminder that when it comes to this type of work, a violation of your boundaries is a CRIME. Treat them like they should be treated. Sex offenders. Also, report them. Don't have another person be subjected to assault.

  • @MajesticMango awwww no! I'm so sorry to hear that too 😔

  • edited October 2024

    I hope you Reported him.

    Brilliant thread title, by the way.

  • I had two different guys who seemed perfectly fine during the screening and the first part of the cuddle. Both walked out of the bathroom naked holding or WEARING a condom.

    A man getting at least a partial erection is normal, and most handle it without drawing any attention to it. They excuse themselves without a word to use the bathroom, but it is really to give space and get it under control. If they dry hump, I get up and give them a minute then ask if they are able and willing to continue platonically before I go back to cuddling.

    "It is no secret professional cuddlers get solicited." It is not only the pros who get solicited. I have been asked if they can suck my breasts, make me cum in a variety of ways or make them cum in a variety of ways along with acts that go well into kink. I am an enthusiast but considered going pro just so that I can demand hazard pay from the ones who cross the line.

    TIP: I know a woman who was a trainer for a phone sex company. Her advice is NEVER discuss or engage in conversation beyond saying "no". Some guys get a thrill from trying to talk you into it or hearing your shock, anger or fear. If they accept no, conversation continues. Otherwise, cut it off with "thanks, but I'm not interested".

    There are some amazing men on this site who are respectful, funny, caring and great cuddlers. They deserve the shout outs and appreciation!

  • @atomicbearhug
    I echo the sentiments of everyone who feels for what you’re going through and I mean that sincerely.

    There are many posts that in my opinion are simply attention seeking and don’t address real issues

    This is a really serious issue that Massage Therapists face all the time.
    Sports Fans will know about Deshaun Watson and his disgusting behavior in this regard.

    To me, that type of cowardly wiesel who likes to prey on women in this passive aggressive manner is a genuine lowlife who could use a good beating..

    There are plenty of Adult services offered for men everywhere and these clowns know that like every other guy knows that.

    Luring women into these close range scenarios whether it be massage or cuddling and then putting them in this weird vulnerable position where suddenly the energy shifts to a sexual tone is as low as it gets.

  • edited October 2024

    @CuddleDuncan it happened 9 months ago and I didn’t report and I’m sorry to anyone who he seen after me for not reporting him and having him stopped with me.
    I just went to look for his profile and it is now deleted :,)

  • @MajesticMango
    It's truly hard to listen to this and obviously terrible you had to go through that.

    I live in your area as we have talked about- Was he local?

    I need to get off this thread.

  • At the end of the day, we are just two adults

    Then he should know what the word "NO" means and not throw a temper tantrum like a child.

    No judgement to anyone who wants a sexual encounter. They just don't belong here. Plenty of other places to find it.

  • edited October 2024

    But it shines light on what OP was saying.
    People think that because their diddle isn’t going into an orifice that it’s ok and we should give them a handie to congratulate them for not asking for full blown sex.

    A clear definition of the word should be apart of the 30 days reminder.
    Platonic means absence of sexual desire.

  • @MajesticMango - People are boneheads. The rules clearly say that you can't touch anything that would be normally covered by a bathing suit.

  • And it's not that sex acts are gross or that sex workers are not valuable but THIS IS NOT THE PLACE. Safe cuddle spaces are not the place to push these boundaries. In fact, DON'T try to push boundaries once they are stated. Ever.

    We are creating new atmosphere for platonic, non-sexual, non-erotic, and non-romantic touch to be expressed. Please do not use these spaces to blur those lines, we are trying to create a very distinct line and of all the places to try DL sex work, please leave this one alone.

  • @MajesticMango this is a feeling no one should have to feel. It angers me. If anyone makes anyone feel trapped at helpless is the only time i get the feeling of violence welling up. I'm sorry.

    To the original subject i believe there is no such thing as a lesser violation. Sex is all of the above mentioned. People get sexual gratification from many things and if someone were to find away to get that from me without my welcome I'd consider that a violation of the highest order. I don't want to make a homophobic statement, so please don't take this way but it's the best way i can think to describe it. If i were to give a man a hug or some sort of greeting and he received some sort of sexual release from it it would bother me. Now if it was unexpected and he didn't approach it looking for that, i could possibly get past it. But let's say i found out after many innocent encounters ( innocent in my part) and learned he was seeking that from me, id be furious. I'm sure there are instances men do that to women, I've actually seen it. It's gross. So suggesting you fulfill a desire sexually and just because it's without penetration is preposterous. It should be reported. If someone some how steals that pleasure, in let's say dry humping is assault. nd should be treated as such.

    Ladies find friends that will defend you in these instances. Because there are many men, i believe, who enjoy all sorts of nonviolence practices that will cherish the opportunity to fulfill that need in cases like these. I think it's important. I don't break things , i don't throw things, i don't punch walls or slam my fist so i don't get that sort of release. I think that sort of stress release might be good for me. It might be good for someone else who doesn't feel they have the power. FYI

  • @atomicbearhug &@majesticmango thankyou for sharing. As everyone said already sorry you had to experience that.

    I think it's important not to give anyone who crosses your boundafy the benefit of doubt. The boundaries on here couldn't be any clearer besides people that do these things enjoy the intrusion, pushing boundaries etc. THEY know what they r doing and will push and push.

    Please don't give anyone who dry humps u a minute. It's a enough reason to end the session.

    It makes me so angry to hear how some people are taking advantage of others, ruining this for everyone. To think i used to be a pacifist, I'm understanding vigilantes more and more.

  • I also think absence of sexual desire is a tough one, but absence of sexual action is a must.

  • This makes me sick. Especially because I get nervous around anything sexual, because I was brought up thinking it is not OK. (That's what some religions do to you )
    It just scares me that people think that they can get away with something like this. I don't know why so many people have to make everything sexual all the time.

  • then he goes on this absolute diatribe About how he’s not looking for sex and he’s not like those other people and he doesn’t want to put anything in anyone. Somehow He sees himself as the hero for Soliciting a lesser sexual act. He even had the gall to act like I was the one being unreasonable

    🙄

    @atomicbearhug HA! I have come across these types many times before, they like to call themselves "Nice Guys". Lol 😆

    Annoying aren't they? 😏

  • @HealingSystem

    Especially because I get nervous around anything sexual, because I was brought up thinking it is not OK.

    Same with me when I was younger. I was taught that sex with somebody you're not married to is evil. As long as it's consensual between both people and they seek it out at the right places, there's nothing wrong with it.

  • Sports Fans will know about Deshaun Watson and his disgusting behavior in this regard.

    😁👍

    @BrianOcean There's a reason why it seems no one speaks his name much around these parts anymore... Particularly around football season! 😁

    Lol! There was such high hopes for him too amongst the football fans here, well I reckon nothing "super duper great" comes outta Gainesville, except for chicken of course.🐔🐤🐓

    😆

  • edited October 2024

    @atomicbearhug im sorry you experienced this and you’re right, sadly such behavior is prevalent on this site, made worse by seggs workers who do offer extras (according to enthusiasts who’ve encountered this and told me as much). Nothing at all against seggs workers, it’s a legit job, but this truly isn’t the space or place for that. And it makes those of us here for the right reason have to work that much harder to overcome and set the record straight.
    I’ve come to believe that those who revolve their world around bodily satiation haven’t ever experienced true intimacy with anyone and more importantly within themselves. Further, I believe they haven’t fully healed whatever needs healing internally and I’d go even a step farther to say they don’t value themselves enough to see that they have more to offer someone than seggs, and so they don’t believe they deserve love, the non manipulative, safe, agape kind that surpasses the superficial act of getting off (which is so basic and boring).
    While we can hold a space of compassion and empathy for these men who push boundaries and basically beg for seggs from us pros, it is ultimately their job to want to change, to want to feel true connection and refuge with another person. They don’t know just how much they’re missing out on by romanticizing what we do here. And while their behavior is not personal to us, it has literally nothing to do with us, (to them we are just a body to use to feel the pleasure of climax) our work is in standing firm in our boundaries, which can be hard sometimes especially if and when rent and bills come bearing down on us and we feel the pressure that saying no means loss of income.
    Sorry to prattle on about this so long, but I’ve learned a ton and healed in profound ways doing this work; not just by empowering myself with creating boundaries I was never comfortable creating before, and ceasing to make myself small with a weak no, but also by encountering men who I feel embody the divine masculine, who respect boundaries, and honor my no.
    I wish more people could understand and experience the true joy of platonic cuddling. The kind of intimacy that surpasses superficial bodily gratification and touches a deeper place inside that it creates a healing experience they can’t get elsewhere.
    Thank you for being brave enough to say no full stop and not allowing this man to cross your boundaries. I hope the next pro he approaches will remain strong enough not to give into his demands/requests. ♥️

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