Perturbing Perpetually 'Paused" Problem

MRyanNYCMRyanNYC
edited October 2024 in General

As an Enthusiast exclusively seeking out non-Pros, I find myself in a perpetual cycle as follows:

1 - New person in my area, not listed as a Pro, creates an account.
2 - I write a hello message, realizing I'm not likely to get a response.
3 - Person does kindly respond, and we share a brief back and forth.
4 - Before any plans to cuddle are made, this person is now "paused".
5 - This "paused" account almost always remains paused indefinitely.

This happens so often that I feel like I am fighting the clock, and it derails any real connection.

Reading other messages in the forum, it appears the majority of times an Enthusiast is paused is because they were an unmarked "Pro" account, attempting to charge for cuddles, and that the "Pause" was explicitly done by a moderator. It's also possible the account is "Paused" while being investigated for being "fake" or other rule violations before removal. Is this correct, or are there other legitimate reasons why an Enthusiast would be paused that are unrelated to either of those?

In either case, I think it only further proves issues I raised in another thread...about the lack of proper onboarding this site does with new signups. Part of that is the absence of account verification in general, and I've reported dozens of fakes in my time here. But more vitally, not making clear to new members that any intent to charge -requires- verification as a Pro. There are some who know this and simply feign ignorance, but I believe many others are legitimately unclear of this guideline.

The Enthusiast side of this site is already difficult...for a man, it's like finding a needle in a haystack. The lack of responses are admittedly disappointing. But it's further demoralizing when every response you -do- get is either an unregistered Pro or someone who isn't even real. It's Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown time and time again. Quite annoying. There even seems to be a divide between the Pro and Enthusiast camps here, so some will scoff at this message entirely.

I'm of the opinion (though most won't care, and this will likely not change anything) that a significantly better system of vetting and onboarding needs to occur. The Enthusiast community here should expect that: people they write to are real, are here to cuddle without a fee, fully understand the Pro requirement if not, and far less time is wasted by all. Unreasonable?

That's my vent...thank you! 😁

«1

Comments

  • KittyPukkaKittyPukka

    As a pro I don't really have any experience with this sort of issue but having said that it does sound terribly disappointing and I'm sorry that finding a good cuddle has been difficult 😞

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    I’ve seen it posted elsewhere that a pause also occurs when an enthusiast is converting to pro. One I was communicating with before she paused confirmed that with me; she is now a pro.

    And as far as experiences go, mine have not been the same here in metro Phoenix. Enthusiasts have busy lives, many people reaching out to them, and they are selective. They do exist and some respond.

    As far as your criticisms, I read the materials before I signed up. Seemed clear to me. Can’t change people or make them read. TL;DR is real. People jump in and find out for themselves.

    I do think the system you’re describing would make everything more professional, and consistent, but that’s already done with the Pros. This is not an objection just some genuine questions for yourself and others: Would making everyone follow the same protocols discourage enthusiasts from dipping a toe in to try it out? And dry up enthusiast opportunities altogether?

    I hear the frustration and can sympathize, hope your next few interactions are realized and positive.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Usually if they are paused it's because they are a non pro acting as a pro so they will pause for a chance to apply to be a pro, or they are a pro and there is a hiccup with their card or payment system that is kept on file with the site so that when they book a session the 15 percent they owe to the site is automatically held.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc

    @MRyanNYC You’re exactly 100% correct in absolutely everything you said. And you are NOT alone. I’ve experienced the exact same thing in every aspect you mentioned.

    Because I am so grateful for this platform, I try not to criticize it, but there definitely needs to be a better onboard education system for new members because I too have had MANY experiences where someone responds and there’s a lot of back-and-forth and back-and-forth you get a great rapport, etc. etc. and then at the end they’re like oh and this is what my fee is. It can be very frustrating. Sometimes it is untagged pros trying to get under the wire but many times I’ve had messages back that said oh I’m so sorry I am new here. I have no clue how the platform works.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited October 2024

    No disrespect meant toward the OP but this is a topic that comes up (a new thread is started about it) about once a quarter for the 3+ years I have been on this site.

    There are arguments to be made in favor of requiring a photo ID to join the site (prevent fake accounts, prohibit banned members from returning, people less likely to misbehave in person knowing their real ID is on file somewhere, etc.).

    There are also arguments to be made to leave things as is (legal liability implications, the extra hours of work involved in vetting members, data security for people submitting personal information, etc.).

    Everyone is free to emphasize or dismiss any arguments for or against requiring photo IDs (or any other verification step such as running background checks). Some people will get upset and threaten to leave if better controls are not put in place and other people will get upset and threaten to leave if “better” controls are put in place.

    Here is my serious suggestion for anyone who doesn’t want to accept this site as it is and feels strongly that photo IDs should be required to join…
    Go start your own website with whatever rules you want. 🤷‍♂️

    If enough people agree with you and join your website, you can make 15% (or however much you want to charge on your website) for every cuddle booked through your website. If there aren’t enough people who want to use your website instead of this one (which is what I suspect will happen) then your website will likely be short lived.

    I do not intend this to come across as harsh or mean spirited but it is the only way this “debate” will ever be settled.

  • SleepySheep1SleepySheep1

    @MRyanNYC Sent you a message! I'd be glad to give you a non-charged session. ~☆

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    What @pmvines said is accurate. Those are the usual reasons.

  • 4cuddles4cuddles

    Aww SleepySheep1, how thoughtful of you. Hope you both have a good session.

    @MRyanNYC not to miminise your frustrations but it isn't always so easy for women either finding a cuddle buddy. Quantity doesn't always equal quality, the higher concern over safety generally, and erm the entitled messages, drastically reduces the number of viable offers some women might receive.

    All to say hang in there, when you do find your ongoing cuddy buddy it can be worth the wait, in my humble opinion.

  • LonelyTXn74LonelyTXn74

    MRyanNYC, you are definitely not alone. I've experienced the exact same thing here in the Dallas area. The majority of enthusiasts that I message and receive a response from, their account is paused before I can reply. And 99% of those accounts stay paused forever or until the person deletes their account completely. It is totally frustrating and I'm not sure how or if it is possible to fix.

  • KatotaKatota

    but it isn't always so easy for women either finding a cuddle buddy. Quantity doesn't always equal quality, the higher concern over safety generally, and erm the entitled messages, drastically reduces the number of viable offers some women might receive.

    👍👍👍👍

    @4cuddles

  • MRyanNYCMRyanNYC

    Thanks to all those who have responded, both concurring with my issue and those who offered other viewpoints.

    For complete clarity, "user authentication" is only the tiniest piece of what the point of my post was. It was far more about a general feeling that most new interactions I try to have with members here are abruptly cut off for a variety of reasons that makes trying to connect and achieve something as intimate as cuddling feel nearly impossible.

    I'm not suggesting all new members be forced into criminal background checks or photo ID verification...but the fact that most of my interactions with new people end -because- they are quickly identified as fake, -or- they are actually unlisted Pros (knowingly or not) makes it a common enough occurrence to consider why that is and discuss it with others.

    I'm not saying I know all the answers...I was simply expressing the larger issues affecting those of us in the Enthusiast camp. Those of you making willing financial arrangements with Pros are probably getting the cuddles you want, see the person was real, and will report those who didn't follow the rules. It's all pretty straightforward comparitively.

    But Enthusiasts...we have a much more difficult task of getting to the "in-person" stage. If I can't write more than 3 messages to some new person before they are paused, it certainly feels like something isn't quite working as intended here. I'm simply offering my opinions on why that is, and ideas on how it could be improved.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)
    edited October 2024

    @MRyanNYC Odds are a lot of women join with the intent of becoming a pro or discover quickly that they can make money at this and turn pro. It's a supply and demand issue.
    Personally, I would take @SleepySheep up on her offer, she's awesome.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    I'm of the opinion (though most won't care, and this will likely not change anything) that a significantly better system of vetting and onboarding needs to occur. The Enthusiast community here should expect that: people they write to are real, are here to cuddle without a fee, fully understand the Pro requirement if not, and far less time is wasted by all. Unreasonable?

    Pros and clients pay for this site, so why should enthusiasts expect premium services for free? That a pretty elitist, if not entitled, attitude.
    Here's the truth: "You get what you pay for."

    I received numerous pop-up reminders from the site about having to sign up to be a pro in order to charge for cuddling in my early days here. It's really not an easy oopsies to miss, but it is easily ignored.

  • MRyanNYCMRyanNYC

    @starrynitecuds If there's an "elitist and entitled attitude" coming from one of us, it's certainly not me.

    Perhaps as a Pro you're not all that interested in the Enthusiast side of this site, but the cuddles here are open to all and being a Pro or paying for one is not a requirement.

    Cuddling is not a "premium" service of this site...it's the primary purpose of the site, for Pros and Enthusiasts alike. Perhaps it's you who seems to misunderstand that.

    You say "you get what you pay for". Some of us prefer the idea that "the best things in life are free". Thankfully we are both entitled to our own opinions on that matter.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @MRyanNYC I would point out that @starrynitecuds is an enthusiast, not a pro.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @MRyanNYC No, paying for a cuddle is not a requirement. But the reason there are pros here at all is that there are way, way more enthusiast men here than enthusiast women. Pros exist for people who want a cuddle now, not months or more from now.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited October 2024

    ⭐️You can’t control what others do.⭐️

    It seems to me that ultimately the complaint is about human behavior. The way others choose to behave. (And the site owner is also choosing how he wants it to operate.)

    Most come to CC thinking they can easily find what they want and then are frustrated when they can’t. We all need to understand that something like this is not easy and often not free.
    People get frustrated because they can’t make others change to fit their needs.
    Also, Both men & women are selective about who they want to be with in a platonic intimate setting.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2024

    Right @g_w_t_we , and CC can't control human behavior. I realize it's frustrating for some more so than others, but it's not realistic nor practical to expect a free public interwebs site to police and hunt people down to ensure they have honest intentions. And often it's not even a matter of honesty, often they simply don't know what the expectations are due to not paying attention to the TOS .

    If there were any bandwidth wiggle room for anything additional I'd much rather it be sunk into making the place safer for all site members, and ways to keep dangerous and sketchy members from returning after being banned. That's something important that I can get behind. Everything else is more just a nuisance or annoyance. Just personally not that important to me.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    The best possible approach here is you learning to have more patience, understanding, and the ability to just move on when someone who owes you nothing pauses their account.

    Have a great day! : )

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes
    edited October 2024

    The situation could show an issue with onboarding, but i think if it's paused it's rectifiable, when it isn't rectified i think it shows either a lack of interest or lack of interest inThe true intent. I've seen folks paused and come out of that. But I've seen paused and get banned shortly after. So considering some get banned it tells me that after something identifying something was wrong behavior wasn't corrected. Probably the best way to handle it. Other than that we'd just have more banned people and more bad behaviors. It's frustrating i can see, but better that than the alternative all involved.

  • MRyanNYCMRyanNYC

    With all due respect to those who are trying to participate meaningfully…this is not the first time I’ve seen people on these forums try to spin a message thread into something it’s not meant to be.

    This thread is not about controlling anyone’s behavior. This thread is not about Pro versus Enthusiast. This thread is not about “entitlement”, or rejection, or hurt feelings. I should know, because I’m the one that created this thread.

    Reread the first message… It is about the litany of fake accounts I have experienced while trying to make connections with enthusiasts. It was also wondering why so many new accounts end up paused so very quickly after they join the site.

    “Paused“ accounts are not people choosing to ignore me or put their account on hold… It is CC that is pausing them. So if the majority of new accounts I try to chat with end up paused within 24 to 48 hours after joining, I’m curious to ask why. And doesn’t that itself potentially represent some flaw in the system?

    I’ve seen many other threads with people taking my position getting lectured to basically shut their mouth and accept these things. We’ve already seen it here. Even if you believe that, how does it answer the questions I asked in this thread? It doesn’t.

    So if you’re not here to address the content of this thread as intended, find another thread to read and respond to. Please don’t hijack mine with your misinterpretations of my words or intent.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    Sometimes when you put a thought or idea out for discussion you kinda can't help where that discussion leads. I agree that we need to stay on topic but it was addressed in the first couple replies. Others have responses and thoughts about what is said and it tends to lead other places and people have reactions informed by other things we've discussed in here. It's kind of how things go in these forums. Or people repeat the same thing over and over. Because these are concepts we've discussed many many times. I personal would rather have a conversation because the next thing is someone pointing you to a thread from last month or last year, it's always out there.

  • SoosonSooson

    @MRyanNYC Since reasons for accounts being paused were provided, and you are still inquiring, maybe what bothers you is the quantity. and to that there is no answer in my opinion other than it is what it is. it is simply a reflection of the Croud that funnels into the Female Enthusiast category. So the issue is not that they are being paused but rather who or what they are that causes them to be paused: Some of them are hoes, some are SB looking for SD , some try to bypass the house commission, some will try to charge you for expenses associated with them meeting you for a "free cuddle", and some are strait out scammers , some are more or all of the above. And the legit good ones, as stated many times in multiple threads, are probably swamped with inquiries and will likely not respond to most inquiries.

    As far as comments taken out of context and threads being derailed (many times naturally and not intentionally), welcome to Cuddle Comfort. These things will stop happening when pigs start flying.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    Buyers? Dealers? Trying to understand abbreviations

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2024

    @MRyanNYC
    I answered your question about why they typically are paused in my first post on the thread. And answered your question about whether what you are asking is unreasonable in my second post on the thread. The site cant police people's intentions or predict whether they will end up doing something to get themselves paused. I don't misunderstand your reason for starting this thread or am trying to spin it into something it's not, I'm just stating my opinion in response to your post, and don't see it the same way you do.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Ok we can keep saying it.
    OP still doesn’t understand that he needs to just let go and chill about the way the site operates.
    OP has had his questions answered and yes, why get so bothered about other’s behavior that you can’t change….
    And behavior we personally don’t like tends to bother all of us because we have hopes & expectations that aren’t fulfilled, 😭😭😭 it’s true.
    The people who have answered Ultimately accept all of this.
    Strangers On The Internet.
    Words On A Screen

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    @g_w_t_w well said. Again! :)

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle
    edited October 2024

    I'm so sick of stealth pros!

    A few weeks ago, I asked one individual on this site the following question:

    "Is your ultimate goal to become a professional cuddler, or just have a few cuddle friends?"

    Their response was:

    "I’m here to create a safe, relaxing, and positive experience tailored just for you."

    An obvious sales pitch. Like, HOW HARD IS IT TO JUST GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER!?!?

    Shortly thereafter, they applied and were accepted as a pro, but at the time they did not have a pro account.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Yeah, people are free to apply to be a pro cuddler at any given time nobody has to stay a non pro just because that's what they were initially. Can't control that with people.

  • MRyanNYCMRyanNYC

    Well @g_w_t_w, i’m glad that you have decided this thread has been answered to what should be my satisfaction… I mean, if -you- think so… It obviously must be true, right?

    Since you and others think you are the arbiters of my satisfaction, I will bow to your presumed authority and take my leave before I’m self-righteously lectured again for disagreeing.

    This seems to be the answer on every thread which dares question some less than positive aspects of the site, which makes this forum useless for all but the most petty of conversations.

    Enjoy them without me.

Sign In or Register to comment.