I didn't mean to actually say men I meant to say me so I corrected that and I wasn't making a dig at you I was just making a smart ass observation at the expense of everyone who has ever started a thread to announce that their plans fell through. Nothing directed specifically at anybody, just having some fun .
To be clear this isn't a male vs. female topic…
Then maybe you shouldn’t have led with this opening sentence in your original post.
Cuddlers please for the love of all that's good and holy only book a session if you can follow through…
Among pros, women outnumber men 24 to 1. Among enthusiasts, men outnumber women 16 to 1 and female enthusiasts RARELY hire a pro.
Therefore the VAST, VAST majority of people booking sessions are male. Because your comment was directed at people booking sessions it came across as being aimed directly at men.
People are in a mood today (tonight for most of you) aren’t they? I actually love the back-and-forth disagreements in the forum. They’re the only ones I enjoy reading lol. Drama!
“>> Why are men like this?“
Why do some females think this is exclusive to men?
I have had pro females not show up.
I’ve had pro females cancel like 30 seconds before the official start date after I’ve been waiting around for hours.
I’ve had pro females not really want to follow through even after getting a deposit.
I’ve had pro females go absolutely crazy when they got me mixed up with somebody else and thought I was coming over that night yet the appointment was like 4 1/2 weeks away. Got mad that they bought a new couch to chill on just for me, accused me of being a scammer and bad communicator even though the appointment was extremely clear, just over the top.
News flash: there are flakes everywhere. This isn’t a client problem, it’s not a problem with men. It’s a “people suck sometimes” problem. Or most of the time it often seems.
I led with that cuz , news flash mostly men book with me, now I'm perfectly aware the women can be just a flakey. But I'm only talking about my perspective on what I've been through
geez. Make a topic bad talking half the population, saying it's not about that, then getting angry and hostile when people explain it to you. I wouldn't want to meet you either.
I'm dumbfounded over men who get offended over 'why do men xyz' prompts.
You can say "Oh, cats are really fickle" while still acknowledging that some aren't.
If you don't do the problematic thing mentioned, then you aren't part of the problem, so it isn't addressing you. The men who don't get offended understand that.
Making generalizations based on observations is a part of being human. No one is personally attacking anyone here.
@KuddlyKoala you shouldn't be. It's constant. The criticism is about such a small group of the population of men but the criticism is always about the majority. It also singles out one group as the only offender and in most cases feel like the opposite is the offender of the subject. At this point it is intentional abuse when all that i described is widely known yet it's still done for effect. Any time this type of inaccurate generalization s made it should be addressed, corrected and stopped. That's all.
, it's the same as blacks always...... it is always gross and disrespectful. So stop.
And just because some people don't react to it doesn't mean we agree, we just ignore ignorance. I am offended everytime i am grouped in i however understand what the people that are being described do to cause an issue because i experienced it with women.
It's always bad manners to miscategorize, misgender, misidentify anyone and generalizations do that.
You know, some of this can be interesting to read. a way to learn a completely different POV. Sometimes even entertaining until people here start getting hateful by directing a mean personal comment directly to someone. There’s no reason to be hurtful and the lashing out like some of you are doing really can cause harm. We don’t know what someone is going through at the moment they’re targeted in a comment.
Also to those of you who have jobs, income that you depend on to pay bills/buy groceries etc…if you got ready for work, used gas and time to drive there, looking forward to your job and money earned and then… You get to work and your boss says. Sorry I don’t need you today. Go home. And you won’t be paid. And who knows if I’ll need you to work again. Men and women in all types of jobs just want to have one and be treated with respect. Many people take it all for granted.
Corn..... Everyone has the right to change their mind. Everyone has the right to determine what they want to do, even at the last second.
Snow.... For pros CC has you covered by stating a person should pay some kind of restitution. For a person who just gets 'ghosted' there is the forum and all the help and concern it gives.
Sea salt😉..... I will never demand or politely or impolitely make someone do something to make me feel better or talk bad about them if they do not.
CC Does Not have Pros Covered. Do you really think that clients pay that cancellation %? How many times do they do that? How often does the site have that covered for Pros? No, the site does not enforce that cancellation payment. Not once in all the cancellations did I get paid for the income that I needed but lost. Honestly I would’ve been shocked if anyone offered to pay it. I never asked either because I know life happens. Truth is, I ALWAYS assumed they found someone younger & more attractive! Since I generally hosted, didn’t need a b-sitter I didn’t have a financial loss. I would never leave to go to another location for a session unless a $25 travel charge was received before I left - only with new clients. For regulars, I never asked for anything upfront. The biggest impact to all of us is the $$ we needed and didn’t receive.
CC has guidelines and makes recommendations. They have no way to actually enforce those guidelines, short of banning someone, and as we have seen, banned members come right back under other names.
Let’s try a thought experiment…
Imagine someone started a thread complaining about some negative behavior but rather than asking
Why are men like this?
The person instead had asked either, “Why are gay people like this”? or “Why are Asians like this?”
If a gay person or an Asian person then pointed out straight people and non-Asians do the same thing, which of the following would be the most appropriate response to the gay person or Asian person?
A) Get upset at them for telling the undeniable truth and accuse them of trying to invalidate your perspective.
B ) Roll your eyes and accuse them of being too easily offended because you didn’t say ALL gay people or ALL Asians engage in that behavior.
C) Mock them for saying “not all gay people / Asian people” engage in that behavior (even though that is clearly true).
D) Spend a few minutes in introspection and try to understand why a gay person or Asian might object to everything implied by the question, “why are gay people / Asian people like this”
If the question had singled out a group by ethnicity, most people would cal the question itself a racist question. If the question had singled out a group by orientation, most people would call the question homophobic.
But clearly THIS thread isn’t about gay people or Asian people. The question, “Why are men like this” is fine and anyone who finds the question objectionable needs to grow up and quit being so easily offended. After all, the same person who asked, “Why are men like this” clarified “this isn’t a male vs female topic”. 🙄🤦♂️
I guess the right approach is, "Why are the people who book with me like this?" It would still have been referring to men, since those are all her clients, but the gender wouldn't come directly into it and all these men wouldn't be getting their feelings hurt.
“ all these men wouldn't be getting their feelings hurt.”
We just hate double standards is all. Stereotypes aren’t ok just because the shoe is on the other foot.
@WriterGF Why "people who book with me?". Why not just "people"?. There are ghosters and flakes on both sides and of course I get to experience that with women. Unprofessional, non-committing communications, short answers that don't address your questions etc... And I'm ok with that since I expect nothing. Just making an observation.
And I also think that some of those who got burnt that way once or twice, may be less inclined to care about ghosting someone in the future ("I guess that's how it works here and since there are no consequences who cares", "if I lost a session due to a double booking than next time I will double book to increase my odds and then pick one and ghost the other")
I suggested a way to possibly improve the situation
I think negative Karma for ghosting / flaking should not be removed. the receiver of the karma can tell their side of the story and that should be sufficient. And if they turn out to be a serial storyteller then the market will handle them appropriately.
The key is, i think, as was mentioned before introspection. If we are being honest with ourselves we know it's not unique to any group and does also include ourselves. We all have some of the behaviors we dislike in others. I was told once as a child and it stuck. People you claim to hate have many of the characteristics you have yourself. I don't know why but I've always remembered that and i actually see it. I try to not behave in that manner as to not be what bothers me.
And ladies i am not trying to take it personal because i do see what you see in men, i think men are the worst. But alas i am a man, so when i intentionally try not to do certain things and feel accused of those things i can help but feel it. Sorry guys, i do think men are the worst of our species, i can't help i prefer the others gender in nearly every way, and when i say nearly i can think of an instance id prefer a man over a women..... but that's me.
A brief thought about introspection. I recently had a conversation where i claimed to be an ally to women. After i said it i realized that even in convos with my mother she has believed me to take a position because i was a man. That bothered me, because i don't want to be perceived in that manner. All i can do is try and be an ally to women and women would have to accept me as that, i cannot own that position. Until my mother or sisters believe it i fall short. I just have to remember that. Not to derail the subject to much, just a thought about looking at ones self and how i am perceived.
Happens all the time in every service profession: accountants, hair, nails, plumbers, lawyers, insurance agents, etc. These are small business professionals who have to pay for mandated licenses and insurances, taxes, offices, business vehicles, training and audits, among many other things. Like you, they're also supporting a family. Savvy business professionals don't get on their local FB page and complain publicly about horrible people, they know that's business suicide. It turns potential clients away. They learn how to avoid the pitfalls or mitigate their losses. I'm going to go outside the box and suggest you find a successful (single-person business) mentor to learn tips and tricks to running a successful business. You can't change other people, the only thing you can change is your own mindset and approach. Good luck!
Personally like the deposit - means we are both committed and confirmed. I alsoLike to book ahead so this helps too.
Man, y'all are a tough crowd. Whether you agree or disagree, it never hurts to lead with empathy.
Nevermind
@CaramelNotes ❤️ on the money
I was not bothered at all by the OP's wording, "Why are men like this?"
I read her comments as frustration with those she had specifically interacted with.
In the pro cuddling world (Cuddlist, Cuddle Sanctuary, etc) many practitioners have had to enact deposit policies to keep people from flaking. It's sad to have to do that, it's not like a walk-in business where it's open to anyone. Like the OP said, we have get babysitters, rent spaces, spend money on gas to drive to where we are doing business and set up the scene. Our living relies on people actually showing up for their appointments, I would never just ghost someone I made an appointment with or cancel at the last minute.
It looks like we are getting a few flakes tomorrow here in Denver. Winter is on the way 😃
@lonelytauros That is a much better gif than the one I was looking for 😄